He was really getting too old for this….

These…what were the resident organisms calling them these days…Mutos?...were hella annoying. Godzilla couldn't stand them. Always waking him up every few hundred years or so…assholes. Shit, he hadn't even gotten that long this time around, had he? He rumbled low in his throat.

The damned male crashed into his head again, nearly knocking him over another hill (they'd sure gotten irregularly shaped and crumbled easily). He huffed in annoyance and glanced over his shoulder where the male was turning around for another go. C'mon, c'mon, he thought, coiling his tail around himself like a spring. Just a bit closer….

He swung as hard as he could, satisfaction warming his chest as he felt his tail collide with the other beast. Foiled by its own momentum and Godzilla's strength, it slammed into one of the hills and, with a final grunt of pain, fell silent and still.

Godzilla would've smirked if his facial structure allowed it. Take that ya bastard. And he would've frowned when he heard the sickening creak of one of the hills collapsing. On him.

Damn it.

It hit him square in the back, making him stumble and forcing him to his knees. Son of a bitch! he groaned, feeling one of his spikes snap and throb unpleasantly. He really hated this job.

Panting, he glanced around looking for the female. He'd never been able to decide which sex he hated more. Neither were very fun to play with, especially after they'd had the amount of radiation that they'd had. He was absolutely treating himself to a blue whale on the swim back south after this…

One of the resident beings (humans, he remembered the word) was standing alone on the shattered road, staring at him. Nearby the Muto nest sat smoking. Godzilla snorted softly, making eye contact with the human. Thanks. Saves me the next few wakeup calls. He hoped that this was the last nest out there. That would totally make his day…

He allowed the dust from the hill collapse to settle over him as he caught his breath. After a few long moments, he forced himself to his feet, figuring that he'd better take care of the female before she got her slimy claws on that radiation egg the humans had been running around with. This won't take long, he mused and hoped. His back was killing him.

The bitch saw him approach and screeched at him (how rude), noticeably pissed and rather defensive. She smacked him over the head with one of those weird-ass arm things and that was fucking it. He was done.

Godzilla grabbed her by the head, curled his claws around her jaws and wrenched her mouth open, spiting a long stream of fire down her throat in a total fuck-you manner. Pulled her head clean off too. Oops. (He generally preferred to leave them intact whenever possible because the slime that went along with them was impossible to clean off his scales. It did, however, assure him that the job was done.)

He roared in victory and tossed the female's head into the ocean, exhaustion beginning to tug relentlessly at his limbs. He hated land. In no mood to swim back south, he allowed his legs to buckle underneath him and his body to collapse to the earth. Just a short nap before the long trek home…

Those humans really couldn't let him sleep, could they? Whether they were throwing exploding fire at him or awakening those damn Mutos, he was really beginning to hate them as they scurried around, kicking dust up his nose and staring, really they were even ruder than the Mutos. He snorted, supposing that he should head back south anyway.

As he rose, the humans stared at him in awe as they scrambled out of the crumbled hills (they lived in those things?). You'd better, he thought. They emitted shrill should and smacked their flesh together as he moved past (what did they call it, whistling and clapping?). Finally, some respect. He briefly considered smashing one of the oversized birds flying around his head and worsening his already major headache just to say screw you too and thanks for helping me out, shooting those pebbles at me until he remembered all the damage his battle had done to their hills. Sowwy, he thought. I was just saving your planet. Nothing major or anything. Damn ants.

The water of the Pacific swirled around his legs, beginning to shoulder some of his immense weight (what a relief). Before he descended, he let out one short roar. You're welcome ya idjits.

The End

A/N: Yeah, I went to see Godzilla and was incredibly amused by his last roar and decided that it was a "you're welcome" which prompted the thought of him being a sassy creature which prompted this little drabble. Tanks for reading! Hope it made you laugh~