I am so sorry that I've been gone so long!!! But this is the fruits of my effort...hope you enjoy it, and thank all you wonderful reviewers!! I love you guys!!! Also, I've really want to do a collaboration story, so if you're interested, please contacts me

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Handbook

Chapter One: Never, and I repeat NEVER, let the guy choose the setting

The Bad Dater's Handbook

Bella Swan:

I stared blankly at the guy in front of me, attempting to drown out his constant chatter. I had been forced into yet another date by Alice, this time the guy's name was Mike Newton, and he has to be the dullest person on the face of the planet. He had been droning on about his life for the past hour, like I actually cared about what his favorite food when he was five was, it's only a first – and last – date for crying out loud!

He had dragged me to some cheap restaurant with chipped walls, and beer nuts all over the floor. I almost gagged when I walked inside because of the putrid smell of stale French fries. This was just another straw to add to the camel's back. When we had first stepped inside, there were few people eating here – and I honestly couldn't blame them – most were truckers on their way out anyways. When Mike had lead me to a table, not even pausing his sentence might I add, and directed me to sit down I almost laughed. He had to be kidding me! But none the less, I sat down at the rusty table and so began our night.

"So when I finish college I'll have my blah, blah, blah…" This dude would not give it a rest. He wouldn't let me talk at all! So I let him continue talking about himself, letting him think that I actually gave a flying flip about what he wanted to be when he got out of college.

I swear I haven't spoken a word since he had picked me up from my apartment doorstep. I may seem like I'm complaining, and not taking what I'm given, but honestly, if you caught a look at this guy, you'd be complaining just as much as I am, maybe even more. Shall I review?

He picked me up at my apartment and hasn't let me speak a word so far – Not even 'Hello'!

He took me to a Truck Stop for a date!

And, C) His cologne is so strong I have to hold my breath to be within three feet of him, and right now I'm about to choke/ suffocate since he keeps trying to make a move which is seriously wafting it in my direction.

This was always my luck; I was prone to being bad in relationships. I was a bad dater; I couldn't hold a steady relationship to save my life. Because I was so prone to bad relationships, my roommate, Alice, took this as an excuse to take me under her wing and help me find a good boyfriend though the effort had been futile.

I lived in Forks, Washington up until it was time to go to college, at that point, I moved to Portland, Oregon to attend PSU which is where I met Alice, during our freshman year, we were now both Juniors in college and well on our way to getting a bachelor's degree

"I have a full scholarship to blah, blah, blah…"

I just wanted to jump to my feet and scream 'shut up!' in this bozo's face! He was honestly extremely annoying, and I had been having a bad day since the moment I found out that Alice was springing this on me.

I almost jumped up and hugged the waitress when she appeared with the bill. She was staring at him with longing eyes and flipped a lock of curly hair behind her ear before saying sweetly;

"Are you guys ready to go?" She asked him. Trust me, she could have him.

"Sure." He smiled at her and slipped her a twenty, and winked at her. It didn't bother me in the slightest.

I stood up hastily, and pushed the rusted chair in towards the table, causing it to screech against the floor, and began walking towards the door as quickly as I could.

When he caught up to me he took my hand, and I simultaneously took it back, tucking it into the pocket of my thick jacket since it was October.

"I had a great time tonight." He attempted to sound seductive but all it made me want to do was barf.

"Mmhm…" I said absently, not really paying attention anymore. He started to lead me to his car, but I stopped in the middle of the parking lot, and he turned to face me, his expression one of confusion.

"Um, I think I'm going to walk home…" I said turning in the direction of the sidewalk I started walking away, crossing my arms on my chest.

"Bella, Wait!" Mike shouted after me desperately, only causing me to walk faster.

I successfully made it all the way back to my apartment, only to find it completely empty of anyone.

I sighed and plopped down on the black leather couch, only to stand up again when I saw a pizza box on the counter. I walked over to it slowly, my muscles tired from the tense position they had been in the whole night, and from the long walk back to my apartment.

When I finally reached the counter, I saw a note lying horizontally across the pizza box with Alice's handwriting scrawled across it, in what looked like a hurry.

With Jasper, be back later, don't wait up!

There's some left over pizza (Duh) if you want any.

Hope your date went okay!

--Alice =)

I sighed and opted for some Rocky Road ice-cream to ease my troubles, rather then the already-cold-pizza. I slipped into a pair of worn, comfortable sweats, and plopped down on the couch again.

I sighed when the Rocky Road hit my taste buds, already making me feel better. I glanced around me trying to locate the remote without getting up, and was in luck, it was sitting haphazardly at my feet. I twitch my foot in the right direction to kick it close enough to reach and flipped on the TV.

Seeing as there was absolutely nothing on, I dialed up to company to pay for a Pay-Per-View movie.

When the movie came on, I grimaced when I found that it was a romance movie, just the thing that I needed to get over my romance problems, I thought sarcastically. I stared at the love stricken actors on the screen and glared at them. How could they have such a perfect relationship so effortlessly, while over here in reality I was working my butt off trying to find a decent guy, at the age of twenty!

I sighed and leaned my head back on the pillow behind me, absently wondering why I was the only one left of my friends that didn't have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend. Heck, I wouldn't put it past Rosalie and Emmett to go ahead and tie the knot, they'd been going out for what seemed like forever.

I turned back to the TV and stared at the actors with mixed emotions, longing and hate.

And to think, I had even hoped for tonight's date to be worth something and it still didn't amount to anything. I wasn't ever letting Alice set me up for a blind date ever again.

That was the last thought that went through my mind before I slipped into unconsciousness.

I woke with a start the next morning to the sound of the door opening, my back aching slightly from the couch. I started panicking, until I realized that it was only Alice, just coming in from her night out with Jasper.

"Have a good night?" I asked slyly taking in her slightly disheveled clothes, and her usually spiky hair tousled slightly.

She grinned back at me, and I sat fully up on the couch awaiting her reply. She put her hands on her hips mockingly and grinned widely;

"What's it to ya?"

Review, I hope you like it. Critique welcome, I know I need it.