Title: The way I loved you
Disclaimer: I did not create nor do I own the characters of NCIS. I only borrow them for a little while.
Summary: Tony's heart is broken. What's he going to do about it?
A/N: I might turn this into a multi-chapter story. I have a few ideas. What do you think?
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Even though Anthony DiNozzo felt as if his heart was being ripped from his chest he was not about to let Ziva David see him break down in front of her. He would save that for later when he was alone in his bedroom. He held his gaze as he stared deep into her dark brown eyes hoping it would be enough to bring the Mossad Officer to her senses. She couldn't leave him. He couldn't let her hurt him again. He hated what she was doing to him, but at the same time he could not bring himself to stop loving her with every fiber of his being. She had stolen his heart and even if he could he didn't know if he wanted it back.
"I'm not doing this to hurt you," Ziva repeated for the millionth time, "I've told you how my Father is. He will not…."
"I've told you a million times that I would convert for you," Tony cut her off, "My faith isn't important to me. I just want to be with you."
"And that could never be," Ziva said quietly, "I wish you'd understand."
Ziva did not give Tony a chance to respond to what she had just said. Instead she turned and left the room left the room. Tony waited until he heard his apartment door close before he allowed himself to crumble onto his bed. Tony wanted to hate Ziva for making him this way. This was not the Tony that everyone knew and loved. He was weak. He hated Ziva for making him weak.
He had always thought that Jeanne would be the worst emotional pain that he would ever endure. Granted he had tried to convince everyone that he was alright by saying it had been all part of the job. He had told the lie so many times that he himself had started to believe it to be true. Yet the pain he had felt over losing Jeanne and her accusing him of murder combined would never even dent the pain that he had now felt because he had allowed Ziva to walk out.
"I would have given you everything," Tony muttered, "And you don't even care."
Tony pulled himself off the bed. He wasn't about to let her ruin him. He grabbed his jacket and headed out into night. He wasn't sure where he was going to go but he knew he needed to clear his head. There were just too many thoughts racing through his mind and he had to sort through some of it before his mind exploded. He had never been known for having complicated thoughts. Yet here he was trying to figure out what he had done wrong. Could he have prevented Ziva from leaving him? Could he have somehow done something different to make her believe their relationship could have worked?
Tony sighed as he found himself standing in front of the bar a couple blocks from his apartment. His entire body had been on auto pilot as his mind had been replaying his entire relationship with the Mossad officer. He couldn't help but laugh that his mind could only think of Ziva while his body could only think of hard liquor. Tony entered the building and quickly headed over to the bar.
"What can I do for you today Tony," Fred the bartender asked when he noticed Tony slide onto a bar stool.
"Bourbon," Tony grunted in response.
Bourbon was the preferred drink of his boss Leroy Jethro Gibbs. It was common knowledge that after an especially hard day of work Gibbs went home and drank his bourbon while he worked on his boat.
"And keep it coming," Tony told Fred as an afterthought.
After awhile the number of drinks blurred together. One had quickly become two. Two had quickly become four. After it became apparent that it was the only thing Tony was going to drink Fred just gave the bottle to Tony claiming he had other customers and could not keep pouring countless shots for Tony every second.
"You're too good looking to be sitting alone."
Tony glanced up from his bourbon and found a blonde slide onto the bar stool beside him. Tony forced a smile but he knew it did not quite reach his eyes. He doubted he'd ever be happy again.
"I was just waiting for you," Tony half heartedly flirted.
The blonde leaned in dangerously close and Tony half expected her to smack him in the back of the head. As pick up lines go it had been his worst attempt.
"Well here I am," the blonde whispered, "What did you have in mind?"
Tony did not let his surprise show on his features. Glimpses of Ziva flashed through his mind and it took everything in Tony's power not to allow himself to either break down or throw the shot glass at the mirror behind the bar.
"I got a bottle of wine back at my place," Tony told her with a forced cheesy grin, "How about we go discuss it?"
"Lead the way."
Tony slapped a few bills down on the counter after nodding towards Fred. He held out his arm and as the blonde snaked her arm around his he knew he was going to regret this. Yet he found he didn't care. He was going to go back home to have a fun filled night with this blonde on his arm. Tony chuckled. He didn't even know his name. Maybe the old Tony had not been completely lost after all.