BENEATH THE WATER OF THEIR LIVES
(The title of this story derives from a poem written by Paulo Cohelo. The poem is further down. I stole it shamelessly.)
(Leia)
I hear the code being punched in. It's probably Jarik and Han; I told Jarik to get out of the water an hour ago. When that hour was up, I comm'd him, threatening to toss a hair dryer into the pool and electrocute him. Having failed at that, I sent Han down to fetch him.
Han returns with a wet, sulking Jarik. Jarik is a superb swimmer and a major goof off. I wonder where he got that from.
I can't believe my baby is nearly twelve years old. He's gotten quite tall this summer, all arms and legs like his father remembers being. There are no holos of Han prior to age nineteen, but I can see so much of Han in him, what my husband must have looked like as a kid.
He's grown up way too fast. As have they all. Jacen and Tenel Ka are engaged and starting to plan their wedding for next year. Despite the fact that she is no longer the Queen Mother of Hapes, she still has access to her considerable personal funds, bequeathed to her by her parents and grandmother. This is a relief because Han's having back issues and can't do as many cargo runs as he used to. I certainly have access to money that had been my family's back on Alderaan. Never found all of it, but there's enough. I would like to leave my job before I get much older. I'm burnt toast.
Jaina has expressed that she wants to join Han's business and eventually take it over. He says he's never retiring. We'll see.
Jarik, of course, tracks water all over the place and Han settles back on to the sofa and returns to where he paused his smashball game. He and Jarik and Jaina love the sport. Anakin prefers wild water rafting and motosurfing, but only as a participant. I don't think I've ever seen him sit down to watch a game. Jacen always disliked sports but he's come to enjoy water hockey via Tenel Ka.
Allana is two now, sweet, charming, and quite the terror. She's a one woman wrecking crew, which brings back so many memories. In our old apartment where our first three kids were born, I vaguely remembered having a floor but never saw it till we moved out. They have their own very nice apartment not far from ours; Jacen is doing well in practice and Tenel Ka is a tutor at the Jedi Academy.
We were so busy and exhausted with three babies so close together, but I look at photos of us and Han and I are always smiling. We had a rough start with Jarik but even there, we had smiles on our faces.
We have an entire wall in the hallway that's filled with holos - our wedding, the births of our children, their milestones, vacations, parties and just plain candids of goofing off. There are a few ceremonial holos of me, and I'm proud of what's been accomplished for the Republic, but it's my family that moves me. They are at the heart of everything I've ever done, even when I was wrong.
The code is punched in again. I'm surprised; Jaina is the only one who's staying here and by her standards, this is an early hour to come home. I hope Jag didn't break up with her. Their old breakup really hit her hard. She's so in love with him and she's so afraid to lose him.
It is Jaina, but Jag is with her, and they're both smiling.
"Hi Daddy," Jaina shouts to get Han's attention. "Hi, Mom. Is Jarik here?"
"He's in his room."
"I'll get him. Don't go away," Jaina instructs Jag, who smiles.
"How are you, Minister Solo?" Jag asks me.
"I'm fine, but you're really going to have to stop calling me Minister Solo."
"Okay. What should I call you?"
Jarik bounds out with Jaina. "Daddy, can you put the game on hold for a minute?" Jaina asks her.
"What?" Han sits up abruptly and crosses his arms. The blaster is nearby; he insists on keeping it with him and always has whenever young men have crossed our threshold. Needless to say, there were a few young men who never got back to Jaina. I've tried reasoning with him. It's not possible.
"Mom, Daddy, Jarik, Jag and I are getting married!" Jaina, who is normally pretty composed, is beside herself with joy - and it floods my heart.
"Welcome to the family," I say to Jag, and I hug him, which he returns.
"You mean I get another brother?" Jarik says, his eyes wide. Jarik likes the idea of more siblings. More to pay attention to him, is his line of reasoning.
"Yeah, twerp, you do," Jaina said.
"But no noogies!"
"No promises."
I look at Jaina's face and it is positively luminous. It takes me back to the night Han proposed to me. I felt as if I was made of light and air and couldn't believe that I was actually marrying for love. To a scoundrel, no less! I still tell Han he's a scoundrel and that makes him happy.
At the moment, my scoundrel looks anything but happy. He looks as if he was just kicked in the guts.
"Daddy, aren't you happy for me?" Jaina goes over and gives Han a big bear hug and he locks his arms around. His expression is...bereft?
"Of course, sweetie." Han says. He holds her for a while, as if he's afraid that she'll vanish into thin air. He kisses her on the forehead. When he finally lets go, he shakes hands with Jag. He scowls. "If you ever, ever, ever make her cry again, you'd better find another galaxy, because I will hunt you down and kill you."
Jaina rolls her eyes. "What is with him?"
"Let me go talk to him," I tell her.
Jag, undaunted by my husband's rudeness, takes Jaina in his arms and they take over the sofa where Han was.
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"Han," I say.
"What?" He doesn't look at me.
"Han, our daughter just got engaged to a great guy and wants to have a happy life with him. I don't appreciate your rudeness and even if she doesn't show it, I know Jaina's upset."
"He broke her heart once and he'll do it again!"
"He's not a teenager, Han. He's the same age I was when I gave birth to the twins."
"He's career military! What kind of life is that for Jaina?"
"I seem to recall that I was married to a general for a period of time, and it worked fine."
When Han speaks again, it's not anger in his voice. He sounds utterly bereft.
"I really am losing my baby girl."
"It's been a while since she's been a baby, Han." I say it gently while I go over to where he's sitting on the edge of the bed and wrap my arms around him.
"I know." Now Han Solo is a man's man, and he does not show emotion easily or willingly. But I swear there are tears in his eyes.
"She's going into business with you. She'll be with you all the time."
"But she'll be married to HIM. He'll be the person she trusts, not me."
I'm tempted to burst out laughing, but that would be poor diplomacy. I keep my arms around him and he leans against me.
"Han, whose footsteps has she always followed? Who made her what she is today? Yes, her husband will be the number one man in her life. That's just the way it is. It was less complicated for us because we didn't have parents around, and I know yours weren't worth missing, but I certainly wanted my father to walk me down the aisle."
"He'd have hated me."
"Possibly. And I know it would have hurt to let go of me. But he is still my father. Not a day goes by when I don't remember something about him."
I sit down next to him on the edge of the bed and put my arm over his shoulders. "I know she'll always be your little girl. She's adored you from the moment she was born. Not that it was completely obvious during her teenage years."
A few silent minutes pass. He's got his head in his hands.
"Leia. When she wanted to join the Navy, I damn near died. And when she went off to war, I feared for her every day. I don't know what I would have done if something terrible happened to her."
I nod in acknowledgement.
"And now she's going to leave me to marry HIM. He broke her heart, Leia!"
"They were both much younger. They've grown up a lot. She's a woman, not a child."
"He doesn't deserve her."
"Han, by your standards, no man that ever existed would deserve her. And maybe that's how it should be. But look at the way he looks at her. He's head over heels in love with her. And she with him."
"I want her to be happy. I just can't help but feeling that the doors are closing on that part of my life."
"It closed in a hurry when Jacen and Tenel Ka announced that they were having a baby."
"It's easier with sons. You expect them to go out and make a life for themselves. But daughters, you hope you can keep them."
"Han, she won't stop being your daughter. Ever." I take a deep breath. "I read something once when I was younger and it's always stayed with me. It read, 'it is not until much later that children understand, that all the stories and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the water of their lives.'"
He looks away from me. "I need to be alone."
I step out of the bedroom and quietly close the door.
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