Deadlands
Yami to Fujikiri
Teach me passion for I fear it's gone
Show me love, hold the lorn
So much more I wanted to give to the ones who love me
I'm sorry
Time will tell this bitter farewell
I live no more to shame nor me nor you
And you... I wish I didn't feel for you anymore...
James Potter
Harry's crying was louder than ever and the pathetic attempts of Lily to calm him down were only making him nosier, filling the house with the baby's crying and at the same time confirming his parents he was alive, he, the reason they were there, hidden, desperate, was still alive. Lily was in Harry's room, James, sitting in the floor of his and her room could hear her singing from the distance. But James was just sitting in the floor, staring at the wall, he, James Potter, the brave Gryffindor, was crying and just like his son, louder, trying to stop all the frustration, just like a baby.
His knees were in his chest, the nail of his big toe in his mouth, trying to drown out the crying but nothing seems to be working. He knew Lily wouldn't dare to get there, she was as desperate as he was, she was falling apart with him and they both needed to scream. James really tried not to gave in, he really tried, but sometimes we just need to hit the wall or sometimes the wall finally hits us and everything is over, this time, the wall hit James.
They just wanted their son to live, since the prophecy was revealed, they just wanted him to live and live in a peaceful world, free of this damned war, free of this damned nightmare. And they both did everything they could, the went into hiding, without fighting, without helping their friends, just to make sure that Harry would make it. But deep down James knew he was going to fail, he felt it, the sensing of his own death.
Or maybe he wanted to die, maybe he just wanted to be found and to be killed. Yes, that's what he wanted, he wanted to stop being strong, being brave, he just wanted everything to finally end.
He regretted many things in a second, he regretted that he never told Sirius that he was his real brother, that he will always be by his side or that he never asked Peter how he wanted to spend his time or if he liked living the life of both James and Sirius, or that he left Remus face alone the full moon after Hogwarts, that he never sent an owl to make sure he was alright.
And above everything, he regretted asking Lily out, with all his mind and body, he regretted ever felt in love with her.
So, making sure that Lily wouldn't notice, he waved his wand and disappeared the protection shield that covered Godric's Hollow.
Sirius Black
- Sirius!. - He heard a worried voice going up the stairs, Remus' voice. The werewolf opened the door of his room. - Snape sent us a message, Harry and his friends went to The Department of Mysteries, he was having visions, he though Voldemort was torturing you or something.
- What?. - He could barely process the information.
- We are leaving right now, stay here and wait. - And Remus left the room. Sirius stared at the door.
Harry, his Harry, was out there in danger, his son, Harry, his James. Yes, James was out there and he needed his help, yes, it was James. He forgot all about Harry, he just wanted to go see James, to ask him for forgiveness, to be with him, his best mate, his brother.
While walking downstairs, the flashes came to his head. He saw himself asking James to change the secret keeper. He remembered how he felt, unworthy of James' trust, incapable of trusting himself, he couldn't let James down, he just couldn't take the chance, he was weak and a coward and for that he paid the prize, a quite big prize, not only twelve years in Azkaban but twelve years in Azkaban seeing James' dead body in front of his eyes, day after day.
He reached the hearth and appeared in the department and in the distance, he saw his Harry and he knew he couldn't take it anymore, he didn't want to see his Harry, he wanted to be with James. Sirius closed his eyes, trying to think of Harry as James but he couldn't. And in that very moment, he just feel like dying, he wanted so badly to die, he needed to.
Peter Pettigrew
Peter was sitting in a dark room, his back at the wall, his eyes closed, his lips moving without making any sound. He saw himself in another place in another time, laughing, living. He loved them, he really did. He loved James for asking him to join them, he loved Sirius for always be there to defend him, he loved Remus for worrying when he was left behind. They were not only his friends but his family.
And he killed them. He betrayed James, he killed him and he led Sirius to death.
When he heard about Sirius' death, he knew it was his fault, just like James, he knew Sirius wouldn't live without James, that he kept on living for Harry but it wouldn't last.
He really loved them and he hated himself for being a coward. And somehow, he wished to die, just to see James and Sirius one more time. He just wanted to be the boy with his cool friends at least for once, just for a moment. And for the first time in his life he felt like making his own decisions, he felt free.
- Pettigrew! - He heard Malfoy. - Go check the damned cellars.
He really felt free.
Remus Lupin
- He really is beautiful. - Tonks said without taking her eyes off the sleeping baby. Remus couldn't but agree. His son was the most precious thing he ever saw and he sincerely never though he could be this happy, not after all those years alone.
He was indeed the last marauder left alive, they very last one. James, the brave one, died trying to protect his family. Sirius, the passionate, died wanting to be with his best mate after all those years and Peter, the weak one, died searching for the life he once had. And now, Remus, the shy Remus, the lonely boy, the intellectual, the outsider, was the one left alive.
He though of Harry, the fighter, the brave Harry Potter. He couldn't leave him alone, he needed to fight.
- Do not. - Tonks' voice got Remus out of his thoughts. - We... we need to stay. - Her voice barely audible.
- How?. - He heard himself asking. - After all we've been through, are we just... leaving?
- Yes!. - Her voice went higher. - Yes, for Teddy, for our son!. - They both looked in the eyes of the other. And Tonks knew, her husband was a marauder and therefore, he was supposed to die. In silence, she also knew, he was not dying alone.
He never felt like dying, though, like his friends did. He never felt like leaving his wife and kid alone. But he though of Harry once more, and of James and Sirius, and even of Peter.
end.
N/A:
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