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Flashback

The Expectation

Courtney sits in the middle of a nice apartment bathroom. All white walls, neatly decorated with white and grey accessories. Its a decent apartment that was nicely decorated by her family. Courtney is in the bath tub, playing with the edges, staring into the corner of the bathroom. Today was supposed to be a special day, but everything seems to be reminding her of her past. All her hard work was leading to this day. She was supposed to be celebrating her dreams coming true. But it seems the more she tries to be happy, the harder things become for her express anything but guilt and regret.

Courtney is in a trailer. A rundown, narrow, disgusting trailer. A person like her never belonged in such a space. The place a small suffocating area that was not meant for living. Dishes freshly washed and the living room space unsuccessfully cleaned by her. She obviously didn't belong here. But someone had locked this princess in that horrible tower. She is laying down next to a black haired man. Her arm caressing his hairless chest. His arm wrapped around her. He kisses her forehead. "Duncan?" she calls from under his chest. "Yeah?" Duncan replies. "Are you sure about this? Do you really want to do this?" "I mean, it'll look good on my reputation to marry someone like you, and I've been wanting to visit my mom with good news for about three years now. I haven't seen her for a while… so yes Courtney. I want to do this." Courtney snuggles to his chest, "I can't wait. Married." Courtney, in all honesty hated the idea of getting married, but she knew Duncan really wanted this. She knew it was important to him to be married and living well together. But Courtney was once going to get married before and that didn't work out. A cruel relationship where she wanted to die most of the time because her partner had been abusive and violent. But maybe with Duncan things would be different. Maybe Duncan would be the only exception as to her promise to never again get married.

There is a small silence between them. Courtney is thinking about children. She is scared at what Duncan might say. She knows that Duncan is already father of two daughters with two different moms. She knows he doesn't want anymore, but Courtney hasn't had any and she has always wanted one. "A boy", Courtney says out loud. "What?" Duncan looks down at her. "I want to have a son", Courtney's voice trembles. "OH, NO! HELL NO! I'm done with kids. I told you I don't want anymore." Courtney sits up in the bed, "You say that because you've already had kids and I haven't. Look if you don't want kids its ok. Just give me my son and we'll be fine." "Stop Courtney or I'll take back everything I said. We aren't having kids and that's final. If you keep insisting I'll stop everything." Courtney looks at Duncan with tears in her eyes, "It's not fair. I have to compromise with you on everything. Why do I always have to sacrifice my happiness for you?" "You have to sacrifice? Fine then. It's over. We aren't getting married. You don't have to sacrifice anything anymore." "Duncan that is not what I meant. It just seems unfair—" "No, Courtney. Let's just end it and be how we used to be. Just friends with benefits." Courtney's eyes were crying rivers, "Please Duncan. I take it back." The feeling of abandonment was returning. Courtney's chest felt like a balloon that was about to burst, her head hitting her skull making it painful to think, her heart was in her throat. "No Courtney. I don't want to anymore. We are just gonna be friends with benefits." Courtney felt it. She was angry. "Fine, I don't care. I didn't want to be married anyway." Courtney grabs her stuff and leaves out the door.

Courtney stands up from the bath. She grabs her towel and cleans her feet and legs. She exits the tub. She walks to the mirror. She sees a young girl about to face her fears. She looks closer at her eyes, and she sees it. She thinks to herself, "How did this all begin?"

Courtney is sitting in the Starbucks looking at her Tinder. A young man with black hair and green eyes is in the picture. Courtney would never go for this type of guy but she decided that beggars can't be choosers. Suddenly he walks in. He is not at ok looking as his picture shown. He looked less sanitary. The rags he had on had been much worse than in pictures. "Courtney?" He says with a smirk. Courtney wanted to grab that smirk and hit him somewhere he'd feel pain for it. Instead she took a deep breath. "Yes. That's me." "You look different from the pictures." Courtney was puzzled, "So do you? But tell me. How do I look different?" Duncan looked her up and down, "You look younger. Are you sure you're 22?" Courtney smiles, " Yes, I am 22. You're 26, right?" Duncan laughs, "Yeah". Courtney doesn't like his laugh. She finds it annoying, in fact. "So tell me about yourself", Courtney says. "Well, what do you want to know?" Duncan smirks once again. Courtney really wanted to punch him.

Throughout the whole date Duncan spoke about himself. How he is from a different state and how he dislikes many things Courtney loves. During the whole time, Courtney realized that this guy was the worst person she has ever met. They had zero in common and the more he talked about himself and his antics, his machismo, Courtney was just not feeling being with him. The only thing that Courtney wanted to do was to leave and never turn back to see this guy ever again.

Courtney looks in the mirror and sighs, "What was I thinking?" A solid tear drops from her right eye.