You could be happy and I won't know, but you weren't happy the day I watched you go
Every moment has an impact on our life. Whether it's a shock of our lives turning into a large meteor hitting our world and turning it into broken pieces, or the happiest news that bring the most joyful feelings into our broken hearts; they're all impacts.
And my impact was called Miley.
It was rather silly, the way we met. It had taken me an hour of curiosity and secret glances until I gathered enough courage to come in a radius of a few feet of her slim figure. She was standing there, I still remember, with her light brown hair cascading down her back and her head leaned back as laughter escaped her slightly parted lips.
I didn't know it back then, but I fell in love with her in exactly that moment; that simple pure bliss of not knowing a person but loving them for their laugh.
Finally, it was our mutual friend that introduced us. We had a date the night after. That's how crazy we became for each other. And to think all we needed was to share a simple hug, a simple gesture of two eyes –brown and blue- to meet and bam, a meteor fell right on the centre of my world and had shaken it up so much I lost all my gravity to hold on.
At that time I thought it was a happy meteor, the one that could possibly, in some other sci-fi movie, bring cure for cancer or maybe water supplies for eternity.
But now; now I know she was a hammer waiting to burst my heart into pieces.
Then again, what did I expect? Happily ever after with the girl I met when I was thirteen?
I guess I was naive and young. I didn't understand how relationships worked, or even how to control my feelings. At times, I just loved her too much. And at the times that she probably could've used me, I didn't love her enough.
When we were around fourteen and had been dating for a year, the fights started. The pressure of being a teen idol at such young age reached it's limit and Miley became a stone wall which wouldn't let anyone close.
She worked hard. Tried her best to get right all the high notes, to record as many songs she could at that time, to find the best ideas to film music videos. She worked her days off and spent hours in the recording booth at the other side of the city.
And I was torn. Between recording new songs with my brothers and trying to find a way to make it big, I couldn't even find time to sleep let alone spend energy to talk to her.
So we drifted apart. Slowly the fights became so raw, so angry and filled with empty promises of better times that never knocked on our door that I guess with time she lost the will to hold on to the good parts of our relationship.
On 19th of December, the fighting prevailed and she walked out of my room with tears streaming down her cheeks. That was the day I pushed too hard.
After that my brothers and me, well we jumped high in the charts and we became extremely popular. And I threw my head into writing songs, so I could stop my thoughts from drifting towards the blue eyes girl I thought I'd forget.
But I never did. Not even years and years later.
Most of what I remember makes me sure I should have stopped you from walking out the door
She looks stunning, I think, as her figure drifts down the red carpet. She's wearing a white dress that is reaching the floor and softly trailing behind her. Her hair is still short, her face now entirely different from the one I met so many years ago yet it held the same emotions the same proud feeling flashing across her rosy cheeks.
She's done it all by herself. All the albums she sold out, the millions she earned. All the movies she filmed and the inspiration she became to young women and men all around the world. It is all her.
She's that amazing.
She reaches for the man next to her and interlaces their fingers together. She smiles softly at the camera and then alongside with her family the pair disappears behind the curtains.
And just like that the magic is broken and I'm back into the world of flashing cameras and screaming fans while people with microphones try to push their devices up your mouth to get the latest juicy detail.
But today, apparently they've decided to leave me alone. So I enjoy the some-what quietness around me and smile softly as I remember how much I loved her.
How much I still do.
"It's time to go inside," Joe pats my shoulder and we hurry after our personal assistant as she open the orange curtain a little and shoves us into a dark room. I follow after Joe, not caring where I sit. My head is up in the clouds.
When we're just about to sit down, I lean over to Joe and whisper in his ear, "I need to use the rest room. Be right back."
Apparently, it's impossible to find the toilettes in the dark. So I follow the whiteness of the wall and lean to my right as I catch the sight of door. With a smug smile on my face I open them and am almost immediately blinded by the strong light piercing in my eyes.
I try to shield them but in that moment I notice the white dress exiting another black door –I'm guess the ladies room.
I stand a bit taller, trying to busy myself with anything just so she doesn't recognise me. But it's too late. I know it is because I can recognise her gorgeous face even if we're standing alongside millions of people.
And she can do the same thing. We've got too much history going on. We know each other too well.
"Hi," her voice is weak, as if she's afraid someone will hear her.
I push my hands into my pockets. "Hey," I give her a small smile. It's okay, I try to say, it's only me.
I guess it works because she stands taller suddenly and gives me that smile I love so much.
"I didn't know you were coming today," she stated running her delicate hands over the front of her dress. Something she always does if she's nervous.
How could she know, though. We don't talk anymore.
"It's Demi's new movie," I say pointing behind me, "And she's back with Joe, remember."
She nods, and then gives me a secret wink. I instantly roll my head back and groan. I look at her again and nod, "Sure, go ahead say it."
She jumps up a bit, and with a big smile says, "I told you so!"
We both laugh, our minds flying back to 2009 when she wanted to hook them up badly, and I remember she kept repeating they were meant to be. Guess she really was right.
"I have a thing for recognising true love." She says lightly, but the comment hits me right in the chest. Because she used to say we were true love. Now she's saying that about an another man.
"I didn't mean—" She starts, obviously realising I'm hurt.
I shake my head and give her a sheepish smile. "Don't worry. You did nothing wrong."
Miley suddenly looks up at me and bites lip. "But I did." Before I have time to say anything, she continues talking. "And I'm so sorry Nick." It's the first time she said my name out loud in front of me since the fight and I wince at it.
"I gave up on you." She says. "On us." And adds quietly.
I hold my hand up, "Don't start." I bark out. Who does she think she is? She can't jump me in the bathroom and start talking about how she's sorry for giving up on us while her fiancee is sitting in the other room.
"No Nick, I've been waiting to tell you that for a long time and I just—"
"If you wanted to tell me that stupid apology that you don't even mean, you should've called." I shrug, my defence system back in full force. I can't let her get to me.
"You know I can't." She says, looking away embarrassed.
"Right, I forgot what kind of a control freak he is." I add bitterly.
Miley looks back at me but doesn't comment on my remark. Instead she softly says, "He makes me happy now."
In other words; you don't anymore.
"I see."
"Don't be like this," She points her finger at me, her voice slightly rising. "don't play the victim card. As far as I remember you were the one who got on that plane."
"I had to go back to tour!" I hiss, "I couldn't stay and you know it. It wasn't about us that day was it, it was about your stupid little pride."
She shakes her head, "No it was about you leaving me every time it gets hard."
"I don't remember it being hard in Georgia, I remember you laughing and smiling. I remember how you told me you were so happy." I spit out my words.
She looks down. "I'm always happy when I'm with you."
"Well apparently now you're happy with your buffalo so just have it your way." I take a step back, leaning against the wall of the rest room. She looks puzzled for a moment and then I can sense her heart beat strolling loudly against her ribs and I know I pissed her off again.
But she doesn't yell at me, instead she looks at me dead in my eyes. "That's your fault and you know it." She barks.
I sigh. "Yeah. But don't act like I didn't try to make it right. Tell me again, how many times have I called you since that summer? How many songs have a performed for you?"
"It wasn't enough."
"Well what do you want? For me to crown you a queen? Because you're ridiculous the truth is you moved on the moment I wasn't in your sight anymore and that's that." I say, and somehow I wonder how much more can I take?
"I didn't move on!" She crosses her arms over her chest. "I started things with Liam after your little bench date with Selena!"
I roll my eyes. "I knew you were still grumpy over that."
She shakes her head. "I'm not grumpy over it, Nicholas. I'm hurt." She shouts but then I see her wince and realise she may have added something she didn't want. She lifts her hand and places it on her neck, massaging it slightly.
"Look," she starts. "It doesn't matter anymore. What's been done, has been done. We can't change the past. "
But it does matter. To me at least.
"And I'm getting married now," she adds, I see a small smile pushing her lips up. "And I need to forget about you."
Ouch.
"Are you happy?" The question is out of my mouth before I can stop it. I mentally hit myself. I know he makes her happy, so why am I keen on breaking my heart even more?
Her blue orbs stare into mine. She takes a step closer and traces her hand on the collar line of my suit. "That depends." She sighs.
I take a risk and place my hand on hers,
"On what?" I whisper. I'm scared to hear her answer.
"If I'm comparing this happiness with the one when I was with you, or not."
My heart skips a beat.
"What if you are?" My voice sounds weak, "Comparing it, I mean."
She gives me a sad smile and then pulls her hand away. "Then no." Her eyes water. "I'm not happy." A sob blurts out of her mouth and she places her hand over her red coloured lips.
"Hey," I whisper and engulf her in my arms. Her body is shaking and within a second her arms go around my neck. Miley pushes her head in between my neck and shoulder. "Shh, it's okay," I whisper.
"I want to be in love with him, I really do," She cries out, "I want my skin to get goosebumps when I see him or touch him! I want my heart to belong to him completely,"
I cradle her body closer to mine. I always hated when she cried.
"And some days it does." She pulls away for a second and wipes away at her red face. "I feel like I'm in love with him and then I remember you." She pushes away from me completely and starts pacing the room.
"Miley—"
"I remember our first kiss, the way you'd walk around with your hands in your pockets. Or how whenever we'd be disagreeing about something, you'd just kiss me in the middle of nowhere so I shut up. And I remember the candles, and flowers and soft words. And I remember Georgia." She adds softly.
"I remember making love to you, and suddenly my whole life feels like shit. Because you're not in it." She finally turns to me, her lower lip quivering.
"Oh Miley," I pull her into my arms with a soft tug of her hand. She places her hands on my chest and looks up at me. "It's gonna be okay," I place my hands on her cheeks.
"You just have to choose what you want. Forget about everyone else. Forget about me and Liam. Close your eyes and picture your future." I whisper. She closes her eyes and I smile sadly. I love her so much.
"Who do you see standing next to you?" I wipe the salty tears with my thumbs.
Do the things that you always wanted to without me there to hold you back. Don't think, just do.
She opens her eyes. "It doesn't matter." She pulls away, completely cold. "I need to go."
"You don't have to be scared anymore." I pull her back by her hand. I feel my own eyes tearing up. "We're older now. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
"It's too late," she says breathlessly. She turns around and is about to open the door when I call softly after her.
"Stay."
Please stay.
"Let's fix this. Let's fix us." I keep talking, praying I say the words she needs to hear.
She turns around. "And what if we mess up? What if things get too out of hand again?"
"Then at least we'll know we tried our best. Don't walk away today because it's easy. Fight with me here."
"Why? Why go through all that again?" She sounds like she's talking to me but I know she's silently weighting her choices.
"Because it's worth it. Our love is worth it." I smile suddenly. "And we're probably gonna have a fight by the end of this week. But you know what? That's okay. We're gonna work on it."
She keeps quiet, my little impact.
"Because you're it for me Miley. There is no girls like you. Honestly, I don't even wanna look for lousy copies of you because I love you, Miley."
Suddenly there's a knock on the door. We both look at it the moment Joe peeks his head in. Recognition flashes across his face instantly and he coughs nervously, "Sorry to interrupt," He says, "but the movie is about to begin."
Miley nods and then looks at me.
I raise my eyebrow. It's your choice.
Miley takes a deep breath. "Do you have somewhere where I can sleep tonight?" She asks, a rosy heat climbing on her cheeks.
I grin, "My bed is yours."
She smiles and reaches for my hand. "Wipe that smirk off your face. I'm still engaged to someone else."
"But you're breaking it, right?"
Please say yes.
"That depends on how comfortable your bed is. If I'm gonna have to sleep on it for the rest of my life, I mean." She gives me a secret smile.
I pull her closer as Joe opens the door wide for us. I see with the brink of my eye the proud look Joe is giving me.
"I'll buy thousands of different beds until you find the most comfortable one." I tell her and by the way she leans her head on my shoulder, I think my answer satisfied her.
"You'd go through all that trouble just to get me back?" She wonders with a smirk.
"At this point, I think I'd do anything." I tell her truthfully.
Anything.
You made me happier than I'd been by far.
A/N: This is what you get when you combine watching the best episode of The Vampire Diaries, listening to Snow Patrol and being on your period.