A/N: Hello! I hope you enjoy this! Warning: Whump.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.R.R. Tolkien, the song belongs to Pussycat Dolls, and Mobilus Corpus belongs to J.K. Rowling.
Fili and Kili were not happy. Not at all. Not in the very least.
So that's why they were sitting at the camp fire, unrepentant, arms crossed, scowls plastered on their faces in a most un-princely way. Dwalin passed by, started to say something, but thought better of it. They got their stew from Bombur, who cringed at the looks on their faces and quite happily moved on to Nori. No one sat next to them, Ori tried to, and was immediately sent off, cowering. And Thorin? Thorin wasn't much better off. No one could even look at the king, not even Dwalin, without getting a glare that sent everyone running for the hills.
To think it had all started over practically nothing!
Kili bounded into the clearing. "C'mon!" He yells, all laughing authority, As the older members of the group and Fili follow after him. He puts his hands on his waist and, in his best imitation of Thorin, says, "Alright, Dwalin, go hunt for us-"
Dwalin rolls his eyes and mock-shoots at prey. "Gloin, you watch the ponies, and everyone will take turns watching camp, while we-we-" Kili frowns and ponders. Thorin, who's a bit miffed at having his position usurped by the brothers, calls to them,
"While you have your uncle keep a very close eye on you to keep you out of mischeif!"
Fili gets a demonic grin on his face and whispers in his younger brother's ear. Kili assumes the same grin and says, "While we keep a very close eye on uncle to keep him out of mischeif!"
They've touched a nerve. Thorin stands up, furious. Perhaps it was just the thought of having his nephews assume his position of authority and he assume theirs, or perhaps it was the tadpoles in his stew that morning, or perhaps it was because just that day He'd gotten lost...wandering in circles...around a bush...right next to the path. And was found by them. Most likely though it was all three put together. Either way, Fili and Kili have crossed a boundary. Thorin looms over them.
"Go help Bofur and Bombur with the camp fire. At least with that job it's quiet." Fili starts to go, sulking, but now Kili is miffed.
"NO!" He yells at the top of his lungs.
"What?"
"I said no, Uncle! You just can't admit that you're to stupid to understand a joke!"
Kili knows he's overreacting, but he doesn't care.
Fili can't just leave his brother to their Uncle's wrath like that.
"Maybe you should just leave the humor to us. And the navigating." He taunts.
The instant the words are spoken, they regret them. But it's too late for that.
Thorin's blue eyes are stormy with rage.
"Go! Go and start the campfire!"
"NO!"
"Fine. Go and muck the ponies, it's all you'll ever be good for."
"FINE!"
The three heirs of durin stomp off in different directions.
So that's why they're in foul moods right now.
There are no campfire tales and songs tonight.
Everyone eats their stew in silence.
Then they go to bed.
Thorin asks Dwalin, "What will I do with them?"
Dwalin mutters sleepily, "Whatever ye do, just don't strangle 'em. Dis wouldn't be very happy with ye."
Then his longtime friend falls asleep, leaving Thorin to his thoughts.
"What will we do with uncle, Kee?"
"I dunno, Fee." Kili murmurs, half asleep.
Fili stares up at the night sky. "Just once," He murmurs, "I wish that we could be the leaders, not uncle, and prove it to him."
"Wouldn't that be neat?" Kili whispers. "Though," He adds, "You do have to admit, he gave excellent piggy-back rides when we were younger."
"I guess."
Thorin POV
I woke up feeling much better from last night, though that doesn't stop me from glaring at them. They glare right back. Fili whispers something to Kili, and then they look at me, amused. Anger surges through me and I stomp over. How dare they? But a voice stops me.
"Thorin Oakensheild!" Calls Gandalf. I stomp over and invest my anger on him. He pretends not to notice, I swear, Gandalf really gets on my nerves sometimes.
"What is it, wizard?"
"Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in morning, sailor takes warning." Sure enough, the dawn is a bright red color.
"So?" I mutter, stalking over to my nephews.
"Wait!"
"What?" I turn around swiftly, to swiftly, for I trip over my own feet and fall. Gandalf rushes to steady me, but accidentally bonks his staff on my head. I whirl around before swirling into blackness.
When I wake up, the wizard is in my face. He says something, but I don't catch it. He said it too quick. I say, "Wwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaatttttttt iiiiiiiisssssss iiiiiiittttttt? Ssssssssppppppppeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkk ssssssssslllllllllooooooooowwwwwwwweeeeeeeerrrrrrrr..." but my voice sounds distorted. Oh blast, what has happened to me?
"What happened to him?" Dwalin demanded after Thorin saying something very deep and...slow. Gandalf says nothing in response but leans down over the king, saying something like this.
"Ttttrrrryyyy aaaannnndddd ggggeeeetttt uuuupppp Tttthhhhoooorrrrinn..." Gandalf says, trying to imitate Thorin's voice. Thorin puts his hand to his ear in slow motion. Gandalf has to repeat himself four times before Thorin understands and successfully gets up...very...verry...very slowly.
"Oh, Dear." Said Gandalf gravely.
"What do ye mean, oh dear?" asked Dwalin.
Gandalf sighed. "When I accidentally hit Thorin, the impact released magic, which, judging by it's effects, seems to be a spell used to freeze small, injured animals-something my fellow wizard Radagast thought up. He uses it to heal them more efficiently. In Thorin's case it seems to have trapped him in slow motion. There is no counter-spell, as it usually takes about 5 hours to wear off, but with Thorin definitely not being a small animal, it would probably take a lot longer. Anywhere from 5 to 10 days. "
"What if it takes longer then that?" Asks Gloin.
"Then," said Gandalf, "We have a problem."
Everyone is somber. Except for a certain pair of brothers.
"Why are you so upset? Now we-" begins Kili.
Balin, who had known the princes long enough to get a pretty good guess of what they were going to next, said, "Boys. Listen to me. I know that you're angry at your uncle, but for Mahal's sake, he's your uncle, and he's hurt. No matter what words were exchanged last night, that gives you no right to take advantage of anyone's misfortune. You've known Thorin since you were dwarflings."
Balin was angry. He still spoke softly and he did not lose control, but he was angry. "Now tell me: Has he ever abused you?"
"No, Balin."
"Were you mad at him before this ordeal?"
"No, Balin."
"Has he ever been cruel to you?"
"Not until last night."
"Will you remember your arguement in ten years?"
"Yes, Balin."
Balin rolled his eyes.
Dori spoke. "Wait. If it works for only five hours for smaller animals, wouldn't it take less time for Thorin to get back to normal?"
"You see, Dori, the disillment of magic through out the body varies for every species..."
Gandalf droned on for five full minutes."...and thus, the ratio between the potency and the duration allows for the time increase, but only slightly decreases the actual effects-"
"Alright, alright, we understand!" Said Gloin, putting up his hands.
"Very well..." Sighed Gandalf.
"Where's Thorin?" Asked Ori.
They turned to see Thorin seven feet away from them. "Thorin!" Called Balin.
Thorin slowly turned around. "Ccccccccooooooooommmmmmmmeeeeeee ooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnn..."
"Oh! Of course!"
They set off, then Gandalf remembers Thorin and Says, "Mobilus Corpus!" Thorin's eyes widen as he floats into the air and trails them.
"IIIIIIII ccccccccaaaaaaaannnnnnnn wwwwwwwwaaaaaaaallllllllkkkkkkkk bbbbbbbbyyyyyyyy mmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy-"
Gandalf cuts him off. "Tttthhhhaaaatttt'ssss ttttrrrruuuueeee, bbbbuuuutttt yyyyoooouuuu'dddd kkkkeeeeepppp uuuussss ggggooooiiiinnnngggg aaaatttt aaaa ssssnnnnaaaaiiiillll'ssss ppppaaaacccceeee, " he responds, slowing his voice down for the dwarf king.
Thorin is obviously insulted, but doesn't argue.
"Wait! Who's our subsitute leader?" asked Gloin.
"Ooh! Ooh! We'll be!" Say Fili and Kili.
"No, lads, you're not experienced enough."
"We are too! Plus we're the heirs!"
"I know! Gandalf can be our substitute leader!"
"Good idea!"
"I third the nomination!"
"OK!"
"Errmmm...well...I suppose I could..." Gandalf stammered.
Bilbo cocked his head.
Why does this seem so familiar?
"Aye! Gandalf's probably killed hundreds of dragons in his life time!"
"How many dragons have you killed, Gandalf?"
"Errmmm...well..." Gandalf stammered.
Bilbo facepalmed. This was going to be a long day indeed.
To Be Continued...