A/N: I was going through my files today and realized I never posted this here. It's a 4 chapter fic that I had posted on my journal at LJ. Each chapter is based on a Sarah Brightman song and on my journal, a video of each song goes with each chapter. The idea was for readers to listen to the song as they read to get the full experience. Since the songs inspired the fic, it seems to work better that way. At the beginning of each chapter there is a piece of the song that inspired it, but this is not a song-fic.
I am currently working on two other F/H fics, but I won't post those until they are completely finished. I'd say I'm about halfway through with each already.
Hope you enjoy this one in the mean time. If you do, drop me a note telling me what you think. It's a bit of a departure from my usual romance filled work, but it just had to be written this way.
Thanks for reading!
GOING AFTER EDEN
Chapter 1: Hermione - Only an Ocean Away
Was there a moment when I felt no pain. There's an ocean between us.
I want to feel it in my life again.
Let it be over now.
Oh Oh over now.
'Cause I remember all the days and nights
We used to walk the streets of neon lights
Oh I want you here with me.
Oh be here with me.
You know where to find me.
You reach out and touch me.
I feel you in my own heart.
More than a lifetime
Still goes on forever.
But it helps to remember
You're only an ocean away.
0-0
Have you ever been in love? The all-consuming kind? The forever kind?
I have. Unbelievable, I know. Me, Hermione Jane Granger, bookworm extraordinaire, in love. But like all things in my life, it happened at a very inopportune time and now I'm paying the price of letting go of my emotions. My heart is shattered into a million, irreparable pieces.
I told myself over and over that it wasn't smart to fall for someone so high above me. That it made no sense that someone like her could possibly be interested in plain old me. I mean, what did I have going for myself other than professional success? I was still as plain as I was in school, I still had a mass of unruly curls, and I was as reserved as ever. I shun my celebrity status and mostly kept to myself.
I know what you must be thinking. Fleur Isabelle Delacour was probably above all of us, in more ways than I care to count. And she didn't do it on purpose, either. Fleur was simply larger than life. Not only that, but at the time of our relationship she was very much taken.
An illicit affair. That is where my life had ended up at.
And now? Now I live miles and miles away from her. An entire ocean separates us now. How could I possibly stay in England knowing just how much I still love her? If I couldn't have her, I had to move away so I could find some kind of solace. I decided that for my sanity and that of my closest friends, I needed a change of pace.
New York seemed like the place to be. The one place I could come and lose myself within the millions of people too busy to give me the time of day or to notice me. I still work for the Ministry of Magic. I'm in one of the top floors of the United Nations building as an ambassador from England. The view is amazing and I can stand by the glass and lose myself in the city below.
It doesn't help.
My friends think I'm crazy for doing this. Harry has come to see me three times this past year. Ron sends threatening letter almost monthly. Ginny thinks it's highly stupid as well. Luna I'm sure is just shaking her head wondering what in hell is wrong with me.
I'll be honest and tell you what's wrong with me. I'm heartbroken. I'm lost. I can't get the scent of her skin out of my mind. I can't seem to stop dreaming about her. I still want her as I've never wanted another human being before. There's an ocean between us and I still long for her. I keep wishing she would reach across and touch me.
My affair with Fleur was the worst hidden secret within our tight group of friends, and as unbelievable as it was, everyone was okay with it. And do you want to know why? Because no one had ever seen me as happy as when I was with her.
I've never felt the things she made me feel. Never wanted anyone as much as I wanted her. Never loved anyone so much that I thought my heart would burst with the intensity of it. I love Fleur Isabelle with every fiber of my being, every cell in my body, every breath I take. No one will ever be able to take her place in my heart and no one will ever make me feel as if I'm flying with just a kiss.
The breakup was a given. For Merlin's sake, the woman was married. And to my best-friend's brother no less. I was at the damn wedding and witness the happy couple be bonded for life.
What was I thinking, right?
I used to be the smartest witch of my generation. I used to be the one that designed and calculated. I was the go-to girl when something needed to be researched or planned to perfection. No one saw this coming, least of all me. But happen it did and as a result I am left broken.
Where is she, you ask? She is still in England working as one of the best curse breakers Gringotts has ever seen. Bill is good, but Fleur is better. As far as I know she is still married. I don't ask and my friends know better than to mention her to me.
Just hearing her name sends searing pain through my heart. The Cruciatus has nothing on the pain I feel day after day. I eat to sustain myself, but I can barely taste the food. I sleep thanks to dreamless potions. I work from the time the sun comes up to the time the sun goes down, weekends included. Being my own boss affords me these little luxuries.
I don't know if I'll ever heal. I don't know if it's possible to love again. I've lost all my hope.
What do I want? Her. I want Fleur back even when I know it's not going to happen. I don't remember a day when I didn't feel the pain I do now. I still cry myself to sleep some nights and it's been a year already. I don't see an end to the pain or suffering. No one can compare to her so I don't even want to try.
Why kiss someone else when I have the feel of her lips forever printed on mine? Why make love to someone else when she's the only one that knows how to play my body like a violin?
I keep wishing she'll break up with him and come find me. It's so selfish of me, I know, but I won't deny wanting that more than anything. I left because I love her. She would never break a promise she made to Bill. He loved her and apparently she loved him. Why else would she stay with him? I could see that our relationship was making her miserable.
All the lies were catching up with us. I couldn't ask my friends to cover for us anymore. Ginny and Ron went far and beyond their call of duty when they sided with me instead of their own flesh and blood. Did they know something I didn't? I've no idea. I just know I had their support.
We were happiest when Bill went away on a business related trip. She would sleep at my place every night. I swear one of my pillows still carries the scent of her golden tresses. So what if I charmed it to stay that way? I've become a masochist it seems, but it's all I have left of her.
That and the gold chain that hangs from my neck. It has a locket with our picture in it. She has one as well, but I imagine she got rid of it. I don't think she's stupid enough to keep such incriminating evidence around. How would she explain it to him?
Sigh.
One of these days, I will get better. One of these days the pain will go away. One of these days I will wake up and not have dried tear marks on my cheeks. I will breathe normally and I won't feel like I'm suffocating. I will stop touching the locket and wishing for her company. I won't call out her name when I make myself come. I will feel alive and whole. One of these days I will stop hoping she'll come back for me. One of these days the memories of her will leave my mind. One of these days my heart will heal and I'll be able to love again.
Impossible, I know. But so I keep telling myself.