There are references in this oneshot to my fic 'Means to an End', but it's not necessary to read that first. I apologize in advance if things get a bit cheesy, but the muse was in a melodramatic mood.
Warnings: character death, though I don't think it counts as Main Character death.
"So, it's been a while," Dr. Malachy Benson stated casually as he glanced around the room at his favorite group of profilers. It was nearly six months since their last group session, and prior to recent events they'd been making good progress. He worried that the current situation might impede the positive results. Not surprisingly, no one responded to his statement. He sighed deeply and dove into the difficult process of getting them to talk. "When does Jennifer return from her maternity leave?"
A few moments of silence lapsed before Penelope sniffed and replied, "Three more weeks."
Of course he knew the answer-to that question and the ones to follow-but he knew it would take some work to open them up. "Is someone going to fill in until she comes back?"
"They think we can manage without a liaison until then," Derek responded shortly. "And, Hotch," he tilted his head toward the man in question, "looked so good on TV that he'll be handling the press conferences for now."
"Well, that sounds reasonable," Dr. Benson said cautiously. One tricky thing about this group was he never knew what exactly would set them off.
"Yes, well they feel there's no need to hire and train someone for just a few weeks," David put in.
"I agree; that wouldn't be logical. Now that we've discussed logistics, would anyone care to tell me how they feel about Agent Todd's death?"
More silence greeted him.
"She was killed in front of you four days ago. No one has any feelings about that?"
"Of course we have feelings about it," Emily spat angrily. "She was our team member, even if it was only for a few months, and she was a fellow agent. We're angry; I'm angry as hell! Jordan and I were becoming friends. She was even thinking about applying for the spot on Jenkins's team once JJ comes back. I think she was on track to become a good profiler, and I'm mad that she won't get that chance now. Does that answer your question?"
Her sudden rage cooled to a simmer as she sat back against the couch. Derek placed a hand on her forearm and she gave him a tight smile. No one spoke for several minutes. Finally, Dr. Benson asked, "Does that about cover everyone?" He received head nods and affirmative looks. "I think Emily covered anger and grief rather thoroughly. Any other emotions we should add?"
"Guilt," Aaron added firmly without raising his eyes from the floor. Secretly, Dr. Benson was thrilled with both his candor and the fact that he hadn't had to pry the answer from Aaron this time around.
"Guilt," he repeated thoughtfully, "a usual suspect with this group. Is there a specific 'guilt' at work here, or is this a general 'wish-I'd-done-more-to-prevent-this' guilt?"
"It's more of a 'why-in-the-hell-did-I-let-her-do-that' kind of guilt," Aaron intoned bitterly.
"Ah, that kind, fairly common for people in charge. So tell me Aaron, in hindsight what would you do differently?"
"I wouldn't have allowed her to go on the raid with us, or at least made her wait until we cleared the building. She wasn't used to that kind of field work; she never should have been in that position. I made the wrong decision as team leader, and I take full responsibility for that."
"Anyone agree with Aaron's assessment? Did he make a bad call?" Instant protests and furious head shaking met his query. "Then Aaron, how would things be different if you made Jordan stay behind?"
"She'd still be alive," he snapped.
"That may be true," Dr. Benson agreed. "However, she was a trained agent just like the rest of you, and she was taking part in a routine search correct?" Aaron and a few others nodded mutely. "So the office she was searching would have been cleared by someone?" Another nod from Aaron, this one a bit more reluctant. "Who was paired with Jordan for the raid?" All eyes turned wordlessly to David. "Why did Jordan open that office door instead of you David?"
"There were two offices on our hall. I cleared the first; it was her turn," he replied sadly.
Dr. Benson shrugged in response. "So Aaron, if Jordan wasn't on the raid, would David have gone alone, or would he be paired with another agent?"
A look of understanding flashed briefly across Aaron's eyes, but his expression never changed. "I would have sent Reid with Dave instead of with me, Morgan and Prentiss would stay together, and I would have gone in with SWAT." His firm statement convinced Dr. Benson that there was no doubt about that course of action. He waited a couple of seconds to let Aaron's words sink in before continuing.
"Assuming, then, that nothing else in this scenario changes, the bomb still explodes, the building still catches fire, the Unsubs still die, and David still sports those nasty burns. The only difference in the resolution is that Jordan is here talking to me and we all are mourning the loss of Spencer." He noted that all of the faces around him paled at that suggestion. "I'm not going to ask whether you'd prefer to lose Jordan or Spencer as that is an unfair question, but I'm sure that you and everyone else know your feelings on the subject." Aaron's expression confirmed his theory.
"It seems to me that your talk of doing things differently is rather pointless as you don't like the alternative any better than the reality…look at me please Aaron…do you agree?" He locked eyes with Aaron until he received a slight tip of the head.
"Ok, now we've determined that Aaron's guilt-while understandable-is unfounded. I'm certain you all are feeling it to some degree and that no amount of talking or logic will take that away completely. It's something that you will have to each come to terms with, and I'll try my best to help you in our individual sessions. For now though, I'm going to focus on you as a group. I'd like to do a little review." He paused long enough to make sure he had their attention.
"The first time we all got together, you were recovering from a traumatic experience. Abduction by terrorists, Aaron and Jennifer's injuries, Spencer's investigation-those were a difficult couple of weeks but you all got through them, and you became stronger as a group. It's a good thing you did because you guys don't like to have things easy it seems." He was gratified to see a few rueful smiles. "You had some rough cases after that: dealing with the Russian mob, the lady 'Jack the Ripper' in New Orleans, the hunting boys in Idaho. Then came that terrible ordeal with Frank, the situation with Section Chief Strauss followed by Aaron's suspension and Emily's thankfully aborted transfer…" he saw a few grateful glances go in Emily's direction after that comment. "As if all of that wasn't enough, there was the aftermath of Jason's sudden departure, David's addition to the team, and even the case involving Spencer's parents. I know that we've discussed these topics at length, both as a group and individually…"
"Then why bring it all up again?" Spencer added sullenly.
"I'm mentioning these issues…" he looked pointed at Spencer as he spoke, "to remind you of all the things you've managed to overcome. And, these are just in the barely…two years almost that I've been seeing you. I know that there were several more problems that came along before that, but somehow you seem to have gotten past all of them too as best as possible. Spencer," he called out. He nearly laughed as Spencer's head shot up in surprise at being directly addressed. "What was that illustration your mother used to describe your team?" He asked the question deliberately, showing that he already knew but wanted to hear it said.
"She compared us to the Knights of the Round Table."
"Why was that?"
"Uh, it's because we solve problems and catch criminals that no one else really can. She said we are 'heroic'."
"Also, our conference room table is round," Penelope chimed in, eliciting laughs around the room.
"I think your mother was correct, Spencer. In Medieval times the Knights were the ultimate 'good guys'. They defended the royalty, helped the poor and defenseless, and fought against evil-all that clichéd good stuff. It sounds melodramatic, but they stood for justice, and hope. You, and others that do the job you do, fit into that same category. Not everyone can do what you do, and you are to be admired for your work. However, the Knights weren't perfect or inhuman, and they didn't always win. That's important for you all to remember. The 'good guys' don't always 'defeat evil', but someone has to keep trying. You need to keep trying."
"Don't worry, we plan on it. Well, at least I do. I can't speak for these guys," Derek said as he glanced around the room in mock suspicion. He received a few amused glares and arm slaps for his effort.
Dr. Benson glanced at the clock and saw that he was well past the allotted time for this session. 'Oh well, that's why I never schedule anything too close behind them.' "Well, it seems that I did most of the talking today…" he noted with pleasure that they too seemed surprised at how much time had passed. "But, it was important for you to hear a few things. Wednesday, though, you won't be getting off so easily." They responded with small smiles as they recognized his dismissal and stood to leave. "Don't forget to send over copies of your reports before then," he called out as they left. Only Aaron lingered by the door.
"Yes, Aaron?" he inquired curiously.
"Thank you doctor," he replied solemnly. "I needed that."
"You're very welcome. Try to relax a little during the rest of your time off." Aaron tilted his head in affirmation as he pulled the door closed behind him.
Dr. Benson felt a swell of happiness and pride at Aaron's admission. 'I think I'm finally getting through to him!'