Illya heard Napoleon's key unlock the door. "Perfect timing!" he called from the bedroom. "You have saved me a trip! Make yourself useful and bring me a glass of ice water, please. Oh, and that box of Oreos! In fact, instead of water, milk would go very well with the cookies!" He thought Napoleon would have said something smart-alecky in response to his imperious demands, but nothing but the sound of kitchen cabinet doors opening and closing followed by the sound of the fridge door doing the same came to him. He must have had a rough day in the office if he is not in the mood for banter, he thought as he waited. He looked up from his book when he saw a tray with a plate of cookies and a tall glass of milk nudge his door completely open. His mouth fell open in shock when he saw April was the one holding it. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Bringing you the milk and cookies you wanted," she replied breezily as she placed the plate and glass on his nightstand before putting the tray on top of his dresser. "How's your foot?"
"It is fine." Illya was gobsmacked to see her and had no idea what to say. It had been months since she ended their relationship, during which time the only conversations they'd had had been awkward, few and far between. "Is Napoleon in the kitchen?"
"He's still at work. When I told him I wanted to speak to you, he gave me his keys so you wouldn't have to get up to answer the door." There was a chair next to the window and she sat in it. "I was discharged from Medical today. I had pneumonia."
"I had heard. I am glad you are feeling better." He leaned against his headboard and looked at his hands, neatly folded on top of his book.
The silence stretched out between them until she said, "Nurse Mary Lou died this morning at work. Massive heart attack."
Illya's eyes widened briefly, the only change in his expression. "She was an excellent nurse and a good woman. She was kind to me and all the enforcement agents. She will be missed."
"Yes, she will be."
"Is that why you wanted to speak to me, to tell me Mary Lou is dead?"
"Partly why, yes." April stood suddenly and began pacing. "I've made a mess!" She stopped pacing at the foot of the bed and turned to look fully at Illya's face. "I'm sorry, Illya. I am so, so very sorry!"
Illya's face became an unreadable mask. "What are you sorry about, April?"
"Everything! I never should have broken up with you. I never should have refused your beautiful Christmas present."
"But you did. However, I do not blame you; it was entirely my fault. I should never have said what I said. I will not make that mistake again."
"It wasn't a mistake! It was you expressing an honest emotion; your personal truth. I was a coward! I was afraid to admit my truth and for that and the pain it caused you, I caused you, I am deeply ashamed." She approached the head of the bed and sat next to the Russian, who seemed uncomfortable with her being so close. "I was still in Medical when Mary Lou died," she said softly. "I found out that she was alone in the world except for the people she knew at work. I knew in that moment that I don't want to live like that anymore. Mark is closer to me than my siblings and I know you feel the same way about Napoleon, so you understand what I mean; but Illya, it's not enough. Not for me, anyway. Not anymore. And I think, it's not enough for you, either. Not anymore."
Illya removed his book from his lap and placed it on his nightstand next to the untouched milk and cookies. His appetite was gone and had been replaced by a fluttering in his stomach that fluctuated between nausea, nervousness and anger. At the moment, anger was pushing its way to the forefront. "Do not presume to tell me how I feel, April. You do not know me that well." He noted the fleeting look of hurt that crossed her face, but anger still had the floor and was loathe to give it up. "I told you in St. Thomas that you have the power to hurt me. I asked you to be gentle with me. I told you about my abandonment issues and what did you do? You practically threw me out of your bed! You…" His mask slipped as he fought to control his emotions. "You hurt me, April."
She bowed her head. "I did and you didn't deserve it. In my defense, I was afraid when you said you loved me. I wasn't ready to admit my truth, that I love you, too. I was only looking at the problems confessing my love would cause, for both of us."
Illya stared at her. "You love me?"
"I do."
"And when I told you I loved you, you loved me then?"
"I did."
"So. I am now supposed to believe that you will not change your mind. I should just welcome you back into my life, my bed, my heart and ignore the fact that you destroyed me emotionally? You knew I was hung up on you!"
"I don't want you to ignore anything. I was heartless and cruel. I hurt you deeply and that can't be forgotten, but I'm hoping that it can be forgiven." She reached for his hand and he didn't pull away when she held it. "I love you, Illya, more than I was willing to admit for a long time, but Mary Lou's death and a dream I had last night put things into perspective for me."
"A dream."
April's ears reddened from embarrassment. "Yes, a dream. We're trained to always look at and think about the Big Picture. We care about the evils and social injustices in the world and we fight to make it a better place. But I don't want to just care about the bleeding crowds, Illya, I want to care about you. I want to be in love. With you."
The Russian pulled his hand back slowly. "April…"
"Let me say just one more thing," she said quickly, "Beyond hurting your feelings, I know I hurt your pride, too. It would be really easy for you to be proud and say no to a reconciliation, but I'm begging you, I'm begging you, Illya: Do the hard thing. Forgive me and give us a second chance."
Illya's eyes softened as he gazed at her as she sat on edge of the bed, auburn hair cascading past her shoulders, large brown eyes searching his face for a clue to what he was thinking, miniskirt – covered legs crossed at the ankles. Bozhe moy, she is so beautiful and I have missed what we had, but… Aloud he said, "I do not know…"
"Do you still love me?"
Anger had chosen that moment to retreat into the background to allow nervousness to come forward. She is asking me to say the words that caused me so much pain in the first place! He looked into her eyes and knew he couldn't lie to her. "I do. I never stopped. I love you, April."
"Then, what else is there to know?" She slid closer and claimed his mouth with a chaste kiss that deepened as the Russian's passions reawakened. When she finally came up for air, she wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his shoulder.
He rubbed small circles her back and silently reveled in the feel of her against his body again. They sat like that for several minutes before Illya spoke. "All of the reasons you had when you ended our relationship last Christmas are still there."
"I know and I don't care. This is our new normal. Period." She checked her watch. "I still have an UNCLE cab waiting outside. "I'm going to go home, now." Illya looked stricken and she placed her hand on his cheek. "I promise I won't change my mind. I'm just concerned that if I stay much longer, Napoleon will be scandalized to hear what's happening in his guest room."
He started to rise from the bed. "I can continue my recuperation at your place," he suggested with a smile.
She gently pushed him back onto his bed. "I won't be at my place; I'm staying with Mark until I'm completely recovered. Face it, neither one of us is one hundred percent, so our reunion, at least that part of it, will have to wait a bit longer." She leaned in again for a kiss before standing. "I love you. I want you to know that you are loved, now and always."
"I do know and I love you, too. Call me later after you are settled at Mark's."
She smiled and blew him a kiss as she walked out the door.
Grinning widely, he reached for the cookies and milk and happily began dunking and eating. Fifteen minutes later, he heard Napoleon's key again and knew his partner was home.
"I saw April coming out of the building!" Napoleon called from his room where he had gone to change his clothes. Moments later, he appeared in the doorway, smiling. "Strangely enough, she was wearing a similar expression to yours. Congratulations, moy brat, for not allowing that stubborn Russian pride of yours to stand in the way of true love."
"She told you."
"She had to; I lent her my keys. I was surprised to see her, though. I thought that if you worked it out, you might…you know."
"April did not want your virgin ears assaulted by the sounds of lovemaking. We are adults, we can wait." He drained the last of the now room temperature milk and placed the glass on the nightstand. "Napoleon, do you think I should tell Mr. Waverly about April and me?"
"I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he knew about the two of you reconciling before you even knew about it, but yes, he needs to know. As CEA, it's my duty to apprise him first and then I'm sure he will want to meet with you and April. I'll be in the room because I'm CEA and I imagine he'll want Mark there as well."
"You have known him longer than I have. What do you think he will say about this…situation?"
"I think that is a worry for another day, my friend. Tonight, I am going to fix drinks so we can toast your good fortune. After that, I'm making my famous steak Diane for dinner with all the fixin's, as they say."
"You are a true friend, Napoleon."
"I am! We all need a friend, Illya, and you're mine."
"Easy To Be Hard"
How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be hard
Easy to be cold
How can people have no feelings
How can they ignore their friends
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no
Especially people who care about strangers
Who care about evil and social injustice
Do you only care about the bleeding crowd
How about a needy friend
I need a friend
How can people be so heartless
You know I'm hung up on you
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no
Especially people who care about strangers
Who care about evil and social injustice
Do you only care about the bleeding crowd
How about a needy friend
We all need a friend
How can people be so heartless
How can people be so cruel
Easy to be proud
Easy to say no
Easy to be cold
Easy to say no
Come on, easy to be mean
Easy to say no
Easy to be cold
Easy to say no
Much too easy to say no
