No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem

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*Author's Note: Slightly AU, at least as far as relationships go. This story was inspired by a reference in Chapter 8 of Weretiger Marduk's story "A Little Black Magic" (thanks, Marduk!). Benny's Breakfast House's motto is "We serve anyone, no questions asked." And they mean it.*

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Standard Disclaimer: Me no be ownin' dem Titan. Titan be ownin' alonga DC.

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Slllluuurrrrrrrrrp!

Over the rim of his cup of coffee, Red-X cocked an eyebrow at the young man seated across the diner booth from him. "Picked up your manners from Beast Boy, did you?"

Speedy smirked briefly and shook his head. "Nah. Kid Flash."

"Ugh."

"I know, right? He's a bad influence."

"Aren't you solo now? Thought you didn't pal around with that crowd."

"Eh. We share missions when we have to. No biggie." He leaned back into the corner and put his left foot up on the seat. "So this is Benny's."

"Yep. Anti-climactic, much?"

"It's mid-morning on a Tuesday. I wasn't expecting there to be very many here." He swirled his coffee and took another satisfying sip. "This is top-notch."

Red-X nodded. "Yeah. Benny roasts his own, y'know."

"No shit?"

"Serious. He says he tried branded brews, but nothing ever tasted just right."

"This does."

"Heard that."

"So how long have you known about this place?"

"Close to … yeah, a year now, I make it. Wow." He picked up his own cup, took a long swig, and set it back down, smacking his lips. "Time flies."

Speedy nodded at his boothmate's cup. "What is that concoction again?"

"Soy caramel mocha latte, extra whipped cream."

The archer shuddered. "Bleah."

"Hey, just because you like it straight. I don't know how you can take it all black and bitter like that."

"Says the guy drinking a candy bar in a cup. Ick." He used his mug to indicate one of the other few patrons. "That fella over there in the corner …"

Red-X glanced around briefly and turned back. "Yeah?"

"I don't recognize him."

"That's kinda the idea, y'know."

"He looks a little old to be a supervillain. And what's with the eyepatch?"

"Who says he's a supervillain?"

Speedy just raised an eyebrow at that.

"Seriously, man," Red-X insisted, "the sign says they serve anyone, no questions asked. And Benny turns out an awesome banana-nut waffle. His clientele isn't exclusively heroes and villains."

"Uh-huh. But that guy pings my radar like nobody's business."

"So? There's nothing you can do about it here. He won't bother you. You won't bother him."

"And you're dead sure of that?"

"Dead as a hammer."

"Huh."

The man in question, now finished with his omelet, carefully wiped his mouth with his napkin, folded it neatly across his plate, and rose, proceeding to the long bar where stood the single cash register in the café. Benny came over to settle the bill with him, and Speedy took the opportunity to scope out their host again.

Benny (he apparently did not possess a last name) was not much to look at. Average height, somewhere within five years of fifty, half-bald, and maybe fifteen kilos overweight, he sported a stained wife-beater and a heavy gold chain around his neck. He also wore a large, bulky, metallic bracer-type thing on each wrist, and the nature of those items intrigued Speedy mightily. Red-X didn't know what they were, only that they comprised a part of Benny's security system.

Money and receipt changed hands. Benny touched two fingers to his forehead, grinned, and offered, "Be careful out there, Mr. Wilson."

Wilson? ! ? Several points converged in Speedy's mind, and he blanched. One hand, of its own accord, inched toward his quiver.

"Wouldn't do that."

Speedy jerked around to stare at Red-X, then glanced down at his hand. He made a fist and placed it in his lap, then looked back up as Slade Wilson turned and strolled out the front door.

Red-X leaned forward. "And not just because I think attacking Slade would go in your 'Worst Moves of the Year' file." He tipped his head toward Benny. "He enforces the 'neutral ground' rule. Piss him off, and he'll ban you for life."

Easing back into his seat again, now that Slade was gone, Speedy said, "That's another thing I don't get. You said anyone could come here, and no one would fight, right?"

"Right."

"But … seriously … anyone? Like, if Green Lantern was here and Sinestro walked in, you telling me they wouldn't go at it?"

"They might try."

"But," protested the archer, "how could Benny possibly …" His voice trailed off as he caught sight of the front door swinging open. Red-X noticed and turned to follow his gaze.

Two very pretty teenage girls walked in, arms around each other's waist. The one with her pink hair done up in horns winked at Benny, who chuckled and waved as they made their way to a booth on the other side of the café. The other girl, an Asian beauty in a shimmery green dress, whispered something into her companion's ear that made her giggle.

Both young men got very quiet for several seconds before meeting each other's eyes. Speedy let out a long sigh and said, "I thought Jinx was dating Raven. Didn't they leave the Titans over that?"

"Jinx will jump anything with a vagina." This was said with rather more venom than Speedy had expected.

Surprised, the archer narrowed his gaze at the girls. The light came on. "That's Cheshire!"

A disgusted look was Red-X's only response.

"Didn't you two … sort of …"

"Yeah."

"So … then, she's …"

"Yeah. Equal opportunity employer."

Jerking his head at the girls, Speedy asked bitterly, "How's Raven feel about that?"

"I wouldn't know. But she never struck me as the type to share."

"Got that right."

"You two dated for a while, didn't you?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

At that point the waitress walked up with their food. This was Red-X's first meal of the day, and Speedy was known throughout the superhero community as a legendary bottomless pit, so the business at hand pulled their minds away from their female-related woes.

Red-X, having finished his eggs and sausage, was starting on his waffle, and Speedy was working on the last bits of his blueberry tall stack, when an older sedan screeched up to the café and two armed guys in ski masks jumped out and ran inside. One of them yelled, "Nobody move!" The other one advanced on Benny, aiming a sawed-off shotgun at the restaurateur. "Open the cash box! Now!"

Benny didn't do that. Instead, he leaned his elbows on the counter and propped his chin on both fists. "You boys don't know where you are, do you?"

"Don't get cute, Pops. Just fork over the money and you stay not-dead."

"I don't think I'll be doing that. The forking-over part, I mean."

The robber's partner, who had been looking around at all the patrons, backed up to him and gave him a nudge. "Hey. Bob."

Shotgun Guy (whose name appeared to be Bob) gave his partner a glare and said, "What?"

"That's … that's Jinx over there."

Suddenly sober, 'Bob' looked at the teen villain. She flashed her trademark grin and waggled her fingers at him. Her black-haired companion was staring at them in much the same way a wolf would contemplate a rabbit.

"And … and over there …" He waved in the other direction. "That's Speedy. I seen him take down a crew at the mall."

"Is that Red-X?"

"Uh … yeah. I think so."

"Ain't he, like, a master thief or somethin'?"

"Yeah."

"They're eatin' breakfast … together?"

"Uh … yeah. An' that guy over by the front window …"

"… Is that the Penguin?"

"I think so."

"What's he doin' outta Gotham?"

Benny tapped the bar. "Excuse, me, boys."

They both turned to him, eyes wide, weapons clutched in close.

"Boys, this here is neutral territory. You wanna drop in, have breakfast any time o' day, take a load off, shoot the shit, whatever, that's what we're here for. But I don't allow no fights. An' I don't take kindly to havin' guns pointed at me. Even if it won't do ya any good."

Bob swallowed, with some difficulty. "Uh …"

"In fact, I don't think ya need 'em at all."

Bob's death-grip on the shotgun suddenly changed and he jerked his head down at his weapon, which was now very obviously made of something like silly putty. The barrel began to droop toward the floor. He tossed it away as if he thought it would bite him.

"Now. You guys wanna order somethin', have a seat. Otherwise, scram."

They scrammed, and left significant portions of tire rubber on the parking lot in their eagerness to be elsewhere.

Speedy let out a breath he didn't remember holding and turned to Red-X. "Holy shit."

"At least."

"How's he do that?"

"Good question. You want to ask him?"

Speedy held up both hands in a gesture of negation. "I just want to finish my pancakes."

"Good plan."

They ate in silence for a minute. Then Speedy asked, in a low voice, "What would have happened if they'd just opened fire when they walked in?"

"Don't really know. But do you remember when that Kinetic Knight guy was fighting the Titans about two months ago?"

"Hell, yeah. Heard he mopped up the ground with 'em."

"Right. He did. I caught part of the action and stayed out of it."

"Surprise, surprise."

The thief shrugged. "Not my fight. But somebody put in a call to the League. Supes got there and they squared off."

"Oh. I didn't hear about that."

"It was short. KK decided he couldn't lick the ol' Man of Steel mano-a-mano, and hightailed it. Ended up here. Came swooping in and tried to take everyone hostage, to use as leverage. You remember how he could blow completely through a building with his kinetic powers?"

"Yeah. Wrecked most of two blocks of downtown that way."

"Uh-huh. First thing he did when he came in was hit Benny with one of those force blast things."

"… Yeah? And?"

"When Supes showed up, there was no sign the Knight had been here. Benny offered to take his order. The other customers were just sitting around, eating."

"… Whoa."

"And the Kinetic Knight hasn't been seen since."

"… Shit."

"So, word to the wise, don't pick any fights here."

"Got it."

The waitress came around and refilled Speedy's coffee. He picked it up, took a contemplative sip, and leaned back into his corner, mulling over what he had learned.

Red-X dug a few bills out of a pocket and laid them on the table. "And, Speedy?"

"Yeah?"

"Spread the word about this place, k?"

"You got it."

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*Author's End Note: It just struck me, while reading about the meal that Mammoth brought back for the girls, that Jump needed some kind of Demilitarized Zone. Recalling what I have read of lovely places like Spider Robinson's "Callahan's Crosstime Saloon" and Sigurd Volsung's "The Mystic Wolf Tavern", this seemed perfect for the position.

I'm producing a series about this unique little cafe, as you can tell, and have decided to open it up to all and sundry. So, if you have a story rattling around that you think might fit here in Benny's, go ahead and write it. If you wish to make it an official chapter here, I'll be happy to do the beta reading and post it under your name. If you would rather post it on your account, the way 100 Silver Wings did with her excellent tale "Second Fiddle in the Scheme of Life", I will make a note of it here and indicate where it fits chronologically. Either way is fine with me. Also, if you would like to see a given scenario played out here, but don't have the time to write it yourself, just PM me with the plot and I'll take it from there. Cheers!*