Mousetrap sat on the edge of the bed he shared with Peale and fidgeted. He'd been meaning to ask his older brother this for a while now, but… Well what if Peale didn't want to sleep next to him anymore afterward? He didn't want to go back to being alone. He didn't sleep when he was alone. And he couldn't go to Cinch or Nimbus, because… Well, that was what he wanted to talk to Peale about.
Peale came out of the attached bathroom, towel around his waist, humming tunelessly. He threw Mousetrap a wink. Mousetrap tried to smile back, but even he could tell his smile was forced. Great. So much for not making it awkward.
Peale stopped walking and fixed Mousetrap with a concerned frown. "You okay, kid?"
Mousetrap tried to smile wider. "What? Yeah! Yeah I'm fine. No problem. I just…have a…" He could feel a blush forming on his cheeks. This was so stupid, why couldn't he just ask it? But, what if Peale thought he was weird, or broken or something? No one seemed to mind his mangled ankle, but what if this was it? What if they kicked him out of Phire Brigade?
Peale took a step forward. "Can I come sit down?"
Mousetrap nodded. Peale gently crossed the floor and sat on the bed beside him. "You want to talk about something, kid?"
He did, he did, but what if Peale said he was being stupid? What if Peale lost respect for him?
"I'm…afraid," Mousetrap finally managed. That was brilliant, good job.
Peale reached out and placed his hand lightly on Mousetrap's shoulder. "Whatever it is, kid, we're here for you. What are you afraid of?"
Mousetrap stared at his hands. "I'm afraid…" Come on, just say it, just get it over with. "I'm afraid you won't talk to me anymore if I tell you."
"That won't happen." Peale's tone was soft. "What do you want to tell me?"
Mousetrap sighed. Just do it, just do it already. "You know…I don't like talking about…sex, right?"
Peale nodded. "I've noticed."
"I don't really wanna…ever…be near it, even. Or think about it. I don't ever wanna have it."
"That's okay."
Mousetrap faltered. "That's okay? But Nimbus…I don't like thinking about it but I know he does it. I know a lot of brothers do it."
"And a lot of brothers don't," Peale said. "And that's okay. Can I ask you a question?"
Mousetrap looked up to meet Peale's eyes. Oh no, was he going to ask him to pick a different bedroom now? Or leave?
"Have you ever looked at someone and thought you'd like to have sex with them?"
Mousetrap recoiled. "No, ew!"
Peale held his hands up. "Easy, kid, easy. I'm just checking. Mousetrap, do you know what it means to be asexual?"
He'd heard that term a few times, but not really with any…context. "Isn't that where you don't have…you don't…do it?"
Peale waggled his hand back and forth. "Ehhh, kind of. It's about attraction, really. Asexual people aren't attracted to other people. Physically, anyway. You could still like how someone looks on an aesthetic level. You could still want to…do it, even. But it isn't because you find the other person physically attractive. Some people just like the feeling. Some people do it because they have partners who want to do it. Some people aren't attracted to people and are repulsed by the very thought of being close with someone in that way. And that's okay."
Mousetrap sighed. There was still one thing he wanted to say, and this would probably be the dealbreaker.
"But I don't even…want…a partner."
Peale smiled at him. "That's okay too!"
"No I mean like Cinch." He had to get this out. Had to make Peale understand where he was coming from, even if Peale didn't want to talk to him anymore afterward. "I know Cinch tries to hide it, but he's looking for…something. Romance? And I know a lot of brothers have that too, and I don't really want that either, I'm not even sure I understand it, and I'm probably just broken because I don't want anything and––"
"No."
Peale's stern word stopped Mousetrap. He reached out and grasped Mousetrap's shoulders. His gaze was fierce. But when he spoke again, his voice was soft.
"Mousetrap you are not broken. You are exactly who you are supposed to be. There's aromantic people too, just like asexual. You can be both. It's not wrong. There are lots of brothers like you. Mousetrap, I'm like you."
Mousetrap gasped. "You are?" But Peale was so good and kind, and… "But you're so caring!"
Peale chuckled warmly. "Being aromantic isn't about not caring, kid. It just means I don't want a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a romantic partner of any kind. It's…a little harder to define romantic attraction, but I know I don't have it. That doesn't mean I don't care about your friendship, or Cinch's, or Nimbus'. Okay? That doesn't mean I don't love you, kid."
Mousetrap felt the blush creeping into his face again. He broke Peale's gaze and looked downward. His chest felt tight, and then his eyes were stinging with tears. He swallowed. Why was he suddenly so emotional? So embarrassing, so stupid, no no no no oh there it goes, great. A drop slipped out of his eye and rolled down his cheek.
"C'mere, kid." Peale tugged gently, and Mousetrap folded forward into Peale's chest.
"I was afraid…" Mousetrap said, vainly trying to keep the whimper from his voice, "that you…wouldn't want to be around me anymore…that you'd…think I was defective."
Peale's strong arms circled Mousetrap in a protective embrace. "I could never think you're defective, vod'ika. Maybe a little silly in the head––" he brought a hand up to rub a knuckle into Mousetrap's hair, making Mousetrap giggle through the tears, "––but never defective."
Mousetrap couldn't stop the smile from spreading across his face. It was gonna be okay. He was okay. There was nothing wrong with him, and he was safe in his big brother's arms, and Peale was like that too! and he wasn't going to have to leave or go anywhere else––
"But get in the shower, kid," Peale said, unwrapping his arms and giving him a small shove, "or I might have to put up a quarantine around your half of the bed."
