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It was quiet. The kind of intense, lonely quiet that seems like it could go on forever. If one were into Cliché's one would even say that it was too quiet, considering that none other than the famous fake psychic detectives, Shawn Spencer, and Burton Guster inhabited the royal blue car.
The tension in the air was as thick and buttery as a delicious stack of waffles just waiting to be cut, as the partners' locked eyes. Both of them could feel the moment of truth was approaching—everything that they had worked to, all that they had trained for, had been leading up to this. Although they had only been staring at each other for a fraction of a second, to them it felt as if it had been minutes. In an instant, the soft breeze from the opened windows shifted, and Shawn took his chance. With hands as nimble as both John Wayne and Clint Eastwood put together, he drew his weapon, hurling the projectile at Gus.
"OW! My eye! You aimed for my eye? What is wrong with you?" Gus rubbed greasy salt from his ailing retina as an offending French fry fell forgotten under the seat. "Come on man, how are we ever going to be ready to take home first place in your company picnic if we can't even synchronize catching a French fry in your mouth?" Shawn chopped his hands in the air to emphasize the importance of the situation.
"First of all, Shawn, the company picnic isn't for at least another three months, and considering what you did at my Boss's house, we still aren't sure if you'll be allowed to attend. Besides, shouldn't we be a bit more focused on the case at hand? I mean, Maslow is supposed to be showing up here at any minute now." Gus directed their attention over to the bench stationed next to the florescent streetlight that had turned everything an obnoxiously orange-yellow color. "Gus, don't be this cough drop that has been sitting untouched in your glove compartment for a questionable amount of time! Cheater cheater pumpkin eater isn't going to show up this early to a date—That would just be looking desperate, which, if he is having an affair, we know he is not. Can't you just try and pretend you know how these things work?" Shawn scowled, as he shoved the fries into a cup holder, and went back to rummaging through Gus's glove compartment…again.
"Yes, excuse me, for not understanding the proper way to have an affair, you know I think that's got to be one of the most bullheaded things I've ever heard you say!" he replied, grabbing Shawn's wrists, and pulling them out of the compartment. As the door snapped shut, a slapping fight commenced.
"Hey, Tweedle dumb and Tweedle dumber! Be quiet over there or I'm going to arrest you for impeding an investigation!" Lassiter and Juliet had been parked a couple spots away from the two private detectives, and to their dismay, were conducting a steak out of their own, to catch Maslow—their perp—in the act of obtaining illicit drugs from an importer.
Shawn Snorted, "Poor, naïve Lassie. The Docks? Really? What is this Scarface? Seriously, the only reason that I haven't offered my assistance on your clearly harrowing case is because even the mere notion that someone would go all the way out here to peddle or receive a serious amount of drugs is completely preposterous!"
Juliet, who had been watching the back and forth, in vain trying to get both parties to settle down, finally broke down, and spoke up, "As much as I hate to say this, sir, Shawn and Gus may have a point," She whispered, "it is rather ridiculous that Maslow would show up here, maybe we should just fall back to the other designated rendezvous point with McNab."
"Don't listen to them O'Hara," Lassiter deadpanned, turning his full attention onto the completely inconspicuous bench that they had been observing now for hours. "That's rookie mistake number one—always trust your gut instinct on these things, no matter what bozos like them may say." Juliet sighed, and scribbled down the rule in a miniature spiral notebook that the head detective had given her to take notes in as she attended her first 'good ol' fashioned steak-out' as he liked to call it. Never mind that she had been on plenty of other steak-outs before, which apparently hadn't qualified as 'the real deal' according to a long list of reasons that she didn't really care to remember, which took up the first two pages of the notebook.
She observed Lassiter's tense posture, as he patiently kept his eyes trained on the sight before them. Clearly, telling him that her gut feeling had been to go with McNab's group in the first place would have done next to nothing to move the determined man from this exact spot.
Evidentially the peanut gallery situated two spaces over had yet again lost its patience in keeping the silence, as Shawn once again commenced in speaking in a low voice over towards the other car. "Hey Jules, its not too late to join our team instead! We've got French fries, and when we've finally caught up with Maslow, where planning on selling our story to Cheaters to have them recreate it." Lassiter sent them another venomous glare, flashing his cuffs at them as a reminder that since they weren't officially working with the Santa Barbara Police on this case, he had full authority to arrest the two if they continued to bother him and his partner. "Shut up Shawn!" Gus lectured him as he slapped him on the back of his head.
Shawn disappointedly stared down at Gus; "I can't believe you! Its just Lassiter, don't wig out on me now!" He looked over towards the angry detective in the other car. As their eyes locked, an evil smile curled up on Lassiter's face. Shawn frowned, and turned back to the inside of Gus's car. "Whatever, more Cheaters fame for us then…" he mumbled. "Don't be stupid Shawn! Cheaters doesn't recreate their stories, they go undercover to get them—like Dateline." Gus lowered his voice to a whisper as to not upset the passengers of the other car. "Dude, I can't believe you put that much faith in reality TV, next you'll be telling me that Love Boat was real." Shawn shook his head, scolding his friend. "Love Boat wasn't even a reality TV Show—"
Before Gus could finish his rebuttal, Lassiter cut him off, "That's it, both of you need to shut up or get lost, right now!" The whispering in the other car went silent. Lassiter Sighed, and went back to his lecture, "See O'Hara? Don't let them intimidate you, and only break the silence as a last resort. Now you can make a relative amount of noise, so as not to draw suspicion, but make sure you've got a handle on it, and don't go overboard." Juliet obediently transcribed his lesson into the notebook, not even bothering to point out that what he had basically just said was complete and utter nonsense. Of course, when it came to dealing with Shawn and Gus, most of the rules tended to get a little bent out of shape anyways. Perhaps the real lesson to learn was that the method used in catching your perp was rarely ever a clear, straight line. She looked over towards the odd couple once more, who evidentially had gotten into another hissy fit with one another—yeah, considering their maturity level, it's pretty hard to believe that anyone could learn much of anything from them. Still they did manage to solve pretty much ever case that came their way….
As the two freelance detectives finally settled down, the hours began to tick away more slowly and, aside from the hypnotic rocking of the shadowy boats in the distance everything had become surreally still. Apparently, having come down from their initial adrenaline rush, Shawn and Gus were starting to nod off, pressing their faces against the windows of the car to find the most comfortable position. Snoring loudly, and smearing their drool all over the walls, it was definitely far from being a peaceful sight.
Having spent most of the duration of the night with not even a glimpse of anything fishy going on, Lassiter and Juliet had called it a night, and given up the chase. Although Lassiter had been able to take a little solace in the fact that, in passing out as quickly as they had, Shawn and Gus had proven themselves small fries in comparison to the seasoned detective, as far as holding a steak-out was concerned, but it was a very little reprieve from knowing that he had come to another dead end in what was turning out to be a very long and winding case. Grumbling in defeat, he shot one last look towards the passed out duo as he pulled out of the parking lot to drop O'Hara off so that they could finally sleep for the small remainder of the night that they had left.
As the morning light began to shine into the lone car left in the small lot by the docks, the two restless sleepers began to stir. Shifting once more in a desperate attempt to find the most comfortable position in the small space provide for him in the royal blue car, Gus's head suddenly found its way on a collision course with the horn of the vehicle. Upon the loud and sudden impact the two detectives jumped with a start. "You've been busted by Cheaters!" Shawn yelled as he jumped into action. He exchanged a glance with Gus and both of them shared the same singular thought of what must have gone down the night before. "They must have gotten Maslow when we fell asleep!" Gus exclaimed, "Quick, to the Police Department!" Shawn pointed off into a random direction as Gus quickly turned on the ignition to race off towards the only place where they imagined that their culprit could be.
When they had finally gotten to the department, a very strange sight greeted them. Maslow was sitting in cuffs, glaring at the wall next to a very, very angry looking cohort that neither of the fake psychics had seen before. McNab was being showered with praise, getting high fives and pats on the back as he filled out the paper work to book the two criminals. Over in the middle of the room, in the Chief's office, Juliet and Lassiter could be seen getting a presumably harsh lecture from none other than Karen Vicks herself.
"Shawn, look! McNab caught Maslow!" Gus smacked his partner on the shoulder as he took in the highly unlikely scenario that was playing out before him. "Oh, now this is just wrong…" the two made themselves at home, as usual, and glided through the chaos of the department over to the chief's door, hesitating for a moment, unclear as to what to do next.
Eyeing them both through the glass door, the Chief beckoned them inside for what they could only assume would be a lecture very much similar to Lassiter and Juliet who were just now leaving the room. "Your in for it now Spencer, If you thought we had it bad, just wait 'til she gets through with you!" Lassiter remarked, causing Vicks to shoot him one last warning look causing him to swiftly returning to his work.
Despite all that had happened during the night, Both Shawn and Gus couldn't help but feel beside themselves, and as each of them prepared to get the verbal berating of a lifetime, they couldn't help their astonishment as they realized that Maslow hadn't been cheating on his girlfriend after all.
"Now Chief, I know what you are going to say, and I've gotta tell you, I'm just as surprised at me as you are! I'm usually spot on about these sorts of things…"