She'd screamed, among other things. Like Oliver had never heard before. And her name came on a slightly unfamiliar lilt from his lips.
He'd closed his eyes. He hadn't meant to. He'd meant to stay focused. He'd – well it didn't matter what he'd meant because she had stood in the doorway of his room and he lost every intention, finally allowing her to be the only thing that mattered. Finally burying his fingers in her hair. Finally feeling her warm skin against his. Finally letting her love him.
She wouldn't think so, but it was probably the most selfish thing he'd ever done.
She'd been gentler with him than he deserved, or wanted. But perfect. Of course she was perfect.
And for just a couple seconds, he'd let his eyes close.
It was two seconds too long. It wasn't like she could go anywhere. She was still beneath him. He was still inside her. One of her frankly fantastic legs was still wrapped around one of his, her foot tucked behind his knee. He could have laughed at her cold toes. Except that something was wrong, besides every wrong thing. He knew as soon as he opened his eyes.
Her own eyes were closed. He was desperate to see what she was thinking, good or very, very bad. And it wasn't lost on him that she hadn't said anything yet. Not even something she'd meant to keep to herself.
That wasn't all that worried him. Every breath she took seemed to catch, air trembling in her chest making the rise and fall of her breasts too quick. Even after what they'd just done.
Oliver kept most of his weight on his knees and eased down on one elbow, bringing his face parallel with hers. Bringing his body even closer, knowing that if his thinking was right, she'd need his body heat.
One hand was still on her hip and he brushed his thumb across the bone as lightly as he could. "Felicity?"
Her eyes fluttered once. Just enough for tears to escape, running into her hair before Oliver could bring his hand up to stop them. It didn't matter. There were more. When she opened her eyes for real. Red rims making the blue pop brilliantly. And even though he was scared for her, knowing that some combination of fear, ecstasy, and adrenaline was sending her over the edge, he couldn't help thinking how beautiful she was. He was always thinking it.
Just his one hand could cradle her face. This he'd known for a while. His thumb caressed her cheek, fingers kneaded softly behind her ear, dipping into her hair which he now knew for certain was softer than silk. Her jaw nestled against his palm. "You're going to be okay."
Her wide eyes stared into his, still somehow trusting him. Her fingers closed around his wrist, just as cold as her feet. She laid his palm flat in the center of her bare chest. Her heart pounded against his fingertips. His head tipped to lean his forehead against hers. "Just breathe," he whispered.
She let her eyes close again. He could see her really concentrate to get steady breathes through her nose. It didn't take at first and she ended up gulping down air through her mouth again. But Oliver stayed as still as possible, a much needed anchor. When her breathing got more normal, his eyes cast down to where his hand laid over her heart, her hand on top of his, fingers wrapped around his thumb, her nails digging into the soft muscle but he couldn't have cared less.
The rise and fall of their hands got steadier, slower. Her grip lessened until it broke entirely. And Felicity was bringing both her hands to his cheeks. They were both breathing easier when she opened her eyes again.
Her hands moved to the back of his neck as he lifted his head but brought it back down to her chest. His hand slipped lower and left, brushing under her breast, so his lips could press against her skin instead, right over her heart, his heart. She sighed, curling her fingers against his neck, unable to actually thread through the too short hair there, but contented with the action anyway.
He should have known what she'd say when she finally spoke.
"I'm sorry," left her throat a little roughly.
It was the second part he couldn't have predicted.
In a voice that was definitely more hers, she continued. "Way to ruin the mind blowing sex, Felicity."
That brought his head back up, but not before a hot puff of a chuckle had peaked her unsuspecting nipple. He planted both his hands on the mattress and pushed up. She had to extend her arms all the way to keep her grasp on him. But he liked the view.
"Felicity, you could never ruin anything. Not for me." That hung between them for a moment. Then her hand started to trace patterns down his chest, carefully outlining scars that popped up in her path until her index finger was whispering back and forth across just one. Reminding them both of too much. "I shouldn't have let you come here."
Now it was her turn to laugh. "You let me come? Remind me how that conversation went again, Mr. Heir-to-the-Demon."
The first conversation had been an order.
"Stay." Just stay in Starling City where Lance, and Laurel, and, God help him, Ray Palmer could keep her safe. And he walked away without giving her a chance to respond because he didn't have the resolve to fight her or the strength to say goodbye, again.
The second conversation had been all her. Glorious, undeniable, straight to the heart when he least deserved it.
He'd left Laurel in the hanger. Diggle and Malcolm were already on the plane. He thought she'd be there, but one look back was all he could spare because there just wasn't time.
Where else would she be? He closed the plane door and turned to find her standing there. Digg and Malcolm obviously, cowardly hiding in the cockpit for their own safety.
"Felicity? What are you doing? I have to go." He wanted to be angry but all he'd felt was relief as she stepped closer, grabbing his hand.
"I know. You have to go. You have to accept Ra's's offer. Just like you had to go and fight him on that mountain. You have to try to save Thea, just like you had to try to save Roy. Like you try to save everyone. You wouldn't be the man I love if you didn't. But Oliver . . . . I know in my bones that if I get off this plane, I will never see you again. Which is insane. You have to go. You don't have a choice. So neither do I. If you're leaving, I'm leaving."
She was calm, decided, and ultimately unmovable.
He gave himself five seconds. Five seconds to decide their fate. The hand she held should have pushed her to the door but it pulled her to his chest. He kissed her forehead. And said the only thing he could manage at the moment.
"Sit down."
That was only yesterday. Tomorrow was as big a problem. The one they'd ignored since clothes started hitting the floor.
"You know, you never actually said it." He teased her, still shocked he was the one that had the least trouble saying those three little words. It dawned him now, of all moments, that he didn't know how she'd left things with Palmer.
But her face went soft with an almost shy smile. Her eyes melting into bottomless pools. Tongue licking unconsciously across her bottom lip. Her voice like a balm. "Oliver Queen, I –"
That was as far as he let her get before covering her mouth with his and chasing after the words with his tongue, realizing he hadn't actually needed to hear them. Realizing he'd been seeing them all over her face for quite some time.
But he was sobering up now. He had to. He pulled away and a whimper from Felicity raised his brow. Something else he'd never heard before, not exactly. He wanted to indulge her but he made a move to untangle them finally. Maybe he wouldn't have succeeded anyway but Felicity didn't leave it up to him.
"Don't move." She commanded. Her right hand latched into his ass, nails biting, keeping him buried inside her, eliciting something greater than a twitch of his cock.
"Wow. So, that's effective," she half gasped, clearly filing the info away. Then she was using his shoulders to pull herself closer. Her mouth hot and open against his collar bone first and soon after his neck. Her still weak knees came up to his sides, trembling a little at the effort. He didn't stop the hand that came up behind one of said knees to steady her.
"Felicity," even his warning sounded like a plea to him.
She barely stopped. "Do you really want to talk about this right now?"
Of course he didn't. "Now is all we have."
She could have easily flipped that argument in her favor but she didn't. She let Oliver really pull away from her. She even let him get out of the bed to pull on boxers. But she just sat up against the copious pillows and hugged her knees to her chest.
Oliver sat back down in front of her. She put her hand out and he laced his fingers between hers, lost for a minute at such a simple thing. She looked at him over her knees, her hair falling softly around her face.
"We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow." That much was painfully obvious but he didn't know how else to start. "Malcolm only gave us a vague idea of how initiations go. Mine is bound to be more . . . intense. I need to protect you. I might not be in a position to do that for a while. Digg-"
"Will be here to watch your back," Felicity stated.
"Digg is here to watch your back." Oliver corrected, but left out the fact that Digg had probably been on the other side of the chamber door since she closed it. It had only taken a nod between Oliver and his pseudo bodyguard to broker the agreement. She didn't know John had never been more than twenty feet away since they landed. That wasn't the only agreement.
"As soon as Thea can travel, Digg is taking her, and you, back to Starling."
Felicity knew from his tone it wasn't up for debate but that never stopped her before. "You're Al Sah-him. No one is going to hurt me."
"We don't know that. And I don't think Ra's is done playing games with me. Felicity, I need you to be safe, because I need you. I need you if I want any chance of making it to the other side of this and still being a man that can see light and do good." Oliver watched her nod solemnly at this. He also saw her fighting the urge to climb into his lap and show him light and good. He wouldn't have stopped her.
She closed her free arm tighter around her bouncing knees, resting her chin on top for good measure. "What about Malcolm?"
"He's staying. And I know it sounds crazy, but I'm glad. He swore allegiance to me just to get through the door. He wants to prove to Thea, and Tommy, that he's worthy of them."
Felicity's thumb was running over the miraculously still somewhat delicate skin between his own thumb and index finger. "Can you trust him?"
Oliver had asked himself that over and over again. He still didn't know. Malcolm could still have his own agenda. "He's all I've got. Nyssa is M.I.A. and Maseo almost shot you with an arrow."
He knew his voice wavered at the end. His eyes fell to her feet and he wondered how everything about her could be so small. Her hands, her feet, the freckles across the bridge of her nose, her body under his. He was at the head of the bed with her in a second, wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her against his chest. She slipped one leg between both of his at the urging of his hand on the back of her thigh. The hand stayed, gliding to her knee and back. Her small breasts pressed deliciously into him, and Felicity tucked her face against his neck.
"How long?" her voice vibrated against him with nowhere else to go.
"The sun will be up in about four hours."
"And then black cloaked ninjas will rip you away from me?"
"The cloaked ninjas aren't getting anywhere near you." If he could have pulled her any closer he would have. As it was, his grip tightened and her pelvis pressed into his thigh. He thought she might have moaned.
"Oliver, did you, I mean could you even-," she hesitated and he waited. He thought she might have given up but then she mumbled something that sounded like 'screw it' before she asked, "Did you think about having sex with me the first time you saw me?"
The first time he saw her, she was just the promise of something far, far away. She was a light at the end of a very long tunnel, even though he didn't know it really would be her in the end. He had smiled then, when he had no reason. And he smiled now because she was always the reason.
"Not the first time I saw you. But it definitely crossed my mind that first time you cocked your head at me over that stupid coffee shop story." Oliver admitted.
"How is that not the same thing?" Her lips brushed his shoulder. The ends of her hair tickled his arms. He could really only think about one thing.
He ducked his head to press a line of kissed down her jaw. "You can ask me about it the next time we're in bed together."
"Is that your way of saying you're never going to tell me?" He heard the disappointment, the defeat under her words, felt the shift as her hands stilled and hovered over his skin instead of touching him.
Oliver pushed her onto her back so she had no choice but to look at him. He had to find a way to crack his heart open enough to reassure her but not so much that he couldn't hold it together when Digg whisked her away tomorrow or the next day. And he'd have to become something else. Again. When he finally knew what he wanted, to just be Oliver. Her Oliver.
He brushed an unruly blonde strand away from her eyes, searching for the belief she'd always had in him. "It was a promise."
She was biting her lip, fighting back the fear and the panic that had become too familiar. But she wasn't fighting him.
"Felicity, this- Nanda Parbat- isn't forever." He brought his hands to her face. Her cheeks were hot. "I'll come back."
Her lip trembled and he ran his thumb across it before she said, "I've heard that before."
"Am I a liar?"
"A terrible one," her voice was shaky, thick with unshed tears.
He brought his face down to share her breath, his lips almost touching hers. "Then believe me. Three years ago, there was nothing beyond the next name on the list. There was no after. No forever. Not for me. Felicity. You're forever now."
"Oliver." She said it on an inhale, like he took her breath away. It wasn't hard for Felicity to eliminate the space between them but she did it with gusto. And Oliver let her be in control again. It was the simplest surrender he ever gave.