Gibbs was sitting in his basement, like nearly every evening after coming home from work, carving out a rather complicated design that was part of a rocking chair he was making. He'd no idea what time it was exactly, but he knew it was past midnight. He was tired. The bone deep kind of tiredness that wouldn't fade with even week of sleep.
He knew it wasn't just work related. He just had to make it past the holidays again. Had to make it past the days of cheer and spending time with family. Once the new year had started, he'd be all right again. After all, feeling like crap around the holidays and missing his family even more than he usually already did was nothing new. He'd just have to get through it the way he always did. Alone in his basement with a bottle of Jack and maybe some company on some of the days.
In just five days it'd all be over again. Christmas would've come and gone and he would be able to go on like always; by drowning himself in his work.
The creaking of the stairs made him look up and as he looked to his left he nearly did a double take, instinctively stepping back until his back hit the wall. He blinked, blinked again and then whispered incredulously.
"Shannon?"
Beautiful as ever and a smile on her face that made his heart speed up, she came down the stairs, walking until she was standing right before him.
"Hi Gibbs," she said softly, hand reaching up and touching his cheek. "How've you been?"
Gibbs lifted his hand, touching her hand against his cheek. "You're really here?" he breathed, amazed that he could really feel her. "How… how's that….?"
Shannon giggled and the familiar sound brought a lump to his throat. "It's almost Christmas! Time of miracles!" She stood on her toes and kissed him gently on the lips. "And I couldn't let you spend another Christmas alone, so I decided to come over." She moved a little, mouth close to his ear. "Got you a surprise too."
Gibbs barked out a startled laugh. "More than this one?"
She nodded and turned her head towards the stairs. "Kells?"
Just hearing her name brought tears to Gibbs' eyes already and when he saw his girl, his baby girl, bounce down the stairs the next moment – just like he'd seen her do so many times in what seemed a lifetime ago – he couldn't hold his tears in anymore. Torn between wanting to stay with Shannon and running to Kelly he took a few steps into the direction of the stairs, just catching her before she jumped into his arms.
"DADDY!"
"Kelly?" He held her tight, small warm body molding against him like it had done before. He buried his face in the soft hairs surrounding her pretty face. "Oh God, baby!"
An arm came up around him and as he looked up he saw Shannon standing next to him with tears in her eyes. "I miss you girls so much," he choked out.
"We miss you too," Shannon whispered, voice thick with emotion. "So much. But what's even harder for us is to see how you have stopped living ever since you lost us." She leaned against him, her head on his shoulder as they both hugged Kelly. "You're shutting people out, Gibbs. People that love you."
She lifted her head and looked him in the eyes. "People that could make you feel as happy as we did."
Gibbs snorted, trying to get his emotions under control somehow. "Tried to start anew before," he said with a shrug, emotion in his voice contradicting the casual sound of his answer. "Didn't work."
"Because you tried to replace me, idiot! Of course that's not going to work!" Shannon shook her head, slightly exasperated look on her face. "Come sit down with me for a bit and close your eyes."
More than a little overwhelmed, Gibbs followed her to the nearest table and hopped up on it, Kelly on his lap and Shannon next to him. For a moment he felt as if everything was back to how it was before. Before life as he knew it had ended.
"Close your eyes, Gibbs," Shannon repeated, taking his hand in hers. "C'mon, trust me."
After one sideways glance, Gibbs did as she asked. He still wasn't quite sure what was happening but the mere fact that he had his two girls with him now made him want to agree with whatever she asked. Anything to keep them there a little longer. He knew this was a dream – it had to be one – but he wanted to let this one continue for as long as possible.
As soon as he closed his eyes, he heard a soft humming sound in his ears and flashes of light around him.
"Keep 'em closed!" Shannon said softly, apparently still close to him. "Until I tell you otherwise."
Gibbs nodded, squeezing her hand tight in his while he kept his other arm around Kelly. The humming and flashes became less and after a few more seconds Shannon's voice sounded again.
"Open!"
For half a second, Gibbs expected to see himself as a little boy, in some weird version of 'A Christmas Carol'. However much to his surprise, he was standing inside Tony's apartment. It looked like it always did, mostly tidy with some DVD's and magazines lying scattered around. The TV was on, playing some old black and white movie Gibbs didn't recognize but that seemed to have a Christmas theme. Other than the movie, the house was void of anything that reminded him of Christmas. No tree, no ornaments, no cards tied to a ribbon, no stockings, nothing.
Just like his own house.
"Why are we here?" he whispered, not sure if Tony was around and, if he was, if he could hear them.
"Just watch," Shannon said, still holding his hand. "Watch and learn."
As they stood there for some time – Gibbs had put Kelly down but held her hand tightly in his – they heard steps leading to the front door just before a key was turned and the door opened. Tony walked inside, looking decidedly drunk and carrying a six-pack of beer and a bottle of bourbon. He fell down on the couch and glanced at the TV that had been on already.
"Of course!" he stated. "Another Christmas movie."
He opened a bottle of beer and leaned back on the couch. "Can't wait for January to arrive.
Gibbs turned to Shannon, eyebrows almost in his hairline. "He's alone?"
Shannon nodded, leaning against him and with one arm wrapped around his waist. "Of course he is. Or did you really buy all those stories about the long line of women all waiting for some of the 'Dinozzo magic'?"
Gibbs suddenly felt incredibly stupid. He'd known that there was a lot more to Tony than the shallow frat boy he often pretended to be. He was a more than capable investigator, a loyal second and he went to the end of the earth for his friends. But despite that all, he'd bought into Tony's serial dating. He'd no reason not to. After all the man was about as handsome as they'd get and Gibbs was pretty sure he wasn't the only one lusting over him.
"Exactly!"
Gibbs whipped his head around so fast he nearly lost his balance. "What?"
"I heard you," Shannon said with a smirk. "And even if I hadn't, I'm not blind or stupid. I know how you feel about him, Jethro. I've known for quite some time and it's one of the reasons I'm here now. To show you that he's not all he's trying to pretend to be. He's just as lonely as you are and so much in love with you it's nearly painful to see at times."
She nudged Gibbs. "And since I've spent more time around you than you know and have seen the two of you around each other, I am very certain about that." She lay her head back on his shoulder again. "As I am about your feelings for him."
Gibbs wanted to deny it. Wanted to tell her he only loved her and there wasn't any room for another person in his heart and in his life. But as he watched Tony sitting on his couch, all drunk and lonely, he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. Because as much as he wanted to deny it, he knew deep down that Shannon was right. Some time over the past decade of working together he'd fallen in love with Tony. He'd tamped down on those feelings, hiding them even from himself, but Shannon's words and her clear acceptance of his feelings made them come out of their hiding place and wash over him with the force of a tidal wave.
"I can't," he choked out.
"The hell you can't," Shannon answered, covering Kelly's ears to make sure she wouldn't hear her use that kind of language. "Look Gibbs, I'm gone. Have been for a long time. And I know you feel guilty for what happened but you don't have to. You didn't kill us; that sick bastard did. It's time to let go of the guilt and start living. And I can't see a better way for you to do that than by giving in to what you're feeling, what you're both feeling, and be happy again."
She huffed. "God knows you've been miserable long enough." She squeezed his hand again. "I'm gonna take you back home and let you stew on it for a bit. But you need to do something about it, you hear me!"
She reached out and pulled his head down in a kiss. "I love you. That's never gonna change. And because I love you I want to see you happy."
"Yes daddy," Kelly chimed in. "Me too!"
Gibbs snorted, more than a little unsettled by it all. Seeing his girls again made him realize how much he still missed them. If he could make a wish, he'd wish for them to stay with him again and be the family they once were.
However seeing Tony this lonely and broken on the couch, made him want to hold his SFA just as much as he wanted to hold Shannon right now.
"Tony being alone doesn't mean he's in love with me too, Shan," Gibbs said softly. As much as he wanted him to be, he didn't have any proof other than her words after all.
"You think?" Shannon answered. "Close your eyes."
The second he did, Gibbs suddenly was sitting in his own living room, cooking steaks over the fireplace while Tony was telling him some wild story about a frat brother and his first meeting with his mother-in-law. Or something.
He remembered that night. It had been a few weeks back after a rather horrible case they'd had and both had needed to unwind after closing it. It had been a night like many others, only now – looking at himself and Tony from a distance – he noticed the looks of longing his SFA was giving him. Only now he noticed that it wasn't just friendship written all over Tony's face.
"See," Shannon said, as if he'd spoken out loud, "that's what I mean! Now keep your eyes closed, it's time to head back."
The same dizzying feeling he'd gotten before came over him and by the time that faded and he managed to open his eyes again, he found himself lying on his back on his basement floor.
Alone.
"Shan?" he called out, looking around for a sign of his wife and daughter. "Shan? Kelly? You there?"
Nothing but silence sounded around him where he'd half and half expected to see his wife and daughter again. He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face as he tried to grasp what had happened. He wanted to dismiss it as a dream, but it had felt more real than any dream he'd had in a long time. The feeling of Shannon in his arms, of Kelly in his arms, it had felt like it had done before. Good and peaceful and warm and so fucking satisfying he could cry right now for losing it all over again.
He hoisted himself off the floor he'd been sitting on and dragged himself up the stairs, suddenly tired beyond tired and not ready for anything but a few hours of sleep.
ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis
It was still early when Gibbs woke up the next morning, but despite the few hours of sleep he felt more alive and determined than he'd felt in a long time. His grief about his lost family still was there, more than before maybe even after the moments shared with them the night before. But there was also a sense of optimism that he hadn't felt in a long time. He trusted Shannon and even if she had only appeared in a dream, he knew she wouldn't lie.
It barely made sense in his own mind, but he still felt it like that, even though it went against all he'd believed in before. He never was one to believe in ghosts – that was more Abby's thing – or to believe that dreams could tell you something. Yet he was unable to shake the idea that Shannon, his Shannon, really had tried to tell him to do something about that lingering attraction that he'd been denying for too long.
He sighed, looking up at the ceiling of his bedroom. Now if he could only figure out what to do. After all it wasn't as if he could just go over there and say "how about it?" He snorted. Yeah, he could definitely see that happening… not!
No, he couldn't just go over there and tell Tony the ghost of his wife had told him to move on and finally admit how he felt. Even though he was fairly sure that his feelings would be returned – every dream he'd had last night seemed to be proof of just that – he couldn't just assume Tony was on the same page already. He'd have to figure out something else and since he only had two days until Christmas, he needed to get a move on with things.
A grin slowly appeared on his face as a plan started to form and suddenly invigorated he pushed the thick comforter off him before getting up.
Time to start Operation Secret Santa
ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis
The knock on Tony's door woke him from his beer and bourbon induced slumber. Squinting, he looked at his watch.
"5 am? Who the hell knocks at this unholy hour?" he muttered to himself as he got off the couch, more than a little annoyed to be woken one whole hour before he had to get up. Rubbing his face, he walked to the door and opened it, more than ready to tell whoever it was on the other side how he felt about being awoken this early.
To his surprise, there was no one there.
"Haha, funny," he sighed. "Stupid kids." He almost closed the door when he noticed a small box on the ground, wrapped in gold colored paper and with a red ribbon tied around it. A small envelop was taped on the side, his name written on it in large letters.
"What the hell?"
Not sure if it was innocent or another poisonous present – or a bomb – Tony pulled his sleeve over his hand before picking it up. He carefully carried it inside and put it on the table, not sure if he should open it here or take it with him to NCIS for a proper check.
Then again, for all he knew it was from a woman he'd gone out with and in that case he'd probably better not bring it to the office.
Sighing, he walked over to a closet in the hall and after some rummaging he found a dust mask he still had from when he'd gotten the plague. He put it on, grabbed some gloves and went back to the package. After one huge internal sigh – and a quick prayer to whoever was listening that it would be a harmless gift – he opened the envelop. A small typed note fell out.
"Dear Tony,
Because someone as special as you deserves nothing but the best.
With love,
Your Secret Santa"
His eyebrows raised, Tony turned the card over a few times. It didn't give him any clues whatsoever, and he had no idea who this "Secret Santa" could be. With a mental shrug, he untied the ribbon and started opening the package. As soon as he opened the box, his jaw dropped behind his mask.
In the box were reservation tickets for "It's a Wonderful Life" in the American City Diner, a 50's style restaurant that also showed movies. Tony had been there a few times, years ago, and he'd loved the place. However it wasn't the kind of place he'd take his usual dates to. These kind of places – to him anyway – were meant to visit with someone special. Someone who knew how important things like that were to him.
The tickets were for Christmas Eve, which meant that exact evening.
Confident that there wasn't any poisonous powder anywhere, he took off the mask and sat down, holding the tickets with both hands and wondering who the hell had sent these. Or rather, dropped them off.
It had to be someone he'd taken home some time, or at least someone who knew where he lived. And it had to be someone that was familiar with his love of old movies – and this one in particular. Scratching his head, he tried to come up with a name. However no matter how hard he thought, he couldn't remember someone he'd shared his love for this movie with.
Well, other than his coworkers and he was pretty sure it wouldn't be any of them.
He huffed out a laugh. If only! If only Gibbs would be the one sending him these kind of gifts…
He put the tickets back in the box and carefully closed the lid before putting the box in a drawer of his cabinet. He wasn't too sure about a blind date on Christmas Eve, but on the other hand, he didn't have anything planned and if someone went to this much trouble the least he could do was show up.
He could always fake some important case if it turned out to be the human equivalent of Godzilla. Wouldn't be the first time he did that after all.
A look at the clock showed it was almost his regular time to get up. It was no use trying to sleep for 10 more minutes, so Tony walked back to the bathroom for a shower and shave before going to the office.
ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis
It was a little before 7.30 when Tony walked into the bullpen. Both Ziva and McGee weren't there yet, as far as he could see. The only one present so far was Gibbs.
"Morning Boss!" Tony greeted him. "All ready for the Christmas cheer?"
Gibbs snorted. "That'll be the day," he answered, shaking his head. "You seem to be though, if that package on your desk is something to go by."
Tony blinked. "Huh? Here too?"
Gibbs quirked an eyebrow, making sure he looked as suspicious as he always would in situation like this. "What do you mean?"
Tony gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Someone banged on my door early this morning and when I opened there was no one there. There was a present on my doorstep though."
"Did you bring it here for investigation?"
Tony rolled his eyes. "No, I opened it using gloves and a mask. It was harmless though, just a really nice gift." Another shrug. "I just have no idea who it's from." He lifted the package on his desk, looking at it from all angles.
"You gonna open that one?" Gibbs asked after a few moments. "It's probably cleared if it got here. After that one envelop the procedures have been a lot tighter after all."
Tony shot him a grin. "Don't know, Boss. God only knows what's in it and I'd rather not be embarrassed too much this early in the day."
"No one here but us," Gibbs answered, sounding indifferent. "Better now than when the others are here."
After a few moments of silence, Tony nodded. "You got a point," he conceded, untying the ribbon and opening the paper. In this package, he found a shirt of what felt like pure silk in a dark green color that Tony knew would bring out his eyes. A note looking like the one he'd gotten before lay on top of it.
"Dear Tony,
Please wear this tonight
With my love,
Your Secret Santa"
Tony fell down in his seat with a stunned look on his face. "That's… that's…" he stammered.
Gibbs had to fight to keep the smug grin off his face. He'd known Tony would appreciate an expensive shirt and although he himself had already forgotten what the name of the designer was again – something Italian with a lot of syllables – it was clear to see Tony knew exactly how expensive a shirt that was. "You want to say something?"
Tony gave himself a headslap before turning to Gibbs. "That's one expensive shirt, Boss! Who the hell would give me a Zegna shirt that costs at least a few hundred dollars? I mean…" he sighed loudly, "what the hell is this person expecting? What if it's some creepy stalker with too much money on their hands?"
Not wanting to give himself away but not wanting to give Tony any reason to back off from his date, Gibbs shook his head. "I doubt that," he said. "What was the other gift?"
"Dinner and a movie," Tony answered, figuring Gibbs wouldn't know the cinema-slash-restaurant anyway. "Special type of restaurant in a 50's style with showings of old movies."
"Hm," Gibbs nodded slowly. "Hardly the place a stalker would bring you to. I'd think if someone would want to cause you harm, he'd pick a more private setting."
Tony tilted his head to the right, thinking about it. "You got a point, Boss," he nodded his agreement. "I'm not sure if I wanna do this though."
"What time's that date?" Gibbs asked.
"7 pm tonight, why?"
"I could call you at 7.15," Gibbs suggested, hoping this would make sure Tony would be there tonight. "If it's the stalker type you can use me as an excuse and if not you can pretend I dialed a wrong number."
"Aww, didn't know you cared!" Tony grinned before turning serious again. "That'd be great, Boss. Thanks."
Gibbs just nodded as he went back to the file on his desk. At least now he was sure Tony would show up. Now he only had to hope the last gift, the one Tony would find on the table he'd booked in that restaurant, would go down well.
ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis
Looking much more confident than he felt inside, Tony entered the American City Diner. He was a minute or two too early but he didn't feel like waiting outside. At least inside it'd be warm and he could get himself something to drink to settle his nerves.
"Reservation for Dinozzo," he said to a waiter that came his way instantly.
The waiter nodded. "Of course, Mr. Dinozzo. I'll take your coat and show you to your table."
Tony followed the waiter and – somewhat to his surprise – was lead into a smaller room with just one table and a big movie screen against one of the walls.
"What's this?"
"A private room," the waiter answered. "This was requested by the person making the booking." He saw the hesitant look on Tony's face. "But if it's a problem I'm sure I can arrange…"
Before he could finish, Tony cut him off. "No, no thanks, it's fine. I was just surprised, that's all."
The waiter smiled broadly. "Can I get you something to drink while you wait for your date?"
"Beer would be nice," Tony answered. "Whatever you got on tap."
The waiter, whose name Tony hadn't gotten, left the room to get his drink, leaving Tony on his own for now. Slowly taking in his surroundings, Tony's eyes fell on a small envelop in the middle of the table. An envelop with his name on it.
He wasn't quite sure if he was supposed to open it now or wait until whoever his date was would show up, but he figured that a quick peek at the note wouldn't hurt. It wasn't taped shut after all, so he could put it back and pretend he hadn't seen anything.
"Dear Tony,
Sometimes it takes a while to see what's right in front of you. You've been a great agent and a good friend for years and I hope that after tonight we can take a step to that friendship becoming more.
With love,
Jethro "
Tony blinked, blindly reaching out for something to grab hold of for support as a myriad of emotions washed over him. Gibbs – Jethro – had given him the presents? Jethro wanted a relationship – a romantic one he assumed – with him?
Feeling rather silly for doing it, Tony pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. It wouldn't be the first time after all that he'd dreamt about him and Gibbs and a happily ever after. Heck, he'd been in love with the man for almost as long as he'd known him, so if ever a wish was about to come true, it was this one. If it was true indeed.
"If this is someone's idea of a prank, there'll be hell to pay," he muttered as he sat down and put the card back in the envelope. He'd felt the pinch so he wasn't dreaming but he wasn't entirely sure that Gibbs was the one behind this. It seemed so un-Gibbslike.
A soft knock on the door made him look up. He expected the waiter to bring him his beer, but instead the door opened and a very well-dressed Leroy Jethro Gibbs – in a suit that definitely wasn't bought in his usual type of store - was standing in the doorway, looking at Tony with an uncertainty that Tony hadn't witnessed often before. And it was that uncertainty that made Tony believe it was real. Nothing ever got Gibbs off kilter and this clearly did.
He quickly got up from his chair. "You really surprised me there, Jethro," he said with a brilliant smile on his face. He saw some of the tension leave Gibbs as he walked over to Tony.
"Good surprise?"
Tony nodded, closing the distance between them and taking one of Jethro's hands in his. "Best surprise possible," he said softly, cupping Jethro's cheek with his other hand as he pressed a gentle kiss on his lips. "Very unexpected, but better than anything I could have asked for."
Jethro ducked his head, small and almost shy smile around his lips. "Good," he answered. "Great."
Tony grinned. "And definitely no Godzilla although you can be just as dangerous at times."
The headslap was swift and not entirely unexpected and it broke whatever tension and discomfort had been hanging between them. After all they weren't two strangers on a first date. They'd been friends for a long time and they only thing changed was them finally admitting there had been more lingering under the surface for some time now.
ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis~~~ncis
Dinner had been great and the movie had made it even better as far as Tony was concerned, especially since they'd watched it sitting close together and making out like teenagers. But as the evening progressed, there was one niggling question in the back of his mind that he really wanted an answer to.
"Hey Jethro?"
"Yeah?"
"Why now?" Tony lifted his head from Gibbs' shoulder to look him in the eyes. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm very glad you decided to surprise me like this, but why now?"
Gibbs had expected the question, especially since they'd both established some time between the entrée and the main course that they'd been in love with each other for quite some time. He just wasn't sure how to answer it. After a few moments he decided to opt for honesty.
"Sounds crazy but I had a dream about Shannon and Kelly."
Tony raised his eyebrows. "And that somehow lead you to me?"
"In a way," Gibbs nodded. "See, it was a bit like that movie A Christmas Carol, you know, he one with the ghosts of the present and what not?" At Tony's nod, he continued. "Only they took me to see you sitting all alone during Christmas. You looked about as alone as I felt and it made me realize that whatever reason I thought I had to not give this a try, was stupid and senseless." He smiled. "I think I already knew how you felt about me, even if it was on a subconscious level, so it didn't seem like that big a risk to take."
"Well, big or small, I'm glad you took it," Tony said softly, resting his head on Gibbs' shoulder again and pressing a kiss just below his ear. "Really glad."
"Me too," Gibbs said softly, taking Tony's hand as the last scene of the movie started. "Me too."
End.
(and a Merry Christmas to you all!)