Chapter 1: In the Beginning...
God and Satan were drinking buddies, and frequently played chess with one another.
God was making a bet with Satan again (Job style).
They decided to choose a modern-day Job, and it was a girl named Katie.
God says,"I want to torture this girl so much to see how far she will go to keep on worshipping me, so let's do this Satan 'ol buddy 'ol pal."
Satan was all like, "Yeah, it's about time we tortured another human as bad as what we did to that Job fellow. He was pretty funny to watch when he was in pain!"
They both burst out into maniacal laughter and turned to the screen where they spied on humans down on earth.
Poor Katie had no idea what was about to befall her.
She was a college student who worked as a waitress, just barely able to keep on paying for her studies.
She wanted to be a doctor, and she knew she would make an excellent one if given the opportunity in life.
God and Satan hated the fact that she wanted to become a doctor.
Women were inferior in their sexist minds, and they wanted to keep her from becoming something that only men should be.
They were going to completely destroy her life.
Mwaaahaaahha!
They were watching her in the bathroom (ewww) because they could.
As she exited the bathroom, the phone begin the ring.
She went over to the telephone and placed it against her ear.
"Hello, is this Miss Barton?"
"Yes"
"This is the Police Station, and we were calling to inform you that you're whole family was ran over by a herd of stampeding buffalo. My condolences for your loss. Quite honestly, we really don't know how something like this could have happened, since it happened in Times Square, but shit happens. Bye now."
The man had hung up and Katie was frozen in shock for like 5 minutes.
She looked exactly like a statue carved out of marble.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH!", she wailed all of the sudden.
She then proceeded to rip all of the hair out of her head.