Disclaimer: I neither own Bleach nor the lyrics of the song.
Author's note: Yes, this is Rukia x Renji. I really think their circle of admirers should be larger. They're sooo cute together. Who's Ichigo, anyway? Ichigo's just an idiot … (Seriously, I don't like him.)
The title refers to 3OH!3's song. You can listen to it on YouTube if you want; I can only recommend it since it inspired me to this. Have fun reading, and I hope it's not that bad.
¨¨°º© ©º°¨¨°º© ©º°¨¨°º© R.I.P. ©º°¨¨°º© ©º°¨¨°º© ©º°¨¨
It had been the worst day of his life. The day had started shitty, with Captain Zaraki making such ruckus on the outside of the trainee building that he could not sleep as long as he probably should have. He had been grumpy when getting up, and he had continued grumpily. The exam … right, the exam. The exam had actually been pretty good. And that was what he wanted to tell her back then, yes. He remembered everything, like in a bad dream. And to be exact, he dreamed of it quite often. His favourite nightmare.
This town used to be a pretty place to stay,
A place you'd stop off from the highway
Yes, until that day it had been great there. She had been there, by his side, and he had loved her for it. Admired her. Even if she was not as good with a sword as Captain Zaraki, or as good at Kidō as Hinamori. He admired her for her whole being, her easy-going attitude, her vivid temper, the way she laughed.
After entering Shinō Academy, however, she had laughed less often … But he had kept telling himself that it was temporary, that she only needed to train more and she would fit in just fine. Then they could have been partners … or something alike.
Yes, coulda, shoulda, woulda. But when do things ever happen as they should, after all?
But all of those things
Changed on the day you packed up your bags and you ran away
That day … he had seen Kuchiki Byakuya for the first time. He had noticed his immense Reiatsu and wondered what this guy had to do with her. Sure, he had felt a bit possessive of her at that time. He had been so young.
Then she had told him. And his world … well, people use to say one's world could be shattered into pieces. It had not felt like this, however. He had just felt fear as he had realised that she would be going – and he had had to let her go. Fear … and a large numbness.
No, his world had not been shattered into pieces. It had gotten a hole in the middle, where she had been. A hole that grew larger with every day she was not with him anymore. A hole that threatened to consume him. He noticed how the trainee building at Shinō Academy seemed to have become so empty. He noticed how nobody could fill the void she had left, not only inside of himself but also his surroundings.
All they say is how you've changed
Everyday I stay the same
Of course he had told himself that this was for the best. For her best. He had to rid her of the disturbance to her social status he represented. And she had understood.
Hell, he couldn't blame her for anything. He had wanted it that way, and she had understood like she always did. He had always suspected that girl to be able to see the deepest abysses of his soul. She knew what he wanted to reach with staying away from her, and had obeyed. He couldn't put any blame on her. It had just been him that had destroyed everything. He had watched her adapt to her new environment, had watched her starting to fit in, how Shiba Kaien had helped her. And he had been glad for her. He had been grateful … even if he could not help feeling a bit jealous.
So you can keep the necklace that I gave to you,
I'll keep the shitty tattoos.
Jealousy was a bitch. It had attacked him anytime, watching her. He had seen her, had been near her – but at the same time, it had felt like being one thousand miles away from her. They, the two of them, had been history.
Really … he had been glad for her.
I can see it from the other side; the grass isn't always as green, the house is burned to ashes,
I'm no longer in between
R.I.P.
R.I.P., you and me.
But at the same time, there was Kuchiki Byakuya. Even now he did not know what he had promised himself by surpassing him. He had kept telling himself that if he was better than him, he could get Rukia back. That he would be able to watch over her, to protect her. To win her back. To show her that he was worth it? Perhaps.
It had been his one and only goal since then. Such a long time he had thought he could win her back. To have her at his side again, and make everything like it had always been.
I count the empty bottles upon the bar
But I give up I can't count that far
And the lights in this place
Are too dim to see
They're kicking me out, it's a quarter past three
To say he had had a breakdown would be exaggerating. He had not. He had forced himself to go on, always with his goal before his eyes. Be stronger. Be stronger than him. Win her back. Have her back. And anything would be okay.
Only at night, with his ever-returning dream of that one day when he had let her go for good, did he allow himself to feel alone. Only then did he face the hollowness inside his heart … where she had been.
They tell me you're all I got
I just need these dreams to stop
Well … at that time, he had known he was not strong enough for her. Not that she cared. But he did. She had never been like a little sister … there had always been more. At least, for him. And he had always thought – hoped – that it was the same with her.
He had told himself over and over that this was how it should be. That it was the right thing to do. To let her go.
But why then did it feel like the most idiotic decision of his life?
You can keep the necklace that I gave to you,
I'll keep the shitty tattoos.
Just now did he realise that he had messed things up a great deal and acted as wrong as possible. He should have never let her walk away, not like that. He should have helped her still; what was a reputation, anyway?
He should have talked to her when her new brother would not.
He should have trained with her to keep her safe, to reduce the possibility of fights to become too dangerous for her.
He should have taken her in his arms when Shiba Kaien had died by her own hand.
He should have been there for her.
I can see it from the other side; the grass isn't always as green, the house is burned to ashes,
I'm no longer in between
R.I.P.
R.I.P., you and me.
And when he had finally realised his mistake … it had been too late.
In the back of the car
On the way to your home
In the pouring rain
On the side of the road
In the light of the street
On the recline of the seat
You told me I should move on
The two of them, as they had been, had died.
I can see it from the other side; the grass isn't always as green, the house is burned to ashes,
I'm no longer in between
R.I.P.
R.I.P., you and me.
"…"
Renji blinked twice. His vision cleared up as he came back to reality, only to find Rukia's face right in front of him, with her brows furrowed and wearing that one expression he knew only too well.
"Wha?" he asked and scratched his head. He had been deep in thoughts, as it seemed.
Rukia continued to frown at him. "What are you staring at?"
He smiled. "You, apparently."
Her frown only grew deeper. "And what's with that face? You're smiling like a fool!"
Before she could react, he quickly bent down and placed a soft kiss on her mouth. He heard her gasp, and when he pulled back, she was gaping at him. He only smiled more and brushed her bangs away from her forehead, only to see them fall back in place. "Well … that's because I love you, moron."
Watching her face go red as a tomato was so funny. She hurried to look to their every side to make sure no one was looking, then gave him a deep scowl. "You fool, what's with that now? We are in the middle of the town! Someone could have seen it!"
Renji grinned broadly and tucked his arms away behind the back of his neck. "Yeah … perhaps."
And while she kicked up a shindy about his attitude, he felt happier than ever.
Yes, the two of them had died … and been resurrected once more. And hell, he would not throw that chance away.
He would never let her go again.
Author's note: That's it. My first Bleach FF. Good? Shitty? Any comments?