The snow fell in thick fat flakes, lazily drifting to the frozen ground. The Miqo'te gave a small sigh as she sat in the sheltered stone of the gazebo, her eyes just watching the snow. The occasional snippet of conversation drifted on the air. A Laugh from inside the estate made her smile, she didnt know what they were talking about, but the deep baritone could only have been Lord Edmont.
It was good to hear him laugh, and so loudly too.
"It's cold out here you know." The Elezen remarked. She had no idea how long he had been standing there. A white ear flicked in his direction before she turned her head. His tall silhouette unmistakable in the darkness.
"There is a fire." She gestured to the warm stove burning happily in the center.
"Far be it from me to interrupt a good brooding session, but," He stepped forward, his pale hair golden in the firelight. " you really are missing all the fun."
"I know. I just... I think I'll take a walk." She flashed a smile. "Just feeling cooped up is all." she sprang up, her thick winter robes dragging on the stone behind her.
" Lunara.." He began but she was already walking away. With every step she cursed herself, her acting skills had gotten better, but Kanza could see through the clumsy mess it was.
"Im okay, really." She spun on her heels, but continued to walk away, facing him even as she retreated. "I just need air. " Im suffocating.
She pulled her robes around her shoulders, burrowing her small frame into the warm wool. Even through the padding she could feel his gaze bore into her until she turned the corner and vanished into the city.
Her foot steps quietly crunched with every step. The ice was a thin dangerous sheet over the stone, but in all her time in the city, she had gotten used to it. The streets were quiet, nearly silent, and she couldnt help but pause for a moment to relish that silence. The soft wet pat of the snow falling to the ground, the beat of her own heart.
Silence.
She hated that she was like this, that she was becoming more and more withdrawn. That others were beginning to notice.
The thought of sleeping under that roof, that warm house with all her friends, her family really, people she cared so deeply about... the thought of it turned her stomach. Panic welled in her chest and she balled her hands to fists, tempering it down.
This irrational fear, this demon that clawed at her. Most nights she could fight it back, but tonight was too much. The mask she had so carefully constructed was breaking. Truthfully, she didnt know who she was anymore. She stood on the precipice, the void below her and a mountain at her back. And every passing day it felt like she was losing the strength to climb.
Would it not be better to be close to them at all times? Be near if they needed her? Constantly by their side?
Lunara marched on.
They all expected something of her. They trusted her with their lives, they trusted her to keep them safe when they marched into battle together. That took a strong will, conviction. Time might come when she would have to let one of them die. She would have to stack the odds.
Not to mention the times she faltered. The times she failed.
Her fingers bit into her palms until she finally calmed. The chilly air was turning against her. Away from the warmth of the stove it was difficult to be out for long. Already her nose was numb, her lips blue.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow would be better.
Laughter drifted towards her for the second time that night, the golden lights of the Forgotten Knight shining like a friendly invitation against the cold. If anything it gave her a new place to be out of the chill, but it would cost her the silence.
Perhaps that wasnt what she needed, but rather a good stiff drink. She rolled the idea over in her mind for only a moment before she turned and marched towards the tavern.
The room was warm, dusty, and lively. Loud banter of the off duty soldiers and towns folk, the clank of glasses, and the haze of pipe smoke. Lunara, looked quite out of place but she was seen often enough in the tavern that many no longer batted an eye.
"The usual" The bartender asked as she approched, and she nodded.
"Still going for the cheap stuff?" The voice asked from behind her, his chest pressing into her back as he slid into the seat beside her. One elbow rested on the counter, his head against his palm. "Lunara, moon of my life, Star in my skies. What brings you here tonight?"
"Sometimes the cheap stuff is the best stuff. " She winked, raising her glass to the raven haired Elezen. He was exactly as she had last seen him on their passage to Doma. Tanned, tall, sturdy frame. Long raven tresses pulled back into a loose braid. Some might describe him as roguishly handsome.
"Some places water down the top shelf." she took a swig of her mead and smiled. "You really need to work on your pickup lines Voltare." The mask was back on, comforting, to be around people who couldnt see the cracks.
"But why, they always work out so well." He leaned back, a spark in his strange eyes. A viberant teal, like that of calm summer seas. "Little Luna, Didnt expect to see you in Ishgard."
"Dont call me that. "
"What, Little Luna?" he leaned in close, his voice rising in pitch. A sing song tone as if he was speaking to a child.
"Gods damned. So help me I will.."
His laughter cut her off, and she huffed into her mug. Taking another swig she raised her free hand and began pushing him away. "Bastard"
Voltare laughed again and nipped at her finger, her hand jerking back, though not in surprise. " That's no way to speak to an old friend. "
She looked at him, exhaustion rising to the surface. "What do you want Voltare? Im in no mood for your games."
"Which is exactly when you're in need of them the most." He snapped his fingers and signaled to the bar keeper. "watered down or not, you'll need something a bit stronger if you want to forget." he whispered.
She cursed.
"You're an easy read."
"Shut up."
He slid her a shot of whisky, and she downed it, making a face and sticking out her tongue. She hated drinking. Especially the strong stuff. Gods it burned. "So. I'll ask again, Why are you here Voltare?" she half coughed.
"Do you really want to know?" He flashed her a toothy grin, dazzling white teeth against his sun-tanned skin. The long black braid falling over his shoulders as he cocked his head to the side.
"What a Pirate is doing in Ishagrd? Yes. "
"Such harsh words. Im simply a merchant captain." He shrugged his shoulders and downed his shot at length. "and Im just here on business. Simple."
"Ishgard's seas are frozen."
"Doesnt mean there is not trade to be set up, and I dont like going through third parties."
An honest answer or a half truth. She couldnt rightly tell. "How careful of you."
"One has to be. But, Enough of me. Why are -you- here on the edge of the world? Does Ishgard need help from the prestigious Warrior of Light once more?" the way he said the title dripped with sarcasm.
Lunara couldnt help but roll her eyes, a laugh following. The way he held distain for her accomplishments, and still viewed her as nothing more than 'little luna' both amused and angered her. " If you must know, I'm visting friends."
"You have those? Besides me? Im shocked."
"Bastard."
"Exactly my point, Always so welcoming. Such a sunny demeanor. " He refilled her glass. "Besides the fact that you're in a bar, alone."
Her nostrils flared, her jaw set. He knew what little jabs to make, and he was oh so good at it. Her eyes narrowed at him. Her childhood bully, her friend. " I just needed some time alone."
"You know." he leaned in close and glanced around the bar. "It doesnt look so lonely in here."
"Shut up."
"Why, because I'm pointing out the flaws in your logic? Or because you just want to drown your problems for the rest of your life?"
She was silent for a moment, his words stung. Her heart ached and the mask cracked a little more. "Not... all my life. But tonight, yes. " She took the shot and slid the empty glass back to him.
Her tone was somber enough to convince him, because he filled it and slid it back with no comment. HIs lack of quip somewhat catching her off guard. She wasnt sure if she was stunned or thankful.
The laughter around them rose to a crescendo as she slid the glass back to him once more, poking at it with her index finger and letting the smooth wood glide it towards him. "Thank you."
" Don't thank me for feeding your vices, but damned if I'll let you mope alone."
"Implying you were not here drinking before I arrived."
"Implying." he mimicked her, drink in hand. " that it isnt funnier to drink with friends."
Her mind was blissfully hazy and she couldn't find a flaw in that counter point. She smiled, genuine, and took the glass from him.
Blood, dripping, wet, crimson. Bright red against the pale snow. The metalic tang on her tongue, the scent of the iron in the air. A scream cut through the distance.
Lunara jolted in bed. Gasping for breath, her fingers dug into the warmth of the sheets as her mind struggled to comprehend where she was.
A strong hand found hers, she jumped again, spinning to face her attacker.
"Shh, It's just a dream." his arms wrapped around her, pulling her to his chest. Panic ebbed, confusion.
"A dream." Hushed words echoed in the silence of the room.
Her head pounded, the world was fuzzy. She pressed against his chest, the salty scent of the sea upon his sun-kissed skin. His warmth comforted her, soothed the icy panic that gripped her, and she slid into a dreamless sleep in the comfort of those arms.