a/n: hello, well lets get this out of the way, shall we?
WARNING RATED R for graphic sex and rape(not so much the rape) This is boyboy love. if you don't like it, you should learn to.
oh, i also switch POV's a little...i dont know why.
please enjoy.
_-_1st POV
I don't think either Gwen or Ben knew it happened. I think they thought I was too strong, too detached, too Kevin for it.
It was never just nightmares, and they never just happened. They were memories that would overtake me, that were triggered. Like a button stitched back into the ON position. It never mattered how it became ON, it was always the same.
_-_ 3rd POV
He chokes violently over his already stained carpet. Moaning audible as his insides seemed to twist in on themselves.
"Levin! You look a little hungry-"
Another wretch racks him and he toppls from the bed into a pile.
"Let me give you something to EAT!"
More vomit spills out his mouth as the memories catch up with me like mad sunlight burning every inch of his flesh.
Completely unable to overcome himself Kevin sinks inwards and screams into a fistful of blankets.
His dark brown hair clings to his fevered forehead.
Just barely above a whisper, just long enough for the wind to catch it, it's whispered.
"Ben"
_-_ 1stPOV
I can't be sure how I always get there.
Somehow I manage to catch some air to propel myself up off the floor. And miracles proceed as I also manage to; find my keys and, my ability to walk. And this happens, every time.
It's 3am, and my odometer never dips below 80. I don't stop. My insides are ripping apart, reality is getting harder and harder for me to, see from the fall. I'm shaking uncontrollably and my vision is spotted. And by sheer luck alone, in-between bouts of unreality I park outside Bens house.
I drag myself lifelessly up the tree and onto his roof.
The smell of his house instantly overtakes me and I can instantly feel his presence near me.
Then I am okay.
I sink out side his door like a pile of fucking sand. And I swear, that was all I ever needed. Just being outside his door, knowing that he was there. So long as I knew he was there I could, breath.
I don't know how many nights I've spent outside his door, bemoaned and shaking. And I just sit there. Digging my heels into his carpet against his door to, grounding myself. I stick to his door like glue, unraveling.
I've never opened the door, I've never knocked. I just sit there, like a rock, trying not to make a sound.
I continue gnawing on the zipper of my jacket, cutting my gums up. I shudder as another voice shouts through my cerebellum. I wish they would just stop.
Then the door suddenly burst open behind me. And I'm thrown backwards onto his wood floor. My head making a loud crack sound against it. Terror instantly runs through me as the pain triggers memories in my brain to begin rolling.
"Kevin?"
My heap of a body gags at the sound of its own name. I overload. My mouth bursts with a choked moan, and I curl myself up to keep whole. Ben knowing, Ben seeing was never something I wanted to happen. I never wanted him to know.
"Kevin, are you hurt?" The sickness is irritated and shifts inside me.
He touches my shoulder, and it takes all my strength to keep from screaming out. My tremors worsen and I can just barely breathe.
"Kevin!" He shakes me. The sickness ruptures and moves up my intestines.
"I'm gonna be sick." I say it as clearly and as strongly as I can. And it only comes out just above a whisper.
"You're what?"
"I'm serious, I'm really gonna be sick." As soon as the words leave my mouth I have to clasp my hands over my mouth. Ben's hand disappears and something in me hates it.
The first gag is held in by my hands, but by the second I can't hold it in anymore. Just as my insides become outsides something is placed in front of me. Desperately I clutch the object, I squeeze my eyes shut as the vomit spills out of me.
My weak body sways back and forth in protest.
I slowly open my eyes to recognize that Ben had handed me a trophy cup. I'm almost sure my lips turn upwards a bit, if only for a moment.
Disjoined and exhausted I set the vomit filled trophy on the floor in front of me. I'm shaking so hard that I can't stop myself from spilling it a little.
"I'm sorry." My voice is horse and is hardly audible.
Ben it about 5 feet away with a look of absolute apprehension on his face.
"Kevin."
He takes a step closer to me and I shift backwards. I'm not supposed to be here, he's not supposed to see me.
"Kevin..."
He's getting closer. Oh god I don't want him to see. I hang my head down low.
He footsteps get closer and I'm doing the best I can to remember he is my friend. I hope.
"Kevin, whatever it is it's gonna be okay." He would say, something like that. "I'll make damn sure of it."
His hand appears on my shoulder for the second time and I am hitched. Instantly my body responds to his and all my nerve endings start screaming.
"Whatever it is."
"Can we stay like this?" I blurt it out so soundlessly that I'm not even sure the words existed at all.
"What?" His hand shifts on my shoulder and in my desperation I bent sharply into them.
"Ca-can we stay like this." I stutter over my own conviction. "P-please?"
He's so unsure of what to do that it makes my eyes water, which I'm sure is what makes him stay.
He stays quite, uncertain of how to respond to me.
He settles next to me, and helps me by breathing as I shake baselessly beside him. Every few seconds he would tighten his grip, and each time a string of the past would snap or loosen.
I'm not sure how long he let me sit there, pretending to be human. Trying to just breath.
_-_
I can't be sure how Ben managed to accomplish some of the things that followed.
He somehow got me standing. Loosely termed. And to his bed without me, throwing up again, or, screaming.
He sits me on his bed, which is soft, warm and, nice.
"You're not wearing shoes Kevin..." I curl my toes.
He takes my jacket off and heaves it onto his floor.
He, gets a towel from the bathroom and wipes the throw up off my face. All the while whispering.
"It's going to ok Kevin, I promise."
He lifts his covers and coaxes me into them.
"I'll protect you from whatever it is you're afraid of."
He lies next to me and takes my hand. And for a moment something loosen and I clench his hand tightly in mine.
"You're my friend."
All of a sudden something in me jolts forward, and release a hot sensation into my chest. Following a large snap that crashes though my head, a hot liquid suddenly starts rolling down my face.
It takes me a moment to realize that I'm crying.
For the first time in years, I Kevin Levin am, crying.
And Ben Tennyson, in his immaculate Ben Tennysonness did the one thing I needed him to do. The one thing I've always wanted some, anyone to do. In all my years of living the only thing I've ever needed someone to do.
He reached over, and wiped the tears from my face.
"I promise."
-
a/n: …yes well, there it is. My Ben 10 fanfic…oh lordy. Please review, they would be nice…