Courage & Sacrifice
For Rob, and first responders everywhere. For Squid. And for Caroline.
This story is rated M. It contains sex, swearing, potentially offensive drug use, and cat vomit.
I do not own The Hunger Games.
"Now this is what I call a target rich environment. You ready to let some hot guy part your meat curtains and lick the dewy window to your libido?"
Katniss Everdeen winced at her former roommate's words, glancing around the hipster wine and cheese bistro. The place was nice, even if it was trying a little too hard to be "it". Dark wood wainscoting and metal sculptures in the shape of words proclaimed "Drink More Wine!" or "Sing in the Rain!" or "Life is short - eat Fromage!" on the hunter green accent wall. An unattended table full of books or something was set up along the far wall. But the highlight - the thing Katniss honed in on that would make the night bearable - was the full bar that ran the length of the longest wall. With the week she'd had, she hoped they served their Manhattans in troughs. "Jo, that's disgusting. What does that even mean? Your euphemisms make no sense. Also, why do you have to be so critical of my libido? It's there…it's just…quiet."
Johanna sucked in air through her nose, nostrils flaring while she led them to a high table flanked by metal and corduroy-covered stools. "With such a lack of commitment to self-service, it's a wonder we ever got you laid while we were at 'State. And you think I'm critical? I am not critical of your libido. I am lobbying – no, I am liberating your libido. I am personally heading up Seal Team Six to save your libido."
Katniss rolled her eyes as she slid onto the stool and gave herself a shock. She wondered if the proprietor had considered the prudence of guests sliding across corduroy and discharging static at the tables. "I thought we were coming out to have a good time. Isn't that the point of getting together?" She and her best friends on the planet - Annie Cresta and Johanna Mason- had been meeting up once a month for drinks or dinner since college graduation two years ago.
Most of the time the girls listened raptly as Johanna told tales that Katniss hoped fervently - for the sake of the poor guy or guys involved - weren't true. But occasionally Annie threw in a-not-so-innocent allusion to her own penchant for spanking and naughtiness that sent Katniss into a spiral of self-flagellation involving fleece pajamas, vats of Phish Food, and the cheesy 90's movies like Air Bud and The Mighty Ducks that she saved on her DVR for just that purpose.
"Oh my God. Seriously?" Her friend gestured wildly. "Getting laid is a good time. It's an excellent time. It's the best time to be had with a near-stranger who might buy you dinner, and, if you plan it right and swallow, breakfast. Plus, it's how I get all of my toothpaste and deodorant."
"You steal toothpaste and deodorant from guys that you sleep with?" Katniss gaped.
Jo smiled at the waitress approaching the table before glancing Katniss's way. "Don't look so shocked. I've upped my game since State. And I bring my own condoms, so it's only fair."
Katniss opened her mouth to protest, but her friend stopped her with a sharp motion toward the waitress. After their drink orders were placed, Johanna continued, "Now listen to me for once. Every time we come to one of these places, it's déjà vu. You come in all scowl-y and closed off, scaring every penis in the place that might even be tall enough to ride your ride. Then, you get drunk and complain that Hester Prynne has a more active love life, or that your last date was so platonic and unfulfilling that it had all the excitement of a Henry Fielding novel. Then you go on and on about how you don't need men, like you're Virginia Woolf, but you never commit to finding your Vita Sackville-West. Seriously, Katniss, you are a hot mess. You haven't changed a bit when it comes to the opposite sex! Not one bit. Are you taking this personally? Feel free to take this personally."
Katniss wished fervently that her drink was already in front of her and fired back, "So why come out with me then? If I'm so hopeless?"
"I like a challenge. Besides, getting you laid is my life's work. Once I'm done here, I can retire like Michael Jordan. Or Stormin' Norman."
"Who?" Katniss looked at her blankly.
Johanna shook her head. "You are hopeless, you know that? Do you read any of the biographies I send you? Now, back to our quest. What's your pleasure tonight? Firefighter? Cowboy? Firefighter-Cowboy? Harlequin Blaze assures us they know how to wield a big hose and ride hard." The petite brunette waggled her eyebrows and gestured to where a group of shirtless firefighters - complete with boots, yellow pants, and suspenders had taken up residence at the folding table laden with printed goods. "I'm sure any one of those bucking broncos would love to let you put a bit in his mouth so you can grip him between your taut thighs and hang on for thirty to forty seconds."
"No. Just… no. Can you hear yourself?" Katniss glanced at the group of men smiling and signing what she now saw were calendars. It wasn't much of a leap to assume they were raising money for charity. "How can you objectify men who spend their lives in service to the public?"
"I'm honoring their courage and their sacrifice with my body. Literally. Opening my slick, wet-"
"Oh, hi you guys! I'm so sorry I'm late!" A leggy brunette with haunting green eyes behind horn-rimmed glasses slid onto the empty bar stool between Katniss and Johanna. She looped her Betsey Johnson purse carefully over the back so it wouldn't fall to the somewhat sticky concrete floor.
Katniss prudently waited to lean over and hug the new arrival until after the woman had touched the metal table. "Annie, thank God you're here. Jo was just about to describe in detail how much she respects the guys promoting their calendar over there."
Annie pushed her glasses up her pert nose while she perused the scenery. "They are adorable. And it's to benefit Hope for Caroline, that children's cancer charity. Katniss, didn't you tell me about that?"
Brows drawing tight into a frown, Katniss nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah. I think I saw a flyer for that organization at this bakery I go to...Oh God." Her eyes darted back to the group of guys. One of them was hamming it up, pretending to recline on the table like a chaise and rubbing his oiled chest to draw attention to his pecs for a woman who was mid-purchase and practically drooling. But that wasn't what drew her eye. Instead, she honed in on the man behind him earnestly speaking with another firefighter.
"'Oh God' - as in your panties just combusted because you saw something you liked and you want to jump on its back like a rabid monkey? Or 'Oh God' you just got your period and you need to leave right now before we all die in a deluge of blood rain?" When Katniss didn't answer, Jo reached across the table and grabbed her arm. "Brainless, you're scaring me with all this silent crap."
"Jo, stop being all 'Scarlett O'Hara'." Annie flipped her hair and turned to Katniss. "Seriously, though, what gives? You look like you've seen a ghost."
The group waited expectantly while the waitress dropped off their drinks and Annie ordered her own whisky, neat. Katniss took a fortifying sip of her Manhattan, letting the calming, smoky-sweet flavor explode on her tongue, then leaned forward, braid falling over her shoulder. "Don't look now. But I-I know one of them."
Two sets of eyes snapped to the group despite Katniss's request. "No, seriously?" Annie breathed. "Which one? Is it the ginger? Say it's the ginger."
Katniss ducked her head to hide her blush. "Can you please stop looking over there? The blond. With the uh-"
"-Curls?" Annie slowly pulled her glasses down her nose and off, then made a show of wiping the lenses and putting them back on. "He's-"
"-The one smuggling an eggplant in his pants? Or the other one? " Jo's voice rang out causing several heads to swing their way.
Katniss's speared her with glare. "Could you please keep your voice down? And could you please stop looking at his… at his..."
"Junk? Man meat? Throbbing torpedo? Manaconda?" Jo smirked. "I knew that my purple prose would finally come in handy: my creative writing professor can suck it! And I can't help it if cockaliciousness drives my inner Chaucer. Besides, staring at his toothsome ratatouille worked: his friends are coming over. And you know what that means? Mr. Freaky Firefighter is sure to follow. "
"They're what?" Katniss swallowed hard. "This can't be happening."
Annie confirmed Jo's gleeful proclamation with a solemn nod. "She's serious, Katniss. They're walking our way."
Katniss glanced to the right, eying the bar the way one might a mirage in the desert. "We need drinks, right? I'll go get us a round."
Jo tittered at Katniss's clear discomfort. "You're running away? Fine. More for us, because bitch, you're buying! But don't say I didn't try to include you when you're crying into your lonely, empty glass later tonight. Away, you three-inch fool!" Jo yelled the insult at Katniss's retreating back.
"So...Kate. Tell us how you know Peeta, over there," Finnick, the ginger of the group, asked an hour later. He and another friend had planted themselves at the girls' table, ordered a round and some food, and proceeded to flirt with every woman in a fifty-foot radius. At least, Finnick had. His friend Pollux didn't seem to talk much. Finnick gestured to the calendar table where the blond with the exuberant curls and another guy who looked a lot like him were briskly selling their wares. Finnick leaned back on his stool, deliberately crossing his arms in front of his chest to bring definition to his biceps, and stretched his long legs out in front of him.
Katniss, who was on her fourth Manhattan - or was it her fifth? - squinted in his direction and scowled at all of his exposed skin. "It's Katniss. And are you always so…" She motioned with a cherry stem at his abs and the deep V that ran along his hip bones, emphasizing his treasure trail. She was pretty sure some of the other women in the bar actually sighed as he ran an index finger along his own collarbone.
"So comfortable in my gorgeous masculinity? Yes. Yes, I am."
Annie blushed a shade that could only be called 'fire engine' while Katniss glared and Jo snorted. "Excuse my friend. The last hot guy she spent time with wore a FedEx uniform."
Katniss defended, "He was nice."
"And punctual, I'm sure."
"What's wrong with punctual? Who was the last guy you had a crush on, Jo? I forget, was it Poe or Hawthorne?" To the table at large, Katniss stage-whispered, "Jo over here likes dead guys."
"I'm more of an Oscar Wilde gehl, Everdeen. Although I don't theoretically mind guys who come on a schedule." Jo shrugged, drunk enough that she seemed oblivious to the fact that her sweater slouched off one shoulder to expose a fuchsia bra strap. "And hey, at least I use my brain at work. Unlike some people who run around shooting things with arrows."
"You're a librarian, Jo. I don't know how you stand all that dust and quiet. How is that better than teaching archery to children?"
The ginger held up his palm. "Ladies! Ladies! Although I am riveted at your friend Jo's commitment to the written word, and I love a woman who drools over men in uniform, I noticed that you're dodging the question. So, Katniss, how do you know my bro Peeta?"
She shrugged and dropped her eyes to the plate of chicken wings. It had mysteriously appeared at their table to go with the saganaki and pita already there the minute Finnick and his cute-but-quiet friend Pollux had arrived. She was just about to load up a wing with bleu cheese dressing when a voice chimed in behind her, startling her so she dropped the wing into the bowl of dressing.
"She comes into the bakery sometimes. I'm Peeta, by the way. I don't think we've ever officially met."
Katniss gaped in surprise at the hand extended her way. "I know who you are: your name is on your apron. I'm Katniss." She looked from his larger hand to her wing-sauce and bleu cheese splattered one. He quickly shoved his fists into the pockets of his turnout pants, which did nothing but draw her eyes to what Jo had referred to as his voluptuous vegetable. She caught herself licking her lips. Heat tinged her cheeks.
"I gathered that from your credit card. I hope that's not too creepy." He winced.
Heavy silence fell between them.
Johanna cleared her throat. "So, Katniss. You've been ogling Peeta's buns and haven't told us?"
Finnick laughed. "Not the bakery jokes already! At least have the decency to make a firefighter joke or two first."
"Fine. So, blondie, I see you have a big hose. You ready to get my friend nice and wet?" Johanna leaned forward. As if drawn by the magnetic pull of her gaping sweater, Pollux mirrored her actions.
Katniss stared in abject horror. "Oh my God. Did you just say that?"
"She did. I think Jo might be drunk." Annie nodded, plucking Jo's sweater and pulling it back into place. This triggered clear disappointment from the tall, built, honey-haired gentleman to Jo's other side.
"I most certainly am not. If I were, I would tell cutey-pattooty with the man-bun over here-"
"-Pollux?" Finnick looked at his quiet friend, whose flaming face didn't stop him from leaning further into Jo's personal space.
"-That if he so much as smiles at me hopefully, I'm going to grab that thing like a handle and ride his face faster than you can get an ISBN."
Katniss was pretty sure that she wasn't the only one at the table who choked at her friend's boldness.
Pollux, however, seemed non-plussed. Slowly, as if giving her time to draw away, the big guy leaned over, cupped his hand around Johanna's ear and whispered something that made her blush. And Johanna never blushed.
She smacked her hands on the table and pushed to her feet. "Well, I'd love to stay and watch this tragedy unfold, but I never really liked the angst of Tolstoy. So I'm going to skeedaddle with Pollux here." She grabbed her purse from the back of her chair and threw a few twenty dollar bills onto the table. "That should cover me. I'd tell you to call a paramedic if you don't hear from me in an hour, but I've already got that covered." She winked at the table at large.
Annie laid a restraining hand on Johanna's arm. "Jo, you don't even know hi-"
Johanna pulled away and stroked Pollux's arm as she would a friendly cat or a beloved hound. "He's Mr. December in a firefighter charity calendar. You can clearly see he's got a bigger dick than Herman Melville, and he just told me he's pierced. Pierced, Annie. That's a holy trifecta! And sweet-baby-Jesus-God-in-heaven am I not missing out on this rare and beautiful unicorn. I almost feel bad that neither you nor Katniss will possibly have my luck tonight."
Pollux gave his friends a nod and lifted a thumb in the age-old gesture for "don't wait up".
Jo paused for a moment as she gathered her jacket before turning to the foursome left at the table. Urgently, she leaned in, swaying a little. "Whatever happens, do not let her tell you she's on her period."
"Oh my God-"
"Brainless, you are not using that as an excuse this time: I know for a fact that your pill placebos aren't until next week. I've got a good feeling about this one. Do not turn this into a Nicholas Sparks ending."
Katniss dropped her head to the table and counted to ten, then twenty, then thirty. She loved her friends, she really did. But sometimes she wished they weren't so-
"How come you come into the bakery with different guys?" Peeta asked, then winced as Katniss jerked upright to stare at him. "Sorry, I know it's not my business. I've just wondered-" He shrugged. "There's a new guy almost every week. Most people don't come to the bakery with someone unless it's a significant other. And it's always pretty early on a Sunday morning. Never Saturday."
Katniss lifted her head and slowly crossed her arms across her chest. "I like to have a nice cup of coffee and a Danish on Sundays. You only serve those goat cheese apple things on that day and they're my favorite."
Finnick leaned forward and searched her face. "So you eat Danish with random guys? Are you a hooker or something?" He held up his hands at her outrage. "It's totally okay if you are. I mean, everyone's got to eat. Danish are expensive. And I've known some really nice working girls." He blushed when Annie choked on an ice cube and stammered, "Not personally known them. We just tend to be out late on calls-"
"Do people assume you're a stripper? Because Magic Mike called and he wants to borrow your outfit," Katniss shot back, pointing at Finnick's defined pecs.
"I'm just saying that I don't find anything wrong-"
"Finn, shut up," Peeta said. "You're not helping." He turned back to Katniss, his cheeks flaming. "My friend here is an idiot, so please ignore him. I'm just wondering if any of them is...significant."
Katniss stared at him as if he were speaking another language. "Are you asking me if I'm seeing someone? Because the answer is no."
"Good." Peeta leaned back in his chair, exhaling a deep breath as he did so. For a long moment he grinned at Katniss before rising to his feet. "I'll have to remember that the goat cheese apple pinwheels are your favorite. And here's a tip: try the cheese buns. You won't regret it." His eyes caught and held hers for a moment before he sighed. "I'd better get back to the table and help with sales. You coming, Finn?"
"In a minute." Finnick waited until Peeta was halfway across the room before leaning forward to swipe a wing from the plate in the center of the table. Dredging it in dressing, he took a bite and said offhandedly, "He likes you, you know." He continued to chew as Katniss scoffed. "I'm serious. The guy has zero game, but his face lit up like a kid's on Christmas when you showed up here tonight. Now, I joke about a lot of things, I know,"- he waved his hand eloquently at her continued disbelief - "but I never joke about feelings. Life is too short, especially when you're a firefighter. It can end in an instant. So, if we see something sweet, we had better grab it!"
He turned to Annie, who had been watching him raptly as he spoke. "Annie, is it? Would you like to dance?"
Annie brushed her hair back from her forehead. "Don't you have to go back to your friends?"
Finnick winked. "Weren't you listening? I see something sweet."
"So you're going to grab me? I'm not sure I like that."
"I only meant it figuratively. I would never be so crass as to manhandle someone who is clearly meant to be cherished."
Katniss snorted. But her jaw dropped in disbelief as one of her best friends slid off her stool and held out her hand for the ripped, shirtless firefighter. Finally, she muttered, "I can't even believe this."
Annie didn't even turn her way. "Oh, pfft. You're just going to drown yourself in wings and another Manhattan anyway. One of us might as well have some fun."
"One of us might as well have some fun," Katniss muttered under her breath thirty minutes - and the entire plate of chicken wings and another Manhattan - later. "I am fun! I'm so fun. So what if Annie gets to dance with a hot guy and Johanna is working over some poor unsuspecting firefighter right this very minute? I can have fun by myself. I'm fine by myself," she slurred while glaring at the table of shirtless firefighters. "I'm happy. I'm going to get up, bring Annie her purse, pee, and then go home. Then I'm going to put on some fleece and curl up with A Princess for Christmas. It's going to be epic-ly awesome." She sighed and glanced once more at the firefighter table before grabbing Annie's purse and her own.
Annie's sparkling eyes deflated Katniss's righteous indignation faster than a helium balloon in a dart factory. Finn hadn't let go of Annie's hand, even when Katniss had awkwardly thrust her prized Betsey Johnson in her direction. By the time Katniss made it to the stall in the ladies' room, she had to admit that it had been a long time since she had felt anything close to the glow Annie was clearly exhibiting.
Two years. She thought afterward as she washed her hands. Two years and…three months? Could it possibly be that long? She grimaced at herself in the mirror, pushing loose strands back into her braid as best she could. Katniss's muddled mind did the sorry math again and confirmed what she had already suspected.
It had been too damn long since she had experienced the bone-melting, knee-knocking, butterfly-inducing hotness of even a decent kiss.
Pathetic.
Every week at the bakery was the same: she met up with some guy whose online profile seemed promising only to have him turn into a frog in the time it took her to drink a latte and eat a Danish. There was the actuary who lived with his mother and had her waiting in the car so Katniss could meet her. That had been followed by the guy who said she reminded him of his kid sister who had just moved away. Another one was a former Catholic priest looking for companionship. Physical companionship. And the latest was an up-and-coming fashion designer who showed up with finished sketches of her in some of his one-of-a-kind creations. Come to think of it, she was hoping they could remain friends, if only for the clothing and accessories that were likely to follow. All in all, though, she had to hold some kind of record, right? At bare minimum she possessed a certifiable life skill: the ability to attract a loser in about an hour.
Or maybe...maybe it was the fact that she kept comparing every guy she met to the guy behind the bakery counter.
She crossed her eyes in the mirror. Maybe she shouldn't try to philosophize when she was drunk, how about that? She wrenched the door to the ladies room open and breezed out, only to collide with a solid, warm body in the dim hallway beyond the bathroom door. Nose firmly planted in soft cotton, she breathed deeply of the oddly familiar scent. Something light - like talcum powder mixed with cinnamon and a hint of more pungent dill.
"Katniss?" Peeta's warm hands cradled her hips before easing her away from his body and steadying her on her feet.
Katniss blinked up into blue eyes. "Peeta? What are you doing back here?"
"I saw Finn with your friend. She wasn't sure if you had left yet and I wanted to say goodnight. Make sure you had a ride home if you needed one. That sort of thing." He cleared his throat, then seemed to remember his hands were still on her hips. Abruptly, he wrenched them away to shove them into his front pockets.
Katniss felt the loss of their warmth and tugged on her sweater hem, swaying slightly toward him. "You talked to Annie? I guess I should say thanks for not mentioning to her and Jo that we know each other. Well, we don't really know each other. But you know what I mean. That we knew each other."
He smiled. "You mean that we grew up together? You're welcome. I didn't think you'd want to go into the whole story. Hell, I wasn't even sure if you remembered me, so I decided to play it safe and stay away from ancient history."
She gaped, then frowned, eyes dropping to the artfully scuffed concrete floor. "Of course I remember you! I couldn't forget. Not after what happened."
She looked up to find his intense blue eyes searching her face. "But you tried, didn't you? You left Fairfield and you tried to forget."
She nodded and let the tears spill over and streak her cheeks. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the late hour, or the dim and quiet hallway that reinforced the intimacy of the moment.
"I never got to tell you how sorry I was." He looked away, then side-eyed her through his lashes almost bashfully. "Sorry doesn't seem like enough, does it? I am though. I'm so damn sorry."
"You tried to save her." She noticed his tight grimace. How had she not payed attention to how positively lush his lips were? Two years of keeping her distance. She moved closer to his warmth and that gorgeous mouth, wondering what it would feel like against hers.
Peeta must have thought she wanted comfort. He opened his arms and enfolded her in a hug so cozy that she gasped. Was he this warm all the time? For a moment or two she dropped her nose into the spot where his shoulder met his neck and let her lips trace the skin, breathing in his elusive scent. How was it possible that a simple hug could make her feel safe, secure, and fully content? She wasn't going to be the first to let go. So when he sighed deeply and cleared his throat with a rumble that vibrated through his chest into hers, she did the only thing she could think of to keep him from ending the embrace. She slid a palm up his arm, across his shoulder into the curls at the nape of his neck, then tugged his head down so her lips could capture his.
Soft. His lips were as soft as they looked. She brushed her mouth lightly across his full bottom lip, catching a hint of smoky wing sauce with the tip of her tongue before investigating each corner. She combed her fingers through the curls at his nape and tugged gently. Her voice when she spoke was raspy and a little desperate. "Kiss me back."
"Fuck. Katniss - I -" Whatever Peeta was going to say, he must have thought better of it. Instead, he swung her around so she was nestled in a corner, his larger body blocking anyone's direct line of sight and leaned into her.
Katniss groaned and arched into him as he slanted his mouth across hers. Finally. She eagerly slid her tongue to meet his, letting him control the pace; letting him discover how they fit together. When he slid a muscular thigh between her legs, adding friction in the best way possible, she pulled back to bite him on the lower lip as punishment for making her wait so long.
He groaned and pulled away slightly, breathing heavily. Breath ghosted across her lips as he leaned his forehead against hers. "What was that for?"
She kept her eyes shut and just enjoyed the heavy weight of him. "I was curious." She felt his chuckle vibrate through her body and cuddled closer to his warmth. "You're so warm."
He chuckled again. "You're cute when you're drunk. Let's get you home."
"I am not cute and I don't need help." She tried to glare at him through half-closed eyes, especially when he withdrew his support from around her and she listed to the side.
"I know. Just - let me make sure you get home safely. Ok?"
Katniss shrugged, almost losing her footing in the process. "Fine. But only because we have history. And I know you're not an axe-murderer. Do you need to tell your friends that you're leaving?"
"I'm sure they'll figure it out. They're resourceful."
She snorted. "I bet."
By the time they parked outside Katniss' door, all she wanted was her fuzzy jammies, a glass of water, and to forget the night had ever happened. She also felt like something had died in her mouth.
"Katniss-"
"Thanks-" She laughed sheepishly as they spoke over each other. "You go ahead."
Peeta scratched the back of his neck. "I was just going to say that I'm glad you came tonight. I never would have found the nerve to talk to you at the bakery."
She scoffed at his sincere expression. "Oh, come on."
"What?"
"Look at you, Peeta. You were walking around tonight shirtless in front of a bunch strangers. It's no wonder you were voted 'Most Popular' back in the day. You single-handedly convinced Mr. Bryk to let us skip his class for the last two weeks of senior year. You're wired for speech."
"That was a long time ago. Besides… I've always been shy when it comes to you."
She giggled. "Oh my God. Was that a line? Because if it was, it doesn't even deserve a response." She fumbled with her seat belt. "Give me a minute and I'll be out of your hair."
"I'll walk you in."
Finally the clasp disengaged and she reached for her purse on the floor. "That's not necessary."
A muscle ticked in his jaw as his blue eyes clashed with her gray ones. "A gentleman walks a lady to her door."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. Come on."
They climbed the steps to her lobby and waited for the elevator in silence. When the elevator doors closed behind them and Barry Manilow began crooning about a girl named Mandy, Katniss blurted, "I'm not sure what your angle is tonight. I mean, it's obvious you're not after a one night stand based on the way you pulled away from me earlier." At his look of discomfort she raised a hand. "It's alright, Peeta. Really. I'm used to it. Not the most popular girl at the club. Obviously." She pointed a thumb at herself.
The elevator doors opened and Katniss led him to the third door on the left. "This is me. I'd ask if you want to come in-"
"May I? Now that you've established I don't want a one-night stand, we can agree that you're totally safe with me."
"Uh, sure. Totally. She blinked at him owlishly, trying to detect if he was being sarcastic. "Are you going to check under my bed for the Boogeyman or something? Because I can do that."
He took her keys and unlocked the door for her before guiding her inside with a hand on the small of her back. "I'd be afraid you'd fall over checking under your bed."
She looked back to glare at him and stumbled into her coatrack. "I'm fine." He made a noncommittal noise while glancing around, clearly checking out her apartment. It wasn't much: a one bedroom with an old, ratty, grayish-brown couch, a small flat screen, and her prized collection of bows neatly arranged from smallest to largest on one wall - but it was all hers. No roommates. No distractions. No one to silently judge her for a Ben and Jerry's marathon at three in the morning. She loved her safe little hidey-hole, even if she did get lonely once in a while.
"Where do you keep your aspirin? Bathroom?" She pointed down the long, dark hallway while she fought with the vicious coatrack. "I'll get them and a glass of water, since you're busy."
A few minutes later he returned with a small bottle in hand. "Is it always so cold in here? I mean, I sleep with the window open, but I can actually see my breath. Katniss?"
She mumbled, breathing heavily from her spot on the floor. "I'm still recovering from where my jacket attacked me. Is it really that cold in here?"
"Yeah."
"Well, shit. I bet the heat is out again. Stupid new landlord. Stupid apartment. Stupid coatrack." She thunked her head against the wall and shut her eyes. "Stupid spins."
"Keep your eyes open if the room's spinning." He handed her two painkillers and some water. "Can you take these? When you're done, put your hands flat on the wall and it will help the stop the perceived movement of the room. Does the heat go out like this a lot?"
Katniss discovered that shrugging with her palms flat against the wall was harder than it sounded. "Maybe once a week now. Guy is a total cheapskate. He pays for heat and I think he rotates which units go without. There's always one of two of us who have to wear layers." She giggled for a moment. "And his name is Snow. Get it?" She snorted. "I've never thought of that before. Snow. Like frozen rain-"
"I get it. Is that why your bed looks like something out of Princess and the Pea? I've never seen so many blankets." He frowned. "I'm not sure if it's safe for you to stay here tonight."
"Pfft." She rolled her eyes.
He frowned and held out a hand. "I'm serious. What if you smother from blankets and vomit? Come on. You can stay with me."
"That's gross. And why are you being so nice to me? It's annoying. You're annoying, you know that? Despite that whole hot-wrestler-firefighter thing you have going on. There's no reason you should be nice to me.
"You think I'm hot?" A blush traveled up his neck, leaving twin bright spots on his cheeks, and coloring the tips of his ears. "Thank you. And why wouldn't I be nice to you? We've known each other forever."
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. But you never spoke to me. Like...ever. And now we're having whole conversations. I just can't process it."
He grinned, a dimple playing hide-and seek. "And you're calling me hot. Don't forget that part. Now, how about we get going so we can curl up with some cocoa before we turn in? I may even have some bakery leftovers lying around. Or would vomiting first make you feel better?"
"Can't. Go. With. You." She gulped.
"You're going to puke, aren't you? I can carry you to the bathroom and we can do this together. Remember, I'm a professional. Bodily fluids don't freak me out."
"I am not going to puke." She shook her head emphatically.
He raised an eyebrow. "If this is about you coming with me, Katniss, I am not leaving you here-"
She pointed again down the dark hallway. "Toothbrush. And floss. I need them. I can't go anywhere without them."
He stood for a moment, hands on hips, jaw gaping. "Toothbrush and floss. You're kidding. That's your critical emergency item."
"Your mouth is the gateway to your health." Her head thunked back against the wall and she winced. "Grab that stuff and we can go. Because you're right - it's freaking freezing in here."
A few minutes - and a car ride full of second-guessing nerves - later, Katniss had to admit that his place was exactly the opposite of hers. Oh, sure, it was still small. But Peeta had color everywhere. Riotous reds. Boundless blues. Organic oranges like the sunset sky. She didn't get how he could think in a place exploding with such expansive color. And it was warm, just like him, despite the windows he had propped slightly open. It probably helped that he lived above Mellark's bakery.
Peeta interrupted her reverie as he showed her his bedroom. His equally colorful bedroom. "I'll sleep on the floor."
"What? Oh, that's not necessary. Really. It's your bed. Hand me a blanket and I can crash anywhere. At least I think I can. It's really beautiful in here, Peeta; your place is so colorful."
"Yeah?" He rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess it is. I, uh, I paint. So I guess color is sort of my thing." He cleared his throat. "No way are you sleeping on the floor. You're my guest. Besides, the whole point of you staying over was so I could take care of you."
She frowned. "Peeta, honestly. Who made you my guardian angel? I can sleep on the floor."
He crossed his arms and she tried not to notice the wonderful things that did to his biceps. "Not going to happen, Everdeen. Now stop grousing and go do whatever it is you do to your teeth and gums while I grab some extra blankets and a pillow."
She paused at the door, face flaming. "We could both sleep on the bed. I mean, we've established that you're not interested." At his completely blank look she hastened to add, "Forget I said anything. I'm a bed hog anyway. I'll just…" she gestured to the bathroom and grabbed her purse and the cosmetic bag Peeta had packed for her. Ducking her head to avoid eye contact, she said, "Be right out."
Katniss stared at herself in the mirror above his sink and rolled her eyes. She was a hot mess. Her limited amount of makeup seemed to have tried to make a run for it. Her hair was turning into a kinky mess. And was that a ranch dressing stain on her shirt? She smelled the fabric. It did, indeed, seem to be ranch.
Peeta knocked on the door. "Do you need me to give you a t-shirt or something to wear? I didn't grab anything besides your dental supplies."
She stuck out her tongue at herself. "That would be great. Thank you." Of course a t-shirt would be great. And a t-shirt that didn't smell like a fussy wine bar, or ranch dressing would be even better. Peeta's t-shirts probably smelled like unicorns or Christmas morning or something. When he passed a shirt to her a minute later, she felt compelled to sniff it. She had to grip the vanity countertop to keep from laughing out loud. His shirt actually did smell like cinnamon, nutmeg, and maybe a little dill. In other words, exactly like Katniss' favorite Christmas breakfast of scrambled eggs with dill and a side of cinnamon rolls.
Unbelievable. The guy was just too good to be real.
When Katniss returned to the bedroom, she passed a sheepishly smiling Peeta clutching basketball shorts and t-shirt. "I'm just going to, uh, go get dressed. Make yourself comfortable, I'll be right out."
"Okay." Katniss tugged at the bottom of Peeta's t-shirt. It reached past mid-thigh, so it wasn't like she needed to be more modestly covered. "You don't mind if I get into bed, do you?"
"No. Go ahead."
She waited until he had shut the bathroom door to pull back the navy blue quilt and sputter-chuckled in surprise. Red sheets with large fire trucks covered every inch. Before sliding beneath them, she gave a quick, fervent prayer that he wasn't compensating for something. His pillows smelled less like Christmas morning and more like a sexy firefighter who wore a hint of cologne. And sometimes smoke.
She pulled a pillow toward her and sighed heavily. Two years and a multitude of therapy sessions and she was still no closer letting other people in. Kissing Peeta earlier had been a huge risk that she was willing to take simply because he fascinated her. He always had. That fascination had only grown as she acknowledged and understood that she saw him as the last remaining link to her old life: the one before heartache and loss. She didn't want to be closed off with him. Even more than that, she wanted him to want her in return.
"Everything okay?" He rubbed a hand towel over his neck and face.
Katniss swallowed. She had to force her eyes away from where his t-shirt stuck to his damp chest. "Yeah. I'm good. But I do have to ask: what's with the dorky fire truck sheets?"
He tossed his hand towel in the corner laundry basket with an ease that bespoke years of practice, then turned to her. "What can I say? I'm a closet dork who likes fire trucks. And they were a gift from my brother, Rye. Who is also a closet dork who likes fire trucks, by the way." He knelt down to his nest of pillows and blankets, then flopped onto his side to stare up at her.
She fluffed a pillow. "I just never pictured you as a fire truck sort of guy."
"You pictured my sheets? I'm flattered. Although you're not the first-" He grabbed at the pillow she threw at his head instead of ducking. "Why thank you, I'd love another pillow."
She narrowed her eyes. "You are really something. You know that?"
Ha rolled to his back and fluffed both of pillows. "I'm so glad you think so."
Quietly, she thought for a moment as she gnawed on the inside of her cheek. "Peeta, what month are you. In the calendar?"
He laughed lightly, as if embarrassed. "What makes you think I'm actually in the calendar?"
"Because you didn't get those abs wrestling in high school, that's why. What month?"
"May. Are you happy? May." He sounded grumpy, if slightly pleased that she had noticed his abs.
She grinned. "That's my birthday!"
"I know. Now time for bed, Everdeen. Shut off the light."
"Peeta. Peeta. Wake up!" Katniss placed her water glass on the nightstand and crouched over the writhing pile of blankets and pillows. She desperately tried to shake what she hoped was his shoulder.
"Katniss. Katniss, No!" he whimpered. "Don't go in there!" She strode to the window and pushed it open further, hoping the cool air would wake him. "Please." He cried out brokenly at something only he could see.
She returned to jostle his arm again. "Peeta! I'm right here. Wake up." When he still didn't seem to snap out of it, she laid down and pressed her body against his side. He trembled as he fought whatever it was in his dream. "It's alright. You're having a nightmare. I get them, too."
"Katniss?" He said faintly.
"I'm right here. Do you need some water or something?"
He grabbed her hand. "Don't go."
"I wasn't going to go anywhere," she soothed. "I got up to get some water and heard you. I have a glass on your nightstand if you want some. Are you okay? You're shaking."
"Yeah. I'll be alright in a minute." He was quiet for a moment. "Do you think I could...I could hold you? Would that be okay?"
Katniss's heart stuttered at the question. "Sure."
He shifted so his arm was around her and she snuggled closer to his rapidly beating heart. When she was settled against him, he left out a huge sigh. "Thanks for waking me."
"It was the least I could do after everything you've done for me." At his wide-eyed look she shrugged. "I could pretty much stand vigil over your bed every night and still not be able to make us even, Peeta."
"Is that what I am? A deficit on some sort of 'favors owed' sheet?" His tone was wry, but she thought she heard hurt in his voice as well.
She shook her head. "No. That's not it. I'm not good at words the way you are, but that's not what you are to me. I just… I feel like I should protect you. Does that make sense? Not because of something owed. Although there is that, for sure."
"I feel that too. When you come in the bakery, I just want to keep an eye on you and make sure you're happy and safe."
"Then I guess it's settled: we protect each other." She grinned at him in the dark and he flashed her a smile in return. "I never thought I'd say that to the Prom King."
"Prom King?" He chuckled. "I didn't even go." When she turned her head and snorted into his shoulder in disbelief, he added, "Seriously. You can ask Rye the next time you're in the bakery."
Her giggle morphed into a yawn. "But you were the most popular boy in school. How is it possible you didn't attend the finale to your high school career?"
Peeta shrugged, shifting so Katniss's head lay on his shoulder. "I liked this girl and really wanted to ask her. I guess I was too shy, though. I lost my nerve. And then everything else happened and prom just didn't seem important."
"No way." She yawned again. Curling her hand into a fist on his chest, she nestled her body tightly around his. "Who was this girl?"
She thought she felt his lips on her forehead for a moment. "Shhh. You're tired. You should go back to sleep."
"Okay," she whispered. "Can I stay down here with you?"
She swore that, right before she fell asleep, he whispered Always.
Katniss woke to wince at sunlight streaming in the window next to the bed. It took her another moment of glancing around to realize she was still on the floor of Peeta's bedroom, wrapped in blankets that smelled like him. She was also alone, unless she counted the small herd of gym socks that he seemed to be hoarding under his bed.
She slowly pulled herself to a sitting position without disturbing the drums her in her head and gave silent thanks as spied the note, water, and painkillers Peeta had left for her on the nightstand. She downed the glass, then headed to the bathroom to wash the floor-of-the-forest taste out of her mouth. Just as she was rinsing the final time, Missy Elliott's "Get Ur Freak On" split the air from somewhere nearby. Katniss's hand slipped and half the water slid down her chin to soak her t-shirt.
"Dammit, Jo," she muttered as the ringtone played again. She stumbled across the room to her purse. "Your timing sucks."
"And good morning to you, Brainless! If my timing sucks, does this mean you're finally shaking off your Miss Haversham vibe?"
Katniss shook her head to clear the cobwebs. "Inside voice, please. How are you not hungover? And why are you calling me at 7 am? Did what's-his-name not pan out?"
Jo scoffed. "Pollux. His name is Pollux. Like in Greek mythology. And you wouldn't be hungover either if you would just try my hangover cure."
Katniss gagged. "Don't. Please don't tell me about it agai-"
"Vodka, Redbull, a raw egg, and a tablespoon of habanero hot sauce. I'm telling you, you'd be right as rain right now if you drank it before bed. But you never listen to me."
Katniss leaned weakly against the bed and rubbed her eyes. "Jo, why are you calling?"
"Besides checking up on whether my favorite roommate finally did the walk of walk of dames? I need your help. Can you Google how long it's safe to wear a cock ring with an erection? I'd do it, but I'm over my data usage for this month."
"Oh my God. You have to stop asking me to do searches for random stuff. When are you getting unlimited data?" Katniss dutifully opened a browser and ran a search.
"It's not like anyone is going to go through the browser history on your phone. You're too pure for that. Plus, you know this is the most exciting thing you'll do all day."
Katniss scanned a web site, half-listening to her friend. "I'm afraid to ask this next question, but it may matter if it's a rigid ring or something malleable. Most of the sites talk about all-day wear, though. So you're probably okay.""
Katniss heard Johanna sigh. "Good. That's good. It's a nitrile ring, so it has some give. At least I planned that far ahead."
"Jo, what's going on?"
"Pollux and I got home and immediately got down to business. On a side-note, that guy wasn't kidding when he called his mouth the Jaws of Life. Anyway, I drank some of my aforementioned hangover cure and he said he wanted to try it. And I may have slipped him part of a crushed up Viagra."
"You WHAT?" Katniss practically yelled. "You drugged your date? I can't believe you."
"Oh, please. He was totally aware the entire time. He even helped me put the ring on him. It's not like he didn't know what we were going to do when we came back here. I didn't do anything except enhance his performance a little. Like Lance Armstrong when he doped to win the Tour de France."
"Lance Armstrong knew what he was doing."
"So does Pollux, Brainless. So. Does. Pollux. The guy may have ruined me for other men. I can barely keep up with him. This twelve hour relationship is the longest I've ever had and I can totally see why other people do this. Oh, hey. On another note: that cooling cream you made me? The stuff with aloe in it? Does it work on chafed skin?"
Katniss cautioned, "Jo, I can guarantee what you're doing isn't the same as other people's relationships. And you cannot use that on red or broken skin. Promise me you won't try it." A noise caught Katniss' attention and she froze as Peeta's bedroom door creaked open slowly. A small shape entered and stopped dead when it spied her, gazing disdainfully.
"It was just an idea. Jeez. After care's important. Brainless, you there?"
"Jo, I have to go." Katniss sidled carefully up to the orange and white cat as it sat down and began grooming itself.
"Wha-"
"I"ll call you later." She disconnected the call and simply stared at the cat. Was it possible that it was… No. It couldn't be. All cats acted as if humans should be happy to serve them. So what was so damn familiar about this particular cat?
"Here kitty. Nice kitty." Katniss crouched to get closer. "You're a pretty one, aren't you?" The cat stopped leisurely licking its paw for a moment as if agreeing before resuming its loud, wet ministrations. Scooping it up carefully in her arms, she scratched the reluctantly airborne cat behind the ears, taking particular care with the torn and long-healed right one. "Are you Buttercup?" she murmured in the same sing-song voice.
The cat seemed to pause at the name, letting out a plaintive meow as if asking a question. The two locked eyes for a moment in unspoken communication.
"She's… she's gone. If you're asking about Prim. Do you remember Prim? She died that day in the fire. I tried to get her out, but I couldn't." Katniss tried to keep tears from clogging her throat.
The cat seemed to understand. It gently butted its head against Katniss's chin as if giving her a feline hug.
She sniffed. "She would be happy that you got out somehow. I miss her so much, Buttercup. So, so much. Dr. Aurelius has helped me get over a lot of the anger. But I still wish she was here." The cat gave her another affectionate head-butt just as Katniss heard the apartment front door open. She sniffed again and shifted the cat to one arm. "Peeta, is that you?" She stepped out of his bedroom to find him arranging Danishes onto a plate.
He glanced her way. "I wanted to surprise you with some cheese buns and those Danishes you like. Did you get my note? And I see you've met Russell."
At that, the finicky feline hissed, unsheathed its claws, and slashed at Katniss's arm before leaping gracefully to the ground. It slunk with an arched back to hide behind the couch.
Katniss grabbed at her arm with a hiss of her own.
"I should have warned you about him. He can be a little...unpredictable. Come over here and let me clean you up?" Peeta motioned to the kitchen sink.
Katniss sent the offending animal a dirty look, then walked into the kitchen to stand next to Peeta. "Unpredictable?"
"Okay. That was an understatement: he's a total ass. Now, let me see that arm." As Peeta gently took her forearm and probed at the scratches there, Katniss took her time studying him. For the first time, she noticed the smattering of freckles across his pale skin. How the curls hugged the edge of his ears and the nape of his neck. The sheer volume and length of his eyelashes as they blinked slowly over eyes the color of a summer sky just after dusk. "What are you staring at?" he asked huskily.
A blush stole across her cheeks. "You. You're too good to be true. Practically unreal. You're an actual calendar model."
He grabbed a paper towel and wet it. He hummed - slightly off key - as he cleaned the wound. A dimple popped out in his cheek as she asked, "Are you humming 'Calendar Girl'?"
He chuckled. "I didn't think you'd get it."
She playfully swatted at his arm with her good hand and laughed. "You're such a dork."
"I am adorkable." He reached into a kitchen drawer for gauze, tape, and scissors.
Her smile dimmed for a moment. "Peeta, wait. Why do you have Prim's cat?" she asked quietly.
Not meeting her eyes, he took his time winding the gauze around her arm. "I used to go past your house a lot. After...you know. I guess I felt guilty for not doing more. Or maybe I thought that, if I went by, I could change what happened and you'd still be there. All of you would still be there and be okay." He raised his eyes to hers briefly before resuming his work. "One day, I saw this cat just hanging out. He was pretty beaten up and yowling up a storm. He followed me when I left and he didn't shut up the entire time. I brought him inside. Cleaned him up. Fed him. I put posters out, hoping that maybe he was a stray. I even tried getting in touch with your uncle but no one had a working phone number."
He fell silent as he finished taping the gauze in place. "There. You're all set."
She swallowed and hesitated for just a second: he was just so good. Who took in some random stranger's cat like that? Then she leaned in and tasted the very edge of his mouth with her own. His eyes flew to hers in surprise.
"Was that okay?" she asked.
He nodded, eyes wide. "As long as it's not a thank you kiss."
"It's not. Can I do it again?"
Instead of answering, he lowered his mouth to hers. While he nibbled on her bottom lip, she stroked her fingers up his arms to his broad shoulders. With one hand, she dug into his shoulder, while the other stroked the curls at his nape. She tugged not-to-gently when he pulled away. "Ouch," he laughed breathlessly. "Give me a second, here. I want to savor this."
She frowned. "What?"
He smoothed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "This. You and me. I want to remember enough about this moment that I can relive it anytime I want to. You have no idea the effect you have." He shook his head then kissed her cheek. He slid his lips to the edge of her mouth. He dipped his tongue into her mouth, then traced her lower lip with his own. All the while, Katniss held tight to his shoulders and trembled as he surrounded her with his warmth and solid strength. The kiss went on and on until she felt the world tilt. She broke away from the kiss only to realize it was Peeta lifting her onto the counter.
His eyes met hers, the pupils large. "I swear, I'll stop whenever you want." His huge, warm palms - which had clasped her waist - now trailed along the outside of her thighs in a long caress. She thought about how long it had been since she had shaved and winced. Peeta didn't seem to notice, though. At least his touch neither stopped nor slowed. Up, then down, then up again, only to burrow under the t-shirt to rest on the edge of her panties. His thumbs just brushed her hip bones.
She swallowed convulsively. "And if I don't want you to stop?"
It was Peeta's turn to swallow. "Then I'll give the lady whatever she wants." He stepped into the personal space left open by her thighs.
Katniss tugged him closer, wanting another kiss. Instead, his lips fell on the edge of her jaw. Taking their time, they tracked along her neck to her collarbone where he nudged her shirt aside to kiss and nibble. Electric tingles spread to her nipples as his tongue tasted the hollow of her throat. She pulled at his shirt. He took the hint and, yanking it off, threw it into the living room.
Katniss paused to take in all that golden skin on display. His bone structure was divine, perfectly supporting taut muscles that were more on the bulky side than sinewy. His pecs were perfectly capped with chery pink nipples. A light dusting of freckles - like sugar on the top of a doughnut - brushed his shoulders and chest. She leaned to taste him. Running just the tip of her tongue along those freckles. He even tasted sweet, with a hint of yeast and nutmeg. She sighed deeply. Whether from the taste of him, or from the fact that his hands continued to run along the line of her panties. His thumbs insinuated themselves underneath the lace edges, so close to where she wanted him most.
Suddenly, she wanted to feel him against her, so she grabbed the edge of her own t-shirt. She yanked it over her head and let it sail behind him. She sighed at the skin-to-skin contact, moaning a little when Peeta's hands stuttered along the line of her panties to knead her butt. She watched his eyes drop to her breasts. Small as they were, they were sensitive. And the way he looked at them - as if he wanted to devour them -made her squirm as much as his kneading.
"Peeta," she said breathlessly, "Do you think we could take this into your bedroom?"
He forced his eyes to meet hers, but he clearly hadn't heard a word she'd said. "What?"
She motioned with her chin in the direction of his bedroom and smiled uncertainly, "Unless you have condoms in the same drawer as your Band-Aids, don't you think we should take this to your bedroom?"
He didn't answer; he just scooped his hands underneath her and hauled her off the counter so she sprawled against his chest. She yelped in surprise, but he took the opportunity to cover her open mouth with his. He carried her to his bedroom seemingly with ease and followed her to the mattress without breaking the kiss. She stopped him with a hand to his chest, separating just enough to grapple with the ties of his sweatpants. He took the hint and slid them off, then made short work of her panties.
When she was naked, he paused. "God, you are beautiful."
She covered her breasts with a hand and stared at the headboard, a blush coloring her cheeks. "You're blind."
He brushed one finger down her cheek. "No. I'm not. Having an appreciation for beauty isn't the same as being blinded by it. And you are a work of art."
She kept her eyes trained on the headboard. "Are we doing this? Because we could move this along."
He chuckled and reached for his nightstand drawer to pull out a condom. Laying it on the bed between them, he propped himself on one arm. "Maybe I wasn't done playing yet." He slowly smoothed a hand along her arm, trailing it where her nipple peeked from between her fingers. He circled it, then licked the tip of his finger and repeated the motion. When she loosened her hand and let it drop to her side, he leaned in and gently sucked the tip into his mouth.
Goosebumps rose on her flesh and her hips arched. His touch was incendiary: like a flame to a torch. She needed more of him. Reaching out to touch him, his own nipples puckered when she worked them as he had hers. And when she dragged her hand through the trail of hair dividing his six-pack, she could feel his urgent inhale beneath her fingertips. She dropped them further, caressing the length of him and wiping the bit of liquid at his tip. Down again, her fingers stroked, then up.
Katniss pivoted so she could throw a hip over his and use both hands to explore his length and below, tugging gently. All the while, she kissed him. She channeled all those years of watching him watch her - all those years of inactivity - into the inevitable motion of her mouth and tongue. Finally, she broke the kiss. "Do you think we could, uh…"
Peeta slid a hand to her butt and gathered her closer so she was pressed against his impressive erection. "You want to take a ride on my pumper?" Katniss's eyes grew wide as Peeta chuckled briefly. He shook his head as if to clear it. "I'm sorry. I joke when I'm nervous. And I'm really, really nervous."
She ignored the obvious question. Why would he be nervous? Instead, she grabbed the condom on the mattress and held it up. "I'll forgive you if you make it up to me with this thing on."
He swallowed, taking the packet from her. He made quick work of sliding it over his length and squeezing a bit at the tip. Lifting his eyes to hers, he asked, "How do you want me?"
She used her leg hooked around his hip as leverage to pull him on top of her. She gripped his hips hard for a second between her thighs, then let them relax. She wanted this. She just needed him to shut up and move. Peeta took the hint: taking himself in hand, he slid slowly into her wet heat. When he could go no further, he held his weight still above her as she adjusted. He took her butt-grab as his cue to move when it finally happened. Slowly, he pushed into her, then withdrew. And again.
Katniss closed her eyes. For a second, the smell of his soap and sweat surrounding her brought her back to a day of fire and ash, filled with panic and grief. "Wait!"
Peeta stilled immediately, arms trembling.
She slowly opened her eyes to find his concerned blue ones staring. She remembered him telling her that he would stop if she asked, but she wasn't asking. She slowly slid a hand up to curl around his neck. Tentatively, she shifted her hips to better accommodate his fit. He eyes grew wider as he flexed inside her. She moved again, just to feel his reaction.
She smiled. "Okay." She almost laughed when Peeta dropped his head to her shoulder. With a kiss and barely heard, "Thank God" he found his original pace. Katniss once again looped a leg around his hips. She gave thanks of her own for his rock-solid core when he looped an arm around her leg to stroke where their bodies were joined.
It didn't take long.
Peeta had talented fingers and it had been two years for her. She swore as she came, flashes of red and orange behind her eyelids. And as she went up in flames this time, there was no sacrifice. No endings. Only beginnings, as he followed.
Afterward, Peeta tied off the condom and pulled a blanket from the floor to cover them. He tugged Katniss's head onto his chest and played with a few loose strands of her hair. He kissed her forehead briefly as if he had come to a decision then cleared his throat. "I saw that the cat had a collar on that first night. But whenever I called him 'Buttercup', he went wild. Eventually, it was just easier to call him something else. Rye suggested Russell and it just stuck." He looked down at where his hand rested on her stomach. "I thought I would keep him safe."
She waited for him to continue. When he didn't, she prodded, "For Prim? Because you felt guilty?"
He nodded. "And for you. You'd sacrificed so much…" he trailed off.
Quiet settled over them until, finally, she asked, "Why didn't you say anything? When I started coming into the bakery?"
"I guess I never found the nerve to talk to you. I'm still the guy who couldn't ask you out."
She thought for a minute, staring at his blushing profile. "Wait. I'm the girl you wanted to ask to prom?"
His blush deepened. "Yeah. I can't believe you didn't know! I used to stare at you in history class, and calculus, and lunch. I went to your house that day and stood outside for a while trying to work up the courage."
She bit the inside of her cheek, looking for something to say. She did remember Peeta staring at her. Then again, she'd done her share of looking back at him. Maybe they'd both been lost in their own worlds. "It doesn't seem like you were lacking in courage a few minutes ago."
"That's because you kissed me first. And then you called me hot. I know Finn says I have no game, but even I'm not that clueless."
Just then a loud yowl split the air, sounding like a cross between a tiger and a duck. Peeta sighed as more yowl-quacks ensued.
"Oh my God. Is that-"
Peeta nodded. "Russell is hacking up a hairball. At least, I hope it's a hairball and not a mouse, like last time."
"We should check it out before he ruins your carpet."
"We should. But I'd rather stay here with you."
"Didn't you say you wanted to freeze this moment and live in it forever? Well, I'm thinking that the moment would be better if it were partially-digested mouse free and we had Danish."
He grinned back. "I like the way you think, Everdeen."
Epilogue
Annie and Finnick's barbecue baby shower was in full swing. A bevy of relaxed looking firefighters surrounded a bonfire, while a gristly older guy manned the grill. The wooden picnic tables covered with checkered table cloths groaned under the weight of food - catered and brought to share. Katniss spied Annie in a white sundress that just showed her baby-bump, standing next to a smiling Finnick. He was clearly regaling the group with some tale or other.
Katniss held tighter to Peeta's hand. In the six months they'd been together, she'd been to several big firefighter outings. The guys always made her feel welcome, as did their girlfriends and wives. It was just the first few minutes that she felt like an outsider. Like she'd never belong. She loved that Peeta was helping her battle through it.
They'd helped each other battle through the nightmares. Even Buttercup had adjusted, after a period where he scratched and bit at anyone who called him Russell. Just that morning, Katniss and Peeta had given him a new red collar with his name in blue sequins and his very own Maltese cross charm before they'd left him to go put flowers on Prim's grave. All three of them had sacrificed and found strength in being together.
Someone from the other side of the bonfire yelled Peeta's name. He raised the twelve-pack he had brought as their potluck offering in greeting before turning to her. "Are you going to be okay?"
She squeezed his hand. "Yeah. I'll be fine. I'll find Johanna and Annie and we'll hang out. But can you bring me a beer?"
"That's what I'm afraid of. I know you said she scares everyone, but I'll say it again: Johanna scares me." He shook his head. "I'll grab you a beer as soon as I say hi to the guys." He leaned down and kissed her gently.
Katniss waved as he walked away, then scouted the area. She spied Jo hanging out by the dessert table. She waved, and made her way over, meeting Annie on the way.
Johanna stood with her hands on her hips tapping her foot. "Brainless, it's about time you got here. You look like shit, by the way. If this is how monogamy affects you, maybe you and Guy Montag over there shouldn't have moved in together."
"Who?"
Johanna rolled her eyes. "Guy Montag. Bradbury. Anything ringing a bell? No?" She shook her head and muttered, "It's only one of the best dystopian stories of all time. Personality of a slug, I swear." She turned to their quietly glowing friend Annie. "Annie, what do you make of our friend Katniss's dark circles?"
Annie settled her newly rounded curves on a beach chair set up for her by a very solicitous Finnick. After kissing him in thanks, she replied, "I can make a broach or a pterodactyl…" at Katniss's continued blank look, she shook her head. "Huh. I really thought you'd get that one."
Jo looked smug. "Now tell her she looks like shit."
Katniss interrupted, "Look, you guys, Peeta and I spent all day yesterday moving so we could come to this party, and then stupid Buttercup woke me by batting at my face and meowing at five in the morning. He wouldn't get off my face until I got up and gave him a treat-"
"-You know, I have that happen all the time. Not with a cat though," Jo added.
"-so I'm tired because of Peeta's asshole cat."
Peeta approached to give Katniss a beer and clinked his bottle against hers. "He's not my asshole cat. He's our asshole cat. And I'll take that over him yakking up another mouse any day."
"So true," Katniss vehemently agreed.
Jo grinned. "So, Peeta, tell us how much you've been looking forward to being awakened by an insistent pussy every day. We all want to hear about it."
Peeta took a calculated sip of his beer, then stared at the lip of the bottle before meeting Johanna's gaze. "I'd rather hear all about the payback for the little purple pill you slipped Pollux."
"You told?" Jo wheeled on Katniss. "You told your fucking boyfriend that I let Pollux have payback for dosing him with Viagra?"
Katniss shrugged. "I also told him that Pollux reminds me of one of the kids from The Mighty Ducks. I didn't think it was a secret. You practically announced that he surprise glitter-bombed your girly-parts to everyone in Starbucks. Annie and I both thought you should be worried about yeast infections, remember? "
Annie nodded. "Yeah. It doesn't matter if the web site says it's safe. It seems icky."
Peeta rubbed the back of his neck. "That wasn't why Katniss told me. We were, uh, discussing performance enhancement techniques. Katniss said the pill you slipped Pollux that night was purple. I don't know where you got it from, but that's not Viagra. That's Prilosec." He paused. "Or, in your case, maybe we should call it Prilosex. Because I'm pretty sure you treated his dick for heartburn."
Annie smothered a laugh. "Oh my God."
Jo narrowed her eyes at Katniss and stage-whispered, "You're going to feel some heartburn in a second." She looked around the party, clearly hunting for a familiar man-bun. "Are you seriously telling me that I suffered weeks of getting flavored glitter out of my vag for nothing? I had nightmares. Night. Mares. He looked like a rabid unicorn after he went down on me. It was so bad that I didn't even swipe any deodorant the next morning!"
Katniss smiled at her long-time friend. "I guess this means you'll think twice before slipping a guy something. Right?"
"Oh, hell no. If anything, I'll have to break my 'one and done rule' because I want a do-over."
Katniss shook her head. "A do-over for trying to unsuccessfully drug him? You are unbelievable."
"No. A do-over because the guy's evidently got, like, zero refractory period. Zero. We're talking a hard-on for days."
"I'm pretty sure he's hanging out at the grill over by Haymitch, my Captain. Or is that his brother?"
Johanna looked from the guy at the grill to Peeta, then back. Her mouth opened, closed, then opened again. "His brother? Who happens to look just like him?"
"Yeah. Pollux is a twin. Didn't he mention it? He doesn't always tell people about it. His brother's a cop - black sheep of a firefighter family and all that. Pollux's mom is totally freaked out that he'll get hurt in the line of duty."
"Shut up." She eyed the muscles shifting below the t-shirt Pollux's brother wore like a starving wolf would a steak. "Well, handcuff me and hose me off. Are you seriously telling me that Mr. December, the hot, tatted, pierced firefighter with no refractory period is a twin? A fucking identical TWIN?"
Peeta shrugged. "Yeah. Want me to introduce you?"
Johanna pulled out her cell phone and texted rapidly. "No, I got it. Annie, Katniss, I would love to stay and chat, but I have a thing. Or I will when Pollux and his brother agree to go home with me."
Annie nodded while Katniss shook her head. "Jo, be careful."
"Brainless, I'll be fine. I'll be with two men who are wired to protect and to serve. Which is going to work out great when we're doing things in my complex's hot tub that'll require it to be drained and cleaned with bleach tomorrow." She leaned over and hugged each of the girls before turning back to Peeta. "Time to go see if officer big-nightstick is game ready. Peeta, I'd say thanks for the tip but you're probably saving that for Katniss." With a fist-bump to the red-faced firefighter, she was gone.
Annie watched her walk to the grill and stood. "I'll go save him. And for the record, I think you look happy. Jo just doesn't understand that you can look exhausted and still be happy." She stole a look to Peeta and Katniss and continued, "At least she doesn't understand it when it has nothing to do with sex."
Katniss's shoulders shook with quiet laughter as she watched Annie join Jo - who was gesturing suggestively with a burnt hotdog to Pollux's twin - at the grill. She turned to Peeta. "Do you ever think about how lucky we were to finally meet up?"
He slid into the chair Annie had just vacated and reached for her hand. "I don't think luck had anything to do with it; I think I just needed to find my courage. Once I did, we were bound to beat the odds." He kissed her knuckles.
She shook her head, cheeks slightly pink. "You would literally have rather run into a burning building than talk to me. I still can't get past that."
He winked. "I guess I'm just a man of action."
"I guess. I'm just glad you're my man of action. I wish Prim could have known you." She looked down at her lap and plucked a loose thread from her jean shorts.
His smile slipped. "I'm still so sorry about that. I hope it's enough that every day I get up and do my best to make sure that no one loses someone they love like that again. I do the job for her. And for you."
Her throat clogged so she had to clear it. "You know you don't need to say stuff like that, right? We've both sacrificed a lot."
"I'm not saying it because I have to. I'm saying it because I want to. And now that we live together, I hope you learn to be okay with hearing it. Often."
She squeezed his hand and gazed into his loving eyes, knowing hers reflected the same, unspoken, emotion. "I'll try."
Fin.
Author's Note:
Calendar (excluding the firefighter image) by Katy Warner ( photos/sundazed/3309149053), modified here, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
Fire helmet by Lee Cannon ( photos/leecannon/6949062360/), modified here, licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.
Other cover image components licensed by their creators under CC0 1.0.