Olberic sighed for what seemed the tenth time that night as he stroked the fire in the kitchen, a window opened to let a breeze in. The night was cool, but not unpleasantly so. The travelling group decided to rent a small house for the night, curtsey of a small town between Wellspring and Sunshade. While it only held two bedrooms, it had a kitchen and a bath. With the night looking to be warm, Olberic planned on sleeping outside in the first place. The women would stay in one room, while a few of the others in their group would stay in the second bedroom. Gods knew they needed actual beds, but Olberic had grown used to sleeping on the ground in his bedroll, perhaps too comfortable if Cyrus had anything to say about it.

Therion had gone off with Alfyn to gather firewood and probably trying another pass at the poor apothecary who was very much into a certain other fellow back in Clearwater, while the girls had gone to get water with Linde who would watch out for danger. He didn't have to worry about them nearly as much as for Alfyn. The girls could handle themselves just fine. So it was just Cyrus, who busied himself with preparing their dinner, a task he believed only he could do with the rare ingredient they had found earlier that day thanks to a book the professor had found. Olberic hardly minded, giving him a small break from cooking for once, not that anyone complained if he cooked since he had the most experience in it. Everything was as it should have been except for one man who had joined their little party.

It was only to be a temporary thing. Erhardt needed the help of his fellow brother-in-arms to take out the one who sent the lizardmen to Wellspring in the first place. The others in his usual group were more than happy to accommodate an old friend of Olberic's, but the fallen knight had reservations. Aye, they had learned a bit more about the fall of Hornburg and why Erhardt did what he had, but that didn't mean things were for the better. Not completely anyway. They were both still out of a realm and out of a reason for their swords, or perhaps it was only Olberic who was still seeking his reason to wield his blade.

Erhardt sat outside, tuning what seemed to be a lyre in his hands. With each string plucked, Erhardt stopped to either pull the string a bit more taut or to loosen it until he found himself happy with the sound. Of course, Olberic figured the man had forgotten how to be part of a group, but then there was nothing more to be done aside from setting the plates, which were currently drying from the light wash they were given. No, this was supposed to be a relaxing time for them. A time to unwind, yet Olberic found himself with a battle inside him that he could not tackle straight forward. He was perplexed, but if his time with Cyrus and the rest of his travelling companions taught him anything, he need only ask if he needed their perspective to shed light on things.

Olberic didn't know if he could ever forgive Erhardt for what he had done, but part of him wanted to. A part of him wanted Erhardt the same way as before the fall of Hornburg. Everything was simpler then, but then he was no longer the man from then either, was he? Neither of them were. Cryus motioned Olberic to him, pulling Olberic out of his thoughts.

"What is it, Albright?" Olberic asked, his irritation seeping into his voice. A look from the professor had Olberic clear his throat to try again, albeit a bit sheepishly. "I apologise. Did you need help?"

"Better." Cyrus checked the book as he continued his work. "I need no assistance here, but if I left you by the fire, I fear you would have accidentally leaned in too close and burned yourself. What has you so frustrated?"

"Frustrated?" Olberic tried to feign ignorance, but under the professor's scrupulous eyes it was hard to get anything past him aside from perhaps affection, but even that had only taken Olberic being straight forward with the man before it was returned to a degree.

"Olberic," came the warning.

He sighed. "Erhardt...he frustrates me to no end. I know not what he thinks, or can explain his actions from when our realm fell. He-"

"Olberic, might you be putting too much pressure on just one man? Have you not changed since the fall of Hornburg? Have you not changed over the course of these travels?" Cyrus asked, giving the man his full attention now that the meat was prepared. "If you ask me -to which I know you didn't but I'll give you my advice regardless- you should speak to him. It's clear he wishes for your approval in all of this as do the rest of us. We can't keep travelling to handle a request to get rid of the one pulling the strings behind the lizardmen with you clearly torn about having Erhardt here."

If anyone else had pulled Olberic aside, he might have dismissed what they had to say, but Cyrus was different. The two had grown close over the course of their journey. The professor had shown him how to play chess, though he was terrible at the strategy game, often teasing Cyrus by telling him he had a black heart when it came beating his opponent. A joke Cyrus willingly indulged considering the two had shared a bed more often than not. Though both knew their romance was short-lived if it ever existed at all. Names of someone else on their lips in the throes of passion were never talked about but never minded either. It was clear the two were seeking only to comfort the desires of their bodies as much as the two wished it were not so. Olberic would lay his life down for Cyrus as the other was sure do the same for him, but they were nothing more than comrades. Yet, being told to go to Erhardt by the one man who he thought would be on his side of demanding Erhardt stay behind, hurt. It hurt far more than he had anticipated.

"T-Torn?" Olberic glanced at his fellow fallen knight. "I'm not-"

"His name has been on your lips more than once, Olberic." The light blush on Cyrus's face explained what he meant. "If you can't forgive him, yet want him at the same time, then how in gods name are you not torn?"

"Cyrus, I am….terrible with words. I wouldn't even know how or what to speak to him about." Olberic glanced down at his hands, free of their usual gloves. Scars peeked out from his sleeves, reminding him of the past. "I can't forever live in the past, that much is true."

"Olberic, have you considered perhaps speaking in a different language? The body lends itself to be rather truthful in what we are trying to express, except maybe in Therion's case, but that is neither here nor there. What remains, is that it is clear you wish for your friend and want to amend things. Hurts will not go away instantaneously, they will take time to heal." Cyrus smiled at his friend, though it was strained. "You are lucky he is still alive and someone you can return to."

Olberic closed his eyes, his heart tugging for the poor professor he seemed to only just now realise had long since given up on the person he called out to while entangled with Olberic and somehow developed feelings for the fallen knight. He wanted to curse at himself, for not realising it sooner as the sheen of unshed tears shimmered in Cyrus's eyes. If Olberic could have given up Erhardt in the same fashion he would have swept the professor up and lessened the hurt he must have felt with coos of loving reassurance. But he could not with good conscience do that. Not with Erhardt right outside, the tune the lyre played now silent. Was he listening?

"You have your answer, Olberic," Cyrus spoke quietly, voice cracking slightly at the end.

"Gods….Cyrus, I-"

"I shall take good care of our professor," Therion said, sparring Olberic words that would probably only hurt the professor more.

"Therion! When in gods name did you-"

"I was with Alfyn and thought maybe you'd like some wine to go with dinner tonight, so I went back to the shop and grabbed some. Ale as well for those who want it."

Olberic stepped back, giving Cyrus space. The look on Therion's face was unreadable, but then Therion was always so closed off, Olberic had not been able to read their thief since he joined them. Tonight would be no different, but did their thief know it was his name Cyrus called out? Another matter to sort out a different day. Olberic nodded, giving Cyrus an apologetic smile. He would have to properly apologise later.

"Therion, make sure to watch the food when it cooks," Olberic said, knowing that if Cyrus was distracted, he would burn the food. The thief nodded, but put himself between the professor and Olberic, dismissing the knight. Perhaps Therion knew the affection Cyrus held for him if he was that protective.

Stepping outside, Erhardt was still sitting in a chair propped slightly against the wall of the house. The window was just above it and the look on Erhardt's face spoke volumes. He had heard their conversation. How much of it was still up for debate. Motioning for Erhardt to follow, Olberic sighed again. Things were a mess and he was only making it worse. He could only hope Cyrus would forgive him as he had to forgive Erhardt.

The two fell in line, Erhardt venturing close, keeping a small gap between them as Olberic led the way. He had been here before, or so he said when they first started on the trail and he had been here before. Perhaps not to the house, but nearby where there was a meadow with a creak. It was far enough from the house that if they should get into an argument no one would come running in alarm, but they also had privacy here. Revealing the budding meadow to his friend by pushing back a branch, Olberic let him go first. They were silent, making their way towards the creek before settling onto the ground. The lyre Erhardt fiddled with back at the house no longer in his hands, Olberic could see them shaking a bit. This was the first time they were alone since the caves.

"...We need to talk." Olberic said, watching the reflection of the stars and the moon in the water.

"Aye, we do." Erhardt took a deep breath. "What you said in there….about being torn."

So Erhardt wanted it all out in the open. Just so, he thought.

"There was a lot said and unsaid, Erhardt." Olberic stretched his legs out as he leaned against his hands. "I was lost….still am it seems after what happened in Hornburg that day. I still can't understand why you did what you did, but more importantly how you could come to wield your sword again. I tried but lost my nerve until I happened on Cobblestone and there was just a need for me to be 'Berg' and needed someone to protect them."

Glad that Erhardt stayed silent as he spoke, Olberic continued.

"But then I caught sight of your blade on one of the bandits. It was then I started my search for you because I needed to know. I needed answers and yet I have them and still don't understand. Regardless I met the others as we travelled, finding some peace with them and the people we met. It wasn't long into Cyrus joining us when we discovered we rather enjoyed each others company, despite my horrible display at playing chess. And after one thing led to another, we started sleeping together."

Olberic felt the heat in his cheeks, deepening as if he was telling his own mother about his life. But this was Erhardt and he needed to know. To try and understand why Olberic felt so torn in the first place. Clearing his throat, Olberic traced stars in the sky with his eyes.

"We both knew there was no real strings attached to it, just something we could do to relieve whatever need that arose. But I suppose somewhere along the lines, Cyrus developed feelings and I had no notion of it. But I cannot return those feelings."

"...why?" came the soft question.

Olberic opened his mouth, but promptly shut it when he looked over to see Erhardt holding his knees against his chest. A pained look crossed his face, his knuckles white from gripping the fabric. Trying again, Olberic faced him. Eyes fixed on Erhardt's, he placed a large hand on Erhardt's in comfort. Something he wished he could have done for Cyrus as well.

"Because I harbour none such feelings towards the professor, it is another that I-" love? No, he could not love Erhardt again, not until he was sure his old friend was not going to betray him again. "-like."

Erhardt visibly swallowed hard, making Olberic chuckle with ease. Cyrus was right, the body was more honest. Scooting closer, Olberic eased the tangled fingers from the fabric and intertwined them with his own only to hear Erhardt suck in his breath. Unbridled fear shone in his eyes, but Olberic continued to advance. Perhaps years ago their roles were reversed, Olberic feared getting caught and Erhardt being brave for the both of them, but now things were different.

"It's you," Olberic said. "Despite everything, I could never seem to let you go."

He pulled Erhardt toward him, enveloping the man with his arms. His heart beat rapidly in his chest, not knowing what Erhardt would do with this new information, but Olberic didn't know if he could take getting rejected or hurt by Erhardt a second time. There would be no Cyrus to help him this time either, he thought bitterly.

Erhardt stayed limp pressed against Olberic for but a moment before burying his head in the familiar frame of his friend. It had been too long since Erhardt felt utterly safe, tears began to fall, soaking Olberic's tunic. The fallen knight only realised the tears when he heard Erhardt take a shuddering breath and felt the man shaking in his arms. Both their journeys had been long and hard, Olberic had been lucky to have friends like Cyrus, Alfyn, Therion, and the others. Erhardt had a few, but nothing like what it felt like now to be travelling. Patting Erhardt's back, Olberic whispered sweet nothings into Erhardt's hair until the sobs subsided.

"I-I thought perhaps you still hated me."

"...Part of me always will," Olberic confessed. "But a much larger part wants you back in my life, Erhardt. And not just simply travelling or being there, but in the way, we used to be."

Erhardt looked up at Olberic, honey eyes shimmering in the light cast by the creek. "Y-You do?"

"Aye. I've missed you."

Feelings were complicated and a mess at times, but what he said was the truth.

"I've missed you like the plants miss the sun during the rainy season." Olberic leaned in to kiss Erhardt's forehead.

His old friend bubbled with laughter, hair bouncing in Olberic's face a bit. "When did you become a poet?"

"I've become a lot of things in your absence," Olberic said, pulling Erhardt ever closer, who hummed.

"...Olberic, tell me a story. Like we used to do when we couldn't sleep." Erhardt shifted so he was leaning against Olberic, but looking up at the stars.

"Now?" Olberic raised an eyebrow in confusion. Of all the things to request-

"Please," Erhardt said, his hand still shaking as it laid on Olberic's thigh tentatively.

And so Olberic spun a tale about a cavern him and the others had ventured through. He spoke about his companions, their likes and dislikes, along with their capabilities. Erhardt chined in everyone now and then with small gestures or laughs but otherwise remained quiet. He was fragile under Olberic's touch, and while he wished nothing more than to let Olberic back in, ensure their friendship would last and perhaps become something more again, he didn't want to give into desires just yet. Olberic was too kindhearted to deserve someone such as him.

It was well past dinner when Olberic stopped speaking. The meadow around them buzzed with insects, but the most curious one of them all were the fireflies perching themselves in Erhardt's hair, surrounding them both with a warm glow. Had no one called them for dinner? Or was the state of Cyrus enough to let the others know they needed time alone. If they didn't return soon though, the others would worry.

"We should head back," Olberic said, smiling fondly at his old friend.

"...What if I asked that we stay here tonight?" Erhardt looked at Olberic, an unspoken question on his lips.

"Are you prepared for what might happen if we do?" Olberic asked, knowing that if they stayed, Olberic would not stand for just idle chatter. At the house, it would be hard for them to be alone, and both of them would have to be quiet so as not to disturb the others. But then they had nothing here to actually do what he had in mind.

"O-Olberic, honestly." Erhardt sighed. "One moment you say you can't forgive what I've done, confessed in the same breath and now this?"

He has the sense to look away, shame blossoming on his face.

"I know what I did and what transpired, but I won't be pushed and pulled to your fancy either."

"I know." Olberic looked back at those honey coloured eyes, weak to the concerned look in them. He leaned over, inches away from Erhardt's lips. "I'll come to terms with what you did….eventually, but for now, Erhardt, I'd very much like for us to be what we once were. I have no intentions of giving you up. Once I've found Werner and I end things with him, I'll be back. You and I can visit each other from Wellspring and Cobblestone until we can leave both places safely in the hands of others. We'll travel together once more and set out to find new reasons to wield our blades together."

Cyrus would have been proud of the way Olberic spoke, for once letting the words fly from his mouth without hesitation and thinking. He would have to thank the professor for teaching him to finally speaking his mind. But mostly, for helping him through everything else.

Olberic closed the gap, closing his eyes. The sent of horses, dirt, and sweat, mingled with the floral scenes surrounding them and the distinct smell of lavender that came from the shampoo Erhardt used for his hair. If he let go, it was as if the events had never happened and they were still in their tent, awaiting the next day, wrapped up in each other's arms. Even back then Erhardt used the same shampoo from the lavender, saying he liked the smell. Olberic never complained. Even now those lips were chapped as his old friend's breath hitched, giving Olberic an opening he did not pursue. Not yet, anyway. No, he wanted Erhardt to consent. To want this just as much as he did.

Leaning back, he watched a rather dazed Erhardt open his eyes with a flutter. This felt right. All Olberic wanted was his friend back and he was slowly going to do just that. It mattered and didn't that their kingdom would be no more, but there was still this feeling between them. He could feel it as if the very strings of fate left it in his hands, and yet it wasn't his choice alone.

"I…..Olberic, I can't," came the hushed reply, Erhardt looking away from the fallen knight.

"Why?" He asked.

"You should know why. I'll accept your friendship, b-but if I hurt you-"

"I'm different now that I was then. I won't break so easily and my justice, while still very strong, I'm not as unbending as I used to be, Erhardt. But I won't push." Olberic cupped Erhardt's face, his own reflecting nothing but unconditional love that Erhardt didn't seem to know what to do with. "I'll be patient as you once were with me. Take time, gather your thoughts. When you feel the time is right I'll be waiting for you."

He kissed Erhardt once more. This one as soft and gentle as before, but shorter. A promise sealed by a kiss.

"Let's head back and get something to eat before Alfn eats it all." Olberic stood, reaching down a hand to help Erhardt up. They stayed close, hands brushing against each other, but Olberic couldn't help but feel as if he lost more than he had gained that night.

Some notes: Sehnsucht means longing in German, which is why it's the title. I might be doing a mini-seriess with this one. Hope you like it