Authors Note 1: Love them lots, but they are not mine
Authors Note 2: I have only written Angela/Jack before as I was unsure of how to accurately capture the Queen of Logic, but hey, thought I would give it a try!
Authors Note 3: Here in OZ we are a little behind, only just seeing the season 6 finale. This is set after – maybe a couple of weeks.
Authors Note 4: (yes this will be the last one). Did anyone else notice that Brennan goes into Booths room in the second last episode of S6 at exactly the same time as she crawls into bed at the end of S4 – coincidence, I think not!
She wakes, taking a moment to gather her thoughts before she opens her eyes. A quick peek and she closes them again, snuggling back into the warmth. She can feel his hand lightly, protectively, splayed over her belly. Hear his breath, as it rhythmically caresses her neck. She sighs silently marveling, and wondering, how exactly she got here.
Her mind, which is never still, begins to contemplate recent events. She is a deep thinker, been known to stare at bones for hours until they talk to her and let go of the information they contain. But she has never thought too hard about feelings or emotions. They scare her. That side of her she closed off when her parents disappeared. She built a wall around her heart for protection. She says this protects others from her, but she knows, as does the man sleeping next to her, the wall has always been to protect her.
He stirs slightly. Pulling gently on her belly, slowly moving her closer to his warmth.
Over the years, the man sleeping next to her has worked on the wall. Removing one brick at a time, slowly, methodically, to give her time to adjust. Letting her know he will always be there, no matter what. Showing her time and time again that she can rely on him. She knows this and finally allows herself to contemplate and reflect on how they got where they are now.
She takes the time to think about what all this will mean for her, for them….
After the incident in the lab (she still, even in her mind, can't articulate the words to describe what happened) he insisted she stay with him. She knew he was scared for her safety. She also knew this was unwarranted. But, in a first for her, she did not argue with what she saw as incorrect logic. She agreed straight away because she knew he was the one in danger. And while she also knew it was irrational to believe that she could prevent Broadsky attacking, she knew she had to be there. To protect her partner, to help him fight, to look after him should anything happen.
She goes through the events of that evening in her mind, the night it all changed. On arriving at his place, he was of course a gentleman. Offering his bed, getting comfy clothes for her to wear, closing the door to allow her privacy. She changed into the old sweats and lay down on the couch. But she couldn't sleep because her mind was whirling through the events of the day. Replaying over and over again in her mind - like a DVD that gets stuck on a continual loop. She wants to pace, to throw things, to shout angrily at the sky. But she can't, so she lies quietly not wanting to disturb her partner.
But as she lay, frightening thoughts creep into her head. At the lab the only indication that a shot came had been the shattering glass. What if Broadsky had already taken a shot? What if she had nodded off for a moment and he was lying in there bleeding and she didn't know? These thoughts make her break out in a sweat. She quietly tiptoes to the door, listening intently for the slightest hint that he is alright, but it doesn't come. Standing there, fear rises higher and the tears come.
She opens the door only to have him sit upright, gun trained on her. Relief floods her whole body, he is okay, she has woken him, but he is okay. Then unbidden, guilt comes. The emotion she always thought worthless, seizes her. She feels so incredibly guilty. The tears she has been holding at bay all day finally come. She hasn't let herself cry over Mr. Nigel Murray. She is worried if she starts it would be too hard to stop. She knows the tears over Mr. Nigel Murray's death will be mixed with others, tears of relief that it hadn't been Booth who was shot, and tears of guilt because a part of her is glad it was Mr. Nigel Murray who answered the phone.
So she walks into the room. A million thoughts swirling in her overactive brain. She however manages to cling to the one thing she can discuss with him, without letting him know what is really going on. So she asks about what Mr. Nigel Murray said. Did he too, think that she is cold? She cries and he takes her in his arms and holds her, whispers reassurances, telling her how good and strong and wonderful she is. Telling her that he knows her better than anyone, he knows her heart is huge, he knows she cares. Eventually she falls asleep.
When she wakes she finds herself lying in his bed, arms and legs all tangled, wrapped together, as close as humanly possible. She knows it is wrong, goes against everything she has told him in the past, but she doesn't want to move. She finds being here in his bed like this seems right. She hears his breathing coming steadily and knows he is asleep. She carefully raises her head to look at his face and finds great beauty there, finds comfort and peace. On impulse she gently presses her lips to his and his eyes fly open. Her lips linger a moment more before she pulls back. Locking her eyes on his, she finally allows herself to see the love that Angela, Sweets and everyone else has been telling her is there. She sees in his eyes everything he feels about her and she takes a moment to hold his gaze – hoping that her eyes reflect her feeling, her acknowledgement of what they mean to each other – before she lowers her lips once more to his.
His arms instinctively tighten around her. One hand moving up to gently press on the back of her head. The kiss changes. From initial sweetness to passion as both finally allow themselves to succumb. He pulls back first searching for her eyes. He asks the question without words. And she replies by lowering her lips once more to his…..
When they wake again a couple of hours later, they are shy. She knows he is worried that last night will be dismissed. A blip in their relationship, born out of sadness and relief. But this is not what she wants and she knows not what he wants either. She also knows that while he is all about the heart, and she is all about the head, it is up to her to set them on the path. It is her place to take the lead; to tell him they have taken the first of what is she knows will be many, many steps down a new path in their relationship.
So she sits up in bed and pulls back slightly from him. Wanting to make clear what she is about to say is not complicated by emotions or hormones flowing through her body, but that it comes from what rules her - her head. Because she knows only then will he believe what she says.
She tells him last night is not something she regrets. It was not a mistake. It was not motivated by feelings over Mr. Nigel Murray. When he starts to interrupt she stops him. She tells him she is sorry it took her so long to realize that they would not be a mistake. Sorry it took her so long to figure out she wanted him as much as he wanted her. She tells him that she wants last night to be a beginning. Then she stops and holds her breath. He lifts her chin so he is looking directly in her eyes. He doesn't say anything, he just smiles and while she sucks as reading body language normally, she knows he understands and they are now in this together…..
She smiles to herself as she rolls over and worms her way in toward him. Resting her head in the crook of his neck, she feels him stir. Like the many mornings she has had since she told him she is pregnant, she still finds it amazing to wake up next to this man.
"Morning" she says without looking up.
He replies with a kiss to the head. She knows it took forever but now they are here, together. And while she still can't comprehend the concept of happily ever after, she likes the place they are now in and finds herself hoping it will last forever.
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