(September 18th)
(1:16am)
Okay Shawn, I've tried everything. The damn thing still won't work.
(1:18am)
Alright, first of all, I am not Shawn, nor do I know any Shawns.
Second of all, I have no idea why "the damn thing" won't work. Or what the "damn thing" actually is.
And lastly, who are you?
(1:19am)
Oh God, I am so sorry, a friend of mine gave me his new number since I needed his help, I've must have mixed out some numbers. Really sorry.
(1:21am)
Ah, it's alright, not an uncommon situation. Though, I must ask. What could possibly make a person rage so bad that they find themselves calling for help at 1:16am?
(1:22am)
Curious stranger, aren't you?
(1:23am)
It's past 1am, I'm having trouble falling asleep and you've made it pretty obvious that you have too.
(1:25am)
Fine. Long story short: my laptop went off on me and I haven't printed out my essays yet and I need to hand them in tomorrow. Think it's okay to rage so much at 1am now?
(1:26am)
Definitely okay… More than okay.
(1:27am)
Good word choice. So you get me. Well, sorry for bothering you with my stupid problem, I'm going try and find his number now. Thanks for listening though, good night.
(1:29am)
If I were you, that laptop would have been out of the window faster than I can name all of Barbra Streisand's works. And trust me, you don't even want to know how fast that is.
(1:32am)
Ha. So you're one of those creepy Barbra fangirls. Yeah, I heard of you. Legend has it that in the dark, cold nights, while the children are asleep, you come into their rooms and whisper random lyrics from her musicals until they become a barbrarian themselves.
(1:33am)
Okay, first of all, that word doesn't even exist. And second of all, excuse me, but those are just a bunch of neanderthals and ignorant juveniles who cannot understand talent that is beyond human. Or they just don't have ears.
(1:35am)
Calm down there, barbrarian. I'm not a big fan of her either, and I have both ears and eyes, so I guess that the myth is correct. You are crazy.
(1:36am)
Have it your way, but I stand by my statements.
(1:37am)
… Which are completely normal.
(1:39am)
Good night, anonymous person who does not appreciate one in a kind talent and doesn't respect a very informed person's opinion.
(1:41am)
Yeah, you probably know the name of her dog too, which is very natural for a healthy and sane person. Good night
(1:42am)
I'll have you know that some people just cherish and love people too much even if the other don't even know they exist, but that is completely okay. Good night
P.S. It's Sammie.
(1:42am)
Of course it is, just promise me your next target won't be me.
(1:43am)
I like my sleeps without being brainwashed by 'don't rain on my parade' lyrics.
(1:43am)
I'll try my best. Good night
(1:43am)
Now I'm officially scared.
(1:44am)
You should be.
(1:44am)
Not helping.
(1:45am)
Not trying to. Now be gone. Good night.
(1:46am)
Good night. I'll cover my ears with my blanket. Maybe my eyes too. Don't want to risk opening them and seeing you wear a Barbra mask on your face as well.
(1:47am)
I wouldn't go that far.. I'll stick with the lyrics whispering. Some might say I sound pretty much like her.
(1:47am)
I'm in hell.
(1:48am)
Hell is such a strong word.
(1:48am)
Now I disagree. I think it's a mild word. And you never know with you barbarians. You might even get nose surgeries to look like her.
(1:51am)
How dare you! She is a personified perfection. Yes, some may say that her nose isn't very proportional to the rest of her, but I can assure you those are just immature, jealous bastards who initiate those kind of insults just because they cannot deal with the fact that there is someone out there who is more successful and acknowledged.
(1:53am)
Hey whatever you say, barbrarian. I certainly don't want to fight with your specie. I would like to be alive for the next day.
(1:55am)
Then I suggest you stop talking about her like that. Or just stop talking about her at all as it seems like you do not have anything good to say. And stop calling us barbrarians!
(1:57am)
Aha! So you *do* admit there's a clan! Though your name probably isn't 'barbrarians'. Maybe something like "bow-down-to-the-queen-and-we-won't-stick-a-whole-poster-of-her-down-your-throat" yeah, that sounds about right.
(1:58am)
Ha-ha. That's hilarious. Laughing my behind off.
(1:58am)
Wow, you're really that polite, aren't you? It's ASS.
(1:59am)
Nice to meet you, ASS.
(1:59am)
Look who's being funny.
(2:01am)
:)
(2:02am)
A smiley? .
(2:02am)
I know I am.
(2:03am)
Full of yourself too.
(2:04am)
Don't tell me not to live just sit and putter…
(2:04am)
Good night!
(2:47am)
So, I can't get Shawn's number correct, I've tried and woke a fair number of people up by now, already feel so embarrassed, so do you by any chance know how to fix my laptop?
(2:50am)
First of all, hello again.
Second of all, did it occur to you that you might have woke me up as well?
(2:51am)
Wait, you sleep? I thought your shift is up, I mean it is after midnight, there are people waiting to be barbratized.
(2:52am)
(A) That isn't even a word.
(B) Stop doing that.
(C) Definitely not going to help you now.
(2:53am)
Okay okay, I'm sorry about the Barbra thing. It's totally your choice to worship whoever you want and it's not okay for me to provoke you for that.
(2:53am)
Thank you.
(2:54am)
So can you help me now?
(2:54am)
No.
(2:55am)
But I apologized! I was obviously joking. Again, I am sorry.
(2:56am)
Now you will say that she is living proof that talent exists.
(2:56am)
What? Why would I say that?
(2:56am)
Because this is the only way you can redeem yourself.
(2:57am)
Ugh. Fine. She is living proof that talent exists.
(2:57am)
And her fans are not crazy. Just loyal.
(2:58am)
Sure.
(2:58am)
Say it.
(2:59am)
And her fans are not crazy. Just loyal. *Very* loyal.
(3:01am)
Thank you on the emphasis, though the exaggeration was not necessary.
(3:02am)
Yeah, it was. Anything else?
(3:02am)
Her nose is perfect the way it is.
(3:03am)
Her nose is perfect as the day is.
(3:03am)
*cough cough
(3:04am)
There there. It was autocorrect.
(3:04am)
So, it is not a coincidence that it is raining?
(3:05am)
Absolutely not.
(3:06am)
Right.
(3:08am)
Okay, so I've apologized to you about everything and even been forced to say some stuff that I didn't really want to. Can you help me now? Please?
(3:09am)
Mhm.
(3:09am)
Thank you. So the problem is that it just doesn't want to start. I've tried turning it on for like two days and nothing happens. Nothing at all. The light doesn't even blink, it isn't responding.
(3:10am)
What about the battery?
(3:10am)
Full.
(3:10am)
And when did the problem start?
(3:12am)
Yesterday. I've been trying to get it to work since yesterday and nothing. I was supposed to call Shawn but failed in that area so I'm pretty much out of ideas. And I really don't want to have to pay for the reparation when I can have someone fix it for free.
(3:14am)
Excuse me for asking this, but why exactly were you calling this Shawn at 1am instead of a bit earlier?
(3:16am)
I've tried contacting him yesterday until I learned from a friend that he changed his number a while ago. I had that friend call him and then I met up with him, explained him the situation but he had a tight schedule so he gave me his number and told me to do some stuff and if it still doesn't work, I should give him a call, the time is irrelevant.
(3:17am)
And what have you been doing until 1am?
(3:17am)
Checking to see if there's any kind of dust stuck to my cooling vent, any cuts on my cable that don't allow the connection to my battery and making indentations on my desk with my head.
(3:18am)
Ouch.
(3:18am)
I have to hand in the essay tomorrow. Freaking out because I seriously don't know what to do here.
(3:19am)
… Call in sick?
(3:20am)
Ugh, it doesn't matter, I guess I'll just figure something out. Thanks for keeping me company. And sorry for waking you up. Again.
(3:20am)
Don't worry, I'll just listen to some Barbra. My lullaby for the night.
(3:21am)
Yeah, suddenly not that sorry anymore.
(3:21am)
Just joking, still am sorry for bothering you.
(3:23am)
It's quite alright. Sorry for not being able to provide you help with your laptop. Maybe I can do something to make you feel better?
(3:24am)
What do you have in mind?
(3:25am)
Well, it is past midnight…
(3:25am)
NO.
(3:25am)
Just kidding, calm yourself down.
(3:26am)
Oh thank god.
(3:26am)
Nobody's gonna rain on my paradeeee
(3:27am)
Oh god, no, I didn't do anything wrong to deserve this kind of torture.
(3:27am)
You smiled. Admit it.
(3:29am)
Not going to admit something that my lips had no intentions of doing.
(3:30am)
Fine, fine. Just don't spend the rest of your night biting your head off. Maybe luck is on your side tomorrow.
(3:30am)
Yeah, thanks for that. I'm going to need it.
(3:31am)
You won't after this.
(3:31am)
After what?
(3:32am)
After what?!
(3:32am)
DON'T RAIN ON MY PARADEEEEEEE
(3:34am)
And there goes any chance of me having a normal, with both eyes closed sleep.
(3:35am)
I'll haunt you in your dreams too.
(3:35am)
I hope not. Those are the places I like the most, I don't need your psycho-adoring-barbra self in there.
(3:36am)
We'll see. Maybe I'm just what you need and you just don't know it yet. Or don't want to admit it.
(3:36am)
No, I'm not ready for a madhouse yet.
(3:36am)
Good night, anonymous non Barbra lover.
(3:38am)
Good night, barbrarian. P.S. The legend lives on.
(3:40am)
Blocking you right now.