Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Song (lyrics in italics) is "Please Don't Say You Love Me" by Gabrielle Aplin
A/N: Spoilers through s12 (you'll recognize stuff/events); you should understand where this story ends (in terms of chronology) when you read it. This is my first completed Supernatural fic (though I am working on a couple others). It's a songfic (my first attempt at one) inspired by a conversation with a friend, who is a Destiel shipper. I am not, but I wanted to challenge myself as a writer, so here ya go. It is a Destiel story. This is from Dean's POV. Enjoy!
Update: I received a review from catspats31 informing me that I could not use the actual lyrics in my story. So, I have removed those lyrics and in their place put what had been there (i.e. verse#, chorus, etc.). I got the lyrics from Google, so all you have to do is search the song and the lyrics will show up.
[Verse 1 - first half]
There were times he missed it. Not that he'd ever admit it to anyone. At first it had been annoying, infuriating even. Somewhere along the line it had become a comfort. It was their thing. The invasion of personal space, the cluelessness to almost all things human, and his exasperation and explanations. His irritation had been real at first. But fairly quickly it had become something of a game, not that he expected him to understand, but it was their thing; something just between the two of them.
[Verse 1 - second half]
Bobby said it once. That the idiot was the best friend he'd ever had. It was true. Outside of Sam, he'd never really had friends; he didn't count hunting buddies or girlfriends. But the guy was right when he'd told Sam that they shared a 'profound bond'. He didn't know what that meant, but if he was being honest, he knew it was more than just friends. He'd told him they were family, that he was their brother. It was true; they were family. But it was different with him than it was with Sam. He couldn't explain it. It felt right though.
[Chorus]
He'd never been able to say that word. Those three little words that girls wanted to hear, and most people told their family all the time, never came out of his mouth. It may have when he was little, before the fire, but he didn't remember. After, Dad wasn't Dad, at least not like he'd been before; Dad didn't say things like that, so he didn't either. With Sam, they had their own little code; he'd call him a bitch and Sam knew what he meant. Bobby knew it without him having to say it too; the old drunk knew what was behind certain looks or a 'you're awesome'. He'd never been able to say it in so many words with Lisa either. He had loved her, just couldn't say those three little words. This was different, but he still couldn't say it.
[Verse 2]
He'd told him to never change. He'd meant it. Of course, life doesn't work like that. Everybody changes. Things happen that change us. It wasn't like it used to be. Maybe it was better. In some ways it was nice. Their interactions had changed; their game had changed. But things were different now. He didn't have to explain as much, they understood each other better, and it showed. Their game may have changed, but it was still theirs.
[Chorus]
He remembered that stupid play based on those stupid books. Sam had loved teasing him about the kids' interpretation of their relationship. It wasn't like it was the first time. Sam and Bobby both had said similar stuff before. Meg too; though considering her own relationship with the angel, it was that much more disconcerting. Even Balthazar had commented on it. He didn't know if they were right or not. This was different. This wasn't Cassie, or Lisa. This was…well, he wasn't sure what this was. He couldn't put it into words.
[Bridge]
Cassie had been his first love; he wouldn't deny that. Maybe that's why things had never worked out between them. He had no clue what he was doing; he didn't understand those feelings. With Lisa it had been easy. She'd known about his life; accepted it even. It had made sense. He'd gotten that normal life, at least for a little while. But it wasn't the same. He loved her and Ben; he knew that. But that wasn't his life. That wasn't him. Maybe in another life, but not in this one. In this one, he had Sam. And him. Those two were his family. But Sam would always be his little brother; it would always be his job to protect Sam, no matter how much the kid grew up. So things weren't the same between them. The guy may be God only knows how old, but they were equals. He could talk to him, tell him things he didn't tell anyone else. He didn't want to lose that.
[Chorus]
They'd come close before. Like when he was about to blow himself up to kill Amara. The idiot had offered to come with him, knowing it was suicide. He'd told him to take care of Sam. They both knew what the other meant. It was their own code; part of their game. When he'd come back to the bunker, he'd thought the guy was gonna say it right then and there. It was written on his face as he'd hugged him. He knew Mom had seen it. But they still hadn't voiced it. He couldn't put it into words. So he told him the only way he knew how. He'd made him that mixtape.
[Chorus + Outro]
They'd all died before. But that didn't make it any easier to watch. He didn't know how they were going to get out of this, but they had to. He couldn't lose him. Not like this. But the idiot wasn't an idiot; he knew he was dying. And then there it was. He could feel his world crumbling beneath him as the words were spoken. The idiot had said it. He'd said the words. Fuck.
A/N: Hope you liked it! As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!