Guess who? That's right, it's XxKH-FreakXx. I changed my name to SelenaDeathbatVanity, simply because I liked it, and I wanted a name people would remember better.
Well hello there, kiddies! I know what you're thinking... oh gawd, she started another story. But, read my A/N at the bottom, and you'll understand!
Things I don't own: Kingdom hearts or any of it's characters, Nyan Cat, Robot Unicorn attack, any drugs, my soul, and no Jack Daniels. ;)
Things I do own: this plot, and a picture of ten cats. I love them oh so very much.
Chapter One: Nyan Cat, unicorns and glitter.
"Is he in a bad mood today?" I asked my older brother Cloud in an apprehensive voice. Cloud frowned at my tone, and reached out to ruffle my spiky blonde hair.
"I think so, I heard yelling coming from his study earlier," he replied. My twin, Ventus, shuddered and frowned.
"I hate him. I hate him for hurting you guys." Ven scowled, cracking his knuckles threateningly. "I wish I could make him stop."
"We all do Ven," Cloud sighed. "But what would we do?" The rhetorical question hung heavily in the air. Of course they knew what they should do, but doing it altogether was a whole different matter. Cloud and I were terrified of what our father would do to us if he found out that we told anyone that he was beating us.
"So Roxas, I think you should avoid him today." Cloud spoke in a gentle voice to me. "Maybe you could go stay at Van's house tonight? And Ven, you could go to Terra's."
I immediately objected, "what about you and Sora?" I crossed my arms, "I won't leave you guys here alone."
Cloud gave me a genuine smile, something that nobody ever saw often, so I was momentarily struck into speechlessness.
"Sora is at Riku's, and I'll go over to Zack's." he replied, his voice softening at the mention of his boyfriend. They were so in love, it was almost sickening to watch them together. But all the same, we were all (my father excluded) happy as can be for him.
It's been a whole year since my family relocated to Twilight Town from Radiant Garden. Our happy lives had been shattered in a single instant, when our mother had come home after work and announced that she had been given a promotion. But to get the raise the job offered, we had to move to Twilight Town, where the main branch of her company was located.
Our father, unemployed at the time, tried no harder to find a job here than he had in Radiant Garden. Instead, he sat on his ass and drank all day.
It wasn't until Cloud and I decided to come out together at dinner one night that things started to go really wrong.
Our mother, Tifa, had beamed with pride at her sons, and declared that they have the right to love whoever they wanted.
But our father? He grew increasingly quiet as dinner progressed, and when our mother asked him what was wrong, he snapped.
"I don't want two fucking faggots for sons!" he had screamed, knocking over a chair in his rage. "What the fuck's wrong with you two? Fags!" he hollered, before storming out of the room, leaving his spaghetti unfinished.
It had been a week later when the first fist had been thrown. I'd wanted to go to my friend Vanitas' house, to spend the night. My big mistake has been asking my father for permission. I really shouldn't have.
"No. I will not let my faggot son go over to another faggot's house to fucking fornicate. You can fucking forget about ever asking me again." The harsh words had been followed by a hard slap across the face. My eyes filled with tears, and I ran up to Cloud's room and knocked on the door.
My older brother immediately saw the red hand print on my cheek with my tears, and guessed what had happened. He pulled me into his arms and asked, "he hit you?"He felt me nod my head, and held me tighter.
"It's ok, Rox. It'll be okay." Cloud whispered, stroking my hair as the tears continued to fall.
Later that night, Cloud had called all of the Strife brothers into his room for a 'meeting'.
"Sora, Ven, I think you guys should stay in the closet for now. Or at least to dad," he had said, "he hit Roxas today."
Sora and my twin had gasped in horror and rushed over to me.
"Are you okay?" they had both cried at the same time, glomping me and hugging as tight as they could.
"G-guys... I won't be... if you don't... stop squeezing me!" I gasped, struggling for air.
"Oh... right." they let go.
"He hit me because I wanted to go to Van's house." Roxas said sadly. "He thinks that Van is my boyfriend."
Cloud faced Sora and Ventus. "So you see why you shouldn't tell dad? It's too late for me and Rox, but he will not hurt you two, I swear it." Cloud said firmly.
"Me too." I agreed, steely determination in my voice.
Since that night, the abuse had only gotten worse. Almost daily, either myself or Cloud (sometimes both) received punches, slaps, kicks, and insults that hurt almost as much as the blows.
Me and Cloud had learned to turn our feelings 'off' when this went on. It had worked for awhile, but not feeling anything at all hadn't been working for me.
I didn't plan on starting to cut, who ever does? I'd just endured a rather brutal slur of insults and slaps from my drunk father, and the razor blade sitting by the sink looked so tempting, with the light bouncing off of the metal and glinting silver. I'd picked it up and studied it carefully. It couldn't hurt that much, could it? As is, it would be a welcoming distraction from the emotional pain never far from the surface.
I had brought the razor to my room and dug around until I found a pair of scissors. After much snipping and destroying, I'd finally managed to free a single blade.
There was no hesitation. I had brought my wrist up, held the razor against it, pressed down, and pulled.
Seeing my blood spill down my arm and onto the floor was oddly satisfying. And the pain? Ah, the pain was lovely. I felt such as rush, and wanted to giggle madly. I couldn't really explain it... but I felt so free. So, cutting became my first addiction.
My phoned buzzed in my pocket, and I think I jumped nearly a foot in the air. I pulled it out and looked at the screen.
New message from: Vanitas. I pressed 'read'.
Hey dude! Wanna come over l8er? I got some cookies.
I read the text through a few more times before jumping up in excitement. Fuck yeah, Van scored come! I almost grinned, before I realized that I was still in Cloud's room, and that Cloud and Ventus where giving me 'what the fuck' looks.
"Oh. Van just asked me to spend the night is all." I mumbled, looking at the door. Cloud and Ven laughed.
"Well go ahead, you don't need our permission." grinned Ven.
"Right. Well bye, then." I replied, walking quickly to the door.
Cloud smirked, "you know... sometimes I worry about him."
XxXxxXxX
Van, fuck yeah! Where'd you get the stuff? I thought you said your dealer was outta town? My fingers typed out the words quickly as I walked out the front door of my house. I held my phone with my teeth as I zipped up my hoodie and swung my backpack over my shoulder. My phone vibrated in my mouth, and I laughed at the sensation. I was in a great mood, because I was about to get as high as fuck with my best friend. 'Cookies' was our code word for any type of drug that we could get out hands on; marijuana, cocaine, LSD, salvia, you name it, and we've probably done it at least once. Hey, cutting wasn't my only addiction.
He is. I got it from Seifer. Top grade, best fucking sugar cookies you could ask for bro. R U on you're way?
I nearly moaned in anticipation. Van managed to score some LSD. Fuck yeah.
Yup, be there in five. Tonight's gonna rock.
After sending a reply, I ran the rest of the way to Van's house, and upon my arrival, I let myself in the front door, as it had become custom; Van's parent's were usually away on a business trip of some sort, leaving him all alone.
"Van, get your ass down here and let's fuck shit up!" I hollered from the bottom of the stairs, grinning wildly. I was so fucking excited.
"Bro, we fuck shit up everyday." he appeared, smirking. He pulled out a plastic baggie with two pills inside, and descended slowly down the stairs, waving it in front of him.
I grabbed the baggie as soon as it was within my reach and ran to the living room. I was also very impatient.
"Woah tiger, excited are we?" Van smirked as he followed me in.
I scoffed, "Fuck yeah, we haven't done Alice in forever, dude."
Van nodded his head, "Yeah, it's been too long. Now fucking hand one over, you fucktard! I think my mouth is watering."
I laughed, reaching into the bag and pulling out both of the electric blue pills. I handed one over to him.
"See you on the other side, buddy." I smirked, and tossed it back like it was motherfucking candy.
We sat in silence until it kicked in. Soon everything became so much clearer, like fucking photoshop permanently stuck on the sharpen tool. I pointed behind Van, who eyes were as wide as friggen alien saucers. Or something.
"Woah, dude! There's a fucking clown behind you!" I yelled, pointing to a picture of his aunt, sitting on one of the end tables.
"Dude, motherfucking where!" he shouted, twisting oddly, and in the process, falling off the couch and landing flat on his ass.
I cracked up, also falling off the couch from laughing so hard. My laugh sounded really fucked up, like someone stepping on a chicken or something, which made me laugh even harder. And then Van, that motherfucker, starts laughing too, so I start to shriek with giggles, until tears rolled down my face. I was so fucking tripped out, it was awesome.
"Dude, that wasn't fucking nice." he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. "Oh-my-fucking-gawd, Nyan Cat is up there," he points to the ceiling, "do you see it?" and he starts singing the Nyan Cat theme song.
I look up and scowl. "There's no Nyan Cat, you fucker. I see the robot unicorn from that one game... Robot Unicorn Avengers? Something like that." I let out a little giggle.
"OMG Roxas, you're such a drama queen, that's not the point! The point issss, " he hissed like a snake, "that we both see rainbows on the ceiling." Ha laughed loudly, "is that normal?"
I looked down into Van's yellow eyes, and imagined to myself that it was the yellow brick road. I giggled again.
"Dude, you have a gay scarecrow in your eyes." I told him seriously.
"The fuck is he doing in there? He's supposed to be in my closet." Ven giggled, rubbing at his eyes.
"Duuude, gross." I stuck out my tongue. "Ven loves gay scarecrows, Ven loves gay scarecrows, nya nya nya naa nahh!" I sung in a high pitched voice, laughing wildly again.
"Now you know my secret!" Van cried dramatically, sitting up. "Now you must die!" he lunged and pinned me to the floor. We wrestled on the ground for a few minutes, until quite by accident I'm sure, Van grinded against my crotch, which made me moan like a fucking whore.
We looked at each other in silence. Then quite suddenly, I felt him press his mouth against mine. I had to admit, it felt awesome.
I kissed back with wild fervor, running my hands along the back of Van's thighs and up to his ass, which I gave a rough squeeze. He moaned into my mouth, and just like that, in that moment, I was insta-hard.
He broke away from my mouth and gasped. "This doesn't have to mean anything... It can be just a fuck. I'm so hot for you right now..."
"Shut up." I replied, grabbing him and pulling him to his feet. "Bedroom?" I suggested, smirking at him.
"Agreed." he returned my smirk with one of his own, and with that, we stumbled our way up the stairs to the bedroom. I knew, without a doubt, that this was going to be the best sex I'd ever had in my life, because there was still rainbows dancing everywhere, and was that glitter falling from the ceiling? Best fucking acid trip ever.
XxXxxXxX
I knew something wasn't quite right when I slowly came into conscienceness the next morning, but I couldn't place it at first. The sun was hitting the wrong side of my face, the bed felt too comfy, and a pair of legs were tangled with mine. Oh, right. I slept at Van's house last night.
"Holy fuck!" I bolted upright, wide awake. Any trace of sleep was immediately erased as I stared down at my best friend, who groaned into his pillow.
"Mfghshuddupyoudramaqueen." is what it sounded like.
I started panicking. I had slept with my best friend. What was I thinking? Well, granted, I wasn't really thinking last night. Or could think, but this was so going to change our relationship forever. For better or for worse, I couldn't really tell. I pressed my hands over my eyes and tried to breathe normally. Beside me, Van cracked open an eye and observed my hyperventilating. He groaned and sat up.
"Roxas, this didn't mean anything, remember? Well, you probably don't, but I do. I'm not quite sure how... but that's not the point," he laughed, "we were both horny as fuck, and we used each other, alright?"
I looked at him carefully for a few seconds. I took in his spiky black hair that went in every direction, his piercing yellow gaze that was focused on me. His smile was gentle, and I'll never admit this to anyone, but I loved it when he smiled. He rarely does, and only to people that he trusts; the only two I knew of being me and Ven. It was just the slight upward turns of the corners of his mouth that turns him from hot, to fucking beautiful.
"So... we don't have to date each other? We can pretend it never happened?" I asked, relief evident in my voice.
"Well, we can be friends with benefits," he smirked at me, "but only if you want to."
I thought it over. It really didn't sound like a bad idea. I mean, we could stop anytime we wanted to, right?
I nodded, smirking as I did so, "seal the deal with a kiss?"
Van laughed and pulled me into his arms. Our lips connected, and I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck.
It lasted about a minute long, and as soon as it ended, my phone vibrated. Talk about good timing, I thought to myself.
New message from: Cloud. Roxas, where the fuck are you? Dad's get PISSED!
"Shit!" I yelled, causing Van to jump. He looked at me curiously.
"What's wrong?"
I held up a finger, signaling him to wait a second. I went to my missed alerts, and saw that I had three missed texts from Cloud.
Received at 8:03 from: Cloud. Roxas, dad says he wants you home by 9.
Received at 8:55 from: Cloud. Roxas, you're pushing it! You have to be home in 5 minutes!
Received at 9:01 from: Cloud. ROXAS, I don't want you hurt, now hurry up!
Including the latest he'd sent me, I gathered that I was in deep shit.
"My dad... wanted me home by 9:00. It's now," I checked the time on my phone, "12:03. I want my organs donated when he kills me." I said grimly.
Vanitas gave me a sympathetic gaze. "You sure you don't wanna stay here?" he asked, watching me carefully.
I shook my head. "No, that'll just make it worse."
"Okay, well be careful, all right?" Van hugged me tightly before sinking back into his bed.
"I will." I replied, jumping up and turning red in the process. I forgot that I was naked. Luckily, Van had his eyes closed, and didn't open them at all as I finished dressing.
I didn't bother running home, I was already in trouble. Might as well enjoy the next pain-free moments the best that I could. My phone buzzed again, and I predicted who it was before I looked. I congratulated myself on getting my prediction correct. I imagined myself a physic for a few fun seconds before I sighed. No, Cloud was just predictable.
New message from: Cloud.
Be strong, Roxas. He's really drunk, and really angry. I would take the rap for you, but Zack is holding me hostage.
I laughed for no reason. It really wasn't funny, I was about to get the beating of a lifetime. Dread filled my stomach, twisting and turning, so that I soon felt like I was going to be sick. I kept my eyes glued to the ground, watching every crack, speck of dirt and occasional gum wrapper pass me by. As I neared my house, my feet started dragging.
I opened the door, as quietly as I could, and listened hard. I couldn't hear anything, but that doesn't mean he wasn't waiting for me. I inched one foot after the other, trying my best to keep my footing. The lights were off, and the blinds pulled.
"Roxas." came a voice from directly in front of me. I jumped about a mile high, and flinched when my father reached behind me to turn on the lights. I was momentarily blinded as the room came into sharp focus.
I bit my lip, and slowly raised my gaze to meet his red eyes, which were bright with the bottle of Jack Daniels clutched in his left hand.
"Sorry, sir... I was at a friend;s and slept in." my voice cracked and trailed off. I readied myself for the process of turning off my emotions; I didn't want him to see my pain or fear, it only encouraged him.
"I wanted you home by nine. You're fuckin' late." he slurred at me while giving me the death glare.
"I'm sorry, sir." I stood completely still, and waited for the punch I knew was coming. I didn't have to wait long. His knuckles collided with my cheek so hard that I flew back into the wall.
"You are such a fuckin' disappointment! Fucking faggots, you and your brother!" he stepped forward and pinned me to the wall, his hands wrapped tight around my neck. I gasped.
"I wish you two were dead! Better that than having a couple of fags for sons!" He bellowed, spit flying everywhere.
He raised his hand again and slapped me, right where he had just hit me. My cry of pain was involuntary, and I quickly stifled it.
He grinned evilly. Still having a hold on my neck, he threw me down on the ground and kicked me, right in the gut.
I couldn't breathe. I think I lay there for a full minute before my lungs finally kicked in and drew in great gulps of air. Every breath was like another kick, I curled into a ball and struggled to control the tears that were threatening to fall. This was pure agony.
A few minuted later, when I braved lifting up my face and looking around, I saw that my father had left, probably to go pass out in his room. I slowly made myself get up. I won't lie, it hurt a lot, but I told myself that I had to get out of here. I could rest after I got myself upstairs, away from the man that was causing me so much pain.
I staggered up the steps, one arm still curled around my stomach. When I reached the bathroom, I immediately locked the door behind me and collapsed on the ground.
I stretched up my arm, reaching around on the counter until I found was I was looking for; my razor blade.
The adrenalin rush that coursed through my body after a few deep cuts made me forget any other pain. I sighed contentedly. My sky blue eyes stared at the growing pool of blood between my knees, and satisfaction of seeing it made me smile bitterly. I don't know what it was, but I really got a kick of seeing my blood dripping from my arm like that. I was so fucked up.
Author's Note: Alright guys. I'm so sorry, you all probably hate me, because it's been like... almost a year since I put up DWTD, but wait, I have some final words before you kill me! I'm gonna take DWTD down, and write this story instead. DWTD will be a sequal. This is all about Roxas' life before rehab. Of course, some elements of the plot have changed, but it'll all work out in time. I'm hoping to get the next chapter up by the end up the week. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter! Poor Roxas :(
P.S- just reminding you that I changed my pen name from XxKH-FreakXx to SelenaDeathbatVanity. I like the sound of it better, and I wanted people to be able to remember it better. It has a nice ring to it, no? Oh, and sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors. I need a beta, any takers? :)
Review!