Jellyfish Inter-Net
It's me, after my two-year delay of any fics. Wish me luck.
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SpongeBob sat at his TV, surfing channels. So far, there was nothing on. And there was nothing else to do, anyway. It was a Sunday--the day the Krusty Krab is closed. And, without the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob's life was basically...nothing. So yeah, he was just surfing the channels until the fish-head man suddenly appeared on the television.
"We interrupt your obese and meaningless lives to show you something extremely boring for your viewing pleasure!"
With that, the news cast disappeared, to a floating jellyfish.
"The jellyfish can live up to six months..." said the boring animal spokesman on the TV, monotonously.
SpongeBob sighed. "There's never anything on TV! What should I do?" Instantly, SpongeBob had an idea.
SpongeBob's next-door neighbor, however, was intently watching television.
"I'm sorry I have to say this, Miss, but I'm afraid he has...Ich."
"WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK TO "AS THE WATER TURNS" AFTER THESE MESSAGES!" (lame. I know)
"NO!!" cried Squidward. "Not him!! He was so youngggg!"
Suddenly there was a rapping at the door. Squidward got off the couch and opened it.
"Hi Squidward!" cried SpongeBob.
Squidward slammed the door.
There was another rapping at the door, and this time SpongeBob threw the door open, smashing Squidward against the wall. He looked around quickly. "Squidward? Where are you?"
Quietly, the door creaked back to reveal pancake Squidward. Peeling himself off the wall, he glared at SpongeBob. "SpongeBob! What do you want from me this time?"
"Squidward, I'm bored. Do you want to play a round of SpongeBob Monopoly with me?" he asked, holding up the board game box.
Squidward stared at him. Then he took the box and smashed it. "I have no idea where you got that thing, and I don't care. But GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!"
"But Squidward, I have nothing to do! Can you help me?"
"Find something to do! Watch TV!"
"There's nothing on!"
"Nothing on?!" Squidward cried. "Mike just got Ich, and you say there's nothing on?!" SpongeBob stared at him. Squidward shook his head. "Ergh, just...surf the internet or something. I don't care. Go away!" he yelped, pointing at the door.
SpongeBob continued to stare at him. "...internet?"
Squidward sighed. "Computer. Whatever. GO AWAY!"
SpongeBob did not let up staring. "Computer? Squidward, what are you talking about?"
Squidward waved his arms impatiently. "Computer! You've never heard of a computer?!"
SpongeBob continued his stare.
"Computer! You know, like Karen?!"
"Karen? I thought she was a banana."
"What?"
"Internet? What's internet?" SpongeBob asked. "Ooooh! Is that a special jellyfishing instrument?" his eyes glittered at the thought.
"No." Squidward sneered. "Go and buy yourself a computer. Have fun." Squidward said sarcastically, and pushed him out of his house--slamming the door behind him.
SpongeBob knocked on Squidward's door. "But Squidward, are there different types of computers? Which one should I buy?"
Squidward cracked his door open, as to keep SpongeBob out of the Easter Island Head. "Ughh. I don't care! Go buy yourself a...a Windows. Now LEAVE!" he yelped, closing the door.
"A window? I thought you wanted me to buy a computer!"
Squidward's trademark exasperated "Grrrrgh!" was heard from inside the house. opening the door again, he said, "Never mind. Go buy a Mac."
"Mac?"
"Macintosh." Squidward sighed at SpongeBob's confused expression. "MACINTOSH APPLE!"
"Apple? Squidward, what do you want me to buy? Apples or windows, or computers? Or a jellyfishing net? Or--"
"SpongeBob, I'm not here to have an Abbott and Costello conversation with you!"
"Who?"
"NEVER MIND!" Squidward yelled, shoving SpongeBob inside. "Here." he said, pushing him up to a small computer monitor. "Now please, get as many spyware as you want. Just LEAVE ME ALONE!" and with that, the octopus stomped his way back to the television, in hopes of catching the last bits of his soap opera.
SpongeBob eyed the strange system carefully. The big screen was blank.
"SQUIDWARD!" SpongeBob cried. "I think I broke it!"
Squidward groaned. "It's not on, you idiot!" he called. "Press the button!"
"Button?" SpongeBob asked himself. "SQUIDWARD, WHICH BUTTON?"
"Uhh, the one that says ON?!"
"...oh!" pressing the button emitted a loud 'DAH-DUH!' sound from the speakers, and a big picture of Boys Who Cry appeared, covered in little icons.
"Wow!" SpongeBob commented, amazed at the large picture the screen had generated. Quickly, SpongeBob became accustomed to the computer, and started toying with all the features.
Meanwhile, a really huge telescope was being looked through by a really small eye.
"Ahh, so that SquarePants as discovered the computer, eh? This is perfect! Soon, that work-aholic sponge with become so attached to that ever time-consuming device he will forget about the fate of the Krusty Krab, and hand over the KRABBY PATTY SECRET FORMULA!" Plankton cackled evilly, but was interrupted by his robotic significant-other.
"Did you just say ever time-consuming?!" Karen shouted. "You know what, Plankton? You never appreciate me. You are always working up some sort of stupid plan that always fails, but you ALWAYS go through with it. Besides, why would he hand over the secret formula? You are so--"
"Shut up, Karen. I have all that planned out. Sure, he only knows about the computer games now, but wait till he learns about..." Plankton paused for suspensing effect. "THE INTERNET EXPLORER!"
"Internet Explorer? There you go, all racist again..."
"Racist? Oh, right. Sorry, it's just a force of habit. I mean, I know some people use Firefox or Safari, but--"
"Whatever. But answer my question! How are you gonna get SpongeBob to hand the formula over, on the internet?"
"Oh, you'll soon find out." Plankton smirked, rubbed his teeny little arms together and began to type, searching for the nearest chatroom.
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"Hey, hey look! Squidward! I won Hearts the third time!" he cried joyously. Pointing at the screen, he smiled. "See? I got the highest score ever! 274! Yeah! I rock!"
Squidward rolled his eyes. "SpongeBob, why don't you go on something more alike to your age? Like...a virtual pet website?" he snickered.
"Huh? Website? What's that?"
"You haven't even found the internet yet?" he rolled his eyes.
"Oh! Wait! Is it that big thingy that popped up? It says...Gurrrg...Gogg..."
"It says GOOGLE, and yes," Squidward said. "Now shut up, it's back on!" Squidward became hypnotized with his soap opera marathon.
"Hmm. This is strange." SpongeBob commented, as he stared at the large keyboard in front of him. "I suppose it wants me to write something in this bar. Search...oh! I know what I want to search for!" he typed 'friends' into the box. "What's this? 'I'm Feeling Lucky'. I guess so..."
It brought him to a very, very strange website. SpongeBob quickly found the 'back' button. "Well, I'm going to search for a better cause." he typed 'saving the enviroment' in the bar. This time, he clicked the 'search' button.
Quickly, SpongeBob found himself on a Stop Global Warming page. Which led him to a forum to save the sea creatures. Which led him to, yes, a chatroom.
"Wow! This looks fun!" SpongeBob said, cheerfully. Quickly, he typed up a username and began to chat with the other members of the chatroom. When after a while, he met someone quite strange who began to PM him.
iwillroolthworld888: hello
krabbypattyluvrx0x0: Hi! Who are you?
iwillroolthworld888: i am plank
iwillroolthworld888: umm i mean mr. krabs
iwillroolthworld888: ello me boy err shiver me tembers
iwillroolthworld888: or whatever
krabbypattyluvrx0x0: Oh! Well hey there Mister Krabs! Don't you think the internet is a magical place?!
iwillroolthworld888: yea sure whatever
iwillroolthworld888: listen um me boy
iwillroolthworld888: i 4got the secret formular and i want u 2 tell me it
krabbypattyluvrx0x0: Oh! You did? Okay, I'll tell it to you!
iwillroolthworld888: I TOLD U KAREN!!
nag1nag2nag3: ya ya i heard i heard
iwillroolthworld888: YESS!! I'M FINALLY GOING TO GET THE FORMULA!! IN YOUR FACE KRABS!!
krabbypattyluvrx0x0: Wait...Karen? What? What's going on here?
iwillroolthworld888: oh crap i 4got u were still here
iwillroolthworld888: uhmmm well...
iwillroolthworld888: well this stinks
iwillroolthworld888 has logged off.
SpongeBob turned off the computer, confused. "Well, that was strange..." he jumped off the chair and walked out the door. "See you later, Squidward! I think the computer's a little advanced for me."
"Yeahsurewhatever." Squidward's eyes were glued to the television.
"I'm gonna take my 'inter' net and go jellyfishing with Patrick. Bye Squidward." and he strolled away.
Suddenly, before Squidward could discover who gave Mike Ich, all the power went out.
"Wait...what?! What happened?!" Suddenly, a big paper went flying at Squidward. Squidward opened it and groaned. "Aww, man! Stupid internet bills!"
THE END.
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Thank you for wasting your time reading my weird story. Now, if you're up to wasting more, why not review? :DD