Without You.
Jack Harkness & Ianto Jones FanFiction.
Jack Harkness slammed his fists into the hub wall. Tears flowed endlessly down his cheeks wetting his military coat slightly on the shoulders. His legs slowly gave out and he sunk to the floor. Jack sobbed loudly looking on at the picture of Ianto Jones that lay shattered on the floor. He brushed the broken glass away with his fingers, smiling gently when more tears appeared in his eyes and trickled down his cheeks.
Ianto's smiling face stared up at him, he clutched the picture to his chest. It was the only picture Jack had of Ianto in the hub. His fondest memories of Ianto lay in the hub they only place he had stayed with Ianto.
Jack had never taken Ianto to his house and it was his biggest regret. He sighed, when truly had Jack told him he loved him. How many times had they actually 'made love' rather than just fucking each other in Jack's office before everyone got to work, at lunch or after everyone had left for the day. They had dated for 2 years and Jack had never paid attention to a word that had left Ianto's mouth unless it consisted of 'Jack', 'Harder', 'Faster', 'Fuck' or 'Deeper'.
He'd treated his relationship with Ianto like every other relationship he'd been in. A fling that he would out-live. Nothing ever stayed for Captain Jack Harkness and losing Ianto Jones had reminded him how much he hated his immortality.
Sobs racked his body, tears soaking through the picture blotching out the background. Jack's body shook violently bringing up more sobs sending tears streaming down his cheeks. Jack couldn't do it any more, he couldn't live the long life he was destined to live when the one man he had ever truly loved was dead.
He grabbed the edge of the office door and pulled himself up. Staggering over to the autopsy room, still clinging the sacred picture to his chest, to his heart, he grabbed the knife lying on the side of the table and plunged it deep into his chest. He coughed violently throwing up blood over the floor, staining the white floor forever red, his legs gave way and he fell onto the cold hard concrete floor.
It was half-an-hour before the pain he so rightfully deserved ended, his eyes fluttered closed and his body finally gave into the long awaited and pained death.
That was the 1st time.
When Jack awoke his chest was covered in the blood that had seeped through his shirt. He hadn't gasped into life as he usually did, something to do with not having the will to live. He pulled the shirt over his head throwing it to the floor.
He screamed and held his head in his hands pulling on his hair in a vain attempted to stop the pain flowing through his body. His tears still seemed to trail endlessly down his cheeks, he rubbed a hand across his face trying to rid himself of them. He screamed again, an outlet for his pain, an outlet that wasn't seeming to numb any thing other than his voice.
The picture of Ianto lay next to him, around his face the ink had smudged. His hand brushed Ianto's face, taking in the smile Jack was never going to see again. He was never going to see that glint of lust in his eyes every time he kissed him. He was never going to see that look of ecstasy on his face when he came. He smiled- a smile that never could and never would reach his eyes.
He sniffed loudly, trying to stop the tears, it surprised Jack there was still enough moisture in his body to produce the tears that fell from his eyes. Jack's eyes drifted towards the knife, his blood gleaming in the dim half-light of the autopsy room.
His pain still hadn't subsided. The hate for himself still remained. The deep sickness that sat in the pit of his stomach. The burn that lingered in his throat rearing its head every time he opened his mouth. The guilt he felt for Ianto's death ran through his veins, invading his head, his heart, his entire body. His love still remained deep in his heart, trying to reach him, trying to tell him it was not his fault, telling him to grieve and to show his love for his young welsh lover. He needed to punish himself- harder this time.
His brain screamed at him to pick up that knife and plunge it back into his chest. To show himself what he'd done and how he'd ruined that young man's life. For the first time since he'd awoken his eyes drifted down towards his chest, and to the scar that now ran about 3 inches down his chest. His fingers lightly brushed the newly formed skin. His hand groped at the wall next to him trying to pull himself back to is feet.
He kept his hand firmly against the wall guiding himself back towards his office. When he returned to his office his pistol lay tantalizingly close to him. He let himself fall back into his office chair. Every time Jack opened his eyes they drifted towards the pistol again and again. His head screamed at him to use it. He held his head in his hands, his fingernails digging into his skin.
He let laboured sobs escape, fresh tears streaming down is cheeks. In time his sobs turned into screams, his hands clawing at his face in a vain attempt to ease the pain. His right hand groped over his desk and picked up his pistol. He sniffed trying to clear his tears as he pressed the gun to his left temple. He didn't care, nothing mattered only trying to really truly end the fucking mess he was forced to live through.
He let out a shaky breath, and pulled the trigger. He screamed as the bullet ripped through his head. His screams were cut short and his body slumped forwards.
That was the second time.
When Jack awoke, head slumped forward on his desk, his tears had finally ceased but the pain certainly hadn't. It was going to take a lot more if he were going to take away the pain of Ianto's death that still lay deep in his heart, sticking to his chest. There were a lot of ways Jack hadn't been killed and being mauled by a weevil was defiantly one of them.
And the third time he did exactly that.
He walked down to the very bottom of the hub and unlocked one of the cells. The weevil's head shot up as the lock clicked. Its eyes were fixed on Jack when he slowly opened the front of the cell. It lunged for Jack and by nothing but animal instinct Jack kicked the alien back. He regretted his decision when the creature rammed his into the wall of the cell. His breathing sped up when he felt its breath in his ear, tickling his hair line.
The weevils claws dung in his chest, tearing at the soft flesh on his bare torso. It teeth skimmed his neck, breaking the skin before it drove its claws into Jack's back and ripped at is throat with its teeth an he couldn't hold it in any more.
He opened his mouth and screamed, and for the first time in Jack Harkness' life he cried in the face of death, pure terror coursing through him. He thrashed against the creature, begging the pain to stop, hoping that some how it would cease.
"Jack" he heard a voice-Ianto's voice calling out to him. He screamed and tried to pushed the creature off of him only to have his head rammed, hard, back against the wall. "Jack, Please" Ianto's voice begged. Jack's voice broke, "Stop, just please please, stop!" His voice coming in a whisper and his eyes started to flutter closed.
Jack Harkness woke up with a start, panting loudly and covered in sweat and tears, maybe, he didn't know. He opened his eyes shaking, expecting to find the weevil looming over him ready to lunged back on him, only to find Ianto sitting naked in front of him, hands gripped firmly on his shoulders.
Jack lunged forwards and took Ianto in his arms hugging him tightly. Ianto hugged back just as tightly, "Are you ok, Jack?" Ianto asked, scared to see his lover in so much stress. Jack buried his head further in Ianto's chest tears falling silently down his face he murmured "It was just a dream" whether in clarification to himself or in answer to Ianto's question, it didn't matter.
He was home now and that's all that mattered now and the only thing that would ever matter.