Robin knows the feeling – searing jealousy tinged with just a hint of paranoia for good measure. She recognizes it from when she was with Ted. It's a crazy feeling, and she really hates it.
It was never this intense before.
Lily still tells her it's supposed to feel like that. Robin nods hesitantly and rationalizes. She's just feeling equal to the risk. Ted cheating on someone was unfathomable (even though he kind of almost did, with her, but that was totally different) and she still managed to convince herself it was happening. With Barney it's a real threat, so the emotion is more intense.
Lily makes a face. "That's not it at all," she says, shaking her head emphatically, "It's just something that happens when you care about people. And don't try to tell me you care the same for Barney that you did for Ted."
"Well, it makes me feel like a psychopath," Robin replies, "And if it's so normal, how come Barney isn't acting like a mental case?"
Lily snorts. "Robin, Barney had a whole year to get the crazy out before you even knew he had feelings for you. You have no idea what a maniac he was. Trust me, you've got nothing on him."
Robin looks away. She can remember all the glimpses of strange-even-for-Barney behavior, the stuff that felt so off that she instinctively refused to think about. "I was trying really hard not to notice," she admits.
"So you did know earlier? Wow, you guys are crazy," Lily sighs, but she takes pity on her and pats her hand. "Look, right now Barney's so freaking happy to be with you, he doesn't have time to be crazy. Give it a little while. He'll get more crazy, you'll get less crazy, and you'll reach the crazy equilibrium that all relationships have."
"Great. Then we'll both be insane. Wonderful."
"That's not such a bad thing."
"Yes it is. I can't be in a relationship without acting crazy? I have to lose my mind to make it work? That's…crazy. I don't understand how people do it."
Lily's face molds into that frustrated look that usually accompanies dealing with stubborn kindergarteners but has lately been employed when talking to Robin about love. "What the heck does crazy mean, anyway? You only think you're crazy compared to everyone else. So, when you and Barney are both a little crazy, neither of you will be crazy." She throws her hands out in a concluding gesture. "See? Simple."
Robin tilts her head and slowly considers. "Huh. That actually does make sense."
"Of course it does. But no one listens to Lily." Robin chuckles lightly, and Lily smiles. "It's not about losing your mind, it's just about letting yourself feel. It's not the end of the world if the thought of Barney with some skank makes your blood boil a little."
Robin remembers the feeling again, how easily she could imagine the offending scenario. It made her want to die. It made her want to kill somebody.
It was absolutely insane, but she supposes she can live with it for a while.
