A/N: So sorry about the wait you guys, didn't mean for my procrastination to get the better of me on this one. Well, here goes nothing, and if you haven't read the companion fic "Missing From Me" I highly suggest you do, so this one will complete the feel I'm trying to get at here. Thank you guys so much, I appreciate your support!
Rating: M
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Romance
Characters: Castiel, Sam W. , Dean W.
Summary: Castiel confronts the loss of Dean while still trying to keep a watchful eye over the younger Winchester. Castiel centric companion piece to Missing From Me.
Missing From Us
Castiel finds Sam Winchester in his own room, the young man in a deep sleep most likely brought on by exhaustion. Or drink, he isn't entirely sure which had taken affect first. A joyless smile flashes across Castiel's face as he feels a twinge of protectiveness over the boy, leaving Sam to his much needed rest. He pulls the door closed behind him, nose crinkled at the strong scent of stale liquor and stiffens at the soft click that threatens to break the fragile silence they had come to rely on these past few weeks. Castiel moves quietly down the hall, the naked beige of it all conforming into a blob at the edges of his vision before another mahogany door forcibly collects his scattered attention. He frowns, the expression small but not at all foreign to the angel. These last few years on earth had taught him several things, and the painful sensation in his chest is nothing new.
Castiel takes a deep, unneeded breath as the door gives way under his gentle touch, entering Dean's room for the first time in over a month. His lungs release the hostage air, door swinging closed behind him with a deafening slide of wood on metal as the bolt meets its home. He inhales again, the action resuming its regularity as Castiel crosses the cluttered space with small, measured steps, as though any unnecessary movement would shatter the fragile memory held here. Shuffling feet carry him to the open closet containing the clothing Dean has left behind, and the scent of him is overwhelming. The angel caresses the sleeve of one long forgotten coat, hidden away behind so many others and smiles as smooth leather purrs against his fingertips. Castiel knows from looking that this had once been Dean's favorite, an item to be cherished. Maybe that was why it had been tucked away for so long, earning the right of retirement after serving through the Apocalypse. He pulls the garment out, empty hanger swinging slowly on its rack, embracing the worn leather as though it still contained the man who had once favored it.
Castiel pulls it on slowly, carefully, as though the thick hide were delicate enough to rip at his gentle touches, gifting his own jacket to the floor. He shrugs, the small roll of his shoulders guiding the seams to settle perfectly, sleeves hanging just over his wrists. Dean did have a minutely larger frame. Castiel steps back, knees meeting the edge of Dean's bed before giving up the awkwardness of standing to sit on the sheeted mass. He smiles, a small, real smile as said mass began its slow formation around his body, remembering the last conversation he had with its calloused, green eyed hard ass of an owner.
"I do not understand, Dean. How can it possess memory if it is an inanimate object?" The man in question just laughed, the sound loud and clear and sweet enough Castiel imagined the waffle syrup currently resting on the bunker's kitchen counter. He shook the thought away.
"Cas just… nevermind." Green met blue, years passing in a matter of heartbeats. Dean swallowed thickly, swearing he heard the sound echo around them. "Uh, Cas, personal space."
Castiel pulled away from the other, breaking their so called 'staring contest' before muttering a flat apology. He earned a bright smile in return, heat rushing to the hunter's cheeks to paint them a delicate sort of pink. A pregnant quiet swelled between them, threatening to eat away the oxygen in the room before either of them chose to speak. Dean was the first to pop the swelling bubble of nothing, clearing his throat rather loudly.
"So uh… you wanted to talk to me?" His voice was shaky, a trait rare for the green eyed man. "About what's happening to Sammy." Dean finished, once again meeting Castiel's eyes.
"The trials are affecting Sam in a way that even I cannot heal. It's on a molecular level." The angel's voice was soft and smooth as sandpaper, each word scraping over Dean with more force than the last. "I am sorry."
"It's not your fault, Cas. We'll find a way." Dean's eyes seemed to search Castiel's for some sort of answer, one more miracle. "We always have." Dean did his best to appear strong, the stone wall. Castiel did not overlook the emphasis glued to the word 'we'. Green eyes flicked between twin oceans of deep blue and the angel's lips, the skin across Dean's nose highlighted with scarlet.
"Dean?" He was all that mattered here, this broken soul Castiel himself had pieced back together so carefully with his own grace. A soft hand found Dean's shoulder, turning the other to face him, expression falling with the sight of wet trails down the other's freckled cheeks, broad frame bunched inward in an attempt to hide his shame from the world. From Castiel. "Dean." Strong arms enveloped him, blunt nails buried into his coat as Dean clung to him, tears falling freely now. "I have seen you. All of you, Dean Winchester. I raised you from perdition, rebuilt you, body and soul. Do not be ashamed."
Dean stilled as gentle fingers smoothed circles into the flesh of his back, relaxing under Castiel's touch. The angels hand ran up his spine, harder now, over his collar bones to cup his cheeks. "Cas?" Dean's questioning stare was met with the angel's pale lips against his own, hands cradling his jaw as the other pulled away. Emotion began wriggling inside his chest as Dean ran calloused fingers under Castiel's coat, the other slipping out of it with little hesitation. His touches were feather light, as though he expected Castiel to shatter beneath him. Lips met, tongues moving together slowly in a dance of passion as cloth fluttered in waves to the floor.
Time seemed to stop as Dean settled himself between Castiel's legs, pupils threatening to consume emerald green irises. "Cas… Do you really want this?" Dean was focused on the angel writhing beneath him, needy mews and sinful moans spilling from his mouth as sharp canines grazed Dean's shoulder.
"Dean." Castiel pleaded, blood rushing to his cheeks as he pulled the other man closer than seemed possible, resting his forehead against Dean's. He muttered something low, words that seemed too familiar to be foreign to Dean's human ears.
Simple words from Castiel, filled with so many more left unspoken as the pair joined as one, the sensation of being filled by Dean proving vastly more pleasurable than Castiel had originally thought. Wandering hands thirsted for every inch of the other, blunt nails scraping and soft moans pouring forth around words whispered only to lovers. Dean moved languidly within him, exploring the outside of Castiel's pliant form with gentle caresses, as though the world weren't disintegrating around them. Here, they had time. All the time in the world, lost in soft touches and softer whispers of sweet nothings into Castiel's pale skin as Dean brought him over the edge and back again.
Panting breaths slowed into gradual huffs of air between them, a rare smile gracing Dean's eyes as he mussed the angel's already impossible hair, pulling the pale man flush with him once again. Castiel welcomed the touch, warmth seeping into his form as their spent bodies twined together under the sheets. "Castiel." The sound of his full name startled the angel from his sleepy bliss, panic rising in his chest as Dean shifted unexpectedly beneath him. "My angel." Rough palms smoothed over his perpetually stubbled jaw as Dean planted a feather light kiss on the tip of his cold nose, nuzzling down his neck to place more along his collarbone, action undisturbed by the rise and fall of Castiel's chest. Castiel knew a rare opportunity when he saw one, and he wasted no time in questioning Dean's actions, placated with the fact that it was Dean's warm scent that now coated his skin.
Three simple words, brimming with what Castiel knew the hunter may never allow himself to say aloud, and then some. The smile hadn't left Dean's eyes, sparkling with mischief and pride as Castiel's arm snaked its way across his ribs. "Cas, promise me something." Dean seemed to muse now, voice a bit strained as Castiel's head was tucked under his chin, pressing against his vocal cords. Castiel's hold tightened, his touch protective. Dean chuckled.
"Anything." Dean gave a gentle squeeze as the other man nuzzled him, humming softly. Castiel's grace fluttered with something new, amazing and foreign as Dean snuggled him, muttering 'angel' under his breath when he thought Castiel couldn't hear. Dean laughed at his squirming, kissing the mass of dark hair threatening to invade his vision.
"Promise that if anything happens to me out there, you'll watch over Sam." The statement was weighted with emotion, Castiel nodding into his chest before a blanket was brought over them to contain the heat so desperate to escape the thin barrier of the sheet. "Cas?" The angel in question only hummed in response, the sound almost a purr as he relaxed further into the warm scent of his newfound… lover. "I- you know." Castiel smiled, allowing himself to drift off peacefully for the first time in a long time, held tight by the human for whom he had fallen.
Castiel's eyes threaten to betray him, spare fluid building up along the rims before he forces it away, hinting at a slow burn. He breaths deeply, basking in the scent Dean has left behind. He is unsurprised as the door clicks and opens, Sam stepping slowly into the would-be vacant room. Castiel gives the younger Winchester his privacy for the moment, speaking only when he feels his presence being questioned. "Do not be afraid, Sam. It is only me." His voice sounds deeper, more hollow than usual. "I apologize for the disturbance I just…" Truth be told, Castiel doesn't know what he's doing here. He supposes that in some way, this was his punishment.
"It's fine, Cas. I understand." Sam sounds more broken than he, long nights spent in grief evident in his voice. Sam moves closer, gravitating toward the other body currently seated on the edge of Dean's bed. Castiel meets liquid brown eyes, becoming lost to himself in the part of Sam that screams DeanDeanDean and he pulls the other down for a chaste kiss. Horror flickers across his features as Castiel realizes his action, turning away from Sam in shame. Large hands cup his cheeks, callouses catching on Castiel's stubble as Sam turns his head. The grip is too soft, the fingers too large, touching as though unfeeling and Castiel forfeits his control.
"Sam I-" Castiel's excuse is swallowed by the larger man, soft lips once again pressed against his own. He almost regrets meeting Sam's eyes after this, overwhelming pain looming just below a thin veil of arousal before they fall into one another. Castiel holds tight around the larger man's neck as he is entered, physical pain a beautiful substitute for the storm raging inside his heart. He is more than Dean, and Castiel welcomes the familiar stretch and burn as Sam begins to move against him. Sam is ignorant to what Castiel shares with Dean, and the angel is glad for it. The boy did not need the additional burden of lost love to weigh on his shoulders. Before long he is rutting back like a mindless beast, the sensation of being filled by Sam's essence and his own orgasm providing another suitable distraction from the ache of loss.
They lay together some time later, the closeness of their bodies no reflection on the places their minds had traveled to. Castiel is vaguely aware of Sam's fingers on his back, tracing random patterns as Dean had done for him so often, and the gesture is soothing. The angel offers a flat hum as Sam pulls him close under some sort of cover, resumed silence leaving an unsung promise hanging in the air between them. Castiel would always be here to protect Sam, in this life and the next.