Rating: K+, reproductive themes
Disclaimer: Tina's et al.
For: hamnapkin
Prompt: Jack's baby?
Spoilers: "Sun Tea", "I Do Do"
Pairing(s): Jack/Liz, Jack/Avery
Summary: Bitches can be tricky.
A/N: Inspired by Tracy Jnr's comment (above) as well as the hamnapkin prompt (above) and written at a time when I was desperate to believe they weren't going to go through with the whole Javery pregnancy thing (fool that I was, sigh).
Liz peers through the peephole, yawning as she unlatches the door.
"Lemon. I need your help." Jack marches straight into her living room. "I have a major problem."
She shuts the door, trailing after him in her cupcake pajamas. "What's goin' on?"
He faces her, announces, "I can't marry Avery."
Her eyes roll tiredly. "Augh, Jack, again? Really?" She flops onto her couch, stifling another yawn. "This is like the third wedding in four years you've bowed out on. You've gotta get a grip on these commitment issues-"
"This isn't about me," he tells her staunchly, "it's about Avery."
"Okaaay..." She nods at him to continue.
"Firstly," he says, eyes wide as he starts to pace, "one week before the wedding she springs on me that she's considering two different job offers."
"So?"
"In LA, Lemon. L. A." He pauses, tone turning more urgent as he demands, "What the hell would I do in LA?"
"I dunno," she replies with a shrug, "Drink organic juice? Get your chest waxed?"
"I can't leave New York," he says, jaw clenching. "I can't give up my job. It's everything I've ever worked for and wanted."
She watches him pace. "Well…Avery's probably worked really hard to get where she's at too, Jack."
"But to not even tell me, Lemon. Those sorts of things should be decided together when you're married, or about to be. And especially when you're expecting a child. Which is the other thing. That's not even the worst of it." He stops abruptly, facing her and drawing in a big breath. "I just came from Leo Spaceman's office for my yearly physical."
"It's ten to three in the morning, Jack."
"So maybe I had a few drinks afterwards."
She frowns at him. "Hm. You smell like a brewery, I hope you realize."
"I had a vasectomy," Jack says.
"What…?" Her brow crumples. "Tonight?"
"Nine months ago."
Liz pauses, her lips parting, one hand lifting. "Wait, wait. Back up. You mean…when you and Tracy went together and both of you changed your minds?"
His brows arch upwards. "Tracy changed his mind."
"But…" she blinks at him a moment in shock, "you told me you had this cute conversation with his son then you rushed in and stopped Tracy from getting the snip."
"All part of a massive hallucination on my part."
"Wow. Your hallucinations really suck compared to mine."
"Lemon-"
"So," her lips purse in thought, "was The Cosby Show stuff your hallucination or was that all Tracy?"
"Lemon," he interjects, "can we stay on topic here?"
She dips her head. "Sure. Sorry."
"The point is…" he sighs heavily, "I went through with it. I had the vasectomy. Leo confirmed it."
"But that means…" Her voice trails off. She looks at him.
Jack nods, looking back. "Exactly."
"Well…" she shrugs a shoulder, offering in a weak voice, "I mean…those things don't always take, right? And he's a pretty terrible doctor, remember."
"True," Jack nods. "That is a consolation when someone has sliced into my manhood. Thank you for pointing that out, Lemon."
"But you…" her nose screws up, "you don't remember waking up and…having a sore-"
He shakes his head. "I have no recollection of that."
She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, nibbling on it thoughtfully. "But obviously now you're concerned that Avery's baby-?"
"I mean, what are the chances?" he mutters bluntly. "Between her birth control medication and my vasectomy, what are the chances of a conception taking place?"
"Pretty low, I gotta say. She seems like a straight-up kinda gal though, Jack. Do you really think she'd-?"
He lets out an explosive breath. "How would I know, Lemon? I barely know the woman! How would I know what she would or would not do? She had a thing with one of her producers for awhile, that's all I know. But I don't know how long it went on for or when it ended. And we never properly discussed exclusivity." His tirade comes to a sudden halt. He gazes into the distance for a moment, waggling his head in thought. "Tracy Junior was right. Bitches can be tricky."
She can't help a roll of the eyes. "Yeah, okay, calm down there, buddy." She grabs an arm, draws him over to the couch.
Jack sits, posture bent, voice quieter. "I don't know what to do, what to think..." He lifts his head, shakes it back and forth. "We're supposed to be getting married in six days. Six days. But how can I marry Avery now and raise this child not knowing whether it's mine? And how can I possibly ask her whether it is after all I put her through with Nancy?"
Liz rubs his shoulder with one hand. "Hey, you said yourself that Avery is pretty cool and collected. Right?"
"Before the pregnancy, yes. Now-" he stops, shudders perceptively then meets her concerned gaze. "She's terrifying, Lemon, you have no idea. I can't go back there."
"Well, you're not staying here," she mutters preemptively.
He turns toward her, all urgency. "Just one night. I'll sleep on the couch."
"Jack…" she shakes her head, "you are going to have to face her at some point. You are going to have to be honest and have this out. Preferably before the two of you hit the church."
"I just need a little time," he insists, voice and eyes imploring, "I just need to think this through. I can't go home and sleep beside Avery, not tonight. I'll never get any peace. Please, Lemon. Please…?"
Liz lets out a long sigh, growling under her breath. Then she gets up from the couch, heading into her bedroom and returning with a blanket and pillow. She drops them on his lap. "See, this is why I don't have sex. It just makes everything way too messy." She turns again, heading back to her bed.
Jack's voice stops her. "Lemon?"
She turns on the threshold. "Yeah?"
He's silent a moment, before asking quietly, "Do you think I've made the biggest mistake of my life?"
Liz smiles slightly. "No. This might be high on the list but leaving me in charge of the whole company would probably be your biggest mistake."
"What I should I do?" he murmurs, getting to his feet. "Tell me what to do. And I'll do it."
"I can't do that," she tells him, voice soft, rueful. "I can't tell you what to do here, Jack."
"But that's our thing," he says, taking a step towards her. "I tell you what to do, you tell me what to do. That's how we work, for four years now."
She leans against the doorjamb, eyes dropping to the floor. "This is…more complicated."
"Why?"
"I dunno, Jack, I…" she rubs her eyes, then answers finally, "I guess what you do depends on whether you love Avery."
Jack shakes his head. "Of course I love her."
"Then-" she shrugs, meeting his eyes. "Maybe it depends on how much you love her." She pushes away from the doorjamb, looking at him another moment. "I'm going back to bed."
He nods absently. "Yes. Goodnight, Lemon."
"Night." Liz draws the door closed behind her but doesn't shut it. And moment later, the light goes off in her bedroom.
Jack eases himself back down on the couch, runs a hand through his already disheveled hair. "So much for family planning."
END.