A Moment Alone

My attention was drawn to the stairs when I noticed my wife out of the corner of my eye. I never needed to see Alice to know when she was in the room, but I often found myself simply staring at her for no reason other than the fact that it made me extremely happy.

All the clichéd sayings in the world could not sum up how I felt about her. Words were unable to express that type of emotion. She was the most generous, loving, carefree person I had ever met in my life and meeting her was similar to the feeling of a blind man being able to see once more.

I smiled briefly at Alice as our eyes met before catching sight of her expression and frowning. She was staring at Bella with concern, worry, and absolute love mixed together.

My own gaze returned to Bella lying on the couch looking absolutely exhausted. I really felt for my sister – even more than I wanted, really, given Edward's shell-shocked concern. Even without his added emotions, I still felt the terror grip at me that my other relatives felt in waves. Honestly, Bella's survival appeared to be a slim hope. Not that I had told anyone other than Emmett this, but I was not about to let my brother run off to the Volturi again. I would do everything in my power to keep Bella alive to avoid that.

Edward hovered as near to Bella as Rosalie would allow, and I could feel the concern nearly eating away at him, breaking him down piece by piece until he was a wreck. He had not moved in nearly seven hours by my last count, and I was beginning to suspect that he had simply shut every bit of himself down. If I were in his place, I know I could not stand there and watch my wife sacrifice herself in this way.

Rosalie on the other hand, sat next to Bella and held her hand in a very comfortable manner, hissing at anyone who came close. Even Emmett, who had sided with her eventually, was not allowed near the increasingly ill, pregnant human.

Esme was almost as worried as Edward, mostly because of her unmatchable concern and love for each of her children. She loved us more than anyone had ever loved their children, I was sure of it. I often found myself much calmer when sitting beside Esme, because she radiated such pure love and happiness almost constantly. Now was one of the few times her concern had overtaken her happiness, and it was apparent from her constant frown that her hope for her daughter was fading. She had adopted Bella in her heart the moment Edward had fallen in love, knowing that Bella would be a part of our family, regardless. That was Esme – she just couldn't help being a mom.

Emmett and Carlisle were often worried themselves and frequently tried to hide the fact from the rest of the family, though Carlisle spared no chance to lecture Rosalie on the dangers. I had long ago lost count of how many times that discussion had taken place.

From the moment we had learned of Bella's pregnancy, Carlisle had thrown himself into a fury of research in an effort to help Bella in any way possible. I know he lamented every dead end almost to the point of grieving. As for Emmett, though he had sided with Rosalie so as to assure himself that he would not be figuratively sleeping on the couch, I had talked to him privately and I knew he didn't want Bella to die any more than I did. He was prepared to do almost whatever it took when it came down to it, regardless of what side his wife took.

I looked back to Alice as she moved to lean against the railing of the stairs. She was absolutely terrified lately because no matter how hard she tried she could not see what was coming. Her lips were pursed together now and she was nearly squeezing her own hands into dust.

"Alice," I said softly. She glanced at me and her expression changed to a warm smile. I recognized it for what it was – her attempt to not draw attention to how nervous she was.

"Alice?" Bella said quietly, having heard me. She opened her eyes and turned her head, searching for Alice.

"I'm here, Bella," Alice replied, walking quickly towards her sister. Rosalie jumped to her feet and hissed when Alice approached, just as she did for each of us. It was to the point where it was a reflexive action for her, and one she was hardly aware she was doing.

I assume Alice was becoming more frustrated with Rosalie than she let on because she stopped instantly and looked at Rosalie, her eyes narrowing as she quietly hissed back. "Back off."

"It's okay, Rose." Bella said then, breaking the awkward silence. Rosalie sat back down beside Bella on the couch, her eyes resting firmly on Alice as she knelt in front of Bella. Mingled with Rosalie's hostility, I could feel Emmett's slight disappointment that an outright catfight had not followed the tense moment. Only Emmett.

"How are you, Bella?" Alice asked, though the question was rather rhetorical.

"I'm fine," Bella replied stubbornly. Edward twitched in reaction, the agony on his face becoming more and more apparent.

Alice forced a smile to her face, though it faltered after only a few moments. "Bella, how…."

Bella shook her head at Alice, "It's going to be fine. I know it is. You'll see."

Alice bowed her head for a few moments before looking back at Bella. I knew my wife more intimately than anyone else and I could almost see everything she wanted to say. Finally she resolved herself to saying, "I know it will. You should rest now."

Bella smiled at her and nodded, closing her eyes once more.

Alice did not return to her former position at the base of the stairs, but instead went to stand near the tall glass window, her attention turned towards the stream. I focused my attention only on her emotions for a moment, grateful that Edward's total agony left me.

I nearly gasped when I read Alice's emotions. Amongst her concern and worry was a new emotion – curiosity.

I am not aware of the reason, but I never assumed Alice would want children. We had never discussed this as we knew it was not a possibility for our kind, and I suppose I had just equated the lack of discussion to Alice never wanting children.

Her feeling of curiosity both intrigued and terrified me. What if she wanted children all along and resented the fact that we could not have them? Did she ever dream as constantly as Rosalie did of becoming a mother? I knew she enjoyed experiencing other human things – was this something she felt robbed of?

My feelings of inadequacy took over and I dropped into a pool of my own horrid emotions. I noticed Alice turned towards me and frowned at me, walking instantly to my side. She put one hand on my arm and leaned towards me, "Jazz, what's the matter?"

I looked down at my wife, the woman I would do anything for, and took her hand, silently leading her upstairs to our room. I could feel her worry for me pushing at my own emotions, and I did my best to block it out.

When we reached our room, I sat on the bed while she closed the door. The silence fell between us as I looked at her and our eyes met. In a few seconds, we had a silent conversation, the type we reverted to regularly. "Oh Jasper," she finally said aloud. "I don't want you to be hurt."

"I'm not hurt," I said instantly. No surprise registered in her eyes at my contradiction. "I'm…concerned."

"About what?" Alice asked me, knowing I did not mean Bella. She did not need Sight to tell that what I was feeling was about us.

"I'm concerned that you're missing out. That you want children, more specifically." I paused for a moment, trying not to accidentally force my feelings on to her. The last thing I wanted was to make her feel the way I felt. "Do you regret the fact that I cannot ever give you a child?"

Alice was silent for a moment and I bowed my head, feeling as hopeless as anyone could feel. I would do anything for my wife, but it was killing me to know that if she wanted a child, that was the one thing I could never give her.

I felt her take my hands and when I looked up, she was kneeling in front of me. I immediately felt like an ass for being the one sitting on the bed. When I opened my mouth to offer to switch, she shook her head once. "Don't be silly."

I smiled at her and she smiled back warmly, though all the smiles in the world could not make me forget our conversation. Alice finally said to me, "I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it before, Jazz. I want you to know that I don't regret not being able to have children. If I were able to, I would be a human and I would have already lived my life and I would never have found you. Nothing in the world is worth that price."

She let me feel the emotions she had been hiding then, and I nearly gasped from the overwhelming feeling of love radiating through her. With vampire speed I pulled her up onto my lap and began to kiss her slowly, memorizing over and over the taste of her tongue. I lost myself repeatedly in slow, drawn-out kisses that had me wanting more.

Alice finally sighed with annoyance after a few moments and pulled back, playfully glaring at me. "Jasper, you've already decided to make love to me. Get on with it."

I couldn't stop a small a laugh as I kissed my demanding wife again. This was where I belonged, this was who I was. All that mattered in eternal time right now was this moment. She was Alice and I was Jasper.