She had been lying awake for what felt like forever, staring at the broad expanse of his back, locking the lines and marks away in her memory. He had cradled her against his chest at first, let her listen to his heart but eventually his mind dove deeper into sleep and he had rolled over, leaving her.
In the dead of night, her mind was reeling. Terrified, scared thoughts flitted through her brain. They had taken it too far, it wasn't supposed to happen like this. The practical commander part of her screamed while the woman, the woman wept at the thought that she had finally found her missing piece.
A word, anything could and would have allowed him to leave, to walk out the door. It would have been a command and he would have understood. Instead she had shuddered against his pull, their biotics intertwining before their bodies would touch. It was intimate and erotic. There had never been a time when she was so drawn to another person on such a level.
Instead of turning him away as every part of her military training had taught her to do, she had given in, tugged at him with her power, willed him to her, and then, when he gave in to his own desires, they had met tentatively at first, and he had touched her softly, as if he was making sure it was all right.
Gooseflesh had prickled along her skin and all she could think about him touching her again, their skin sliding against each other slicked with sweat. When she hadn't pulled back, hadn't called in her final veto to send him away, he grew brave and pulled her closer, his strong arm circling around her waist, gripping her against the broad expanse of his chest. She whimpered as their biotics curled together and he had leaned down to brush his lips against her jaw, his 5 o'clock shadow pleasantly rough.
Hot breath tickled her ear and his hand moved lower, skirting the top of her fatigues. It was too much and not enough.
"Kaidan," she murmured, eager to say his name, make it hers.
He planted his lips on the pulse point on her neck, nipped her there before he sucked.
"Kaidan, I-"
His mouth found hers then and her heart soared. All thoughts that this was wrong, that they were both jeopardizing themselves were pushed away. None of that mattered, for the first time in her life another person felt right.
She tried to pull him down to her level but instead he picked her up she wrapped her legs about his waist, ran her fingers through his hair. His hands and tongue wandered, and he hummed appreciatively when her fingers tracked the scar at the back of his neck. There was a fight within her, one in which she wanted to tell him to rip the clothes from her body, take her quickly from behind and another that wanted him to take his time, make love to her slowly and sweetly.
Instead she said nothing and relished his touch, the feel of his solid bulk between her legs.
They kissed and she giggled when his tongue darted out from between his lips to brush hers.
"Tickles," she said and he smiled.
"Shepard-"
"No, Kaidan. Please," she bit her lip, "say it."
"What?"
Closing her eyes she said, "My name."
His biotic field pulsed around her with the request and he pulled her tightly against him, resting his forehead against hers, before whispering, "Io'ken, I-"
It was the most beautiful thing she had ever heard. Her name passing between his lips, soft and husky with desire.
She couldn't let him finish, not when her name out there like that.
He groaned when she rolled her hips and pulled him close, her tongue pressing into his mouth, eager to taste him more. Her fingers moved along the bumps and curves of his skull, warm under his thick curls. She gripped the back of his head as he breathed hotly against her mouth.
Suddenly, he stopped and she realized that he had slowly walked over to the bed. Unhooking her ankles from behind his back, she let her feet swing freely above the floor before letting go.
He could have been fast or rough, instead she felt his hands on her hips, gently tugging at the hem of her shirt. He teased the fabric up and then she felt his strong hands against her soft skin, his lips brushed along her clavicle, as he cupped one breast tentatively before he helped her pull the shirt up and over her head.
She did the same for him next, running her hands over his chest and then under his shirt. They both laughed when she couldn't reach up to pull it off due to his height. As he helped with the last bit, she gasped at the marks that covered his body.
They both had scars, had been in the military too long at this point not to have them.
His were fine, silver lines that ran over his torso, she traced them with her fingers, hoping that he'd tell her someday how he got them. He was drawn to the angry red one that ran over her left shoulder, a souvenir of Elysium.
When he cupped her face and kissed her again she shut her eyes. Then she felt him gently tugging at one of the many pins she used to keep her hair up and away from her face. She had adopted the bun awhile ago, too vain to cut her hair again, it was the best way for her dress within the Alliance regs without cutting it short.
She let him tease at it, his hands fumbling with the pins. She rested her hands against his chest, glad to feel his solid, warm bulk against them. His biotics were fizzy against her palms and she could feel them grabbing at her own, as if they were meant to connect in some way.
When she opened her eyes, she smiled. He was intent on removing all the tools that kept the bun in place and determination showed clearly on his face. Although it was handsome and incredibly cute, she was ready to feel him again, so she grabbed his wrists to still the motion.
"Here, let me," she said. With her words, he seemed to remember where he was then, noticing her standing in her bra. He smiled as she worked the pins out of her hair easily and deftly. When she unwound the long coil, his eyes got big. It had been awhile since he'd seen it down, not since the crew introductions the day before they had left for Eden Prime. That had been months ago.
The thick curls fell past her shoulders and brushed softly against her back. His breath caught a bit as he ran his fingers through them, the auburn locks like burnished mahogany against his skin.
"It's been a really long time since anyone's seen me like this Kaidan," she blushed and wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly self-conscious. It had been years since she'd been with anyone, actually. In the back of her mind she knew there was nothing to worry about, she was healthier now than she'd ever been. Her immediate reaction was that she wasn't going to be what he expected, that he held her in a higher regard than what she was worth.
Backing away, she watched as her hair trailed through his fingers, his face confused.
"Shepard?" He stood back, the skin on his neck red and blotchy, he seemed torn, but his eyes were hungry, "I can still leave you know."
"Kaidan, I don't want you to get your hopes up. I'm not that experienced and I haven't…" she paused gauging his reaction, "I haven't since before N7."
He smiled, a warm heartbreaking smile and came over to her, as he spoke, he took her hand in his own, and pried her arms away from her body, "Io'ken Shepard, do you think that matters to me? I knew," he brushed her hair off her shoulder and kissed it, "from the first moment we met," kissed her on the crook of her neck, "that you were dangerous for me," he traced a finger between her breasts and her knees turned to water.
"You're beautiful," he whispered as his mouth met hers, yet again.
She let his hands roam, felt them run through her hair once again, across her shoulders, gripping her bottom, only to settle in the small of her back.
When he pulled away, she was shaken, but then he said, "I'm serious, we don't have to do this, if you are having doubts or want to take it slower, just let me know. Right now, I'm happy enough knowing that you feel the same way about me."
His biotics were crackling hotly against her and it was all she could do to remain standing. The last thing she wanted was for him to leave.
"I can't," she pressed her hand to his chest and looked up at him.
He licked his lips.
"Kaidan, I can't let you leave. I need to…" her words scared her, she had never been so open with anyone before, "I need to feel you on top of me," she closed her eyes and whispered, "Inside of me."
She heard the breath leave him in a rush.
Not wanting to delay any further, she unbuckled her pants and kicked off her shoes, then she went to him to do the same.
His hand found her chin and he angled her mouth towards his own as she worked at the button on his pants. An inadvertent moan rumbled along her throat when her fingers accidentally brushed along his erection.
It had been so long.
Soon enough he shed is pants and she was shameless as she gazed at him, the expanse of his chest, his strong, rounded shoulders, his cock, straining against his boxer briefs. She saw a red flush creep up his cheeks at her unabashed staring.
When she bit her lip and met his eyes again it was over and he was on her, this time deliciously close and not hindered by their bulky uniforms. The heat was radiating off his body and his biotics were coming off his skin in wisps of blue. She could feel them tickling along her own, his power was filling the gaps and the holes, completing her in a way she'd never felt before.
Suddenly, she remembered the first time he had felt like this, that day on the bridge when they met. It had made her weak then but now she felt complete. He slowly lowered her onto the bed and let his fingers trail down her stomach and under the hem of her panties. She moaned as they moved lower while his soft lips pressed themselves against her neck and along her collarbone.
A soft hiss escaped her as his fingers delved even deeper and she sought his mouth eagerly, wanting to taste him again. Rolling her hips against his hand, she felt him grin. When she opened her eyes, she found those amber eyes boring into her as her face betrayed her. The wanton desire and need flitted across her features as he continued with his ministrations. His thumb found the sensitive nub and she felt her power flare hotly in time with her moan.
It embarrassed her and she quickly bit down on her lip and tried to reel the biotics back in. The wrinkle above his eyebrows gave him away.
"What?" she whispered, her hand going to his cheek.
"Io, don't hold back, don't ever hold back, especially with me," his thumb flicked lightly over her clit and she clenched her teeth, tamping down on her power again, "Let it go. I want to, need to feel you," his voice rumbled in her ear and he sought that sweet spot of hers again. She cried out as he pressed into her, his thumb moving quickly causing her to peak unexpectedly.
The muscles in her stomach and legs tensed and the flare that rocked through her was hot and bright and left her panting.
Kaidan smiled, a brilliant, adorable smile as she felt her cheeks grow hot.
"That wasn't so bad was it?" he asked, a look of wicked delight passing over his features.
She shook her head and bit her lip, "No."
He pressed his forehead to hers, "Don't ever hold back with me, Io, never. I will always want all that you have to give, ok?"
Nodding, she said, "I've never been with anyone like this, Kaidan. Everyone else ran away or used me. I don't know what to do. I've always held back," she bit back a sob, "Always."
"They never understood, did they?"
"No," she whispered, thinking of the boy who ran away when she was 16, the boyfriend who, at 25 compared it to sleeping with an Asari. She hadn't ever been with anyone who understood just how deep her biotics ran.
His look of concern was almost too much. How on earth did this man end up here wanting her?
"Kaidan," she said, running her thumb over his lips and across the rough stubble on his jaw, "please, make love to me."
He nodded and smiled, "God, yes."
She giggled as he helped her take off her panties and quickly kicked off his own briefs. When he finally kissed her again, she gave in wholly. The weight of his body on top of hers, the feel of his biotics against her skin, his cock bumping against her hip were foreign and exciting.
A soft moan escaped from her as he guided himself into her body. He was slow at first, rubbing his thumb over her clit again while he pressed himself closer. She playfully rolled her hips against him, practically begging for what he had in store. When she giggled at the look that crossed over his features, he raised an eyebrow and thrust quickly, sheathing himself inside her.
She arched her back and clung tightly to his arms, "Ohhh," she moaned as he filled her.
Then she felt him rock his hips against her as his callused palm cupped her breast, the rough skin rubbing deliciously against the sensitive nub of her nipple.
"Stop," she cried out quickly as she felt her body tense.
"What, am I hurting you?" He asked, panicked.
"No," she said, embarrassed, "I just almost… again."
"Oh," he grinned, "and that's a bad thing?" he made a minute movement with his hips that made her catch her breath.
The moan that came out of her was low and guttural, "Kaidan, please, I want it to last, I don't want this to end so soon."
Leaning over he pinched her breast and she gasped, "I'll make it last for you, don't worry." The sheer confidence that he had made her shiver in delight.
"All right," she quickly sucked his earlobe, "I trust you."
She laid back and let him take her where he wanted. He was slow and tender, thrusting into her with a soft determination she had never experienced before. Kisses were peppered along her jaw, neck, along her collarbone, his lips encircled one of her nipples hotly and he sucked, eliciting a soft moan from her. Occasionally he would lean down to kiss her, his tongue pressing against hers, all the while his hips rocked back and forth, her body slick, her temperature rising.
His biotics snapped hungrily against hers, weaving into her own power, drawing it out taught, a vibrating string between them. In a moment of alarm she tried to pull them back, bring them inside herself like she always did. He grabbed her hands then, and pulled them over her head, clasping her wrists together.
"Don't," he whispered hoarsely, "Don't hold back," he thrust into her quickly then, and she gasped.
His teeth found her nipple this time and he lightly nibbled at her before sucking again, she pulsed, a bright flash of indigo blue pooling off her body.
"That's better," he said as he smiled before kissing her again, and she groaned as he quickened his pace once more.
His biotics grabbed at her and she could swear that he was directing them as well. There was a hot spark centered on the spot where their bodies met and she whimpered quietly every time he hit it. Other times, she'd feel a jolt run down her spine and she would arch her back in response, bringing her body all the closer to his.
She tried to do the same with her own, felt herself sending a pulse down his body. He growled as it hit his testes.
"No one ever said I was a slow learner, LT," she purred his title at him and grinned.
"Do it again," he said with a wicked glint in his eye.
"Is that an order?" she rolled her hips against the rhythm he was setting.
When his amber eyes flashed with hunger, she didn't hesitate before sending another one between them.
His biotics flashed, brilliant blue, and she cried out as they intertwined with hers. With a grunt, he let her wrists go and leveraged his body above hers, his biceps firming with the effort.
The biotic charge that hit her center next was deliciously tingly and intense. The cry that emerged from her was loud. She bit her lip sheepishly and in the next instant, her eyes rolled back into her head as he sent another, more powerful and intense one between them. Her thighs tightened around his torso and she fought off another peak in her center.
"I'm close," he whispered, the admission coming from his mouth quietly, his forehead resting against her own.
"Me too."
The biotic link tightened and she felt them lock into place as his slow, deliberate rhythm sped up. He wasn't holding anything back and he was taut with desire above her.
"Kaidan..." she gasped his name and cried out as their bodies met rapidly in a cloud of biotic blue.
He tensed and groaned as he emptied himself. The biotic field snapped quickly. A burst bubble that popped around them as she cried out one last time with the shuddering, arching, grasp of her orgasm.
Beads of sweat dotted her forehead and Kaidan's skin was hot and flushed. He rolled over and pulled her close, hugging her tightly. Their kiss was short as both of them caught their breath. She could hear the soft thump of his heart under her ear.
"Io'ken…" he started, his voice was hoarse.
She looked at him, saw the languid fall of his eyelids. The whiskey colored irises hooded with contentment, "Kaidan, I-"
He cut her off abruptly with another kiss and then he said, "That was incredible. You were amazing."
She blushed and ducked her head.
"Not since before N7, huh?" He chuckled and she felt his hand rest lightly on the swell of her butt. It was nice.
She trailed a finger down his chest and across his stomach which made him giggle.
"So, we're going to do this, huh?" It was a question she didn't really want answered, but she needed to know, needed to be sure that when he left here in the morning, that he'd be coming back. That they were a they and this wasn't a one night thing.
"There's no going back now," he drew circles on her back, "I don't want to. I can't. Unless you don't want me to." He tried to mask it, but there was fear in his voice.
She rolled over on top of him, her breasts pressed flat against his chest. They were eye to eye when she said, "I want you to, over and over and over again," and she kissed him.
That was hours ago. He had fallen asleep quickly after that, her body grasped tightly against his. It had felt perfect then, something she had always wanted in the form of this handsome, gentle, biotic man.
But as she stared at his back, committing all of the marks to memory, she started to worry. There had never been a time when she cared so deeply for someone else. It was frightening, wondering what would happen to them, out there on the battlefield. Would he be able to let her go if it came down to it?
More importantly, would she be able to let him?