"Want one?" Josh offered Nikki a wine gum and slumped back in to his seat.
"Normally I'd dream for a day like this, but today..."
As if by magic, the radio crackled into life. Nikki sighed with relief and
picked it up from the dashboard.
"3018 receiving. Over."
"32 year old female, involved in an RTA. Unconscious."
"3018 all received and mobile." Nikki replaced the radio and looked at
Josh. "I know what you mean!"
~*~
"Hi, we're just cutting her out. Do you want to come this way." He ran over
to the car, but Nikki stood, frozen.
"Nikki!" Josh looked impatiently at her, and followed his gaze. "Lara?" He
whispered. Nikki nodded. "Oh no. Not Lara."
~*~
"Lara? It's Josh. Can you hear me?" He took her pulse and shined a light in
her eyes. "She's unresponsive. GCS 5. Lara?" He squinted at the police
officer that was supervising the cutting. "What happened?"
"We don't know Sir. Witnesses say that the car seemed to spiral out of
control. She may have been drinking."
"No, not Lara." The police officer looked questioningly at him and Josh
smiled. "She's a doctor at Holby A&E, lost her fiancée in a car accident
last year. Never had a drop since."
Nikki was setting up some oxygen and rushed over to Josh. "How's she
doing?" Josh shook his head.
"We won't know until she wakes up. She's holding it. Aren't you Lara?" He
looked hopefully at the bloodied woman. There was no response.
"Okay, we can get her out now." They tentatively removed the top of the
car, and Lara was lifted precariously on to a spinal board.
"Let's take you in now." Nikki gently stroked the matted hair and lifted
the board in to the ambulance. "Let's take you to where you belong."
~*~
Nikki and Josh rushed the trolley through the ambulance bay and into the
department where Simon and Duffy were waiting for the patient.
"Duffy, Simon. Thirty two year old female. GCS 5 at the scene, down to 4.
BP 110/75, normal. SATS at 93% on 100% oxygen." Nikki paused as they
crowded around the patient. "It's Lara."
"What happened?" Duffy could see Harry coming out of a cubicle. It was the
last thing that he needed. Lara was like a daughter to him. You can't lose
a daughter and a wife in two weeks. It's not fair. But she wasn't going to
lose Lara. No, she couldn't.
"Car crash." Out of the corner, Josh saw Harry striding over. "Take her
through to Resusc. I'll deal with Harry.
~*~
"I have to see her!" Harry peered desperately through the door. "You don't
understand! She's been my lifeline!" Josh put his arm around Harry, and the
two of them silently wept. They wept for the families that they had both
lost, for Lara, and for themselves.
Simon entered the staff room where Harry and Josh sat, side by side. He
flopped down opposite them and put his head in his hands. He ignored the
piercing glances from Josh and Harry.
"I can't stand it anymore! Did she make it?" Harry burst out.
"What do you take me for? Of course she made it, this is Simon!" Simon
grinned at them and Harry immediately stood up, heading for the door.
Simon's grin faded and he pulled Harry back.
"Harry, she's in a coma. We're moving her up to HDU." Simon looked at his
hands. "She's stable. It looks good." Harry shook Simon off and swung
through the door. Josh was left, sitting alone. He leaned back in the
chair, remembering how it felt to lose Helen. He couldn't go through it
again.
~*~
"Hi Lara. It's me, Harry." He paused, taking in the room. Lara was lying in
a white hospital bed, surrounded by wires and beeping machines. There were
six other beds on the ward, three of which were occupied. In the bed
opposite, a girl of about eighteen lay in the same situation as Lara. Harry
shuddered to think that it could be Tally lying there. "You know, you're
the best doctor that we've ever had at Holby. Better than Simon by a mile.
I wish that you could have got the promotion; I shouldn't have been so
hard. I should have known that you are the most compassionate doctor that
Holby has ever had. You'll make a great mum one-day too. Tally sees you as
a mother, I know. How am I going to tell her? She's had so much trouble
recently; she can't deal with any more. You were great when Beth died." He
stood up, and started to smooth the bedcovers. "I knew that I could rely on
you to look after Tally. I didn't blame her, I just... didn't know. I guess
you understand. Because of Patrick I mean. I needed to blame someone, and
Tally was the closest. I don't know whom you blamed when Patrick died. You
I guess. Duffy told me once that Simon introduced himself to you as "the
new Patrick Spiller". He couldn't have been that if he'd tried. From the
sound of it, he was a really great man." He stroked her pale face. "And you
are a great woman. You really are. It took a crisis, like the prison, or
Beth's death to realise it, but you rise to the challenge. You never let
anything beat you."
Harry took his bag from the door and kissed Lara on her forehead. "I've got
to go now. Tell Tally." From the doorway, he could see that a glint of one
eye was showing in her frail body. He smiled. He wouldn't be surprised if
she had suddenly winked at him. She was so... Lara.
As soon as she entered the ward, she knew that it was a big mistake. She
would have run away if Harry had not been holding her up. She approached
the body cautiously, as if it were dangerous.
"I'll leave you now." Harry turned to walk out of the ward."
"Dad!" Harry turned again, and met the anxious eye of his daughter. "Can
she hear me?" Harry smiled reassuringly and nodded as he walked out the
room.
Tally sat in the same chair that her father had been sitting in hours
before. She picked up Lara's hand from the bed and took it in her own.
"I gave Dad the key that you lent me to your place. He's gone to get you
some stuff. How did this happen Lara? How did I get in this situation? I
have two people that I can actually talk to, and one's in a coma, and the
other... well, she's dead." She paused, not knowing whether to go on or
not. "I miss her you know. I know that you helped me, told Dad that it
wasn't my fault, but it was. I was driving, and I wasn't concentrating. It
was my fault. Mum grabbed the wheel, but I tried to pull her off. And we
crashed and..." She winced. "And we crashed. When I couldn't get through to
Dad, I though of you immediately, you're cool you know. Really cool."
A nurse came in and Tally left, giving Lara a backwards glance. It was so
strange seeing her there. It was worse than when her mum had died. At least
then she knew that it was over. Finished. With Lara, you don't know.
~*~
"Duffy, do you know where Dad is?" Tally looked around the department.
"He went to Lara's." Duffy looked at Tally. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I went to see Lara. It was a bit upsetting. Especially after Mum."
Duffy took Tally's hand, concerned.
"Did your Dad ever tell you about Andrew, my husband?" Tally shook her
head. "He died a year before your dad started. He was murdered, just
outside the hospital. I had two boys, and I was pregnant at the time. When
my youngest Paul arrived, I didn't want to go in to hospital. I hadn't been
back since Andrew's death. I don't know how you did it." She put her arm
around Tally. "When was the last time that you cried?"
Tally immediately jumped to her own defence. "I can't! I mean, I want to,
but I can't. I have to be strong for the younger ones."
"You can cry now." Tally shook her head, shaking as tears started to stream
down her cheeks. "Oh Tally, come here." Duffy held Tally as she sobbed.
Harry entered the department, clutching a bag of Lara's things. He walked
in to Reception and saw Duffy and his daughter.
"Can I go upstairs?" He mouthed at Duffy. She nodded.
~*~
It felt better now, so much better. It was as thought he pressure cooker
had finally blown, and all of the emotions that she had been holding in for
so long had come pouring out. It was so much better now.
"I'm the last person that she'd want to see. She hates me!" Simon slammed
his hand down on the table. "I've been so horrible to her. Oh God. If I'd
known that this would happen, I'd have..." Simon looked up at Harry. "I
didn't mean what I said last week, about her in prison and everything. I
just missed Jane."
"I know." Harry clamped a strong hand on Simon's shoulder. "Go tell Lara
that."
~*~
"I guess that you and I were never the best of friends, but I really put my
foot in it last week. I didn't mean any of that stuff, in fact, you're the
bravest person that I've ever met." He put his head in his hands. "You've
been through so much, yet you just carry on going. Patrick, David Collier,
prison. All it takes is a bleeding prostitute and I go under." He stood up,
not sure why, but knowing that he had to. "I respect you, you know? I don't
know why I have to be so horrible to you. I guess because I'm jealous." He
paused. "It's strange without you. Quieter! No, really. It's strange, but I
miss you. I miss the Lara Stone that's right about everything, the Lara
Stone who can form relationships with anyone, regardless to whether she
likes them or not, but most of all I miss my friend." Simon turned towards
the door and started to walk out. He spun around and returned to Lara,
gently kissing her on her pale cheek.
~*~
"How did it go?" Duffy was the mother of the department, especially to the
younger ones. "I haven't got up there yet, not sure if I will." She shook
her head.
"It was okay thanks. I didn't want to go up either. Didn't see the point.
She hates me."
"It's not that, it's just that..." She shrugged. "Andrew I guess."
Simon looked confused. "Who's Andrew?"
"My husband." She looked nervously at Simon. She hadn't believed that he
would go through with it, but he had. He had gained a lot of respect from
her.
"Don't let him stop you, if you want to go, you don't have to tell him. Why
doesn't he want you to?"
Duffy shook his head. How was he supposed to know? "He's dead. He was
killed here, at the hospital." She smiled at him. "I just don't want to see
Lara in that state."
"I'm really sorry Duffy. I didn't know." He looked thoughtful for a second.
"Maybe it will help. I'll go with you, or I'm sure that Charlie will."
Simon walked off towards the cubicles, leaving Duffy to think about what he
had said. She would. If Harry and Tally could do it, just a month or so
after Beth's death, she could do it after two years. And so what if she
cried? "When did you last cry?" she had said to Tally. It was a long time
since she had cried, a long time.
"Hi Lara. It's me, Duffy." She perched on the end of the metal bed and
sighed deeply. "I'm sorry that it's taken me such a long time. I just...
couldn't. I know that you'll understand." She looked at Lara, and if she
concentrated hard, she could see the vibrant, happy Lara that she loved so
much. She sat there in silence for a second, then stood up abruptly,
running from the ward.
~*~
"I thought that you were going to see Lara." Charlie cornered Duffy on her
way to the cubicles. She sighed.
"I did." She shrugged. "It didn't seem to help very much." She tried to
move away, but Charlie held her tightly.
"You can't hide forever. You have to move on."
"Yeah, well, what would you know? You haven't exactly been helping, have
you? If you ask me, it's none of your business!" She spun angrily away from
him and entered the cubicle leaving Charlie looking puzzled. It was hard on
them all.
~*~
"So, is everyone ready to go up?" Harry shouted to the various people
grouped in Triage. "So, as you all know, we go in, sing a bit, talk a bit
and hopefully..."
"Lara will wake up!" The crowd of colleagues chorused.
"You've got it!" They all trooped up the stairs to the HDU, where they
creeped past the nurses that attended the ward pretended not to notice.
"Hello Lara, it's us! All of us! Well, me, Charlie, Simon, Colette, Nikki,
Dillon, Roxy, Jack... well, all of us!" Harry took her hand. "We've come up
with something great! Everybody, 1,2,3!"
They broke in to a piercing rendition of "Angels" by Robbie Williams. Duffy
stood there, white faced at the back of the crowd, as they reached the end
of the song, she walked out of the ward, unnoticed.
"Sorry, it was the only song that we all knew!" Anna piped up from the
crowd surrounding the bed. Suddenly, a memory from the past floated to
Charlie's mind and he scanned the room for Duffy. She wasn't there.
~*~
Duffy tiptoed across the dark ward, careful not to wake any of the
patients. Ahe approached the sleeping Harry and tapped him lightly on the
shoulder.
"Harry? Tally just phoned. She was wondering when you would be going home."
Harry jumped. "What time is it?" "Half ten. You fell asleep." Harry rubbed his eyes and stood up wearily. Duffy left, and he sat down again, unwilling to leave her. "Lara, why did you have to do this at a time like this? I've got enough on my plate already!" He took her hand and squeezed it. And he wished that she would squeeze it back. ~*~ "Charlie, can I ask you a favour?" Duffy looked exhausted, the dark rings around her eyes growing by the hour. "What?" "I was wondering if I could take some time off. I know that the whole thing with Lara has shaken us all, but I don't know if I can cope anymore. It's two years now, since Andrew died. I thought that it would get better, but it's not. I'm going mad!" She looked up at him, glistening tears slipping down her cheeks. "I need to sort my head out. It was the whole "Angels" thing earlier; it brought it all back. It was the song..." Charlie cut her off. "That Tom was playing when Patrick found Holly. I know. Take some time off, as much as you need." Duffy looked at him gratefully and his eyes glazed over. "It's strange to think, their gone now. Holly and Patrick. Holly went to Germany and Patrick... well, Patrick died." He suddenly felt angry. "How come people like Patrick and Lara get the sort end of the stick, and there are some people that are still going at one hundred odd!" They stood there, remembering. Remembering that awful night. The night that Andrew was killed, the night that Holly was saved for the jaws of death by Patrick. They remembered Lara's tear streaked face the night that Patrick was brought in, Harry's anger when Beth was killed, Josh's vulnerability. It just wasn't fair. ~*~ "Hello?" A woman with a thick Australian accent approached Harry. "I was looking for Harry Harper." She glanced worriedly around the department. "I'm Helena Stone. Lara's mum." "Hi! I'm Harry. I suppose you heard what happened?" The woman nodded her head. "Lara's dad couldn't come then?" "He's dead. Has been for years, since Lara was twelve." Harry blushed and apologised. "Can I see her?" "Of course. I just want to warn you, she's hooked up to a lot of machines. It may look alarming, but they're all their to help." They walked down the corridor, Harry casting fleeting glances at this bold woman. Why had Lara never told him that she didn't have a father? It had never come up in conversation, but still... ~*~ "Look at you!" Helena Stone leaned over the frail body, kissing her daughter gently on her cheek. "I've missed you at home you know, your brother hasn't been well."
"Lara has a brother?"
"Two. Matthew is 29, Lara's twin, and Alexander is 21. He has Cerebral Palsy."
"How does Lara cope with it all?" He frowned. "You do know about everything that has happened over the last year or so?"
She laughed softly. "If you mean the legendary Patrick Spiller, yes I do! Was he as wonderful as she made out?"
"I don't know. I never met him. What about the attack? Did she tell you?"
"Oh yes. But us Stone's are fighters. We never let anything let us down." She squeezed Lara's foot. "When my husband died and Alex was diagnosed with CP, Lara would stay up all night with him, making sure that I had a good nights sleep. They were very close. And then Lara left for University, and on to Sierra Leone."
"She stayed with me for a long time after the trial. My wife died two months ago. She was amazing, I have five kids and they all see Lara as a second mother." He took Lara's hand. "Tally, my eldest moved in with Lara a couple of weeks ago. She's wonderful."
They stood for a second, both looking at the Lara that they loved so much. "I have to leave tomorrow, I just had to see how she was. I want to stay for longer, there's no point in staying for only a week, but I have to get back, for Alex. I've been here for a week, staying with my sister, but nobody was at home to take your call. It was only thanks to a neighbour checking my messages that I knew about Lara."
"I'll call you the second that she wakes up."
"If."
"When. As you said, you Stone's are fighters. I've seen Lara go through so much, but every time she rises from it. Like a phoenix from the flames."
~*~
"How are you doing?" Duffy caught Tally who was heading upstairs to see Lara.
"Okay." Tally looked at her feet, unwilling to make eye contact.
"Really?"
"It's dad. I know that this is hard on him, but he keeps forgetting to come home. I've got my A-Levels this year, and I'm spending half my time looking after the kids. His kids." He looked at Duffy who nodded sympathetically.
"How do you feel?"
"I don't know. Numb. I can't cry, but I can't smile. I want Lara, she's then only person that I can talk to. Apart from mum." She smiled shyly at Duffy. "And you I suppose."
"I'm taking some time off Tally, to sort my head out. If you need me, call me. I'll give you my number."
Tally took the scrap of paper and headed upstairs. It was just as Charlie had said; it wasn't fair. Here was this girl, still a child, going through so much pain. It just wasn't fair.
~*~
"Six weeks!" Harry sat, head in his hands. "Six weeks since Lara was brought in unconscious. I've sat with her every night, I've put my job on the line to spend more time with her! My daughter has been coming home in tears every night, afraid that Lara's not going to wake up, like her mother. I can't cope anymore!" He spat the words out, angry at Lara, angry at Tally, angry at Beth.
"Harry?" Simon stood in the doorway, surprised at the outburst.
Harry sat up, sobbing. "I just want my life back Simon. I just want my life back."
"Go home Harry. Your children need you. You need to grieve, this happened too fast after Beth's death." He paused and looked at his hands. "I do know what their going through Harry. My mum died when I was thirteen. Dad just gave up. It was almost a relief when he died when I was seventeen." He shook his head. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. It's not fair on you."
"It's not fair on you to expect you to go through this without telling anyone."
~*~
Charlie sat with Lara, a small smile on his face. "Simon's going to pieces over you - you've obviously been very influential!" He stopped, trying to think of something else that had happened whilst she had been in a... coma. "Duffy's taken some leave. She should thank you; she's finally taking the time to grieve Andrew and to move on. She's been stuck in a groove for so long - not complaining, just getting on with it.
He squeezed her hand.
And she squeezed it back.
"LARA!"
~*~
"Tally! She's awake!" Harry took her in his arms and spun her around. "Dad!" She smiled and laughed, overwhelmed with the emotions that had just come flowing through her body. "She's awake Tal, she's awake." He burst into tears and put her down. She hugged him tightly, crying loudly. "You know what that means Dad? It means that everything's going to be okay." She smiled widely. "Everything's going to be okay!"
Harry jumped. "What time is it?" "Half ten. You fell asleep." Harry rubbed his eyes and stood up wearily. Duffy left, and he sat down again, unwilling to leave her. "Lara, why did you have to do this at a time like this? I've got enough on my plate already!" He took her hand and squeezed it. And he wished that she would squeeze it back. ~*~ "Charlie, can I ask you a favour?" Duffy looked exhausted, the dark rings around her eyes growing by the hour. "What?" "I was wondering if I could take some time off. I know that the whole thing with Lara has shaken us all, but I don't know if I can cope anymore. It's two years now, since Andrew died. I thought that it would get better, but it's not. I'm going mad!" She looked up at him, glistening tears slipping down her cheeks. "I need to sort my head out. It was the whole "Angels" thing earlier; it brought it all back. It was the song..." Charlie cut her off. "That Tom was playing when Patrick found Holly. I know. Take some time off, as much as you need." Duffy looked at him gratefully and his eyes glazed over. "It's strange to think, their gone now. Holly and Patrick. Holly went to Germany and Patrick... well, Patrick died." He suddenly felt angry. "How come people like Patrick and Lara get the sort end of the stick, and there are some people that are still going at one hundred odd!" They stood there, remembering. Remembering that awful night. The night that Andrew was killed, the night that Holly was saved for the jaws of death by Patrick. They remembered Lara's tear streaked face the night that Patrick was brought in, Harry's anger when Beth was killed, Josh's vulnerability. It just wasn't fair. ~*~ "Hello?" A woman with a thick Australian accent approached Harry. "I was looking for Harry Harper." She glanced worriedly around the department. "I'm Helena Stone. Lara's mum." "Hi! I'm Harry. I suppose you heard what happened?" The woman nodded her head. "Lara's dad couldn't come then?" "He's dead. Has been for years, since Lara was twelve." Harry blushed and apologised. "Can I see her?" "Of course. I just want to warn you, she's hooked up to a lot of machines. It may look alarming, but they're all their to help." They walked down the corridor, Harry casting fleeting glances at this bold woman. Why had Lara never told him that she didn't have a father? It had never come up in conversation, but still... ~*~ "Look at you!" Helena Stone leaned over the frail body, kissing her daughter gently on her cheek. "I've missed you at home you know, your brother hasn't been well."
"Lara has a brother?"
"Two. Matthew is 29, Lara's twin, and Alexander is 21. He has Cerebral Palsy."
"How does Lara cope with it all?" He frowned. "You do know about everything that has happened over the last year or so?"
She laughed softly. "If you mean the legendary Patrick Spiller, yes I do! Was he as wonderful as she made out?"
"I don't know. I never met him. What about the attack? Did she tell you?"
"Oh yes. But us Stone's are fighters. We never let anything let us down." She squeezed Lara's foot. "When my husband died and Alex was diagnosed with CP, Lara would stay up all night with him, making sure that I had a good nights sleep. They were very close. And then Lara left for University, and on to Sierra Leone."
"She stayed with me for a long time after the trial. My wife died two months ago. She was amazing, I have five kids and they all see Lara as a second mother." He took Lara's hand. "Tally, my eldest moved in with Lara a couple of weeks ago. She's wonderful."
They stood for a second, both looking at the Lara that they loved so much. "I have to leave tomorrow, I just had to see how she was. I want to stay for longer, there's no point in staying for only a week, but I have to get back, for Alex. I've been here for a week, staying with my sister, but nobody was at home to take your call. It was only thanks to a neighbour checking my messages that I knew about Lara."
"I'll call you the second that she wakes up."
"If."
"When. As you said, you Stone's are fighters. I've seen Lara go through so much, but every time she rises from it. Like a phoenix from the flames."
~*~
"How are you doing?" Duffy caught Tally who was heading upstairs to see Lara.
"Okay." Tally looked at her feet, unwilling to make eye contact.
"Really?"
"It's dad. I know that this is hard on him, but he keeps forgetting to come home. I've got my A-Levels this year, and I'm spending half my time looking after the kids. His kids." He looked at Duffy who nodded sympathetically.
"How do you feel?"
"I don't know. Numb. I can't cry, but I can't smile. I want Lara, she's then only person that I can talk to. Apart from mum." She smiled shyly at Duffy. "And you I suppose."
"I'm taking some time off Tally, to sort my head out. If you need me, call me. I'll give you my number."
Tally took the scrap of paper and headed upstairs. It was just as Charlie had said; it wasn't fair. Here was this girl, still a child, going through so much pain. It just wasn't fair.
~*~
"Six weeks!" Harry sat, head in his hands. "Six weeks since Lara was brought in unconscious. I've sat with her every night, I've put my job on the line to spend more time with her! My daughter has been coming home in tears every night, afraid that Lara's not going to wake up, like her mother. I can't cope anymore!" He spat the words out, angry at Lara, angry at Tally, angry at Beth.
"Harry?" Simon stood in the doorway, surprised at the outburst.
Harry sat up, sobbing. "I just want my life back Simon. I just want my life back."
"Go home Harry. Your children need you. You need to grieve, this happened too fast after Beth's death." He paused and looked at his hands. "I do know what their going through Harry. My mum died when I was thirteen. Dad just gave up. It was almost a relief when he died when I was seventeen." He shook his head. "I don't know why I'm telling you this. It's not fair on you."
"It's not fair on you to expect you to go through this without telling anyone."
~*~
Charlie sat with Lara, a small smile on his face. "Simon's going to pieces over you - you've obviously been very influential!" He stopped, trying to think of something else that had happened whilst she had been in a... coma. "Duffy's taken some leave. She should thank you; she's finally taking the time to grieve Andrew and to move on. She's been stuck in a groove for so long - not complaining, just getting on with it.
He squeezed her hand.
And she squeezed it back.
"LARA!"
~*~
"Tally! She's awake!" Harry took her in his arms and spun her around. "Dad!" She smiled and laughed, overwhelmed with the emotions that had just come flowing through her body. "She's awake Tal, she's awake." He burst into tears and put her down. She hugged him tightly, crying loudly. "You know what that means Dad? It means that everything's going to be okay." She smiled widely. "Everything's going to be okay!"