Author's Note: Hello my Degrassi fans. ^-^ ! I feel so old because I remember watching the show over ten years ago and getting addicted. I honestly stopped watching once the originals graduated. My favorite couple from DTNG will forever be Semma because how could you not love Sean and Emma? So before I ramble for too long, I actually had this idea in my head for the longest. It was actually suppose to be a oneshot, but I'm not sure if I should just continue on with it or not. Irregardless, I hope you all enjoy!

[EMMA POV]

I've lost control again and I'm not sure how to gain it back. I dropped out of college, got married (and divorced) on a whelm, and lost touch with those who I had cared about more than anyone else including myself. I hadn't always been the prettiest girl or the most liked, but some had claimed that I had the Ugly-Duckling-to-Beautiful-Swan transformation somewhere in between junior and senior year. I thought after graduation, I could put everything behind me and start a new, stress- free life. Instead, I think I've made it worst. I've lost control again and now... I want to gain it back.

"You wrote this entry two weeks ago after a huge mental breakdown in your room over a picture you claimed your roommate, Diem, had taken. I must say I am impressed and happy that you are ready to move forward with your life Emma. Acceptance is just as important if not more than the actions we take towards that change."

For the past six months, she had been placed in a treatment center for her bulimia. She couldn't remember all of what had happened the night she was omitted. The only memories she could really make out were going home that night to her apartment after having a huge blowout with her mother and Snake about how she was wasting away her life, silently screaming to herself in the bathroom mirror before smashing it and making her way over to the toilet, picking up the toothbrush she had hid in a case behind it and the rest...well she could guess it, but had blacked out to really know. Apparently her mother had found her unconscious hours later on the bathroom floor after calling Emma multiple times to apologize and talk through their problems. Her mother was noted saying she had a bad feeling as she saw Emma's car parked but no lights on in the front and no answer from the door or phone. She'd used the spare key to open up and had the displeasure of seeing a lifeless Emma passed out on the floor. She had been rushed to the hospital and then later to this facility. Emma felt guilty just thinking about it. Sure she had broken the McDonald curse of getting pregnant in high school, but she sure as hell caused even more problems to herself then a baby ever could. She removed some of the blonde strands from her face before replying to her therapist.

"I'm ready to get better. I had honestly thought I'd been cured from this in high school but I'm learning it's not about being cured per say, but more about learning my limits and learning how to avoid it." Her therapist, Mrs. King, seemed pleased with her respond, but wanted to make sure Emma had truly grasped the root of her problem and wasn't just talking through her teeth.

"So tell me Emma," Mrs. King had stared doing her signature lean back in her office chair. "...why do you believe you weren't the prettiest girl or the most liked?" She asked referring to Emma's entry. Emma sighed thinking back at her adolescent years. Sure she had some amazing memories, but some she knew weren't worth remembering. "Well..." She started twiddling her thumbs.

"...I had to really grow into my face and body and it didn't really help that I was a fan of the turtleneck." She'd lightly joked though at noticeably unease state for having to explain it all to Mrs. King. "It also didn't help that my best friend, Manny, was really pretty. Like, unbelievably gorgeous even as a preteen. I was smarter than her academically, but when it came to what actually counted at that age, I lacked. I'd even gone to meet an online boyfriend who turned out to be a creeper when I was about eleven or twelve just to make her envy me in someway." She'd admitted resting her thumbs down in her lap and looking at a straight faced Mrs. King. She wished therapist weren't so emotionless.

"I see. And this Manny person, are you two still in contact?" Emma reverted her attention out the office window and frowned. "No... we aren't. We lost contact after I got divorced a year and a half ago. She said she saw me spiraling in a direction she didn't want to see me in and she wasn't going to be around to see me destroy myself if I didn't want to change." Emma scoffed though her heart felt heavy. Manny was her lifelong friend who she was sure she'd never lose. Emma had stuck by Manny through her cheer leading, wardrobe change, guy stealing, and everything else she'd put them through. Emma was no angel herself with the gonorrhea and the getting nude in front of the school thing, but even through Emma's problem she never thought Manny would just up and leave.

"I see." Emma wished Mrs. King would stop saying that. "And so you didn't think you were the prettiest, but you also mentioned not well liked. Before this last blowout it seemed like Manny liked you and I remember your mother was talking about a ceremony for the anniversary of your late childhood friend JT's death two months ago so why did you feel un-liked?" From the window to the floor, Emma's eyes seemed to wonder. She was starting to regret writing that entry, but knew these questions would lead her to a better understanding on why she was the way that she was.

"I guess not being most liked is an exaggeration in itself. I know I should't complain because I had a close knit of friends. Very close that I still to this day no matter what love and think about. But I was still Cause Girl. I was still Little Miss Save the World." She mocked.

"So you stood up for things that you believed in? What is wrong with that?"

"Nothing!" Emma exclaimed happy to hear that someone (or so it seemed) was finally on her side. "I didn't think anything was wrong with it, but my classmates, mostly the upperclassmen at the time including my ex-husband who luckily grew away from that made me feel like... well shit for standing up for what is right. I shouldn't care or I shouldn't have cared but I did. I don't know why, but I did."

Mrs. King took some time to scribble in her notebook before looking up at Emma. "So I know of Manny and JT. Who were some of your other friends at that time and what roles did they play."

Emma tossed a strand of hair behind her ear and flattened out her hospital robe before starting again. "Manny, JT, Toby, Liberty, and Sean were the closest people to me at the time. Manny, as you know, was my best friend and JT was our lovable goofball. Toby and Liberty, like me, were very academically inclined. We cared more about our school work and causes than anything else."

"And Sean?" Emma was taken aback at her question. "I'm sorry?" She replied as if she didn't hear Mrs. King.

"You mentioned a Sean. What about Sean?" Mrs. King had asked now looking more interested in what Emma was going to say.

"Well..." Emma no longer wanted to be there. She wanted to escape to anywhere really. She now fully regretted the journal entry, fully regretted being entered into the system of the sick, and fully regretted just being alive. She closed her eyes to try to stop the tears from falling, but it was too late.

"He...Sean is... or was the love of my life."