Causing Akuma attacks isn't a fun job, but somebody's got to do it.
I'm sure you've noticed it by now; I cause a LOT of Akuma attacks. Probably more than anybody else in Paris. "What an awful person, oh my god! That girl is NOT nice!" you say, and, I mean—you're right. Nice isn't my forte—never has been—but there's a method to my meanness, I swear.
I'm not trying to clear my name—there's not a point to that—but let's start with this: I didn't cause the first one. That was Kim and his dumb teasing. Kim's fault, not mine. Got it? So you can't say occasional displays of power actually did anyone any harm by mere coincidence.
When Ivan turned again, yeah, I'll admit I had something to do with it. It wasn't a fluke, though… I was experimenting. You know how cats like to knock your expensive Channel tote off of the counter just to watch it fall? They're experimenting with gravity. I'm experimenting with people. The dude just went dark-side, you know? I was just trying to press his buttons. Call it scientific curiosity. All it took was a few choice words and he turned into a big, ugly monster. I call that thesis worthy.
Getting grabbed wasn't part of my plan but Ivan's a big softy, and he totally had the hots for Myléne, so I didn't figure he'd really hurt me….
After that, though, is when I got it bad. I mean, I really fell for someone…
off of the Eiffel Tower, to be exact.
I'm lucky to be alive, my Daddy says, but Lady Luck has always been on my side. In this case, she presented herself in the form of a certain red-clad superhero. I owe her my life, first, and my dignity second. If that's what it takes, though, she can have it. I'm head over heals, but she's always there to catch me.
That's when I started figuring out how it all worked. It's a pretty simple formula. Ladybug only shows up when there's an Akuma, and there's only an Akuma when someone gets mad. Easy, right?
But people get mad all the time, and there's an Akuma attack nearly every day. The problem is, when some pigeon-loving schmuck on the far side of town decides to throw a hissy fit and go on a super villain rampage, that means Ladybug is—you guessed it—on the far side of town… away from me.
You're catching on, yeah? Fine. I'll break it down for you.
If I want Ladybug to come and save me from the Akuma, I've got to be the Akuma's chosen target… which means I've got to be the one to make the person mad.
Ripping up letters? Getting a girl suspended? Breaking a boy's heart? That's harsh. That's not me. (Okay, so, I'd gladly repeat that last one if the opportunity arose again. Kim is gross.) But sometimes we all go a little overboard when it comes to the people we love.
I don't care how many enemies I make. I don't care how many people hate me. If it means Ladybug will keep running to my rescue, I'll keep doing it. After all, not every princess can just sit around in her tower, waiting for some knight in shining armor come and slay her dragon for her. Someone of us have to make our own dragons.