The pain was unbearable.

That was what had woken me up in the first place.

The early morning setting was dreadfully bleak as I looked around for clues. I moved to sit up and felt the sharp pang go through my body. My back was throbbing immensely and my hand reflexively went behind me while the other went to my pulsating head. My groggy state didn't notice the absence right away. My hand was mindlessly moving through the air as I fully woke. My eyes widened when I realized what had happened.

No.

He couldn't have.

He wouldn't have.

My brain and my heart were working in overdrive, contradicting each other. My head almost mocking me for believing that he wouldn't and my heart almost desperate that he wouldn't. I knew the risks when he came last night asking for me. I knew what he had become what he wanted with his life and what he had to do to get that. I had just hoped that he would remember what we used to be like, what he used to be like.

But I was wrong. So wrong.

The pain was building up in my chest, almost too much to bear. The scream that left my lips didn't make it any better, I knew they were gone, that he was gone as crying wouldn't make it any better but I wanted to cry. I wanted to relieve some of this weight from my heart, some of this absolute agony.

So I cried.

I cried until my voice was hoarse.

I cried for him, even though I would never admit it.

I loved him. Ever since I saw him that first day. I thought he was different from all the rest, that he had compassion and love for all things, no matter how different.

I thought he might love me.

How juvenile to say that now but it's what I thought. When he had cast off his ring when he saw how it hurt me, I had fallen completely. That feeling had never subsided in all that we knew each other.

He had been so kind back then. He risked everything to come see me when he could.

But now he was one of them. Selfish, greedy, power hungry. The boy I knew was gone.

I didn't know the man.

I didn't want to know the man.

I hoped that the boy had resurfaced last night, that my love and hope for him could live on but he had proved me wrong.

He had killed all my hopes and dreams with the same knife he used to do his heinous act.

Only this one went through my heart.