Falling Slowly

Take this sinking boat and point it home, we've still got time.

Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly

"I'm tired", he said raising his voice slightly, "I accompany you in another party."

"You always said that", I groaned, "And you never kept that promise." I crossed my arms, "When did the last time we go together? A zillion years ago?" I said with a full cynics voice.

"God, List, since when you become this whining person?" He grumbled, "I said I'm tired. Can't you understand it?"

He try to smile, "I really really promise this time, next week we will go to the beach. How's that sound?"

I sighs. I never could get angry with him for so long. I look at him with a little wee smile, "Sounds good to me."

"But, you promise today we will go together to the beach", I yelled with a disappointed tune, "You promise me."

"I know, List", He said coldly, "I want to go with you, i really do. But, i couldn't. I need to go to this meeting. The band needs me to be there."

My tears start to fall, "Can't you just said to them that you already has a plan today. They'll understand, they can handle that without you for this one."

He turns around so that i just could look into his back, "Why just you be the one who let go? I need you to understand this one for me."

"I always the one who did that", my voice sounds rough because of the tears, "Harry, please, just this one time, go with me." I try to beg. I never begging to anyone else in my life. And, i beg to him.

"No, List", he decided for us, "I need to go now. We talk about it later."

Another months pass along with another canceled plan for us. We are always fighting about everything. We didn't even chat anymore, we just talk when we need to, like two strangers living in the same house and sleep in the same bed. I begin to rethink our relationship. I feel that we are on a sinking boat. Almost drown into a deep water with no way out. Maybe, i need to end it.

I sat one the lump chair on our living room, waiting for him to get back. He's late again. But, i couldn't just go to bed. The rain is so hard outside, it makes me worry sick.

Two hours later and he still haven't back yet. No one answer his phone. I already tried reach his mates, but they said he is the one who back first. This waiting is killing me.

An hour passes, and still no him by my side. I so worried, i couldn't sit tight. I just pacing around in the small room, over and over, sometimes calling his phone again. No one answered.

I don't know when was i got sleep, i just did. Maybe, I'm just to exhausted that i sleep in the couch still in sitting position. I feel water drips in my arm, made me surprised and wake up suddenly.

"Sorry, Hon", he said, his body is dripping wet from the rain. His hair looks like a mess. Shortly, he looks like just someone who just walking in the rain. And, he was, anyway.

I straighten myself, reminds me never sleep on sitting position again, now all my body parts is hurt. "When did you come back?" I look at the Arsenal clock, 2:23 am.

"I just got home", he sit beside me, making the couch get wet too,"I want to carry you to the bed." He smiles at me, a genuine one. It's been so long since i saw that smile. "Do you know you look like an angel when you fall asleep?" He said.

I pouted, "You lied, I must be look like a pig." I stand up and inspecting him "Why don't you take a bath first, I'm gonna make hot chocolate for you." Questioning later, i don't want him to be sick, i decide.

"Why, thank you", he said happily, "I'll go now"

We both sat circling the round table. Both of us have a mug hot choco in our hands. "So, what took you so long?" I asked him. He busying himself poof up his drink so it wouldn't be too hot to drink.

"Well?" I raised my eyebrows, waiting his answer.

He looks at me with a sorrow look, "I don't know how to begin", he said.

"People says, its best to start with the beginning part", i answered, shrugging. I just realized that i am still very tired from the waiting. And, either he is, from the black circle around his eyes.

He looks at his mug intently before said, "Do you realize how many fights we have these three months?"

I shook my head, "Many?"

"One hundred and twelve", he said slowly, "For three months." He look away from me, "No day pass without us fighting each other in a day."

"I know that", i nodded, "Feels like hell for me."

"For us", he said, "It's been hard for me as well, you know?" He still gazing at the flower wallpaper on our kitchen, i chose that. "I know, maybe this is my fault", he continued, "I am the one who broke our promise to go together."

Silence

"But, i really wanna took you to another place a week after, but we just fight the day before, and i don't feel like it. So, i thought, next week, then. And, you got angry again and blamed me. And so the fights just continue with no end." He sighs a long deep one. "I'm really sorry, List, i never intended to hurt you, but i just do. So, today i go to our place to think."

His posture so defeated, it made me so sad. "I am to be blamed here too", I said.

He tears his eyes on me.

"It's my fault too. I am to quick tempered, i couldn't understand your busy schedule. I am too quick to blame you over everything. I'm sorry."

"No", he shook his head,"It's mine."

"Mine."

"It's me."

"Are we gonna fight over this?" He asked with a laugh.

I laugh too. We are both grinning at each other.

"I don't wanna lose you", he stated, standing up from the chair and walk towards me. I stand up too.

His face so close to mine, i could feel his breath, "Neither do i", I whispered.

We don't need to say that three words aloud, we just know it. The sinking boat is point back at home, now.

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