Chapter One: "Game Over"
Disclaimer: Idea taken from Chibi-Reaper, who, I believe, started this mess.
It felt really funny, at first, like a soft tingling on his chest.
At first, that is. When the blade of electricity began to pierce him, though... He felt the edge of the Chidori pulsing in rhythm with his own heart as the blade drew near it.
Two heartbeats was all it took, in essence, only two. The lightning pierced his ribcage, charred his chest and ribs, and more than scratched his heart.
Sasuke withdrew his arm.
With every heartbeat, his core tore up to shreds. Not even the Kyūbi, no matter how hard it would have tried, not even it would have managed to patch him up. What it diddo was earn him a few more moments of life.
He breathed in, breathed out. Even that was pretty hard, now that half his lungs were charred.
He could taste the char deep in his throat.
'One more breath, I'm still alive, one more...' he kept telling himself, 'just one more, I can make it.'
But the breaths became more and more shallow.
'Still alive, I'm still alive... I'm still alive... still alive... not dead yet, not dead... not...'
He thus exhaled, and his body lay motionless on the muddy soil.
He had died before growing up, before seeing the world, before becoming Hokage. That didn't really matter. What mattered was that he could still think.
Dead.
Dead but thinking? Sure, but still dead.
He didn't really see anything; not that he saw black, but it was like he never even had eyes!
'Huh, this must be what blind people feel like... or dead people.'
He could only hear himself think, and it wasn't really 'hearing' it. He felt nothing else, though; no scents, no warmth or cold, he heard no sounds, he saw nothing, felt not a single part of his body.
'What do you feel when you're sleeping a dreamless sleep?'he heard himself ask that. Or think it. Or something like that.
Yeah, that's what dead people ought to feel like.
Something was off, though. He knew that some light ought to appear just about now and he should stand on trial in front of some stellar judge or demons and gods, or so had said the shintō priests... the stories weren't really coherent, though every one had the demons, and a hell.
He shuddered.
Hell?
Was he really sent to a hell? This was an odd hell, then, to be sure. Nothing around him.
Nothing he could feel, no heat, or stench of rotting madmen.
'Hey, whoever's listening, I wanna live! I haven't done anything wrong! I can prove it!'
Nobody was listening.
'Damn you all! I wanna live, I wanna continue with-' *WHOOOSH*
He felt a breeze of wind, and, slowly, his limbs started working again.
He couldn't really flex his fingers or his arm or fancy anything like that, but he at least knew the limbs were still there.
He also felt his eyes again. Being closed, though, meant that they couldn't really tell him much about where he was.
He tried opening them, and he did open them.
A flash of white almost blinded him at first, but his eyes adjusted.
They first fell upon some sort of list in front of him, floating in mid-air. The thing was, there was no paper.
Around him was also white, and some faint whooshing was heard... somewhere?
He laid his eyes upon the list.
"What?..."
GAME OVER
'Life Summary - Scoreboard'
...
Actually, below that lay some sort of list, various things stacked one after another. That mattered none, as Naruto just stared at the first two words.
"Game... over," he muttered. He felt as if someone had struck him in the gut and whisked away all the breath he had... or as if he had died.
"Game over? What game?"
He sighed. Yup, he wasin hell, and all his life, too.
After having closed his eyes and shaken his head hard, as if he could somehow have ridden himself of the nasty thoughts, he looked back at the list. It was pretty long, and somehow faded away at the bottom. Not even reading it, he pressed his fingers against the letters and pulled up and down.
He scrolled down the text, slowly at first, then quickly, and after a while, his fingers flickered across the invisible surface.
"Woah. What a list," he said to no one in particular.
He went back to the top and began to read it, slowly.
GAME OVER
'Life Summary - Scoreboard'
Character: Naruto (Classic)
(Life Stats)
Survived "Fourteen"years ... +140 points
Had "zero" parent(s) ... +200 points
Had "zero" child(ren) ... -100 points
(Ninja Stats)
Learned "four" technique(s) ... +40 points
Learned "Summoning" ... +100 points
Learned "Rasengan" ... +250 points
Learned "Shadow Clone" ... +50 points
Learned "Henge" ... +5 points
Used demon chakra "four" times ... -40 points
Died in battle ... -200 points
Enemy survived ... -250 points
Lost precious person "Sarutobi Hiruzen" during "Suna/Oto Invasion" ... -150 points
Lost precious person "Uchiha Sasuke" during "Sasuke's Escape" ... -75 points
Defeated "Mizuki" ... +10 points
Defeated "Inuzuka Kiba" ... +25 points
Defeated "Gaara of the Sand" ... +250 points
Lost to "Orochimaru" ... -50 points
Lost to "Uchiha Sasuke" ... -250 points
(Lifestyle)
Gardener ... +50 points
Broke nindo ... -1000 points (twice)
Kissed "one" time(s) ... +10 points
Kissed men "once" ... N/A
Kissed women "never" ... N/A
Is virgin ... -250 points
...
"What?..."
At first, he felt like he was being played with. Looking over his shoulder only gave him that white and featureless landscape. Definitely not some weird sort of prank. Everything about this bugged him, but this last block of text bugged him bad. "Broke nindo? When!" he shouted. Then it came to him.
"Oh..."
It was bringing Sasuke back and becoming Hokage, that's what he promised and failed to do.
The list went on for quite some time, but those were the only things that scored.
This was definitely hell, to judge him for Sasuke's actions. "Hey, hell! I'm not my best friend's keeper!"
It won him nothing.
He only skimmed through the remainder of the list, which went approximately like "had diarrhea X times, vomited Y times, drank Z sorts of milk". Every single thing he had ever done or had been done unto him was apparently logged, every single one, down to how many times he went to the toilet.
He shuddered.
Life is, or at least was, life. It had been pretty fun to live, he admitted, but he wanted more out of that life.
He scrolled down to a section that read "Tally", which he figured was something like a fancy way to say "Result".
He began reading it...
...
(Tally)
Total Score ... -990 points
Pathetic!
Moral Compass ... Chaotic Good, Innocent
Character ... Caring, Charming, Obnoxious
(Extras)
Sexuality ... Straight, maybe? (Kissed only men, attracted to women)
...
"Hey! That was an accident!"
...
Spirit ... Unbroken
Loyalty ... Very loyal
Congratulations!
You have -990 points:
- Unlocked "Sad Naruto" (have a negative score)
- Unlocked "Pathetic Naruto" (have a score less than -500 points)
Congratulations!
You're suspiciously straight:
- Unlocked "Gay Naruto"
...
"I already told you it was an accident! Stop picking on me for that, you stupid demonic list!"
...
Congratulations!
You missed a bad milestone by 10 points:
- Unlocked "Lucky Naruto" (miss a bad milestone by 10 points)
Congratulations!
You're good:
- Unlocked "Goody Naruto" (be good)
Congratulations!
You're oblivious to girls:
- Unlocked "Idiot Naruto" (be oblivious to something obvious)
...
"Hey, what's that for! It takes a blind idiot to not notice that there are girls in the world! You cheater!"
The list gave him no mind.
...
Congratulations!
You learned "Summoning" (Toad variety) and "Rasengan" (Classic):
- Unlocked "Namikaze Naruto" (follow in the footsteps of legends)
...
"First good thing you said about me... I'm still mad, though!"
...
Congratulations!
You frequently henged into "Female form":
- Unlocked "Uzumaki Naruko" (fool people with your gender)
Is this the end of your road?
...
Naruto blinked once. And twice. And for the third time. And it began to sink in.
He scrolled back up, then went all the way down, then back up, then down. And it finally had sunken in.
"Oh Kami, oh Kami, oh Kami, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" he shouted as he ran around the text in circles (it rotated to face him but he paid it no mind), hands waving in the air as if he were going to fly away.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he shouted once more, and came to a halt.
He played "Naruto (Classic)" for his wholesome fourteen years. And now, he was unlocking new... 'him's? 'Himselves'? Didn't matter what it was called.
The point is, why would he unlock anything if he couldn't use it! There was a Kami, or possibly several Kami for that matter, watching out for him, after all!
He finally settled and sat down. Strangely, the text floated down with him. He paid it no heed; plenty of strange things have already taken place today, and that would be the least of them.
The last line he had read, though...
...
Is this the end of your road?
[YES] - [NO!]
Wait, was it offering him a re-try? Uh, how did they say it... a new life? Yeah, that was it.
His fingers grasped for the bracketed "No!", and the moment his fingers touched it, the list faded away like slivers of smoke. He tried to grasp at the wisps, but they were just that, wisps of smoke.
*WHOOOOSH*
After some sort of wind blasted both the smoke and him away, he opened his eyes to a stunningly bright light.
He heard the faint rustle of bamboo, and a faint chime in the wind. His eyes begun to adjust, and, looking around, he saw that he was, somehow, in the skies above the Naka river.
The stunning sight was just that, stunning. Below him was the forest surrounding the Naka river and nearby the Uchiha compound, and off in the distance, he heard a thousand faint whispers of villagers going by their daily business.
"What?"
He shouted on instinct as the realisation hit him - he was in mid-air!
Some words stood firm in front of him, but he was too panicked to care. He waved his arms around frantically for some time before finally noticing that, apparently, he wasn't really falling.
His feet were on solid footing. Somehow. Yeah, he was standing on top of solid air. Go figure.
That made him chuckle.
He looked up from his legs to the text he had noticed before.
Before him stood something so amazing and mind-bending that he could not help himself but voice his mind.
"What?"
Naruto: Game of Life
New Game
Load Game
Options
Quit Game
"Naruto... game of life? My life's a fucking video game!? A video game!"
The four choices stood before him.
He would explore some, to be sure, before starting his adventure.
One, two, three, no, definitely not four. Yeah, three was the way to go.
As he touched the somehow solid air behind the word "Options", the entire list zoomed away backwards, and forward, from the same way, came staggering a new list.
Options
Senses Control
Game Options
Extras
Cheats
Defaults
[BACK]
His mouth curved backward. The only few chance he had at playing video games was at Shikamaru's, and the guy taught him the basics.
"So that's how it should work..."
He touched the first option, and the list zoomed away to be replaced with another.
Senses Control
Blindness ... (NO)/YES
Deafness ... (NO)/YES
Tastelessness ... (NO)/YES
Touchlessness ... (NO)/YES
Scentlessness ... (NO)/YES
Tip: These grant you point bonuses at the score screen.
The options may be overridden by some characters.
[BACK]
He hit the back button as quickly as he could and shivered.
This time, he went along with cheats, because that'd mean an easy way out.
Cheats
Enter cheat code ... [XXXXX]
Enabled cheats:
N/A
[BACK]
"That's it for cheating... I guess I must do it the hard way... Hey, what's with the 'extras' thing do then?"
He pressed it.
Extras
Ages of Legends and Myths ... (NO)/YES
Living Cosmology Mode ... (NO)/YES
Demonic Infestation Mode ... (NO)/YES
...
The list went on for a few more extras, dealing with some pretty unusual things. He figured this was where the hidden fun stuff of the game lay. Just for the heck of it, he turned on both 'Ages of Legends and Myths' and 'Living Cosmology Mode'. Before they were dark and gloomy, black letters, but now they simmered and shimmered in living orange ink.
The end of the list was a pretty interesting read.
...
War for Dawn ... (NO)/YES
Tip: these modes and scenarios grant special bonuses upon playing;
Be cautious while playing. Mixing modes is not recommended for novices.
[BACK]
He gulped upon reading the tip. 'Be cautious while playing' made a shiver run down the length of his spine. How cautions? Why?
He hit the back word, leaving the two modes on 'YES' and the letters simmering.
Hitting back once more led him to the 'title screen', so to say.
Naruto: Game of Life
New Game
Load Game
Options
Quit Game
He would most certainly not quit game, so he tried to load.
What came back was an ear-ripping growl that made him reconsider hitting it again.
All that was left was 'New Game'.
He gulped, and went for the words.
Everything faded away, as if the whole world and all that was to be felt was made of smoke and was blown away.
*Drip*
He heard a faint sound of water dripping into a large pool.
*Drip*
He opened his eyes (despite not closing them), and saw a poorly-lit room with statues and statues, and rows upon rows of statues.
And one small line of white text in front of his face.
He stumbled back one step, and fell into that water, soaking his clothes.
*Flop*
The water droplets hit his head now. He looked up to see where they were coming from, after swiftly dodging another drop, but only saw an endless black upwards.
Below him, though, his fingers felt some sort of carving through the rather cool water.
He stood up from the water, and it was just above his ankles that way.
The carving was an edged-out swirl he wore on his clothes, the same swirl some ninjas wore on the backs or upper arms of their flak jackets.
The thing was, it too, as with almost everything else, was black and white.
Almost?
Yeah, he saw some colour back in the crowd of statues.
He gave those statues no mind now that he noticed the floating words.
Hint: Characters are unlocked in chains!
So, that's what those characters were! They were these statues! He went up to the first statue that he saw had colour.
It had something written above its head in striking white that only got more and more striking as Naruto closed in to it.
Naruto (Classic)
Played: 1 time(s)
"Huh, that must mean that I played it during my... uh, original life," he said.
This Naruto was a spitting image of himself, he saw, right down to the carefree foxy grin. He walked forward, yet in place at the same time.
Naruto saw that the grass under the statue moved with him.
There was a plaque beneath the statue, and Naruto touched the stone, expecting text to appear.
The text did not disappoint.
Name: Uzumaki Naruto
Character: Naruto (Classic)
Gender: Male
This is the basic Naruto character. He is the model off of which the other Narutos are based.
(Basic Stats)
Strength: average
Intelligence: poor
...
"Hey, that's me you're insulting! Watch it, textie!"
...
Chakra Control: very poor
...
"Didn't I just tell you something?"
...
Chakra Reseves: extremely high
Luck: superhuman
[EXPAND?]
...
Naruto grinned at that. 'Of course, I'm the luckiest guy to ever be born!' his ego shouted.
...
Hints: focus on chakra manipulation and control with this character.
He has enormous potential left unused.
Play?
[YES] / [NO]
Naruto had already by now decided that he had better see what else was being offered before he began his game of life anew, so he hit the no, and the words went away like smoke.
He walked around the statues, eyeing them carefully. There were many, many variations upon "classic" him, with varying degrees of deviance.
There was a "Fire-Affinity Naruto", and a "Water Affinity" one, and earth and lightning, but also the "Chakra-Incapable Naruto", which, upon being tapped, looked drained, pale and gray of hair. That one made him shudder and run away really really fast.
"Goody Naruto" was next upon his tour. He wore an innocent smile and a white wardrobe.
His white t-shirt had an orange swirl on top of his chest. He walked forward with such confidence that it was hard not to stare. Even the grass around where he stepped seemed to beam every time he put his foot down.
He tapped its nameplate.
Name: Uzumaki Naruto
Character: Goody Naruto
Gender: Male
...
Naruto rolled his eyes and said, "duh."
...
Good deeds come very easily to this Naruto. Wherever he walks, he spreads goodness. His is the life of being envied and hated, but his good deeds earn him as much love as hate.
(Basic Stats)
Strength: very poor
Intelligence: average
Chakra Control: average
Chakra Reserves: high
Luck: average
(Extras)
This character is permanently innocent and cannot turn evil.
Expand?
Hints: focus on getting friends and on chakra control with this character.
This is a long range attacker, but is poor on attack. He is potentially a good tank.
Play?
[YES] / [NO]
He gave this character a "no". If he couldn't attack, of what use was he? In addition, it was not hard to guess that any amount of friends he'd earn would get him an equal amount of enemies.
Would that mean that every person he pulled to himself would push away? 'Nah, Shika's too lazy to run away from me,' he concluded.
Some of the Narutos and Narukos were pretty scary, such as the "Prostitute Naruko" and "Prostitute Naruto", and the "Demented Naruto", which, when tapped, would just stand in place and giggle to himself whilst being somewhat hunched.
'Yeah, not touching that thing.'
He reached another one of the already coloured statues.
Above its head lay the words that made Naruto gag almost as much as the kid beneath them.
He tapped the nameplate and almost cried blood.
Name: Uzumaki Naruto
Character: Gay Naruto
Gender: male
This character has a different opinion on what is pretty from Naruto (Classic). He likes to dress up in girly dresses, and prefers guys over gals.
...
Naruto dared look upon the swaggering monstrosity that was an alternate him. He shook his hips as he walked, his face was reddened with blush and lipstick and his hair had red highlights.
Worst of all, he wore a pink unzipped sweater, beneath which lay his bare chest, and a black skirt, beneath which walked two legs covered in black and white stockings, and black heels.
Naruto ran as fast as he could, screaming from the top of his lungs "Heresy! Heresy!" and the letters faded away.
He saw a few more crazy ones before stumbling upon the two bad Narutos.
In line stood "Idiot Naruto", "Sad Naruto" and "Pathetic Naruto", all lined up.
First came the idiot. He looked the same as normal Naruto, only a bit hunched forward and his expression was dumbfounded. His nameplate was no surprise.
Name: Uzumaki Naruto
Character: Idiot Naruto
Gender: Male
Intelligence is something this character will never grasp. He is so dumb that reading is beyond his grasp, as well. His survival is an amazing mystery to us all.
(Basic Stats)
Strength: high
Intelligence: subhuman
Chakra Control: subhuman
Chakra Reserves: high
Luck: extremely high
(Extras)
This character is permanently locked below average intelligence.
...
That was all he needed.
Next came the sad one. He looked dirty, dusty, and wore a black t-shirt and orange trousers.
He walked barefoot, and barely so.
Naruto tapped his nameplate, as well.
Name: Uzumaki Naruto
Character: Sad Naruto
Gender: Male
The gods haven't been kind to this character. He excels in no faculty except in having reserves of chakra, and he barely goes through life.
(Basic Stats)
Strength: poor
Intelligence: poor
Chakra Control: very poor
Chakra Reserves: above average
Luck: average
...
Enough of that one, as well.
He went up to the next statue. This one was on its knees on the bare, brown ground, and there was only a rare blade of wilted grass here and there. He sobbed and sobbed, and was wearing some very dusty clothes that barely fit him. Every so often, he broke into a coughing fit, and as violent were the coughs, so violent were Naruto's feet dragging him out of there as fast as they could.
After a little while, he actually bumped into one statue as he was examining another. The stone came to life, and, for a short while, walked forth an extremely confident blond kid. He could hardly be called Naruto, with those awesome black clothes with a universal blue trim, but, apparently, he was.
What caught the regular Naruto's eye was that as the statue walked the barren earth, grass sprung up where his feet had landed.
That made the kid's jaw drop for a moment.
He tapped the nameplate.
This one's layout was different, though, likely because Naruto hadn't yet unlocked it.
Name: Namikaze Naruto
...
"What?"
Name: Namikaze Naruto
...
Yeah, he read that right. Namikaze, as in Namikaze Minato, the best ninja of all time, also his idol. Wouldn't it be cool if Naruto was really his kid?
He stored that information somewhere in mind, as it was obviously important, somehow.
Name: Namikaze Naruto
Character: Sorrow Incarnate
LOCKED
Required:
- "Die" twice in one life
- Become Hokage while playing Miserable Naruto
- Kill a precious person
This is one of the strongest characters, though not quite the strongest. Jagged and bitter, he almost never makes friends. Nobody ever really seems to trust him.
...
Even though his stats were impressive, as Naruto noted (inhuman chakra control and ungodly reserves!), the description, and name itself, made him wary. The requirements weren't that wonderful, either.
To this statue's side stood an animated one.
This Naruto stood in place, wind rustling his hair. He kept throwing a penny in the air, and kept a permanent smirk on his face. His clothes were a pretty shiny black and orange, and, dare he say it, they looked new and clean.
He touched the nameplate.
Name: Uzumaki Naruto
Character: Lucky Naruto
Gender: Male
Some men are good with coins, some with words and some were blessed by birth. This character was blessed with ungodly blind luck.
(Basic Stats)
Strength: poor
Intelligence: high
Chakra Control: high
Chakra Reserves: average
Luck: ungodly
(Extras)
This character's personality requires him to go through life based on pure luck.
Expand?
Hints: this character is not a skilled one; focus on diversity, not on concentration.
Try to tempt fate as much as possible - you might like the outcome.
Play?
[YES] / [NO]
This character actually caused him to hmmm. He had no obvious deficiencies, and he was already unlocked. His stats were pretty nice, too, and Naruto saw that the statue's luck was higher than his own! Well, higher than Classic Naruto's... Yeah, let's just leave it at that.
If the character was more intelligent than Classic Naruto, would that mean that he would be smarter than he was now?
Would it last after... uh, after he died again?
He had no idea how that would work, though. It was mind-bending as is already, no need to complicate.
Would he play, now, to see how it would turn out?
Just for fun's sake, he grabbed at the yes. As before, the world faded around him. This time, he couldn't open his eyes, or close them, or anything.
He began feeling his limbs again, despite not losing feeling in them, and, slowly, he moved his arms. They were so clumsy.
It was cold. Not just cold, but so unbelievably cold he thought he'd freeze to death.
He could stretch his palm, but controlling individual fingers was very hard.
His lungs began to burn, and he felt a vacuum in his chest. He squirmed around when he was turned upside-down and hit upon the back.
All at once, his throat opened and he swallowed a mouthful of the sweetest air he had ever inhaled.
He began wailing for no reason at all.
A/N: So, this is the opening of a saga. This story grew out of Chibi-Reaper's unfinished one. I did contact him, but he didn't respond.
Special mention goes to my rather quiet beta-reader, Soprano in Shadow (TheSopranoinShadow), who helped me crank this one out.
So, enjoy and do share what you think!