"Shut up, dad! This is the real me, I identify as Barney the Purple Dinosaur and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Those were the last words I shouted at my father before being kicked out of our cozy, Toronto apartment. That night was cold, and unforgiving, the stars shone bright but my heart felt empty and dark. There was a pain in my chest, that I'll never forget. Just when I was about to give up, a scrappy brown mutt came to my feet. He licked my pant legs, and stared up at me with innocent, auburn eyes. "Aww, hey little guy," I said, reaching down to pet his head.

He whimpered and shrank away, oh no, what had I done wrong? Here I went again, screwing everything up. So what if my dad couldn't face the facts, on all levels except physical, I was a purple dinosaur! It was basically abuse telling me that was, "impossible," and asking me if I "took my meds!"

I sat against a brick wall, a dumb mutt next to me, when all of a sudden, I heard a voice. "Hey, my name is Matthew."

I jumped, what the hell? Was the dog talking? Had I actually forgotten to take my meds?! It was the dog. Oh man, I stared down at him. "Yeah, I just got kicked out of my house, the owners got sick of me humping the furniture, what are you out for?" he questioned, popping a cigar in his mouth and lighting it.

First of all, this was a dog, second of all, dogs don't have opposable thumbs, thirdly, how the hell did a dog buy a cigar, or a lighter for that matter? And where did the fedora on his head come from? This must be a dream, I'm pretty sure I took my meds earlier… At least, I hope so. I mean, it would explain a lot. "Hey are you going to answer me or what, man? I haven't got all night" the dog said, slightly irritated.

"Uh, I got kicked out too…" I answered, a tremor in my voice.

The dog just laughed, was that even possible? Suddenly, he stood up on two legs, grabbed a suitcase I hadn't seen before, and nodded in my direction, "Well are you coming or not?"

I didn't reply, I simply walked along with the dog, I mean come on. A talking dog? This was a once in a lifetime experience. We walked in silence for a bit, but I guessed the dog wasn't really the quiet type. I was proven right when he mumbled something about stupid humans, and such a bore. "Hey," I said, slightly raising my voice, "not all humans are like that."

He scoffed, "Oh really?"

"Yeah."

"Prove it," he said raising a paw in the air.

"Well, my name is Isaiah, I'm fifteen, and uh, well I identify as Barney the Purple Dinosaur," I said, instantly regretting the last part of my statement.

The dog gave me a strange look, one filled with contempt and concern. "Are you tripping on something, and if so, can I have some?" he said, a smirk forming on his snout.

Why does everyone ask that!? I'm just a simple man, trying to make it in this cruel, harsh world as Barney the Purple Dinosaur, why is that so hard to understand? I stopped talking for a second, thinking of what I'd do when I got the dinosaur skin injections, and softly humming the Barney and Friends theme song. "I just really love Barney, okay? Drop it."

"Sheesh, man, okay, just trying to make conversation," he muttered, shooting me a glare.

We finally reached our destination, which happened to be a homeless shelter. "I'm leaving in the morning," he said, "come with me, or don't, I really don't care."

He flopped down on a doggie bed, and fell asleep instantly. Honestly, what the hell was today? First I get kicked out of our apartment, then I meet a talking dog. Maybe all I need is some sleep, yeah, that's it, this is all crazy, and none of it will have happened in the morning. I hit a mattress, and fell asleep quickly.

I woke up to the dog hitting me in the side with his suitcase, "Finally, Jesus Christ, you humans and your sleep cycles, come on, I'm going to San Diego, wanna bum?"

So, this wasn't a dream. "No, I should really try to make things right with my dad," I said solemnly.

"Suit yourself," he shrugged, handing me a piece of paper he whispered, "if you ever need a place to stay, you know who to call, sayonara!"

The scrappy mutt walked out of the glass doors, across the street, and left, from there who knows where he really went? I just knew that I'd never forget that dog, and his strange abilities.

I walked all the way home, where I found my dad holding out a glass of water and two pills. "You forgot to take these," he said, smiling warmly.

"Thanks dad," I said swallowing the pills and walking inside.

Home sweet home, I thought to myself, plopping down on the couch, when all of a sudden I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was the fucking dog, Matthew, I stared, my mouth open like some sort of idiot. I swear, it winked at me.

I ran up to my room, slamming the door so loudly, it shook some of my Barney and Friends posters off the wall. This is hell, I'm in hell.