Blue eyes stared at me worriedly. He put his hands on my knees softly. "What... what is going on?"
I tried to smile at him, but judging by his expression, what came out must have been frighteningly similar to a grimace of pain. I hugged my arms, hoping to help subside the tremors, with no luck whatsoever.
"It's fine, it will pass..."
"Are you sick?" he put a warm hand on my face.
"Thor... It will pass, it always does." I muttered, sounding extremely unconvincing.
I knew that it would eventually pass. Right at that moment, however, I couldn't see it happening...
He climbed on the couch and, before I could protest, he lifted me and put me on his lap. Soon after, I was too busy leaning on him, clutching on his shirt to complain.
"Tony, please tell me what is going on..."
He sounded frustrated- I knew it wasn't because he was angry at me, but merely because something was happening to me and he didn't know what it was or how to help.
I know Thor.
"I'm not sick... Just a little tired and..." I never finished my sentence, knowing I had nothing convincing to offer him. I knew no matter how hard I tried, he wasn't going anywhere until this was over.
I always made sure to go through my panic attacks alone- the thought of somebody else seeing me in that state, looking so weak and helpless was horrible.
My own self-image was more or less, shuttered; I should at least try to salvage my reputation.
Irony had it her way that night however and there I was, shaking in my the arms of my boyfriend, the mighty alien-warrior-prince. The very person I promised myself I would never allow to see me as weak.
Some interesting arguments on why he should leave me alone finally arrived in my mind and I stared at the frightened eyes, ready to phrase them...
"Hold me..." was all I managed to mutter.
Nailed it.
He tightened his embrace, stroking my chest softly with his free hand. He stared at me in anticipation, waiting for some kind of explanation. "Not now..." I muttered. "It will pass, I promise, just hold me..."
I closed my eyes, burrying my face in his neck. The thought of how I managed to look so weak and pathetic in front of Thor was running around in my head.
I couldn't remember when was the last time I had a panic attack- and I certainly had no idea what triggered that one. I sat on my god's lap, trying to reason with myself, but my train of thought was faster than me and kept going places I didn't want it to.
I felt my hand that was clutching on his shirt being pulled away and soon our fingers were intertwined. I threw my head back and our eyes met. The worry in the azure depths was obvious... but nothing else was there. No condescension, no disgust, no pity... just worry.
I leaned forward, leaving a small peck on his lips and returned on my prior position, hiding my face between his neck and shoulder.
I eventually noticed his thumb softly caressing my hand; I was able to feel the strong arm supporting my back. As my breathing slowed down, his scent was becoming more clear. There was something extremely soothing in the scent that was Thor...
"It's called a panic attack..."
I sat in an upright position, taking small breaths, feeling the air filling my lungs.
"Panic attack..." he repeated quietly.
I nodded. "The panic I never expressed is being channeled through my body, that reacts as if though I was in danger when I really am not."
He wrapped his arms around me.
"It's not that I can't breathe; I just don't know I can. My body doesn't obey me, my thoughts simply go haywire..."
"Why does it happen? Why did it happen tonight?" he asked.
"That's the best part, buddy. Sometimes... you don't know why it happens. It's been ages since I've had one." I offered him a bitter smile.
"Why didn't you wake me up?"
I stared at him and took a deep breath. I still trembled from time to time and when I did, I could feel his arms tense around me.
"You weren't supposed to see me like this." I stated bluntly.
"So you would rather go through this alone? I might not be able to completely understand what caused it, but I am willing to help anyway I can!" he sounded offended.
I chuckled. "Panic attacks eventually pass, Thor. I didn't want you to view me as a weakling."
The headtilt went perfect with his puppy eyes. "Why would I view you as a weakling?"
My only response was blinking fast, as the weird question was registering in my brain.
"I have seen you in the battlefield more than once, Tony, I know for a fact that you are a brave warrior. You are the most intelligent man I have ever met and most people can barely dream of what you can create. I have met warriors that claim to have faced great enemies and been through horrible battles that have not been through half of the things you have. I want to understand why my lover is panicking, I want to help him, but I would never fall under the delusion that you are weak."
I touched my forehead on his, putting my arm on his chest. "Stupid Shakespeare in the park..."
He smiled. "Do you feel better?"
"Much. This time it was over surprisingly fast..."
I pulled back, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Don't let it go to your head though, I can see that little smile."
"I do not wish for this to happen ever again, but if it does... can you promise to wake me, instead of running away from our bed in the middle of the night?"
"You noticed?" I frowned.
"I would not have come down here if I hadn't noticed now, would I? I am a warrior, Tony. A good warrior must always be in touch with his surroundings, even when he is sleeping."
"Is the snoring part of being in touch with your surroundings? If it is, you're quite excellent at it."
Leaving out a small growl, he headbutted my chest slightly. I laughed much more loudly than I should and burried my nose in blond hair.
"I can't promise to wake you... but I will consider it. Besides, I am pretty sure you will find me yourself anyway."
"I will always find you, no matter what." he said, staring straight in my eyes.
Was that a general statement? A specific one, regarding the situation we had just been through? I had no clue... Neither of us knew how much I needed to hear this, though.
Our kiss was long and soft... I caught myself moaning in it.
As soon as it was over, I stretched my aching arms, only to land them on his shoulders.
"JARVIS?"
"Yes, mister Stark?"
It felt like I hadn't spoken to my baby in an eternity.
"Do we have any donuts in this house?"
"Unfortunately, no, mister Stark. Would you like me to list you the closest available donut shop?"
"You always know what I need, baby... Oh, and speaking of things I need-"
"No, sir, I did not wake mister Odinson. I would however, if you spent a few more minutes alone." the cheeky AI system responded.
"I never asked for that, JARVIS. What is this mutiny?!" I raised an eyebrow, while Thor chuckled.
"My most important job, mister Stark, is to take care of your wellbeing, even if it does not always please you. If you consider that a mutiny, sir, so be it."
"My own baby is working against me..." I muttered, shaking my head, holding back a smile.
"He is working for you and you know it." Thor smiled, as JARVIS projected a map with the closest donut-shops still open.
"Are you up for donuts, big guy?" I asked, running my fingers through his hair.
"You cannot imagine how much..."
As we got off the couch, he hugged me abruptly from behind. I relaxed in his warm embrace.
I can only imagine the stupid smile I must have had on my face. Maybe JARVIS took a picture? Part of me wishes he did.
I still don't know what caused that panic attack but honestly, it doesn't matter.
Either way, he promised he will always find me... and I believe him.