Yeah, I know that I have a million stories to update, but I just HAD to get this one out. Mind you, updates will be very slow until further notice because I want to focus on my LOTR fanfic, but I'll do my best.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Legend Of Zelda
Sidekick Mayhem: Chapter One
In a tree in Kokiri Forest, a loud alarm clock went off, causing a tiny blue ball of light to fall out of bed. The fairy flew up off the ground and whizzed excitedly around her tree.
"Breakfast Time! Breakfast Time! Wheeee!" the obnoxious fairy squealed.
She zoomed over to the fridge and downed a whole jug of Lon Lon milk in one gulp. This caused her to abruptly pass out and crash into a set of shelves, smashing their contents onto the floor.
A light yellow fairy poked her head into the tree.
"Navi, will you quiet down in there?! It's only 3:00 in the morning!"
Navi hiccoughed and slowly got up.
"Sorry there, Tatl." she said woozily.
Tatl sighed and helped Navi up.
"I'm amazed that you haven't started a forest fire yet with all of your stupidity." said Tatl.
At that moment, a bottle of blue fire shattered on the ground.
Navi pointed to the fire.
"Watch out." she said.
"SHIT!"
Five minutes later
Tatl slumped to the floor with a fire extinguisher in her hand, evaluating the damage.
"What kind of an idiot leaves a bottle of blue fire in a TREE?!" yelled Tatl.
Navi giggled. "It looked pretty!"
Tatl faced palmed and her brother, Tael, flew into the tree.
"Where did all the fireworks go?" he asked sadly.
"Tael! I thought you were supposed to be in bed!" said Tatl.
"I just drank 57 Cokes!" said Tael happily.
"Whatever. Just go back home! One idiot is all I can handle right now!"
Tael shrugged and left the tree, making motor-boat noises with his mouth.
Tatl sighed and flew to Navi's medicine cupboard while Navi ripped open a box of Lucky Charms and started eating all of the marshmallows. She returned with a tiny tablet in her hand.
"What's that?" asked Navi.
"It's, uhhh...candy." said Tatl.
Navi snatched the tablet and stuffed it in her mouth, automatically knocking herself out.
Tatl carefully put the bottle of Tylenol Night-Time back in the cupboard as Navi's loud snoring echoed around the tree. Suddenly, Tatl felt a sharp prick on her back and everything went dark...
In a different dimension, Twilight Princess Midna was sleeping soundly in her royal chamber. Or so it seemed...
"Mwahaha!" laughed Midna evilly, "I can't believe my idiot guards actually think I'm getting my 'beauty sleep' right now. Everyone knows I can't sleep without plotting the destruction of some other dimension! Yes, I think a giant moon will do nicely...".
"Midna!" someone called.
"What do you want Zant?! Can't you see I'm plotting?!" yelled Midna.
"Could I please sit on your throne?"
"NO!" screamed Midna, causing Zant to wet his pants in fear. "IT'S MY THRONE!"
"Besides, I planted heat-seeking missiles in the walls, so even if you DO sit on the throne it will recognize that you are not me and totally obliterate you in approximately six seconds after contact.
All that was heard was Zant's footsteps as he ran away from the deranged princess.
Midna smirked. Zant's such a coward
Suddenly, she heard a series of explosions upstairs. And apparently a dumbass too
"ZANT! I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!" she yelled, "Wait, he's already dead. NEVERMIND!"
"Oh, am I?" said Zant in a Darth Vader voice.
Midna whipped around and threw a punch at his face, causing him to fly backwards against the wall. Zant hid cowardly in the corner as Midna screamed questions at him.
"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET PAST MY MISSILES?!" she screamed.
"Threw...squirrel...at...chair...and...ran...from...room." squeaked Zant in terror.
Midna screamed and ran at Zant.
"Imp transformation!" screamed Zant, transforming Midna into, well...an imp.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME?!" screamed Midna.
Zant grinned triumphantly before bolting from the room.
"The pretty throne's mine now!" he giggled happily from the hallway.
Midna smashed her apocalypse diorama in frustration.
"Crap! He's probably going to go sit on my precious throne right now! I should go after..."
Suddenly, Midna's eyes drooped and she fell to the floor, unconscious as she was mysteriously teleported to another world.
In the Master Sword, Fi was chillin' out in front of her plasma T.V as Link slashed his sword around like crazy.
"Die Bokoblins! Die!" Link yelled.
A drop of Bokoblin blood fell on top of Fi's head, so she flew out to confront Link about his killing obsession. Well, Fi's version of confrontation that is...
"Link! Did you know that the square root of 64 is 8?" asked Fi while preforming an intricate dance.
"Cute Fi, but I'm trying to kill things right now." said Link.
"One can always win war, but how does one conquer peace?" said Fi.
"Shut up Fi! I'm busy!" shouted Link.
Fi sighed and flew back into the Master Sword to watch another re-run of Planet Earth.
Link never understands my unique way of talking, maybe I should take speech therapy.
NO! shouted one of many voices in her head. Metaphors will dominate the world!
I'm hungry. Said a second voice.
Shut up! Said Fi and the first voice.
Fi pondered this for a while.
Maybe I'm just insane. Fi thought.
No! We're not insane! We are the most sane being in Hyrule! Said the first voice.
Fi smiled. You're right! I'm perfectly sane! Everyone else is crazy, but I'm not crazy! Mwahaha!
Suddenly, the entire sword jerked and Fi's giant T.V crashed to the floor. Fi flew out of the sword again.
"Hey! What gives?" she said. In actuality, it sounded like this:
"Ottawa is the capitol of Canada." said Fi, before noticing Link's shocked expression.
Fi looked around to see three figures that weren't Bokoblins for a change, slumped in a heap on the floor.
"Did you kill these people?" asked Fi. ("Jingle Bells was written in the autumn of 1857")
Link continued to stare stupidly as the tallest of the three creatures got up.
"Ugh, where the hell am I?" she asked, "If I don't get an answer in five seconds I swear I will fucking MURDER someone!"
"You're in Skyloft." squeaked Link.
The imp looked around before realizing a very critical fact. She was in the world of light.
"SHIT!" screamed the imp and dove into Link's shadow. Suddenly, some text appeared on the screen.
Press the up button to talk to Midna.
"What the heck...?" said Link
"The down button is MINE." warned Fi. ("Cheese is commonly made from cow's and goat's milk")
The other two figures slowly got up and flew around in circles, one because it was panicking and the other because it was just plain stupid (I think you can tell which was which).
"Er, hi! I'm Link." said Link.
The panicking fairy stopped flying in circles and zoomed up to Link.
"Where am I?! How do I get back?! Oh god, Tael's going to destroy the village!" the yellow fairy cried.
"I like chicken." said Navi.
"Fairies are vegetarians!" screamed Tatl.
"Oh. Well, then I like steak."
Tatl rolled her eyes exasperatedly and collapsed on the ground.
"Mr. Linky is it nap-time?" asked Navi.
"What are all of you doing here?" asked a very confused Link.
"I don't know!" cried Tatl, "One second I was in Kokiri Forest and now I'm here!"
Suddenly, it was like a lightbulb turned on in Tatl's head.
Tatl gasped, "You could take us back to the forest! You look like you're capable enough for the job. So, what are you waiting for? Bring us back!"
Link shook his head sadly. "There's no Kokiri Forest here."
"Hey! What about the Twilight Realm? Do you know where that is?" asked Midna from Link's shadow.
"Never heard of it." said Link.
"So, what should we do?" asked Tatl quietly.
"Adventure!" cheered Navi.
"Shut up Navi!" yelled Tatl.
"Actually, you're little blue friend is right." said Link, "You see, I'm in the middle of a quest at the moment. In a nutshell, I'm trying to save Zelda and defeat the evil Lord Ghirahim. So you'll probably have to hang with me until I have the time to take you back to your homes."
"Crap!" said Midna, "Zant has probably taken over my place as ruler of the Twilight Realm already! And that means he's sitting in MY THRONE!"
She flew out of the shadow and put her hand around Link's throat.
"You better bring me back to the Twilight Realm, or I will personally END YOU!" she threatened.
Link nodded fearfully and Midna disappeared back into his shadow.
Tatl flew onto Link's shoulder.
"Well, I guess it's adventure time." she sighed.
"Yey!" squealed Navi.