Hello, fellow fans who love or used to love House, M.D.! This is my take on how House and Cuddy feel after their breakup. TBH, I was frustrated with the lack of the show's insight as to how the two characters actually feel after their breakup. I was also frustrated by how they hardly showed any happy moments with House and Cuddy as a couple when they were together. They had to have good times, too, right? Otherwise, why would they have been together for those months? This is my humble attempt at portraying what I think they could feel after their breakup and what their life as a couple was like. In my story, "Bombshells" does not occur right after "Recession Proof." Also, the contrived ridiculousness that is Dominika has not happened, either.
In the Morning
[Cuddy]
We all have our vices.
Mine is the inability to let go.
My guilt is a morning ritual that starts with the knot in my stomach, the passive stare into the mirror after my shower. I towel dry my hair and try to block out the memory of him taking me by surprise one day, snatching a towel off the counter and playfully mussing up my wet hair. He failed miserably at drying my hair, but he caught my face between his hands and looked at me with so much love and kissed me so softly that I felt lightheaded. I looked into his eyes after the kiss, so happy but wondering what brought on this sudden display of tenderness. I quickly remembered the night before, when he was drunk and fell asleep in my lap. I was still troubled by what he had said, but I pushed those thoughts out of my mind as I looked into his eyes. I smiled at him, knowing that my eyes were shining, and gave him a small kiss before I walked out the bathroom to prepare for the day. I still remember his half-smile in the mirror as he trailed my exit with his eyes.
I swallow the lump that forms in my throat whenever I see his gaze in my mind. I step into my bedroom and dress for this day, on autopilot.
I shake my head and sigh, look up at the ceiling. I think of Rachel and my jaw sets. I will not do this. Rachel needs me, and I love her more than anything. I will be strong for her. I put on my heels and walk out the door, thankful that Rachel is sleeping later than usual and that Marina got here on time. There are good days and there are bad days. On this bad day, I know that my resolve to be strong for Rachel could crumble at any moment, and I will not subject her to the despair in my eyes. I won't.
[House]
My eyes open, and I immediately know that she is not here. I have known that she is not here for a while now, but I still sense her absence. Why? A dog would have been trained to adjust to her absence.
I don't want to think about her anymore. I can't think about how her body fit into mine when I held her throughout the night, how I would just look at her on nights when I couldn't sleep and secretly press my lips in her hair, not wanting to wake her but needing to feel her against me. I can't…
Well, I can get out of this bed and drag my ass to work. I have a case that hasn't been solved yet and I need to figure out a way to have the pills delivered to me at the hospital. Driving for two hours to get a prescription or meeting that dirty dealer under the bridge is getting boring. I breathe through my nose and get up. I limp to the bathroom, and my leg feels as stiff as it did yesterday. I bend to turn on the hot water, waiting a while outside the tub to let the steam build up. I start taking my boxers off, and as I turn to throw them on the floor, I see the prescription bottle on the edge of the sink. I have about ten pills left. I stare at the bottle for a while, then I dry swallow two of the tablets.
[Cuddy]
Damn. The budget report is due in two weeks, and his team hasn't submitted a preliminary plan yet. What the hell. This is the last thing I need. Why does he make everything so difficult? I shut my eyes and try not to get too angry. I know I'll need a flow of concentration to get through the afternoon meetings. This is a bad day, and I don't want to see him. I'll put off yelling at him for tomorrow.
[House]
I haven't gone to clinic duty for weeks now. I spend the extra time in the morgue or with coma guy #12. They're quiet and they don't sneak me suspicious, doubtful glances like the idiots who work for me. I've solved every case that's come to me for the past three weeks. That's five patients. Morons. Can't they see that I'm fine? Yeah. I'm back on track.
Speaking of being back on track…I wonder if Carly is available tonight. I'm going through the list alphabetically. I flip open my cell phone and locate her number. I dial. She picks up. We make arrangements, and I whistle on my way out of the morgue, thinking of tonight.