Nothing is more dangerous than bored twins.
It was a hot, lazy summer day, and Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin were sprawled out on their bed, positively bored to tears.
"What do you want to do, Kaoru?" Hikaru asked, too lazy to even turn his head to look at his brother.
"I dunno…what do you wanna do, Hikaru?" Kaoru rolled over so he was laying on his stomach, facing Hikaru.
"I dunno…"
They stared at each other for a few moments.
"Wanna make Milord do something stupid?" they said at the same time, and their faces split into identical evil grins. "Great idea."
…
Five phone calls and half an hour later, the Hitachiins had gotten the rest of the Host Club to join them for ice cream a commoner's ice cream parlor. As they sat around chatting, Hikaru began Phase One of Operation: Make Tamaki Look Stupid.
"You know, Haruhi," Hikaru began, "if you don't start, ah, growing soon, no one's going to believe you if you ever come out as a girl."
Tamaki choked on his ice cream and began sputtering incoherently. Haruhi sighed and thumped him on the back while saying to Hikaru, "Did you guys invite me out just to insult my femininity?"
Before either twin could respond, Tamaki, face flushed from anger and lack of oxygen, stood up, thrust his spoon at Hikaru and yelled, "What did you just say about my little girl? Take it back!"
"Hey, sorry Milord, but it's the truth. Haruhi makes a great guy," Kaoru added, shrugging nonchalantly.
"Haruhi could go back to being a girl anytime she wants! It's not easy for her, having to hide her feminine charm every day at school!" Tamaki cried, glancing at his daughter to see if his words had any effect on her. Haruhi, however, was seemingly deep in conversation with Kyoya, smiling a little at something he'd said.
"You're right, Milord," Hikaru said complacently, inwardly fistpumping. Tamaki was taking the bait hook, line, and sinker. "I can only imagine how hard Haruhi has it."
"Yeah, she's got skills all right," Kaoru agreed, trying not to roll his eyes. "But don't go acting like you feel Haruhi's pain, Milord, you could never pull that off."
"What, pretending to be a guy?" Tamaki asked, blinking his puppy-dog eyes cluelessly.
"No, Milord," Hikaru and Kaoru sighed in unison. "Hiding your gender. In your case, pretending to be a girl."
Tamaki laughed. "Sure I could! Remember when we dressed up as girls when the Zuka Club was trying to steal Haruhi?"
Hikaru shook his head. "Not like that, Milord. For real. Say…the first week of school."
"Yeah, we bet there's no way you could fool the entire school for a whole week."
Tamaki raised an eyebrow. "Why would I do that?"
Suddenly interested in the conversation, Kyoya pulled an envelope he kept in a hidden pocket, along with his notebook, just in case a situation like this arose. Always be prepared; that was his motto. "Because the prize for the winner of the bet is a selection of Haruhi's baby pictures," he told them, glasses glinting, ignoring Haruhi's protests. He had the attention of all three boys now. "But for a prize this valuable, we should up the ante. Say…Tamaki has to get someone to kiss him."
"What? No w –" Tamaki broke off, enthralled, as Kyoya began to wave the unassuming envelope enticingly under his nose. His head bobbed back and forth, tracking its progress like a snake watching its charmer. "Okay, okay, fine! But with stakes this high, you doppelgangers have to promise not to interfere!"
"Cross our hearts," the twins said solemnly, nodding and tracing X marks over each other's chests with their fingers.
"Now that that's settled," Kyoya said, slipping the envelope back into his secret pocket, "I actually have other business to attend to. I'll see you all at school." He got up and went to the counter to pay, and the rest of the hosts, having all finished their ice cream by now (even Hunny, who had gotten five times as much as anyone else), followed suit.
"Sempai," Haruhi said to Tamaki as they were paying for their ice cream, "there's no way you could pass for a girl. I hate to say it, but I don't think you're going to win this bet."
"Why not? Is it my overwhelming manliness?"
"Uh, no, it's the fact you can't go five minutes without trying to charm any girl that gets in your way."
"Thank you for the ice cream, princess," Tamaki was saying to the young woman behind the counter, handing her a rose along with his money. As she giggled and blushed, Tamaki turned to Haruhi. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said defensively.
Haruhi rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Right. Good luck with that," she said, waving to the hosts as she hopped on her bike and headed home.
After that day at the ice cream parlor, it wasn't until the start of the new semester that anyone saw Tamaki again, and only a select few realized it was Tamaki they were seeing…but how long would that last?
A/N: Oh well hi there! Thanks for stopping by. ^.^ I started writing this story back in May, around when I finished Ghost Club, but I'm only now publishing it because I'm a terrible awful person ;_; I'm sorry! Please accept my offering of a cross-dressing misadventure, almost like something out of an anime! Let me know what you think so far with that handy review button down yonder!