Okay everyone, this fanfiction is dedicated to Chibi-Roy-Chan. This is a DeidaraxTobi fic, so if you don't like yaoi pairings then don't read and flame. This a not connected to the anime in any way, but if it was, it would take place after Sasori died, and I'm pretending that Deidara never did. Constructive criticism is appreciated. I hope that this fic is up to par with your standards, Chibi-Roy-Chan. Oh, and this might become a multi-chaptered fic if people ask for it. Remember, I need reviews to get the next chapter posted! Oh, and one more note. I have never actually written a smut scene normal or yaoi. If you want to see me attempt one then you should vote on it, but give me reasons why I should. I am good at fluff. Ex: kissing, hugging and light touching scenes. Anything more and it'll probably suck.

Chapter One: The New Mission

The dark, starless night lit up with bright flashes as the painful screams of dying shinobi filled the air. A lone ninja stalks carefree among the carnage towards the last survivor. His gentle steps are masked by the slightest swishing of his black and red cloak.

The bright flashes suddenly cease as the ninja approaches the twitching form of the terrified general. With a small, apathetic chuckle, he kneels before the sweating form of jounin general lying on the rocky ground. He stretched his arm forward and placed a small white, abnormal bird by the general's shoulder and stood back up. The mysterious cloaked ninja smirked sadistically and waited with baited breath for the right moment.

After about thirty more seconds of waiting, he jumped back about three feet and happily spoke the last words the general would ever hear.

"Art is bang, un!" The mysterious ninja laughed darkly as the un-named jounin literally exploded. As the small bird 'popped,' said mans head torn off his body. Skin burnt away in dark black layers, muscles tore away, tissues, and fat layers were all melted and ripped through. Bright white bone peaked through were the clavicle and mandible were. The now headless body sat motionless on the ground. The mystery ninja simply sighed turned around and… yelped?

In front of him stood yet another ninja garbed in the unstylish cloak. No skin was showing through his dark black clothing and armor covered arms and legs. The only sliver of pale white skin that was exposed was on his scalp (oh, I hate that word… -shudders-), underneath his spiky black hair. "Wasn't that a bit over-board, sempai? The newest ninja shook his basketball orange masked head and stared at his now dubbed, 'sempai' through the single eye slot. If one looked close enough, they would have seen an obsidian colored eye.

"IF I WANT YOUR OPINION, I'LL ASK FOR IT! BAKA, UN!" The first ninja took a deep, calming breath before continuing. "Did you even finish your job Tobi, or do I have to hold your hand and help you, hm?" The unnamed ninja took a threatening step forward when a response was not heard. Once he was within striking distance near Tobi, he pulled his arm back and silently threatened to make another hole in that hideous mask. He was interrupted by a quiet, nasally voice.

"Deidara- san, the mission is complete. Let's not waste time here… fools." The newest arrival had several noticeable features besides that overused cloak style. His arms were not noticeable in any way. It would seem as though he didn't have any due to billowing sleeves. His body looked to be separated by two colors, straight down the middle of his body. His right half was a pitch black, and his left, a pure white. He had yellowish eyes with hardly noticeable pupils, and his most noticeable feature was the large piranha plant situated on the shoulders of the man. He also seemed to have a duo personality.

Deidara turned his blonde head in the new arrivals direction and began to whine like a whipped puppy. "Whatever Zetsu-san. I just about to teach Tobi the proper way to greet a pain in the butt, un. You turn around, give a smirk, and PUNCH!" Deidara had quickly turned his head in Tobi's direction and cocked his arm back.

Like the hounds of hell were after him themselves, Tobi quickly made a hand seal without his sempai noticing, and when Deidara's fist flew forward and hit his nose, a loud 'pop' resounded throughout the clearing. Tobi had burst into smoke. Deidara quickly straightened himself and tried to gather his quickly diminishing dignity to mock Tobi, but found himself perplexed.

"Tobi- baka, un? Where is he?" Deidara glanced around the clearing before shifting his eyes to a mildly amused Zetsu. Behind him, one could glimpse a slight orange and black piece of Tobi's mask. Tobi slowly stood in front of Zetsu with a completely innocent pose as he looked sweetly at Deidara. Though you couldn't see it, from behind his mask, Tobi was smiling at finally confusing his super-cool sempai. At Deidara's questioning look, Tobi spoke up and answered the unasked question in his eyes.

"Tobi knew that his sempai would be mad, so Tobi made a shadow clone to say hi to his sempai! Isn't Tobi a good boy Zetsu- san? Tobi tilted his masked head up towards Zetsu, seeking praise much like a puppy. [A.N: Yeah, I just made Tobi into a puppy! Mwah ha *hack* -cough-] Zetsu sighed and stared at Tobi indifferently.

"Tobi, Deidara- san, we are wasting time here. Deidara's explosions will have alerted others. Let's leave." With that final note, Zetsu sank into the ground feet first, slowly disappearing from view, leaving no traces of being there.

Deidara slowly shook his head when Zetsu took his leave. He blinked several times before turning to Tobi with another question dancing in his cerulean blue eyes. "Tobi, I didn't know that you could do the Kage Buushin, un." Tobi just responded by tilting his head to the left and crossing his black covered arms before answering the question.

"Tobi knows how to do a lot of things, but Tobi finds them to weird to use." Tobi uncrossed his arms and slowly approached the dumbfounded Deidara. "Sempai… was Tobi a good boy?" Deidara blinked several times, processing the information. He quickly realized, as his brain caught up to real time, that Tobi was much to close to his personal bubble.

Tobi was standing about one foot away from Deidara with his masked head tilted expectantly (yet again). Deidara wasn't a huge fan of being close to Tobi, so he quickly jumped back several feet.

"Tobi, you're telling me, that you could use a jutsu like that this whole time, and you never told me, un? Deidara starred unbelievingly as Tobi enthusiastically nodded his orange masked head. "You are such a lying little teme. Whatever, lets' just get going before an ANBU squadron catches up, un."

No sooner had Deidara said that, did several kunai hit the ground in a small circle around them. Several voices resounded through the forest in a monotone way. "Akatsuki, for the crimes you have committed, you are to be put under arrest. Please stand still, or we will use force. Several ANBU squadrons popped up from the trees in the surrounding area, effectively surrounding the missing-nin.

Deidara instantly straightened and tensed his previously relaxed muscles. He mentally counted the ANBU with slight apprehension. 'Thirteen…Fourteen. Only fourteen? There must be fifteenth one hiding in the trees in case there would be an ambush. [A.N: My story, my rules. In my opinion, ANBU should travel in groups of two and fight in three when possible. Don't like, don't read.] Damn and my day was just going so well…'

He gave the ANBU a cocky grin and began to make a snide comment, but the masked idiot beat him to it. Though, the comment wouldn't usually be considered a snide one when you are surrounded by a bunch of ANBU.

"Tobi thinks we should retreat. They have *starts counting ANBU on fingers and gives up after seven* more than us." Tobi kept his innocent facial expression whilst the other people in the clearing made the universal sign to dispel genjutsu. Deidara himself tried to dispel the mysterious smile on Tobi's face, but was disheartened when nothing happened.

Deidara simply shook his head, and turned his attention back to the sweat-dropping ANBU. "Sorry ANBU-sans, but we don't have time to play. By the way, since we expected something retarded to happen, I made a nice present for you all to keep entertained with. Art… is a BANG-UN!

The entire clearing exploded in a bright flash of fire and light as trees were detached from their roots and blown out of the ground, deep craters were formed, and most living things within a fifty foot diameter were destroyed.

As the smoke cleared away with the help of a few futon jutsu from the remaining five ANBU, two lumps of partially human shaped clay lay on the ground where the missing-nin once stood. All five remaining ANBU had one collective thought. 'Hot damn, what a way to make an exit.'

ELSEWHERE IN THE SKY

"Well, that was a relatively simple escape. What beautiful art, un…" Deidara sighed as he recalled the final gory details of the fight. Though, he had to forcefully hold back a blush from appearing on his cheeks as he thought about the moments before the escape to the sky.

FLASHBACK NO JUTSU:

"Art… is a BANG, UN!" Unseen to the distracted ANBU was a fast moving Tobi, running towards Deidara. To most he would deem a blur, but the surrounding ninja had no time to waste analyzing the situation. Tobi had quickly closed the several yard gap without much effort, and without a second thought, he shunshined them both into a small clearing a few meters away from the ANBU. [A.N: Before you get to anxious, I didn't want to make Tobi seem like a retard because *spoilers…* Anyway, read the manga you bloody hypocrites!]

"Tobi's a good boy, right sempai? Tobi got sempai away from the other ninja so sempai could make a big bird!" Deidara starred at Tobi with disbelieving eyes, all the while thinking 'why in the seven layers of hell didn't I think of that?' He was snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed that Tobi was, coincidentally, still holding his hand from the teleportation jutsu. "Isn't Tobi a good boy? Sempai, do you have a fever?" [A.N: Yes, I just stole Naruto's line to make fun of Deidara.]

Tobi moved a bit closer to Deidara to "check his temperature." With (what seemed like) slow movements, Tobi raised his gloved hand to Deidara's slightly pink cheeks. Or rather, he would have had he not leaned to far forward and toppled over on top of his sempai. "Ohwahhh!"

As Tobi fell, several things happened. Deidara stumbled backwards to avoid his klutz of a partner from squashing him. Deidara tripped over an upturned root and proceeded to fall backwards, just as Tobi was about to squish him. The last thing in what seemed to be a string of unfortunate events for Deidara, was for him to hit his head on the large boulder behind him. Oh yeah, life is just a box of chocolates.

"Oh, pretty stars…" Deidara was mumbling under his breath. His eyes had little anime swirls and he was twitching in a very "bad-ass criminal" sort of way. (More like a fish out of water, but who's watching him?) He was brutally shaken out of his minor concussion when he felt an unfamiliar weight pressed against his hips and upper abdomen. He suddenly had a revelation. Tobi was SITTING on him!

Evidentially, Tobi had fallen on him when they had tripped over the invisible tree roots o' doom. As they had fallen, Tobi legs had intertwined with Deidara's and both of their hands had instinctively reached out to grab something (namely Deidara's shoulders). The end result was Tobi sitting on Deidara's thin hips with his legs on either side, and Deidara's tongued hands grabbing Tobi's armored butt. [A.N: The manga clearly states that EVERY part of Tobi is covered in a sturdy, yet flexible black armor. I guess that includes his butt.]

"Whoa, sempai, this feels weird." Deidara was, once again, shaken out of his musings as he heard Tobi muttering. He snapped his bright blue eye up to the orange masked enigma comfortably straddling his waist as if it was completely normal for him. (Yes, it's a common sight to see two S-ranked criminals sitting on each other in a clearing two meters away from a bomb zone.) He also happened to notice Tobi's hands straying in uncomfortable territory. Tobi's left hand was spread smoothly across Deidara's chest, quite close to the sealed mouth, while his right hand was caressing Deidara's soft blond locks. [A.N: Okay people. If you haven't seen the Shipudden episode where Deidara and Sasuke fight, then you might want to. Or you could jus IM me.] "Sempai, your hair is soft… Sort of like Itachi's."

This brought Deidara back, full force, to the situation at hand. (Being compared to your mortal enemy does that to people.)"Tobi, Baka! Don't compare me to that pocky loving, boy-toy!" Deidara was fuming for two reasons. A) Lying on your back in the middle of the woods on the hard rocky ground with a minor concussion and the 'ever excitable five year old man' on top of you in a compromising position is enough to ruin anyone's day. B) Being compared to a "pocky loving boy-toy" would ruin anyone's enthusiasm.

Deidara quickly began to remember that he was being used as a cushion and he fustily tried to wriggle away. Unfortunately for him, Tobi was one of those "monkey see, monkey do" people, and had to wriggle about to. Deidara quickly decided he had to put an end to Tobi's moving hips before something undesirable. [A.N: If you don't know what's happening, Tobi is moving his hips around and Deidara is beneath him, so he basically making Deidara… have lots of friction down there.]

Deidara found that he could lift his arm and he chose to do so. He rose his arm and hit Tobi in the side of the head with a quick and decisive "TOBI YOU BAKA! CUT THAT OUT!" Tobi stopped his squirming and cocked his head to the side in a very quizzical manner. Deidara chose to answer his un-asked question. "We are being tracked by ANBU, have a mission to complete and I don't want Pein to kill me, so LET'S GO!

At the mention of Pein Tobi flew off of Deidara and helped his sempai up. Deidara quickly jumped into the air and allowed his palm mouths to eat some clay to make the clay bird special. He did so and Tobi leapt into the air to join Deidara on the clay bird. They began their travel back to the hideout.

FLASHBACK KAI

ELSEWHERE IN THE SKY

As they continued on their journey back to the hideout, Deidara was having a mini- fight in his head with Inner Dei-Dei.

"I DON'T like Tobi you shit-head!"

"I highly doubt that and so does you're little buddy. We both know you want to sneak up behind him and---"

"ENOUGH! I don't want Tobi!"

With that final note, Deidara closed off his perverted side and let the flight continues on in silence, the cool spring breeze wafting gently through his hair.

As the sun began to set, a small mountain came into sight. The final rays of sun lit up the wall and if one looked closely enough they would see a small indentation in the smooth rock surface. Glancing around and extending his chakra senses, Deidara checked the area around him for any foreign ninja. Sensing none, he grabbed Tobi by the bicep and pushed him off the bird, quickly jumping after him with the clay bird simply fading into nothing.

They stealthily ran over to the wall and raised their arms to the indentation. Nodding to each other, Deidara pressed his ring gently into the indentation, then quickly jumped back.

The wall slowly cracked open to reveal an entrance to the two missing Nin. As the wall finished opening, they slowly walked up to the doorway and began to walk through. The door rapidly closed behind them as the walked through, the light leaving the tunnel, veiling them in pitch black…

Okay, Chibi- Roy- Chan, I finallyfinished it! This is only the first chapter, but I am not feeling very inspired. For all you shonen- ai fans, I will be doing a bit of that, but if enough people vote, I might do a mild lemon… Of course, that won't come for at least another chapter or two. Thank you to those who decide to read this. You are my inspiration and I hope that you will review and show me how to improve. I could really use a beta too, so if there is anyone out there, please answer me. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, but especially you Chibi –Roy- Chan.