Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual to MIROKU

by twilightm00n

Jump for joy! You are now the proud owner of your very own MIROKU unit! To make the full use of this lecherous, scheming, “holy” man, please read these instructions carefully.

Disclaimer: Inuyasha does not belong to me although I frequently enjoy torturing them. Also this format does not belong to me, but to Theresa Green. Unfortunately, I didn't receive a reply from the author that created this format (I waited a long time), so this disclaimer will have to do.

Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual for MIROKU

Jump for joy! You are now the proud owner of your very own MIROKU unit! To make the full use of this lecherous, scheming, "holy" man, please read these instructions carefully.

Technical Specifications:

Name: MIROKU

Sex: Male

Age: 21

Height: 5'9"

Weight: 182 lbs

Manufacturer: Perverted Monks Organization

Your MIROKU unit comes with the following accessories:

Black kimono

Purple over-robes

Plain sandals

Pony-tail tie (x1)

Holy staff with jingling rings

Sealing beads

Assorted hoop earrings (x5)

Bottle of Extra Strength Advil (for the migraines he receives from SANGO'S Hiraikotsu)

Note: You may notice that your MIROKU unit has a huge blackhole in his right palm under his sealing beads. DO NOT REMOVE THESE BEADS UNLESS YOU WISH TO DIE. This is entirely normal. Your MIROKU is not damaged in any way.

Programming:

Your MIROKU unit comes with a variety of functions and modes that will be sure to amaze you! The following are just some of the many uses that MIROKU has.

Thief/Conman: Being a master of deception and having a very flexible personality, your MIROKU will be able to swindle almost anyone (except SANGOS and KAGOMES) with his charm and "holy" skills! Become rich with hauls of gold by having MIROKU exorcise an "invisible" youkai or receive shelter for a night with your MIROKU'S observation of an ominous, black cloud hanging over a town!

Vacuum Cleaner: With your MIROKU'S Kazana, any house cleaning will be accomplished with ease! Just switch him into Super Suckage mode and watch him go! Warning: Always stay behind your MIROKU when he is in this mode otherwise it will hurt quite a bit. Also, do not spray any poisonous chemicals in your home before cleaning because if the MIROKU sucks it up, he will get sick and possibly die unless a KAGOME is nearby to heal him. What a glorious way to die huh?

Fortune Teller: MIROKU is very adept at palm readings, tea leaves and predicting when an ominous black cloud is descending upon a village! Now you will always know what is in your future! Note: When in Charming mode, your MIROKU (if you are female) will most likely twist your fortune into one involving a very prosperous future with many children in a sad attempt to get laid.

Reverend: Even though he is a Buddhist monk, your MIROKU will be more than happy to bless any marital unions for couples. However, if he is in Con mode with no SANGOS or KAGOMES nearby, MIROKU may try and exorbitantly charge the newlyweds for his services, so be wary!

Your MIROKU unit comes with the following modes:

Perverted (default): Due to a genetic deficiency called the "Y Chromosome," your MIROKU is extremely dirty-minded. In this mode he will attempt to grope all females (those within age of course) within range and will only stop if he is treated with castration, a SANGO or KAGOME Glare of Death or is bashed into unconsciousness. Warning: Never, ever bathe (if you are a girl anyway) when your MIROKU is in Perverted mode unless you have tons of bodyguards or have no sense of modesty (may God help you).

Charming: This mode will often switch with the Perverted mode since MIROKUS often use their charm in order to get a feel. MIROKUS are prone to utilizing dramatic gestures and words when in this mode in an attempt to get sympathy, but usually SANGOS and KAGOMES are immune to it.

Con: In this mode your MIROKU is seemingly a very amicable and holy monk. DO NOT BE FOOLED. If you look very closely, the MIROKU will most likely have a devious glint in his eye and an almost invisible smirk. MIROKU will usually play off of his holiness to manipulate people to do what he wants using prayer gestures and phrases such as "I am only a humble son of Buddha." Warning: In this mode your MIROKU might even attempt to swindle you if you aren't careful. However, certain precautions may be taken to never be taken in by his wiles. (See Trouble Shooting)

Super Suckage (locked): This mode is when your MIROKU unleashes his Kazana in a fit of fury (or desperation) during a fight. The pull of the Kazana will defeat even the most fearsome of foes (even the obese ones) with its awesome winds, reducing them to nothingness. (See FAQ to unlock)

Alternative (locked): This mode allows your MIROKU to finally settle down and raise a family. However, when choosing a wife for him it is best to have a unit that will reign in MIROKU'S lecherous tendencies (like SANGO units –cough, cough-) otherwise your MIROKU'S pervertedness might drive the wife away in a storm of jealous fury. (See FAQ to unlock)

Relations to Other Units:

Your MIROKU is a decidedly unholy monk whose questionable habits may not let him get along well with some units. However, his cheerful nature and wealth of knowledge somewhat makes up for his faults and he will prove to be a valuable ally. Still, all female units (with some exceptions) would be well-advised to stay clear of him unless the Alternative mode is unlocked.

SANGO: This unit is the taijiya that travels around with the INUYASHA group and the unit that all MIROKUS are most attracted to. Whenever MIROKUS are in her vicinity they are almost always in full-on Perverted mode and will attempt to grope her to their cost (mostly in medicinal costs). Nevertheless, they are staunch allies and will give their lives for one another even if the SANGO units tend to crack MIROKUS' skulls open occasionally. This unit is the best choice as a wife for MIROKUS when their Alternative modes are unlocked. There is no love without pain (at least MIROKU'S) right?

INUYASHA: This unit is the friend of the MIROKU unit that heavily disapproves of the monk's womanizing. When together they have a sense of camaraderie, although MIROKUS tend to disapprove of INUYASHA'S seesaw acts between KIKYOU and KAGOME units and at times try to persuade him to stick with KAGOME.

KAGOME: This unit is another friend of MIROKU that also views his habits as distasteful. KAGOMES tend to meddle in the relationships between SANGO and MIROKU units although it often does not work out too well (except when the two shared an umbrella ( ; ). A relationship between KAGOME and an Alternative MIROKU is not highly recommended due to the strong protectiveness of INUYASHAS and Alternative SESSHOMARUS as well as the relatively high Wrongness Factor.

KOHARU: This unit is a young girl, now woman, who was an acquaintance of MIROKU'S and is in love with him, much to the discomfort of SANGO. The past MIROKU did not grace her with his manly approaches due to her youth but when he met up with her again he was somewhat more amorous, creating a tick at SANGO'S temple for the remainder of their encounter.

NARAKU: This unit is the bane of MIROKU'S existence (quite literally) and enjoys any form of mental or physical torture for the INUYASHA group due to his mental affliction of wanting the pure blood of a full-youkai. This unstable mindset pushes him to wear dirty baboon cloaks, cackle evilly and have really ugly looking oily-black hair that does not help his hotness factor at all (in fact it puts it to an overly generous score of minus infinity on the hotness factor or as a more simply expressed bleargh in layman's terms). To end this really long description, NARAKU and MIROKU units do not get along.

Cleaning:

Your MIROKU unit is fully capable of cleaning himself but will enjoy any female aid, especially from SANGO units. 0.o It is not recommended that any members of the opposite sex help to bathe him, however, unless you wish to be a victim of his little "hand" problem.

Feeding and Rest:

MIROKU units are entirely self-sufficient and can make a mean stir-fry, but also enjoy being pampered (only by females though). They need to consume 3 meals a day and sleep at least 7 hours to maintain the energy necessary to heal from the various lumps on the head that will surely appear the following day. Your MIROKU does not require a bed, he prefers to sleep sitting up beside a tree instead.

Disposal:

Unfortunately, your MIROKU'S bad habits may result in a need for his removal from your home especially if you have any children below 16 years of age and have any morals at all. You may become weary of his constant gropes (if you are a girl) and his lies. For this reason MIROKUS may be easily disposed of by sending them to a nunnery. Moved by the self preservation of their virtue and the need to choose the lesser of the 2 evils, the nuns should take care of him quickly with the materials at hand. In this way your conscience will be eased by his quick passing and lack of suffering. Note: No refunds will be offered if you choose to dispose of your MIROKU unit.

FAQ:

Question: Why does my MIROKU keep on skulking around areas where women are generally unclothed?

Answer: It's in his nature, he can't help it. Plus he seems to have a fetish for women's bathing houses…. 0.o

Question: How do you unlock Super Suckage mode? I need to vacuum desperately!

Answer: It's simple. Just purchase the NARAKU'S CURSE KIT from your manufacturer and then apply it to your MIROKU unit's right hand. Warning: Application of the Kazana will most likely result in your MIROKU loathing you for the rest of his existence.

Question: I applied the Kazana to my MIROKU, but I don't want him to hate me anymore. What do I do?

Answer: Purchase the NARAKU, INUYASHA, KAGOME, SANGO, SHIPPOU and KIRARA units (as the bare minimum) and have them fight. If you're lucky and your NARAKU doesn't do the spawning thing, the INUYASHA group will defeat NARAKU and nullify the curse while earning your MIROKU'S undying gratitude.

Question: How do I unlock my MIROKU'S Alternative mode?

Answer: Similar to the question above, purchase the appropriate units and have the INUYASHA group win. (The chances of winning will be greatly enhanced with the purchase of a SESSHOMARU unit in Homicidal mode.) Once the battle is won, your MIROKU'S Alternative mode should be unlocked (now's your chance SANGO units!)

Trouble Shooting:

Problem: My MIROKU unit won't leave me alone whenever I'm partly unclothed or showering. He even got a nosebleed when I went swimming with my friends! How do I make him stop!?

Solution: Purchase a SANGO unit with her Hiraikotsu attachment. Put her in Bash MIROKU mode and station her as your bodyguard. Your MIROKU unit will shift to Charming mode in an attempt to escape her wrath, but the SANGO will stand fast to her duty.

Problem: My MIROKU keeps on staggering around drunkenly, while moaning and holding his head. What's wrong with him?

Solution: He might have a concussion after one too many hits from a SANGO unit. Get a KAGOME or KAEDE unit to heal him. Either that, or he had too much sake….

Problem: My MIROKU keeps on trying to steal from me even though I have a SANGO unit nearby. He seems like he's on permanent Con mode… What can I do?

Solution: Unfortunately, if you are below average intelligence your MIROKU unit will probably be able to swindle you frequently. However, if you purchase a SHIPPOU unit, put him in Devious Kitsune mode and bribe him with candy, (or pocky) the Shippou unit will warn you whenever you're in danger of being conned. Either go that route or kick him in a "sensitive" place repeatedly whenever he tries to con you. This will teach him to associate conning with physical pain and therefore he should stop…eventually… (he has quite a high pain tolerance).

With the proper love and care, your MIROKU unit will become even more of a lusting, sex-deprived and somewhat masochistic man in violet robes with a sizeable porn collection. His warranty is only good for 1 year since the medicinal costs are freakishly high due to his low sense of self-preservation and pervertedness. Please see our website at for more information.