A/N: This is basically a load of scenes from Doctor Who in which I take out random characters (usually the companions) and replace them with our esteemed Lord and Master =D.

I don't have a lot of them written already, so the updates will probably take a while, depending on weather I have good ideas/am in the mood to write them.

ANYWAY. Chapter one: Salt and Shock

"SALT! I NEED SOMETHING SALTY!"

"What about this?" the Master slid a brown bag across the countertop.

"What is it?"

"...Salt?"

"THAT'S TOO SALTY!"

"Salt is too salty, is it?"

"What about this?" Agatha pushed past with a jar, the contents of which the Doctor quickly consumed.

"What's that?" the Master asked.

"Anchovies!" Agatha replied.

"What else?" smirked the Master, clearly enjoying the whole thing.

The Doctor, still digesting the anchovies and unable to talk, opened and closed his fingers as if miming an explosion.

"Ooh! I get it! You want me to blow the place up?"

The other Time Lord nearly rolled his eyes, but the poisoning seemed to be getting worse, and after a large swallow he finally yelled, "IT'S A SHOCK! BIG SHOCK, I NEED A SHOCK!"

The Master thought about this. What could he say to surprise the Doctor?

"DOCTOR!"

"WHAT?"

"I destroyed your secret supply of bananas."

"THAT'S NOT SURPRISING YOU - ARGHH - YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME!"

"Right. How about this?" he smacked the Doctor across the face. It didn't work, although Agatha looked startled.

"Surely that was shocking enough? I would certainly find it unsettling if a good friend struck me."

"I'm not his friend! I'm his..." he struggled for the right word.

"Acquaintance?" asked Agatha.

"No."

"Servant?"

"NO."

"Companion?"

"YES. Although I suppose you might say arch-enemy."

"Such strange people, that travel together despite being rivals."

"I know! It was his idea!"

"WHEN YOU'RE QUITE FINISHED, I'M SUFFERING OVER HERE!" the Doctor yelled between gasps.

"Terribly sorry, Doctor. Big shock, coming up."

Then, ignoring 900+ years of fighting and feuding, the Master proceeded to hug his worst enemy and best friend, drawing back quickly when the Doctor started breathing grey smoke.

"AHH! Detox! I must do that more often!"

The Master raised an eyebrow.

"I mean the - uhh, the detox..."

"Doctor, you are impossible!" gasped Agatha, "Who are you?"

The Doctor winked at her and ran out of the kitchen.