Author: This is my fist fic on Angst. Please Read & Review, so that I know the things you've liked and the things I have to improve for the next one. Thanks!

Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or any of its character.

This-is-a-horrible-day. I knew it was going to be bad, but this is absolutely rubbish. I don't know what I was thinking of when I accepted to come to this all-couples-day by the sea. Brooke and Owen, Nathan and Haley, Mouth and Skills (yeah, they're an item now)… Oh, and Lucas is coming, too. And, obviously, if Lucas comes, his perfect fiancée Lindsay will come with him. I know Brooke's intentions were good when she asked me to join them. It would be good fun, she said. She thinks I have to get used to Lucas being with Lindsay, even if it hurts. Everyone says I will get over it, but, can they know it for sure? Anyone can say 'Hey, Peyton, be strong, time is a healer', but, is it true? Anyway, Nathan and Haley are coming back form their walk, hand in hand, Brooke and Owen are playing in the water, Mouth is whispering in Skills' ear. I am the sparring. When we are all together again in our settlement, Lucas and Lindsay arrive. I have the impression they don't look very happy, but I guess that's just what I want it to be. Well, it's not that I want them to be unhappy, it's just I don't want them to be happy together. I know it's selfish and childish, but that's how I feel. They apologize for being late, and Lucas winks an eye when he says they got asleep because they were very busy at night. Everyone laughs, and I only can smile weakly. They all begin to make fun, kind of dirty comments, but I don't feel like playing that game, considering I am the one with no stories to tell, so I just turn my music on. However, I still can hear the voices and the laughs, the kisses and the whistles. I open my eyes, and I feel sad to realise I'm not with eight friends, but with four couples. I try to join them with other kind of conversations, but it's evident that they find this beach such a romantic place to be, and they want to share every moment just with their loved ones. I wonder what was the point in arranging this thing if all the happy couples want to be on their own. I feel thirsty and I decide it's a good moment to go for a coke.

-Does anyone want something to drink?

None replies. I raise my voice a bit, since I guess they haven't heard me.

-I'm going to buy a coke. Does anyone else want a drink?

-Um, no, thanks, P- says Brooke, without looking at me. The others are too busy to reply.

I buy a coke and drink feverishly. It's cold and it makes me shiver, which is good, because that's the only time I've felt alive in the whole day. I start to walk back with the others, but I do it slowly, 'coz a part of me doesn't want to go there. The beach is almost empty, and so am I.

I've been feeling really depressed lately. I mean, is my life important for someone other than me? Does anybody worry about me? I could die just right now, and none would care. None would give a fuckin' damn… I just feel I can't find my place. My job sucks. I thought it would be great to work in music business, but it seems I'm just not good enough, because I'm completely stuck, working for people who's not interested in music at all, just in fame and money (as if I could get them some of that…), my father is mad at me because I found out his girlfriend was cheating on him and I told him. He accused me of being jealous and refused to believe me. My own father, how could he think I would do such a think? I guess he doesn't really know me, or maybe he's just too in love to see what happens around him. Yeah, love is blind… And my brother, Derek? Well, he just ignores me. We were fine for a while, but know he doesn't reply to may mails or my text messages, and when he does, he's very cold. I really don't know what I've done wrong, maybe I was just too annoying, expecting him to be like a real brother when we hardly know each other. Maybe I've put too much pressure on him. The people I work with, my father, my brother, my friends, Lucas… Everyone seems to be fed up with me. Everything seems darker and sadder when I'm around. I'm like poison. Everything I touch, dies.

I looked at the immense ocean. The feeling of loneliness, of complete emptiness, is killing me, and I feel how it pushes me towards the sea. I stop abruptly, suddenly scared of my own intentions. Can't I be brave enough for once in my life? There are so many things I've lost in my life for being afraid of doing what I really wanna do. I lost Lucas because I was too of a coward to tell him how much I love him. I turn around and see him embracing Lindsay, the true love of his life. Lucas… The pain in my heart is stronger than the fear, and it gives me the courage I need to walk into the sea. I expected the water to be cold, but it isn't, and, somehow, feeling its warmth in my ankles comforts me.

I keep on walking, the waves pushing me out of the ocean, but they cannot stop me. I'm the Angel of Death. Half of my body is already covered by the water, and I throw a last glance at the group. I don't think they've noticed I'm not there. I look into the horizon, fighting back the tears. I hear their distant laughs, and it makes me sick to realise that that sound is going to be my goodbye song.

The water has reached my head now. Some of it has entered into my ears and I cannot hear the sounds of the beach anymore. I close my eyes, and try to relax, though it's not easy. I can feel the water filling my mouth, my nostrils. The air disappears around me, it cannot get into my lungs, but I don't care. After all, what's the point in breathing when my heart is already death?

My body seems to realise what I'm doing and it tries to stop me. My arms and my legs struggle fiercely to get out, to reach the surface, but my decision is made. It takes all my strength to keep under the water.

I've tried to keep my eyes closed all the time, very scared of what would happen if I opened them. I mean, would I be able to try and kill myself looking at the world around me-even if it's a submarine world? Would I change my mind if I saw the light coming into the water, illuminating me? However, I decide to open them just for a second, one last glance to the world I'm about to leave. I look at my hands, my arms are now over my head, floating, swaying slightly. I feel them so light, as if they were not mine anymore. My hair is floating around my head, too. My curly, blond hair… I've always liked it. I think of Nathan, and Jake, and Lucas, stroking it, smelling it, kissing it. I close my eyes. All the faces of my beloved ones appear in my head, very fast, until they all become just a blur in the corner of my mind. My last thought is for Lucas, and I have the impression that my lips form a smile, though I can't know it for sure. Then, there's nothing left but darkness.