I have a major writers block right now. I hate those feelings of not being able to continue my story.
Never would I stop that story writing. I am having to much fun and to much great reviewers! I fact,
I have something in mind for the new chapter of 'One more kiss', but it seems I can't find the right words to write it.
So here I am. Trying to write something, anything.
And maybe if I write something useless and short that I can find the words for the story that counts for me.
Anyway... Hope you can enjoy this one. :)
Break Down
I hear his footsteps. Again. He does it every night since a week.
He wakes up at five in the morning and starts pacing in his room. He must be doing the same thing - God knows what - in his room, every goddamn night. First I could ignore it. But with each night he seems to be getting noisier.
Suddenly a door slams shut and I bolt right up in my bed.
"Goddamn Jesse! There are people who like to sleep at night!" I curse lightly in myself. But I already regret the thought. Even though no one can hear my thinking. But I know Jesse wouldn't be so loud at night. He was much more the type to creep up at you. Not that a way of approaching people like that is what I prefer above this...
A loud crash comes from down stairs and I am wondering what the hell he does down there. And another loud crash, followed by a lot of yelling and cursing.
Well I know for sure now who the person downstairs is. "Jesse." It is more of a groan than a word that escapes my throat. Half awake I open my door and wait a minute to adjust to the blinding light from the hallway. It should have been out, but I am glad it is on already.
I hate the dark nights. It is so full of shadows and strange noises. Like I am vulnerable and a ease target for invisible enemies. It scares me. Not that I would confess it to anyone if they ever asked me.
I bump into Shal who is already by the stairs. as fast as I see her expression the irritation I felt of being woken up disappears. I search for her eyes and even as they are flashed a yellowish colour I can see concern and alertness shining.
The alertness is confusing me. It looks like she is preparing to fight whenever it is needed. The feral in her must have picked up on something. "What is it?" I ask quietly.
"He is awake and yet he is sleeping Brennan."
It is a bit of a cryptical statement. But I amaze myself with my sharpness at this time of the day. Or should I say night?
"He is sleepwalking?"
Before she can reply a woman screams.
"Lexa!" We both rush down the stairs and rush into the direction of the dojo.
A bad feeling is set into my gut.
The scene in the dojo is frightning.
Lexa lays on the ground, a few deep cuts in her upper arm, while Jesse sits on top of her. A short piece of rope is around her neck. She struggles but Jesse doesn't even seem to notice. His facade is grim. Beads of sweat drip from his forehead. He doesn't seem to be attempted to stop his actions.
"How is that bitch? Like the part of being unable to fight back?" a small, evil smile plays around his lips.
I find it hard to believe this is Jesse. Even though he doesn't know what he is doing I could never imagine Jesse enjoying something like hurting someone.
I watch as Shalimar jumps into action. She drags Jesse away from Lexa. I take that as my sign and I rush to Lexa's side who is gasping for air. "What the heck?" She wheezes. "Are you allright?" She nods and tries to stop the shaking. The adrenalin is still running high in her body. I can almost feel it radiating of her. "He is sleepwalking, Lexa."
Like that sentence could explain it all.
Shalimar has Jesse in a tight hold. She tries to calm him down, but all he does is yelling and struggling to get free. It is odd to see Shalimar having a hard time to hold him down. It proves again that Jesse is an easy one to underestimate.
"Let me go! They will pay for what they did to them! I swear they will beg me for death after I am finished!"
All old lines. But the force behind his words is overwhelming.
So that is what is bothering him so much. Off course. The death of those two little, innocent children.
They should have known... The deaths were horrible on themselves. But the last words of the little ones were shocking.
"Mommy died Uncle Jesse..." The words had plagued himself days after that. So it wasn't so strange that he was snapping now.
He should have kept an eye on Jesse. Although he was trying to hide the grief it had been visible. How could they have been so foolish to believe he was over it after a week? He had not only lost two unknown cousins, but also his little sister.
Damn... Some wonderfull friends they were.
Suddenly Jesse's struggles stopped and he collapsed to the ground. Shalimar, surprised by the unexpected weight almost toppled over. Gladly I could support her and together we carried the now sleeping Jesse to the couch.
It was only than that we dared to release our breath.
"We should have known it still troubled him." Lexa started. "Don't you think I realise that Lex?" I snapped at her. The quilt catching up with me. "Then you should agree with me that we are a little late for that, aren't we?" "Yeah well, if I recall correcly, you were the one who suggested to drop the subject. You was the one who said to let him come to us to talk!" "And you agreed with that Brennan! You agreed with me without hesitating!"
"Shut up! Now!" Shalimar her order silenced us both . "Sorry." I mumbled.
"We choosed the wrong idea allright? But Jesse needs us now."
"Shal? What is going on? What are we all doing down here?"
He got up and looked at Lexa who unconsciously took a few steps back. Suddenly his eyes became large as he saw the cuts in her arms. "What happened to you?"
Lexa hesitated. She wasn't sure to tell Jesse the complete truth, but his intense and confused stare made her decide to do it. She started to tell him everything.
He was feeling quilty off course.
After wishpering to Jesse it didn't matter, she excused herself quietly and went out to take a look at her wounds. Shalimar followed quickly. For a moment torn between going and staying. Until I mouthed to her to go.
Jesse's anger had returned in full force at the mention of his cousins and little sister.
"Those bastards killed them! And I can't find one single clue to who killed them! I Never knew my sister had children! Heck I never knew I had a sister before a month ago! I should have protected them! I should have been able to locate them before the killer! Goddamn it! We rescue strangers everyday! "
His hands gestured wildly into the air, his face one of anger and hurt. He was breaking. And he was breaking fast...
His eyes blazed with fury. He grabbed the nearest thing on the table and threw it against the wall. The glas shattered by impact.
"I should have rescued them! I should have done more to find them!"
I took a couple of steps forward and embraced him, surprising both the girls and myself.
But it seemed he needed a shoulder right now. He had to come to terms with their deaths somehow. I strained myself for the struggle.
"Let me go Brennan! I have failed them, but I won't fail them in killing those bastards! That is all I can do now Brennan! Finding those responsible!"
It tore me apart to hear his hurt, his quilt between the lines.
"It is not your fault Jesse. You have done all you could. But not even you can protect all people in this world."
He started shivering, while his tears started to run over his cheecks. I could almost feel the anger ebbing away. replaced by grief and hollowness.
"Not just people Brennan. My family. I couldn't protect my own sister and her children. And I keep asking myself why I couldn't save them."
He is holding onto me like I am all he has. And I realise that it isn't that far from the truth.
The only one of his family by blood who would have accept him was gone. And with that he lost the hope of ever being accepted by the only ones he still longed to.
"I was always taught that family could count on eachother. And I started to believe in it again Brennan. I really did."
But I failed big time. I will never forgive myself for that. I couldn't.
He closes his eyes and asks me to hold him a little longer until he sleeps.
But I would hold him anyway. I would hold him until the next morning and all the days and nights after this one.
Not only because I could count on him on many occasions, but also because we are family by feeling.
Now he can count on me.
...The End...
I didn't know exactly how to call the children of your brother or sister. if it is an other word than cousin, please let me know!
My own computer has no spelling Check, so sorry!
And it is 3 oçlock in the morning, still haven't wrote as much as I would like. But hey, I hope you enjoyed it!