The night after Jane left for New York, Lizzie was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth, when she heard Lydia crying in her bedroom.

So she rinsed her mouth in a hurry, left the bathroom and went to Lydia's door. Still, she hesitated before knocking. Too often lately, she was afraid that whatever she did or said would just make everything worse. But Lydia had specifically said she didn't want to be alone. And if nothing else, Lizzie could hug her and silently let her know she cared.

She knocked, then gently pushed the door open. Lydia was huddled up in the corner on her bed, red-eyed and sniffling. When she saw Lizzie she hurriedly wiped her face before giving up and saying, "Well, come in," with a shaky, humorless laugh.

Lizzie joined her on the bed. For a while she just held Lydia without saying anything. After her sobs had subsided somewhat, Lydia was the one who spoke first. "Aren't you going to ask what's the matter? Or is it obvious?"

"You can tell me if you want. But only if you want."

"You might think –" Lydia's voice caught and she shook her head. "It's horrible. You'll think I'm horrible."

"Never." If Lydia was feeling what Lizzie suspected – envy for Jane's happiness with Bing – then she wasn't the only one. Nor was she the only one feeling guilty about it.

"Okay." Lydia took a long shuddering breath. "So. I'm really happy for Jane. I'm not jealous – well, not too jealous. But I couldn't help thinking. When we watched that video. Jane said that if Bing asked her to stay, she couldn't. It was too much to ask of her." Her face tightened. "I would have. If G-George had asked me. I would have gone to the other side of the world for him."

Lizzie held Lydia tighter.

"And worse…worse than that." Lydia swallowed and swiped angrily at her tears. "For a second, just one second, I thought, I guess she doesn't love Bing as much as I loved George."

Wordlessly, Lizzie brushed Lydia's bedraggled hair away from her face.

"Well?" Lydia said, her voice hollow. "It's horrible, right?"

"It's not."

"Yes it is. Like I thought I was better than her!" Lydia pushed on, furious, and Lizzie let her even though she had to admit her intensity was a little scary. "Jane's the smart one. She's the one with her own life. The one who doesn't let her whole world get taken over by a guy."

"No, Lydia," Lizzie finally put in, quiet but firm. "It doesn't work that way. It's not like one of you is better at relationships. You can't compare experiences. I mean, I don't blame you for comparing; I've done it myself…in the past," she added lamely, knowing her own feelings were probably transparent no matter how she tried to hide them. "But Jane, she's coming from a different place. She's cautious because things fell apart with Bing before. She has a right to want to take things slowly this time."

"Yeah," Lydia sniffled, "and Bing's not – not like him. So she has that going for her."

"Oh, Lydia." Lizzie reached for the box of tissues on Lydia's desk and offered it to her. "That's not because Jane did anything to deserve it. Or because you failed to do something, or anything like that. You took a chance. Jane's taking a chance too. Even taking it slow, there's still a risk. Anytime you make yourself vulnerable for someone, it's a risk. A leap of faith."

"Yeah, I took that leap. Then I crashed and burned."

"But if you never take that leap at all, for anyone, what's the alternative?" Lizzie squeezed Lydia's shoulders. "You know what I think, Lydia? I think you were incredibly brave."

Lydia snorted. "You're kidding, right?"

"Not at all. You took a chance. It's not your fault it was for someone who didn't honor your bravery. Because you had that courage, and somewhere inside you still have that courage. Someday you'll be able to take the leap again with someone who deserves it." She pulled back a little and gave Lydia a smile of encouragement. "But take all the time you need. There's also nothing wrong with wanting to be safe for a while."

Lydia leaned her head on Lizzie's shoulder. "Yeah. Thanks for….you know, everything."

"It's my job. And my pleasure."

"Dork."

"I've started taking that as a compliment, you know."

She hung out in Lydia's room for another hour or so as they talked about lighter things, then finally said good-night and headed to bed once Lydia started drifting off to sleep mid-sentence.

Lizzie didn't fall asleep herself for a while. Because the more she thought about what she had said to Lydia about taking risks and leaps of faith, the more she had to admit the truth about herself.

She was a coward.